M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Be Ye Therefore Perfect"—Handling Obsession with Perfection, Part 2
by W. Jeffrey Marsh

In the first installment of this article, I discussed in a very broad and general way, the topic of dealing with the doctrine of perfection. The commandment to become perfect, even as God is perfect, is real. That thought alone can be overwhelming. Fortunately, our Heavenly Father does not expect us to get to that point overnight. Nevertheless, we need to remember that our mortal probation is not a dress rehearsal. This is the time to prove and prepare ourselves to the best of our ability.

To those who wrestle with feelings of forever being inadequate, or who are diligently, and over-conscientiously striving for perfection, I would offer twelve gentle reminders and suggestions. The first six of these are given below. The final six will be given in the next installment of this column.

The list is not comprehensive - it's not "perfect"! - but the principles taught have helped me. I hope you find them useful as well.

1. Remember, it's ok to have a bad day once in a while.

Feelings of being overwhelmed, especially as members of the Church, are perfectly normal.

Elder Boyd K. Packer has taught:

We live in a day when the adversary stresses on every hand the philosophy of instant gratification. We seem to demand instant everything, including instant solutions to our problems. We are indoctrinated that somehow we should always be instantly emotionally comfortable. When that is not so, some become quite anxious - and all too frequently seek relief from counseling, from analysis, and even from medication.

It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life. (That All May Be Edified, p. 94.)

We all face a variety of challenges. All of us are tested.

Elder Boyd K. Packer noted:

Some are tested by poor health, some by a body that is deformed or homely. Others are tested by handsome and healthy bodies; some by the passion of youth; others by the erosions of old age. Some suffer disappointment in marriage, family problems, others live in poverty and obscurity. Some (perhaps this is the hardest test) find ease and luxury. All are part of the test. And there is more equality in this testing than sometimes we suspect. (Ensign, November 1980, p. 21.)

President Gordon B. Hinckley commented:

I have enjoyed these words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones, which I clipped from the newspaper some years ago. Said he:.... "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

"Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration.

Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.... "Life is like an old-time rail journey - delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

"The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.'"

("Big Rock Candy Mountains," Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4; as cited in Ensign, March 1997, p. 60.)

2. Feelings of inadequacy are a normal part of life.

There is simply no way the Church "can honestly describe where we must go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance," Elder Neal A. Maxwell once observed. He counseled: "....I speak....to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short....

"The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal....Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door--or even across town." ("Notwithstanding My Weaknesses," Ensign, Nov. 1976, p. 12.)

Perhaps we wouldn't feel so inadequate if God had only said, "Go for the bronze," aim for the telestial world and don't worry about it! But He didn't. He knows our potential. He doesn't give up on us as quickly as we give up on ourselves. He is filled with mercy.

3. Living Gospel principles is like walking a tight-rope with a balance-beam in hand.

If we under-do principles we could fall (that is, if we are too lax, too loose with things that really matter most, we'll come up short). If we over-do principles, we become manipulative, critical and coercive of others (that is, if we wear our halos too tight, instead of our spirituality being dignified and an edifying experience, it becomes awkward and even offensive.

I had a student in class years ago at a university, who felt that to be spiritual he had to live all the mission rules after he got home. He couldn't distinguish between "mission rules" - temporary guidelines to protect the missionaries - and "gospel principles" which are eternal. Among other things, he wore a suit every day, because that's what he had done in the mission field. His misunderstanding of what it meant to be spiritual led to a holier-than-thou attitude that offended and ostracized others.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks once gave an example of how even good desires, if taken to extremes, can have negative spiritual consequences:

...Weakness is not our only vulnerability. Satan can also attack us where we think we are strong-in the very areas where we are proud of our strengths. He will approach us through the greatest talents and spiritual gifts we possess. If we are not wary, Satan can cause our spiritual downfall by corrupting us through our strengths as well as by exploiting our weaknesses.

....A related strength that can be corrupted to our downfall is a desire to excel in a Church calling. I remember a graduate student who used his Church service as a means of escape from the rigors of his studies. He went beyond what we call Church-service time and became almost a full-time Church-service worker. He consistently volunteered for every extra assignment, giving help that was greatly appreciated in the various organizations and activities of the Church. As a result of this inordinate allocation of time, he failed in his studies and then mistakenly blamed his failure on the excessive burden of Church service. His strength became his downfall.

Similarly, I remember the concerns President Harold B. Lee expressed to me when I was president of BYU. Shortly before the Provo Temple was dedicated, he told me of his concern that the accessibility of the temple would cause some BYU students to attend the temple so often that they would neglect their studies. He urged me to work with the BYU stake presidents to make sure the students understood that even something as sacred and important as temple service needed to be done in wisdom and order so that students would not neglect the studies that should be the major focus of their time during their student years." ("Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall" BYU Fireside, 7 June 1992. Printed in BYU Today Magazine, November 1992.)

4. The Lord doesn't expect us to overextend ourselves, but to be diligent.

When King Benjamin taught his people about serving those who stood in need, he cautioned: "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; [but] all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27).

To Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdrey, while they were struggling to translate the Book of Mormon, the Lord said, "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end." (D&C 10:4.)

The "wisdom and order" and "strength and means" tests can save us a lot of unnecessary guilt.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell has said:

Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such Child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually. (That Ye May Believe, p. 100.)

Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, but to 'act for ourselves' by magnifying what is allotted to us." (Ensign, May 1990, 33.)

5. Be careful about trying to measure your spirituality by external indicators.

Remember the mountain climbing experience - as long as you look up, the top looks so far away. We should turn around once in a while and look at how far we have come!

Although you will probably never be able to effectively measure your progress in regards to spiritual things, and even though we are imperfect, "an improving person can actually know that the course of his life is generally acceptable to the Lord despite there being much distance yet to be covered." (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Men and Women, p. 23.)

Your family and close friends will notice the difference in your spirituality, long before you will appreciably see it. Parents often notice the growth of their children in the mission field. A father once described how his son in the mission field described his desire to become a better person, and was trying to the best of his ability to do so. He didn't feel like he had made any progress. His father was surprised. The growth he and his wife noticed in the letters their son sent home was tremendous. The Elder just couldn't see it. But his parents could.

6. The Lord accepts and respects our individual efforts, as much as he does the end results.

Oliver Granger was a sheriff in New York who joined the Church. He traveled to Kirtland and, unfortunately, lost most of his eyesight during a terrible ice-storm. When the Saints were driven from Kirtland, he was called to stay behind to try to dispose of Church property and free the Saints from debt. He died in Kirtland, a few months afterward, never able to rejoin the Saints. Of him the Lord said: "Behold, verily I say unto you, that his name shall be had in sacred remembrance from generation to generation forever and ever, saith the Lord,.....and when he falls, he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred to me than his increase." (D&C 117:12-13.)

Often, our "sacrifices" (our efforts to do good, and the desires of our heart), are more sacred to the Lord than the results. Prayers we say, however imperfect, are sacred to God. Home evenings held, however much a disaster, count in the eyes of God. Your efforts and desires to be good, and to do good, never go unnoticed by our Eternal Father.

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