Meridian Magazine :: A Single Thought: Cat Women

Engagement Chicken
By Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell, who wonder which came first — the engagement chicken or the dating chicken?

Recently we received an email from alert reader Jason in California, who claims to be president of a nefarious organization called the Alliance Against the Use of Food for Getting Hitched (AAUFGH). He wrote,

Dear Juli and Erin,

I ran across an article on Fox News about a recipe for Engagement Chicken that purports to be some sort of twisted way to get a man to propose marriage. I, for one, am firmly against the use of food as a weapon to be used to snare some poor unsuspecting guy. What of the danger of using such a weapon at the Munch and Mingle or to try and snag a duty free dater into proposing! I am curious, though, if any woman in the Church has gotten a man to propose using Engagement Chicken or some other food and will the women that used food to get to the temple admit their twisted methods publicly?

Interesting query. Before Jason’s letter, we had never heard of the Engagement Chicken, so we decided to investigate his claims on our own — but sadly, Jason, it wasn’t for your benefit. We decided if there’s really a food out there that can get the men to break free from the shackles of Duty-Free Dating, we are going to sing its praises all the livelong day, encouraging every long-suffering sister to make it for the man in her life (or the one she wants in her life!), and hire someone to teach Erin Ann how to cook.

According to an article by Jennifer D’Angelo for Fox News, this recipe ran in Glamour Magazine, and has since the 1940’s. It’s a very simple dish, basically a roast lemon chicken that would taste amazing with some new potatoes. In fact, after she saw the recipe Juli made it for dinner for her family, and it’s really no different than any other roast chicken she’s made in the past (except the lemons in the center, which made it nice and juicy.) So for all of you out there looking for that last way to jumpstart your eternal happiness, here is the recipe you have been waiting for. (Ladies, you can all thank Jason for it later.)

The chicken that is a dangerous weapon against single men everywhere.

A Chicken That Will Change Your Life

1 whole chicken (approx. 3 lb.)
2 medium lemons
Fresh lemon juice (1/2 cup)
Kosher or sea salt
Ground black pepper

Place rack in upper third of oven and preheat to 400 degrees. Wash chicken inside and out with cold water, remove the giblets, then let the chicken drain, cavity down, in a colander until it reaches room temp (about 15 minutes). Pat dry with paper towels. Pour lemon juice all over the chicken (inside and outside). Season with salt and pepper. Prick the whole lemons three times with a fork and place deep inside the cavity. (Tip: If lemons are hard, roll on countertop with your palm to get juices flowing.) Place the bird breast-side down on a rack in a roasting pan, lower heat to 350 degrees and bake uncovered for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and turn it breast-side up (use wooden spoons!); return it to oven for 35 minutes more. Test for doneness — a meat thermometer inserted in the thigh should read 180 degrees, or juices should run clear when chicken is pricked with a fork. Continue baking if necessary. Let chicken cool for a few minutes before carving. Serve with juices.

The Point of the Chicken

The basic point of this chicken is to cook for your man like a wife cooks for her husband (in a “Leave it to Beaver” episode). The article doesn’t claim that he will drop to one knee at the end of dinner and profess his undying love … for you or the chicken. It states that within three months of making this chicken, 24 women got their longtime boyfriends to pop the question. The chicken is supposed to get men thinking of you as a wonderful wife who will have a fabulous dinner, hot and ready, when he comes home from a long day at work.

Why the Chicken Won’t Get Him to Cross the Road for You

Well, the kicker here for long-suffering Mormon girls is that they’re already cooking Sunday night dinners for the guys. The girls are already going out of their way to make the most decadent brownie for the munch and mingle so the guys will be impressed with her domestic skills. It’s sort of assumed that something is seriously wrong with a girl if she can’t make a plate of homemade brownies. (Erin Ann takes no offense to this, since she intends to win over a man with her firearms prowess.) Out in the rest of the world, apparently a girl who likes to cook and act like a wife is a rarity, which is why the Engagement Chicken works so well. A guy who only saw her as a Diet Coke-swilling and low fat pizza addict before might change his mind when he sees how domestic she can be!

The guys will hate us for what we have to say next, but it must be said. Girls, if you want to snag the man, stop cooking for him right now! No more Sunday dinners! No more playing house! There is to be no Engagement Chicken during the dating phase. Men like to hunt, so make it a challenge for him to acquire you. A girl who makes him dinner every Sunday night is not, we repeat not, a challenge. After he has asked you out several times, you can hint about your culinary skills, and get him to ask you to make him dinner (or better yet, a quiet night at home). Don’t just go cooking for every cute boy you see!

And bachelors, a little apology before we give you some advice. Sorry we’re taking away your source of the one balanced meal you eat per week, but this really is in the interest of the greater good. Girls think that by making you dinner, you will see what a great wife she will be. We know, you think she just wants to have a bunch of people over for dinner and likes spending an entire week’s income on one meal and slaving for hours in the tiny apartment kitchen. You had no idea she was targeting you, did you? You are the sole reason for those dinners, and when you come over and tell her how much you appreciate her cooking, and then tell her what a great wife she’ll be one day, you are lighting a forest fire of hope.

There are NO Free Lunches

When a girl invites you to a dinner party, she’s trying to express interest. That’s right, in her own misguided way, she’s trying to express her interest in you. In spite of all our begging for girls to stop cooking meals as an attempt to throw themselves at you, we know they won’t stop. So when a hopeful young woman does invite you over, and presents you with this amazing chicken recipe she claims she invented herself, you have to reciprocate. Do your mother proud, show some courtesy and good manners, and please ask her out. You only have to do it once. You show your thanks just the one time, and then if she is so hopeful to try her wiles on you one more time, you are off the hook. One time is enough, after that, it is her own fault for not seeing the truth. It doesn’t have to be a big date with candlelit romance. It can be a simple group outing, or trip to the park. If you just hit the hot dog stand and fly kites, wonderful! Whatever! Just ask a girl out before you accept another dinner from a single girl. There are no free lunches or Sunday night dinners! If you are going to accept her invitation and go over and eat her food, you WILL return the favor.

The Great Food Conspiracy

Jason, and all other members of AAUFGH, we hate to break this to you, but there is a huge conspiracy. The entire singles program of the Church is working against you. Jason wrote, “I, for one, am firmly against the use of food as a weapon to be used to snare some poor unsuspecting guy.” Hello? What does he think munch and mingles are for anyway? The basic premise of the Great M&M is very simple: get a guy in a confined space, generally the gym, fill the space with good food and good women, and the serotonin release from the brain (this is the brain’s pleasure center) will induce the man to associate joy and happiness with the cute girl who just served him homemade black bean salsa and lime-flavored chips. It’s sad to realize the whole universe is working against him in this way, but it’s true. It’s not just about being hungry after church … it’s about getting married off so you can leave the singles ward. They like you, really, they just not enough to keep you there forever.

As for the Engagement Chicken, if you try it and it works, we want full credit (we’ll share some of it with Glamour Magazine later). Or if you have another food that works wonders, please don’t keep the secret to yourself! We have to marry Erin Ann off somehow!

Feedback on Dating Stocks

Faithful reader Amanda wrote in to say, “I must say, I know what it is like to be valued as "low stock" and more valuable stock. I have lived in the same area for seven years, and all of the people I grew up with (guys and dolls alike) act like I am just so *not cool* that to be seen spending more than 10 minutes around me will somehow taint them by association. However, when I go out west, or to a camp, or basically anything out of my hometown, I am very popular and well liked by just about everyone.

So maybe your dating value can also have a great deal to do with area and strategic location. When you live in a place for a long time, people expect you to act a certain way, and don't really allow you to change. Once a nerd always a nerd, seems to be many people’s motto. So if you find your stock has plummeted, move someplace where people will value what you have to offer, and will place a high value in it. And don't listen to people who offer you "friendly advice" about makeovers, hair, and other such things that make you insecure. Not only is it low-class of them, but guys really do notice these things, and are not impressed by them. And then find a way to sew all their button holes shut, and lace their shoes up backwards. Use this with ex boyfriends as well. It drives people crazy.” And David sees things a little differently. “You missed one type of stock market player: He/she is fairly good-looking, solid in the spirituality and dependability departments, yet, because of their over eagerness at trying just to be traded — any kind of trade — they are looked upon as a bad investment and are basically shunned by the market.

“These are people who, with a modicum of education and patience, would yield tremendous returns. But they need investors who will take a chance — not a risk, a chance at finding gold under a layer of rough-seeming tin. I am talking, of course, about those men/women whose social skills fall short of the norm: the guy who seems to ‘wear his ring on his sleeve,’ or the girl who is the ‘wallflower.’ They are the ones who can be educated, if only someone would take a bit of time to do so.”

That’s All Folks!

Got that? Go out and try your luck on a high-risk stock! Invest in something new! And then make them chicken!

Have a great week and happy dating! We’re always here for your best dating stories, chicken recipes, craziest experiences, and more! Send them to erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com!