| 
Caught on a Date with No Way Out
By
Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell,
still in tryptophan overload
The
Date in Question
The
date in question started out poorly when Sunday after church,
just five minutes after walking in the door, my home teacher
called me. Except I didn’t know he was my home teacher yet.
Prior to the phone call he was just a guy in the ward that
always made me feel just a little bit uncomfortable. Had
his name come up on the caller ID, I would have let it go
to voicemail, and prayed it was for my roommate. If it had
inevitably turned out to be for me and possibly important,
I would have called him back. If it had turned out to be
for my roommate, I would have been grateful not have to deal
with him. But his name didn’t show up on the caller ID.
Or maybe I just didn’t look at the caller ID. I don’t remember.
But I did answer the phone, and instantly regretted it.
“Chris”
(obviously when bad-mouthing people we change their names
to protect our own innocence) said hello, asked for me, and
then began explaining that he was my new home teacher. I
rolled my eyes. Chris had a bad habit of following me around,
engaging me in awkward conversation, and noticing every little
thing that I did. There was nothing wrong with the guy, except
for the fact that he didn’t seem to understand that I wasn’t
interested in him. Well, that and the fact that he couldn’t
carry a conversation for more than five minutes without somehow
offending me. So when I heard he was my new home teacher
my very next question was, “Do you have a companion?”
He
assured me that yes, he had a companion, Tom, and that they
would like to get to know me better by taking his home teachees
to dinner and a movie on Saturday night. Since it was Sunday,
and I hate to lie about being too busy for home teaching,
and I didn’t have plans for Saturday night yet, I agreed,
albeit reluctantly.
The
week passed entirely uneventfully. I worked, I played, I
slept, I ate. Life marched on. And I completely forgot about
the home teaching engagement. Saturday came and I was a busy
girl doing those things we do on Saturdays. A girlfriend
of mine called and invited me to a movie that afternoon.
It sounded fun, so I went. On the way out of the theater
I thought to check my cell phone voice messages. It was Chris.
I groaned. And then listened. “Hey this is Chris your home
teacher, letting you know I already bought the tickets to
the movie. I will pick you up at 7:00.” Oh no! I had completely
forgotten. And I had just seen that movie. I thought it
was a bit strange that he would pick me up, since it was considerably
out of the way for him. But didn’t feel like calling him
back to discuss it. Not to mention, he didn’t leave his number
so I could.
So
I rushed home where I had a ten-minute opportunity to clean
up before he picked me up and run right back over to the movie
theater I had just come from. When Chris showed up I thought
he looked particularly well dressed for a home teaching appointment,
but said nothing. Somehow I had just assumed that if he were
picking me up he must be picking up the other girls he home
teaches as well. Surely, I was not the only home teachee
going? He must have invited others, right? Right? RIGHT?
Upon
arriving at the theater, I was relieved to see a friend of
mine and another young man from the ward in the lobby. I
got the distinct impression that the friend was not being
home taught, and the young man was not my other home
teacher. It lodged in the back of my head that they appeared
to be on a date, and not home teaching. But I said nothing.
I
kindly asked if we could see a different movie, since I had
just seen the scheduled one a few hours before. Chris curtly
said, “No. This is the only movie I feel is appropriate to
see.”
Oh,
excuse me. Forgive me for breathing.
We
went in and sat down. That sinking feeling came back that
this was not home teaching. There was no opening prayer.
No spiritual message. No “how ya doins?” But the other two
people were holding hands in the dark.
I
was trapped. I should have seen it coming. Chris was just
unsocial enough to actually trick a girl into a date by making
her think it was home teaching. But then he really just made
the day memorable. On the way out he turns to me and says,
“You owe me $12.50.”
Excuse
me? “$12.50?”
“For
your ticket and your half of the popcorn.” He said with absolutely
no emotion whatsoever.
Rather
than point out that he had invited me with the words, “I’d
like to take you to the movies and dinner on Saturday night.”
Or that I hadn’t asked for the popcorn, or even consumed any
of the popcorn, I just forked over the cash.
Chris
turned, attempted to slyly put his arm around my shoulder,
and said, “Shall we all go to dinner now?”
The
voice inside my head screamed, “Over my dead body! Jerk!”
But
the voice on the outside politely said, “I’m sorry. I need
to get home. But thank you for uh … an evening.” I just
couldn’t bring myself to say “nice evening.”
I
can’t believe someone would actually sink so low as to trick
a girl into a date, and then still expect her to pay for herself.
If it had just been straightforward home teaching with dinner
and a movie included, I would have gladly paid for myself.
But when it comes to going on a date, I would expect the askee
to pay. But then again, what is the protocol for paying when
it’s a sneaky date? I don’t know. But you had better believe
that all home teaching appointments with Chris in the future
will be in the safety of my own apartment, with his actual
companion, and my roommates too.
More
Singles Horror Stories
Our
Thanksgiving column sparked a lot of crazy stories from all
ends of the world. Here is what Dan had to say.
Your article about the children's table
made me laugh. I had a single experience worse than that.
When my siblings and I were children, we would act out the
Nativity every Christmas Eve. Now that there is a plethora
of grandkids, they act it out at our family Christmas party.
A few years ago, at my last single Christmas, my oldest sister
asked ME to be Joseph, because the oldest grandson was sick
of doing it, the next one was at his other Grandma's and everyone
else was too young. I didn't want to be Scrooge, so did it,
but I was humiliated. There I was, accompanying my 6-year
old niece to the stable. Oh, the shame!
Oh
poor Dan. We feel your pain!
Sue
didn’t share a horror story. But she did share her point
of view on what she thinks of “maritalism.”
Loved your article – however appalling parts
of it were – entitled "Be Single, Be Proud!" I
think at the next family get-together, Annie should use a
little of the chutzpah she must of necessity have, given her
apparent success in the business world that you described,
and simply take her plate to the adult table and say, "Okay,
now where's my place?" I would have NUKED my family
for such behavior – or simply refused to come to any family
events until the rules changed. That practice is both disgusting
and demeaning. And it can be, sadly, all too true.
I think it's up to us singles to educate
the marrieds about proper manners, sensitivity and all that.
I don't think "putting up and shutting up" is acceptable.
People don't know they're being insensitive clods if someone
doesn't tell them. Zion is supposed to be a place where there
are "no manner of 'ites,'" if we really believe
the Book of Mormon to be true. A Zion society can never come
about any time so long as we play the 'us vs. them' game.
We're all supposed to be "us." Heaven knows our
country is already too divided politically to have this sort
of nonsense going on. But this can't change unless "they"
are educated. That's what I think.
Julia
put it pretty plainly for us. We like that! I
am a single and repeatedly have others over (marrieds included)
all the time. I serve great food – I am interesting and attentive.
However, when the chance comes up for the invitation to be
reciprocated – it isn't. Even the singles have other
marrieds over and don't include me. I've been included
in two wedding receptions in the past year – but no informal
or formal dinner parties. The ward members my age don't
even call me at all. The seniors who I visit and
tend to on every level even do this. It's like no man's
land. I think it is ignorance and lack of credibility
– simply because I'm single. I guess perhaps I must
present too big a threat. I am happy, productive and
always involved in something interesting. I don't get
depressed or annoyed or even judgmental. I'm just single.
It’s
sad but true. Singles just aren’t given equal treatment in
this world. Somehow that lack of a gold band on the left
hand makes singles less capable of conversation, less interesting,
and less credible.
Joan
offered the following advice.
After reading your article, just thought I would email you
encouraging letters our prophet gave to the singles group
on three different occasions: “A Conversation with Adults,”
from the March 20, 1997 Ensign,
“A Vision of What We Can Be,” from the March 10, 1996 Ensign,
and “To Single Adults” from the June 20th, 1989 Ensign.
These can be found on the library section of lds.org.
And
last but not least we heard from Piper, who shared her family
holiday experiences with us as well.
I want to thank you for your article. I just got through
reading it. I am 26 and yes, I am single. I could
relate to sitting at the kids table for almost every Thanksgiving.
That reason and others like nobody really talks to you is
why I have sought refuge at my best friend’s house.
She is married, although at her house it doesn't matter that
I am not. Not to her nor her family.
This year, though, she went to her mom's house and I could
have gone, but I got to thinking about it and the more I thought
the more pathetic it sounded. So this year I decided
to go it alone. I bought ham, potatoes, stuffing, vegetables,
and sparkling cider. And even made a pie. At first
it bothered me that I would be eating alone, but after a time
I began to look forward to it after I realized I wouldn't
have to come home from my grandparents’ with a stress headache.
But, unfortunately things change. My dad brought up
a horse trailer with him, and one of his cats hitched a ride
in the trailer without him knowing. So he called and
asked if I would bring my cat carrier over to my grandparents’.
Because I own a cat I felt sorry for the poor thing and said
yes. But then I called back and asked him if he really
needed the carrier or if it was merely a ploy to get me over
to the family's for dinner. It turned out he really
did need it. So I went over at almost 5, two hours late
because I had to work. When I got there, there were
place cards laid out for everyone's name. Everyone had
already eaten of course and I couldn't help but notice my
name was not at the dining table but out in the family room,
not even next to my cousins who were younger than I, but nevertheless
married, but at the kids table, again. The newlyweds
got their own table. Oh well – I don't know that I would
have wanted to sit there anyway.
So my dad made me a plate and sat with me at the grown up
table and talked to me while I ate. I knew there was
a reason I love him so much. So while I ate and he talked
I looked around and noticed that all the marrieds were gathered
in the front room while the teenagers were huddled in a back
bedroom and the boys were in the family room playing video
games. If my dad hadn't have stayed with me I think
I would have gone to the bathroom and hid and bawled.
After everyone had left I stayed around to talk to my grandma.
When everyone is gone she treats me like a 26-year-old grownup.
So after it was all over I still would have been by myself
this year, but I found out more about my dad tonight than
I knew and for that I am grateful. I hope you girls
had a good Thanksgiving.
Thanks,
Piper. We appreciate your taking the time to share that personal
story with us. We did have a great Thanksgiving, thanks for
asking. We know that the holidays can be hard for everyone
– especially those who are alone. So whether or you are a
married or a single we encourage you to reach out and find
someone to befriend during the holiday season. You don’t
have to invite them into your home, give them your last Christmas
dollar, or bake them a pie. Just be nice to them and say
hello from time to time. And if you notice that there is
someone who sits alone frequently on the back pew at church,
go and sit by them for a change. They may turn out to be
the most interesting person you meet this year.
And
last but not least, all comments, questions, characterizations,
comics, concerns, criticisms, cash, quandaries, and more can
always be sent to erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.
Happy Holidays and we wish you many successes under the mistletoe!
Click
here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.
© 2004 Meridian
Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
|
