A column to help the hopelessly lost during the most fun years of their lives!

By: Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell 

Due to Hurricane Jeanne “A Single Thought” authors Erin Ann and Juli are without power and Internet access. But never fear, they stocked up on four pounds of chocolate before the storm hit. They promise a new and funnier-than-ever-before column next week. Until then they leave us with this story from the archives.  

Happy Anniversary Juli and Bryan! Love, Erin Ann 

Dear Friends:

This week we dig into the “unbelievably true stories” of our dating lives to bring you the following installment. And like so many of our other stories, the following story is true, un-embellished, and sadly, well, true.  

An Unexpected Proposal 

I had arrived at the chapel about 20 minutes early for sacrament meeting. I found a nice cushy floral covered chair in the foyer and settled down for a little light reading with some of the 20 flyers available on a nearby table. I was halfway through a pink piece of propaganda pushing the spring fling sock hop, when a man I took to be about 40 years old approached me. 

He had brown hair and an untrimmed goatee with flecks of gray in it. He had a few wrinkles around his eyes. He had a bad haircut that looked like a home job with a #3 guard done with an unsteady hand. His clothing was frumpy, but more for a lack of attention to detail than anything else. 

“Are you in this ward?” he asked while pointing to the empty chapel. 

“Yes. I’m in the singles’ ward that starts next.” I said politely and returned to my pink propaganda. 

He had a deep voice just a little raspy, which added a few years to his appearance. “I’m going to the singles ward too. You’ve never seen me before. This is my first time.” 

I remember that he did say his name at this point, but I don’t recall what it was, since I was surprised by his forceful way of saying “you’ve never seen me before.” I responded as nicely as possible. “Hi, I’m Ann* (as always, the names are changed to protect the author from further humiliation). This is only my fourth time in this ward, so I am sorry, I didn’t know you are new too.” 

At this point I could see he was giving me a thorough, head-to-toe, complete, check-out. He looked at me the way a doctor examines a patient, or possibly the way a potential buyer approaches a racehorse. I felt like I may be asked to open wide so he could inspect my teeth next. Instead he crossed the room and pulled one of the large mint green armchairs across the foyer so that he was sitting directly in front of me, with his back to the center of the room. He again gave me the once over check out, starting at my feet and slowly working his way north. It was a little unnerving. I pretended to be grossly involved in a flyer about food storage prices. 

His inspection complete he looked back up at my face. He seemed to be contemplating something. “Fourth time? So how come you aren’t married yet?” 

WHAT? I was a little stunned at his comment. I thought about if and how I should respond, with a rather shocked look on my face. 

He continued, “I’m 23 and I want to get married before I’m 24 so I can move to Montana.” And then he looked at me expectantly. 

The Criteria for Living in Montana

I wasn’t sure which part I was more surprised about- that the man with wrinkles and gray facial hair was only 23, or the fact that to move to Montana you have to be married? Is there a law against being single in Montana? So much for being single and free! I wasn’t sure what polite conversation required of me to say next. As I was afraid of asking what kind of girl he was looking for, I went with Montana. “So you want to live in Montana?” 

“Yes. They have nice people there.” He replied very simply. Of all the reasons someone may have to want to Montana, this was a rather odd answer. And then he asked the scary question, “Do you want to live in Montana?” 

Terrified of where this conversation may lead, I faked a naïve and innocent reply, and said, “I just moved here. I want to live here.” 

He seemed intrigued, as if I was the first person to not want to live in Montana. “Why?” 

“My job transferred me.” A safe answer. He looked at me suspiciously. 

Suddenly he shifted in his chair so that he was leaning over and looked at me accusingly. “Do you have a dead-end job?” 

“No, I like my job. I work for…” 

He interrupted me harshly. “Do you have one of those dead-end jobs working for Burger King or Jack in the Box?” 

“No, I work…” 

“Because I won’t marry a girl who wants a job like that. They say you can work there forever, but not if you go to Montana.” His voiced raised in pitch and volume. He seemed very upset that Burger King doesn’t allow job transfers to Montana.  

Burger King Doesn’t Allow Job Transfers to Montana? 

“Oh,” is all I said, nearly completely bewildered and desperate to get out of there. 

“Do you think I can find someone to marry today?” He looked at me as if he truly expected that I knew the answer. 

I didn’t want to answer him. First, I wasn’t so sure if he meant would he meet someone today who would want to marry him? Or did he mean would he find someone who would marry him later today? Either way, the answer was no, but at least the first example I could politely fudge the truth.  

“Do you want to get married?” He asked bluntly. 

Okay, maybe I would rather answer the other questions! Was this, “will you marry me?” Or was this “are you interested in the general concept of marriage?” Either way, I really didn’t want to get into this topic with him. 

“Hey Ann, how is it going?” My home teacher called from across the foyer. I have never been so grateful to see my home teacher! 

“Hi Peter! I’m good. How are you?” The usual friendly chatter began and I kept it running smoothly. We got as far as, “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”  

Suddenly Mr. Montana stood up abruptly. He looked upset. “Well, if you’re not interested in marrying me, you could have just said so!” And he stormed off.

My home teacher looked at me questioningly and I just picked up my books as if nothing had happened. I must admit I was a little disappointed that my first marriage proposal this year was so unromantic! 

Do you have an unbelievably true story? We can’t wait to hear it! Questions, comments, compliments, and concerns can be sent to erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com . 

Questions and Responses From the Readers 

Cali Girl-

I have a question that I am hoping you can answer.  I am a female 23 yr-old RM who is almost done with my bachelor's degree and I'm in the process of applying to grad schools.  I am not completely hideous and I am told that I'm fun and easy to talk to.  My problem is finding guys to date.  The guys younger than me drive me nuts because they are mostly immature; the ones my age are intimidated by me; the ones who are older than me either ignore my existence or look at me as a little sister.  How in the world do I find a guy to date?  You'd think that since I go to college in SLC it would be easy, but it's not.  In your column this week you said that a girl should not be other than herself when a guy finds her intimidating.  Well, how do we find the guys who aren't intimated by a girl who knows church doctrine and history better than he does, is actively involved in several service opportunities, etc?  It is frustrating to me that the very qualities that I am told by the leaders of the church to value and develop are the same ones that make guys afraid to ask me out, or whatever is going through their heads.  Is it just me, or is this a real problem?  I'd be grateful for any insight, because frankly I'm stumped.

Readers- What do you think? Send us your thoughts! We will answer Cali Girl’s questions next week.

From Akarossi-

I read your article in the Internet and thought to myself this can't be true. I am a returned missionary and active member of the church. I want to share with you what I think about LDS single women.

I think LDS women are very picky and some might say they are snobbish too. Allow me to explain, every girl that I have met is looking for a blonde blue eyed all American BYU Mormon boy. Single LDS women have this idea that if the spirit does not tell them that the guy their talking to is not Mr. Right then they will walk away and pretend to be very humble and perfect. I have been rejected by all the LDS single women since I have returned home. Let me tell you something they were not that attractive. On the other hand single women at the university that I attend come up to me and flirt.

I do not consider myself unattractive; in my opinion I am a good looking Italian Mormon boy. I do not consider myself the type of RM who has all the answers to life. Although I do have strong testimony. I just want to say that I know that for you single LDS girls their must be a Steve Young somewhere out their for you.

OUCH!! Does anyone have anything to say to Akarossi? Is it true? Are we all looking for Steve Young (whom, it must be pointed out, is not a blue eyed blonde)? Thoughts, comments, suggestions??

From Cindy-

Great ideas, sisters! What about those of us that are single forever? I have been married, a lifetime ago, and would love to date the brethren! However, here in Ohio they are few and far between. Any suggestions on how to get their attention????

Again Readers, we offer this one up to you! How do you get the older men to pay attention? Especially when they are far and few between?

She Knows How To Date, Do You?

From Katie- Thank you for your entertaining yet truthful article on DFD. Although not a victim myself, I've witnessed this sort of behavior in the singles wards in the Northern VA and Washington D.C. area. I really enjoyed the way the article was written and I found myself laughing out loud on several occasions.

I have roommates, and have had roommates, who haven't been on a date in months. And most recently, I had one roommate experience DFD for about a 3-4 month period with a particular ward member which she realized was ridiculous (for lack of a better word) and she decided to "break it off" - although there really was nothing to "break off" since they were never officially together or dating.

I on the other hand, have more dates than I know what to do with at times. (One roommate asked me just the other day, "What do you do to get guys to ask you out? Is there some sort of factor/equation you use!?") I am still quite young -22 -and having just recently broken up with a boyfriend and on the dating scene again, I've found that some of these very eligible men are very ready to date and go out on real "old-fashioned" dates. I've been asked out on 3 just this week. (That sounds so conceited, but it is true.) I will enjoy the process of elimination (dating) and I believe I do it (dating) well.

I've decided the reason why so many women go dateless is because of 2 reasons: First, a lot of these women have been too "career-driven" and often don't let men play their role in dating and courtship. I think women in the area need an article or advice on how to be women again. Not necessarily submissive, meek and mild (all fantastic qualities), but how to flirt and/or interact in a manner which lets men know you are interested and interesting - if that makes sense. How to be feminine, how to be vulnerable, etc.

And Second, physical attractiveness. Why is it so many women (at least in the Washington D.C. area) have really "let themselves go" (so to say)? I've been in the area for well over 2 yrs now, and more than half the women have great fashion sense, taste and style, yet they don't know what exercise is. Most, if not all of my roommates have had HORRIBLE eating habits. Although some would argue that this subject of weight/body truly doesn't matter, I have to disagree. Our bodies are temples, and we should be taking care of them. These career-driven women are quick-witted, intelligent, strong-willed, spiritual, and often beautiful, but more often than not, their bodies are not quick, strong and/or beautiful. What is the problem here ladies? Do we need to have an Enrichment lesson on exercise and healthy eating?

Readers- we can’t wait to hear what you have to say!  

Remember all questions, comments, compliments, cash, cows, roofing shingles, and concerns, are always welcome at erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com!