Offended and Deceived Wayward Children
By Larry Barkdull

(Note: This article is adapted from Rescuing Wayward Children. Follow this link to learn more.)

Sometimes the flicker of waywardness can be fanned into a blaze of rebellion by the hypocritical examples of Church members or those who give offense. Whether intended or innocent, such actions can be used by Satan to shove a teetering person over the cliff, then parents or leaders are left to spend years trying to heal a broken soul.

It is a favorite satanic strategy to zero in on an errant comment or action, then assign the event to the Church as a whole. If a spiritually fragile child steps into that snare, Satan will attempt to convince him that the child finally has evidence that Mormonism is faulty at the core. We parents must keep in mind that we are dealing with the same being who deftly explained away the shocking day, night and day that attended the Savior’s birth.

And it came to pass that from this time forth there began to be lyings sent forth among the people, by Satan, to harden their hearts, to the intent that they might not believe in those signs and wonders which they had seen…. 1

A Father’s Counsel

A daughter told her father that she was afraid to return to the Church because she had been hurt so badly in her youth. At a time when she was dabbling with sin, she had received harsh judgment instead of love and encouragement. She was certain that returning would expose her to more ridicule. In her mind, the Church was filled with self-righteous people, who wore the pretense of perfection and demeaned people who did not measure up. Despite her desire to return, she could not get past the hurt.

“I’m afraid someone will offend me,” she told her father.

The father gazed at her and said, “You can count on it. Because Satan knows this is a tender point for you, he will try to exploit it.”

His statement surprised her, but it laid the groundwork for her hoped-for return. The father explained that Church members are not perfect, but they share a common desire for perfection. The challenge is to tolerate and help each other while we mutually strive to arrive. In the process, we are going to hear, and say, some stupid things, and worse, we are going to observe some hypocrisy. He continued, saying, “I have had numerous occasions to throw in the towel because of someone’s offensive statements or actions.” He gave examples, but manifested no malice.

“Why have you stayed?” his daughter asked.

“Because my wife and my children—you---are more important that my wounded pride. I will not risk my eternal marriage and family for something someone said or did.”

The daughter decided to give the Church another chance, knowing that she was going to take her place among other imperfect journeyers, who would likely disappoint her from time to time.

An Astonishing Doctrine of Reclamation

To the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Lord revealed an astonishing doctrine that speaks to the far-reaching effects of the Atonement. It also hints that our wayward children’s premortal righteousness will be taken into account when judgments are pronounced. This doctrine seems to make allowance for those who have been deceived by the doctrines of man or who have been offended by hypocritical members of the Church.

“Behold, verily I say unto you, there are hypocrites among you, who have deceived some, which has given the adversary power; but behold such shall be reclaimed.” 2

We learn an important truth here:Eternal judgments are not issued on the basis of deception. Not one of Satan’s followers was cast out because they were deceived. Judgments are based on full light, knowledge and choice. Without making excuses for our children’s present behavior, we nevertheless might ask ourselves, Have our children gone wayward because they have been deceived or offended? Do they have full light and knowledge so that they can accurately choose between God and Satan? According to the Lord’s promise, if they are laboring under any degree of deception or offense, he will reach out to them and reclaim them.

Wo Unto the Deceivers and Hypocrites

But to the self-righteous and mean-spirited, the Lord pronounces a wo: “But wo unto them that are deceivers and hypocrites, for, thus saith the Lord, I will bring them to judgment…But the hypocrites shall be detected and shall be cut off, either in life or in death, even as I will; and wo unto them who are cut off from my church, for the same are overcome of the world.”

Then the Lord cautions the offenders, hypocrites and us against such behavior: “Wherefore, let every man beware lest he do that which is not in truth and righteousness before me.” 3 Plainly, we are not justified in holding grudges against those who have offended us or our children.

Judgment based on the Sum of Existence

Regarding our children’s premortal righteousness, which we have learned was very great, eternal judgment seems to take into account the sum of their existence. In this same revelation, the Lord says, “Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth. Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; and none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.” 4

Imagine! None that the Father has given the Savior shall be lost! But we ask ourselves, Is our child one of those whom the Father has given to the Son? An answer might lie in the fact that this revelation was given to weak members of the Church, whom the Lord was calling to repentance and yet was offering mercy. He knew them better than they knew themselves, and therefore he was offering to take pity on them and methodically work with them until he had brought them home.

No One can take Our Children from the Savior

For further evidence, we turn to Jesus’ words to his apostles concerning his sheep: “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.” 5

No one can take our children from Jesus, and our children simply cannot break free from the Savior’s embrace. The Father gave them to him, and Jesus holds them in his hands as pearls of great price.

Despite their present choices, they have a past that will be taken into account at the time of judgment. In the meantime, Jesus will carefully draw them to him until the deceptions are stripped away, the offenses are healed, and until our children finally have enough light and knowledge to choose between God and Satan. If their premortal choices are any indication, we have every hope that they will choose right, which is more in their character than their present actions.

Author’s Note

Note: This article is adapted from Rescuing Wayward Children. Follow this link to learn more.

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