Editor's Note: In these dark times, if you are grief-stricken over a beloved child who has turned his or her back on the gospel, you are not alone. Parents around the Church are bewildered and distraught over their straying children and want to know where to turn for help. Regular Meridian columnist, Larry Barkdull, has just published Rescuing Wayward Children, a book that offers the aid parents need. Because wandering children are suffering a spiritual problem, the solutions are spiritual and are found in the scriptures and the words of the prophets. Though no grief is more acute, Barkdull offers insightful answers and comfort for the many among us who are anguished by their child's choices. This book is highly recommended. Maurine Proctor

Mormon foresaw an epidemic of latter-day wayward children. Few families are not touched by the prevailing sickness. The following story is disturbingly common:

“Marie,” a mother in Arizona, wrote, “Nothing could have prepared me for the excruciating pain of my first delivery. I had thought that I wanted to have the full experience, so I turned down the epidural. I did fine for the first few hours, and then my water broke. The sudden, blinding pain was more than I could bear, and I was only dilated to ‘3'—I had hours to go. When the nurse offered me the epidural, I gladly agreed. In fact, when the doctor was delayed because he was treating another patient, I began to panic. I couldn't get relief from the pain fast enough. At the time, I thought, Who would knowingly go through pregnancy and delivery again? But for as much pain as I experienced that day, it was nothing compared to the spiritual suffering I experienced when that same, sweet little boy chose drugs over school, immorality over chastity, friends over family--he abandoned the Church and broke my heart.”

Mormon was not just an observer of the future; Mormon was a prophet with remedies for the latter-day epidemic of waywardness. If we parents will internalize his message, we need not stand by and wring our hands. Powerful gospel tools are at our disposal, which arm us so that we can actively attack this problem and win. The Book of Mormon, modern-day prophets, and the Lord have promised!

To help us, Mormon chose powerful examples from his history that would correspond with his vision of the last days. Regarding waywardness, he chose the story of Alma the Elder and his son.

To set up the story, Mormon related an important incident regarding the Nephite “pioneers,” whom the Lord had delivered and brought to their land of promise. The similarity between the Nephite pioneers and our forefathers does not escape us. Those stalwart parents, who had sacrificed so much to establish their Zion in Zarahemla were now rearing children who did not believe, as had their parents. Here is how Mormon describes these children of the next generation:

This frightening account of children abandoning their parents' beliefs and following paths of carnality and sin is played out in too many LDS families. Mormon made the point that no set of parents, not even the king of the land or the prophet of God, is safe from the effects of the plague of wayward children: “Now the sons of Mosiah were numbered among the unbelievers; and also one of the sons of Alma was numbered among them, he being called Alma, after his father….” ² Clearly, Satan can reach into any family and snatch away any of our innocent children.

Of course, when this happens to us, we feel grief-stricken, isolated, ashamed and guilty. In vain we internalize and personalize the child's bad behavior: “What did I do wrong? Why didn't I see this coming?” We groan under the weight of apparent scriptural indictments: “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents…And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” ³

Perhaps worst, we feel helpless to change things. Should we employ tough love and risk destroying the relationship? Or should we silently watch and mourn and risk losing the child completely? Where are the answers? Where is power to change things?

Mormon knew what parents could do. So did the ancient prophets, and so do the modern prophets. It is a common scriptural and prophetic theme. We begin with admission: the sickness of spiritual waywardness is a spiritual problem that needs a spiritual remedy. To lay the groundwork for spiritual healing to occur, we need at least three spiritual tools:

For parents to become agents of change and people who are capable of acting in the strength of the Lord, we must reevaluate our level of belief in the Plan of Redemption and adopt a new perspective. Perhaps we need to reexamine our faith and ask ourselves some questions.

• Do we simply believe that Christ exists, or do we believe who he really is— the Deliverer ?
• Do we believe that the gospel is a nice culture, or a vibrant system of reclaiming and redemptive tools?
• Is our child's waywardness indicative of our personal failing, or is his waywardness indicative of a divine trust?
• Did Heavenly Father foresee this season of spiritual sickness, or did it catch him off guard?
• If he knew about it, did he plan for it?
• Am I alone? Do I have to fret and come up with a plan to save my child, or is there already a plan of salvation in place, and I just need to learn and do my part?
• If what I am going through is a calling rather than a curse, was I prepared for it? Can I count on God making me equal to my calling?

So what do we learn from Mormon? Why did he direct our attention to wayward Alma and the wayward sons of Mosiah? The answer lies in what Alma the Elder did: He sanctified himself. Rather than put his energy into changing his son, he put his energy into changing himself, and that effort facilitated a spiritual awakening for his son.

This is the lesson that we learn from Alma the Elder: Every effort that parents make to increase their level of sanctification has a direct redeeming effect on their children. In other words, the redeemed parents partner with the Redeemer to do the redeeming. Therefore, we do not have to sit by and helplessly watch a child spin out of control. We can go to work, and the primary work we will do is on ourselves. Speaking of this principle and stating a promise, Brigham Young said,

The gospel of Jesus Christ absolutely holds the spiritual solution for spiritual waywardness .

Divine Positioning

The gospel centers on redemption. Period. Redemption is the primary work of the Gods. Redemption is also the work that we signed up to do, because we desired to become like the Gods. Therefore, redemption is the work that we will be doing throughout eternity. Is it any wonder then that God gives us opportunities to learn redemptive skills? Clearly, God has redemption in mind when he places struggling children with faithful parents. How could we believe otherwise? Do we really believe that God, who created and organized the universe, simply rolls the dice and hopes for the best when he sends children into our families?

Elder Neal A. Maxwell called family placement “divine appointment,” or we might say divine positioning. This organizational method often calls for weak children to be placed with strong parents, strong children to be placed with weak parents, or strong individuals to marry into weak families. Why? To do the work of redemption. BYU professor, Catherine Thomas, said, “God may place spiritually challenging children in homes of spiritual and conscientious parents for their mutual benefit.” ⁵

Possibly countless ages of divine premortal observation and planning determined our children's mortal placement. Beyond every other consideration our children's familial placement was meant to rescue them and to magnify their opportunity to advance toward exaltation. Even the difficulties they would experience could serve to save and exalt them. ⁶ Heavenly Father's house is a house of order! ⁷

Of course, nothing trumps agency, and no guarantee could ever been made that a child will ultimately choose to turn from a life of waywardness. Nevertheless, these principles are so powerful that the prophets have used very little qualifying language in making universal and incredible promises. The atonement has a much greater reach than we might imagine. Joseph Smith said, “Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive.” ⁸

Then come the promises:

“There is never a time when the spirit is too old to approach God. All are within the reach of pardoning mercy.” ⁹-- Joseph Smith

“ God hath made a provision that every spirit in the eternal world can be ferreted out and saved.” ¹⁰--Joseph Smith

“I tell you that when the prophets and apostles go to preach to those who are shut up in prison, thousands of them will embrace the Gospel. They know more in that world than they do here.” ¹¹-- Wilford Woodruff

“When the gospel is preached to the spirits in prison, the success attending that preaching will be far greater than that attending the preaching of our elders in this life. I believe there will be very few indeed of those spirits who will not gladly receive the gospel when it is carried to them. The circumstances there will be a thousand times more favorable.” ¹²-- Lorenzo Snow

“God has fulfilled His promises to us, and our prospects are grand and glorious. Yes, in the next life we will have our wives, and our sons and daughters. If we do not get them all at once, we will have them some time…. You that are mourning about your children straying away will have your sons and your daughters. If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions…you will, by the power of the priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity.” ¹³ -- Lorenzo Snow

“Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead; although he had accomplished the purpose for which he then came to the earth, he had not fulfilled all his work. And when will he? Not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition. That is his mission. We will not finish our work until we have saved ourselves, and then not until we shall have saved all depending upon us; for we are to become saviors upon Mount Zion, as well as Christ. We are called to this mission.” ¹⁴ -- Joseph F. Smith

“You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don't give them up. Don't cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours--long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend.” ¹⁵-- Orson F. Whitney

“The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught a more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father's heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.” ¹⁶ -- Orson F. Whitney

“Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents. Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie. If children do not sin as John said, ‘unto death,' the parents may still feel after them and eventually bring them back near to them again.” ¹⁷-- Joseph Fielding Smith

“I leave my blessing upon you. May there be…a sense of security and peace and love among your children, precious children every one of them, even those who may have strayed. I hope you don't lose patience with them; I hope you go on praying for them, and I don't hesitate to promise that if you do, the Lord will touch their hearts and bring them back to you with love and respect and appreciation.” ¹⁸-- Gordon B. Hinckley

Such optimism from the prophets for eventual success should kindle hope within any parent's despairing heart. These empowering principles and promises should be good news for us. Rather than languishing in hopelessness, while watching our children die spiritually, we can employ the sanctifying principles found in the Plan of Redemption and expect miracles to happen.

And miracles do happen!

The powerful principles in the Plan of Salvation are within the reach of anyone who is willing to exert the effort. Is there a need? A survey of any ward in the Church or a scan of Conference talks should provide the answer. Spiritual waywardness is epidemic. You are not alone! In fact you are in good company. Some of the best parents who have ever lived have struggled with wayward children--so much so that one begins to wonder if this situation is not common to the mortal experience. Perhaps a wayward child is not a curse after all; maybe the child is a trust. Nevertheless, this epidemic was foretold in the scriptures, and a remedy was prescribed. Once parents become acquainted with these redemptive principles, miracles often happen.

The divine resources that are available to us are amazingly expansive, and the vast body of confirming evidence of eventual success is overwhelming. Therefore, to discount the Lord's power to reclaim, even from incredible distances, or to minimize the power that the Lord has placed within our reach is to disparage the redeeming power of the infinite and universal atonement of Jesus Christ.

Absolutely, there is hope.

Invitation

This article was adapted from my newly released book Rescuing Wayward Children.

I invite you to join my new Facebook group called “Rescuing Wayward Children.” Visit me on Facebook and share your stories and concerns. Or visit my website: www.LarryBarkdull.com .

1 Mosiah 26:1-4

2 Mosiah 27:8

3 D&C 68:25, 28

4 Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young , p. 208

5 M. Catherine Thomas, “ Alma the Younger, Part 1,” Neal A. Maxwell Institute for Religious Scholarship

6 For example, see 1 Corinthians 10:13; Romans 8:28; Ether 12:27

7 D&C 132:8

8 Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 257

9 Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 191

10Joseph Fielding Smith, ed., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 356-57

11 G. Homer Durham, ed., The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff, p. 152

12 Daniel H. Ludlow, ed., Latter-day Prophets Speak: Selections from the Sermons and Writings of Church Presidents , p.35

13 Lorenzo Snow, The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, p. 195

14 Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine: Selections from the Sermons and Writings of Joseph F. Smith , p. 442, emphasis added

15 Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report, April 1929, p. 110

16 Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report, April 1929, p.110

17 Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, vol 2, p. 90

18 Gordon B. Hinckley, Address given to the Saints in Great Britain, August 1995