Have you ever become so frustrated with your wayward child that you wondered what would ever wake them up? But what if you prayed for a conversion experience—something that would offer the child an opportunity to rethink his position and exercise his agency in a positive way?
Here are two stories from parents: one who is in the process of rescuing her wayward children.
Dear Larry,
I have a short comment to make that impacted our lives in a big way. We were sitting with a very young stake president (i.e. he had no teenagers yet!) who turned out to be very wise! As my husband and I were interviewed, he asked about our children. We told him that the oldest four were beginning to go down a dangerous path. After he asked a few questions, he said, "The Lord must truly trust you to send you such special, strong spirits!"
We were immediately comforted. Suddenly, we understood that our wayward children were indeed special in the eyes of the Lord. Moreover, we felt encouraged that the Lord knew us and our children, and he knew that we could do this hard thing. We stopped panicking and learned to turn to the Lord more than we ever had before. Now, fifteen years later, two of our wayward children have returned and are strong. We are still waiting for the last two to commit and come back. But while we are waiting, we have the continuing sweet assurances from the Spirit that all will be well.
Sincerely,
Willing to wait on the Lord's timing
Dear Willing to wait on the Lord's timing:
You have learned a key principle about perspective: Your situation is not curse; it is a trust. If you had been called to be the Young Women's president, and had several girls who were wayward, you would be concerned, but you would not take their choice of waywardness personally. You would realize that you had been called of God at this very time for this very situation--it is a trust. Because you would have that perspective, although you might feel overwhelmed, you would know that Heavenly Father prepares and qualifies those whom he calls. Knowing that you are participating in his plan of salvation for these girls, rather than having to invent a plan of salvation, would give you the courage to move forward. Now you would know that sanctifying yourself so that you would have increased spiritual power is the key to working with these girls.
We parents should feel the same way. We have a trust; we were prepared for and will be strengthened to accomplish that trust. We don't have to create a plan; we simply need to increase our spiritual capacity to better participate in God's plan, as he reveals it to us. Here is our mantra: Every effort we put forth to sanctify ourselves has a redeeming effect on those for whom we are praying. I wish every parent could discover what you and learned.
Thanks for writing to me.
Larry
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Dear Larry,
During his senior year in high school, my son Alex began dating a girl named Beth (names changed). Over time, I noticed that he was becoming touchy and curt with family members. Soon, his obstinacy turned to anger. Our relationship, once open and warm, was now terribly strained. My slightest suggestion offended him, and I felt as if I was walking on eggshells.
I suspected that Alex's change of personality had to do with Beth, but I had no idea what was going on. Beth came from a difficult home life and seemed desperate to escape from it. She was frantically searching for love, marriage and stability—and she thought she had come up with a solution.
I continued to feel anxiety over Alex's well being, but he wouldn't allow me to talk to him. I sensed that he was in danger when he was with Beth, but there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Finally I turned to God for help. I began praying. I went to my knees many times during the day. I prayed long into the nights. When worry awakened me, I got up and prayed more.
One night, after I had once again taken my concerns to God, I had a dream. I saw Alex facing a twenty-gun firing squad, and amazingly, Beth was the one that was holding every one of the guns! I awoke from the dream sweating, slid out of bed to my knees and began to beg God for direction. Presently, a series of impressions began to flow into my mind. I became aware that I had presumed Alex was well informed about proper moral conduct. After all, he had been reared in an active LDS home, hadn't he? Surely he knew the rights and wrongs of dating relationships. But the impressions told me that my assumptions were faulty. Alex was naïve about some things, and that deficiency had now put him at terrible risk. I needed to teach him, but how? He spent very little time at home, and when he did he was not responsive to my counsel.
I again turned to God knowing that nothing I might say could persuade Alex to listen to me. Something extraordinary would have to happen to get his attention. I prayed, “Please create a situation so that Alex's heart can be softened and I can teach him.”
The thought came to me, “That for which you are asking may require your son to experience a difficult situation. Is this what you really want?”
I had to ponder my response. I did not want my child to be hurt, but I knew that something had to happen quickly to turn him around. I answered, “Yes.”
The following week, an extraordinary event occurred. With little thought of caution, Alex jumped into his car and pulled out directly in front of an approaching van. His car was struck hard on the passenger side, smashing in the door. Amazingly, no one was injured, but was terribly shaken and distraught. He knew the accident was his fault. He had to endure the humiliation: the gawking onlookers; the police investigation; the ticket; the tow truck; apologizing to the people in the van.
I learned about the accident from a neighbor. The first thought that shot through my mind was, Alex is all right. This is your answer. When I arrived at the scene of the accident, Alex appeared pale; he was trembling. I ran to him and held him in my arms as he buried his head in my shoulder and sobbed. He apologized over and over for his carelessness. From that moment, the old Alex began to return. He became sweet, helpful, and patient with family members, willing to talk.
The night following the accident, when Alex was working late, I was awakened by the thought: It is now time for you to teach him. Knowing that my son would soon be arriving home, I dressed and went downstairs to wait. There, I knelt by the couch and prayed for guidance. When Alex walked through the door, he found me on my knees.
“I'm sorry I am late,” he said. “I was talking with Beth after work.”
“That's alright,” I said. “Can we talk for a minute?”
We didn't talk for a minute; we talked until morning. I explained to him some delicate issues about proprieties in relationships between men and women. I gently expressed my concerns. He asked questions. During our entire discussion, he listened carefully without offering a trace of resistance. Within a few days, Alex broke up with Beth. We were later to learn that Beth's solution to her problems was to become pregnant so that she would have a way to escape her abusive family life. When the weight of their relationship had lifted, Alex became relaxed and congenial. The experience proved pivotal in his life. He went on to receive a good education and is now happily married and has a beautiful family.
Sincerely,
Mom who taught at the right moment
Dear Mom who taught at the right moment,
What amazing faith and perspective you have! More parents need to understand that within the Plan of Salvation is a personal plan of salvation for each of us. As the name suggests, the plan is for the purpose of salvation. It is not our plan, but we parents are commissioned to participate in the plan. When we understand that, we can stop all the guilt trips, feelings of isolation and embarrassment, and just go to work. Our challenge would be to infuse more spiritual power into our lives so that we could better recognize and respond to the Spirit. Personal sanctification— That is the key to rescuing wayward children. I congratulate you for your discovery!
Larry
