| 
©iStockphoto.com/Aldo Murillo
The prophet Mormon foresaw an epidemic of latter-day wayward children, and he had an answer. With a little perspective and by implementing powerful gospel tools, we parents need not stand by and wring our hands. We can actively attack this problem and win. The Book of Mormon, modern-day prophets and the Lord have promised!
The Book of Mormon Parallel To help us, Mormon chose powerful examples from his history that would correspond with his vision of the last days. Regarding waywardness, he chose the story of Alma the Elder and his son. To set up this story, he related an important incident regarding the Nephite “pioneers,” whom the Lord had delivered and brought to their land of promise.
The similarity between the Nephite pioneers and our forefathers does not escape us. Those stalwart parents, who had sacrificed so much to establish their Zion in Zarahemla, were now raising children who did not believe, as had their parents. Here is how Mormon describes these children of the next generation:
Now it came to pass that there were many of the rising generation that could not understand the words of king Benjamin, being little children at the time he spake unto his people; and they did not believe the tradition of their fathers. They did not believe what had been said concerning the resurrection of the dead, neither did they believe concerning the coming of Christ.
And now because of their unbelief they could not understand the word of God; and their hearts were hardened. And they would not be baptized; neither would they join the church. And they were a separate people as to their faith, and remained so ever after, even in their carnal and sinful state; for they would not call upon the Lord their God. 1
This frightening account of children abandoning their parents' beliefs and following paths of carnality and sin resonates in too many LDS families. Mormon made the point that no set of parents, not even the king of the land or the prophet of God, is safe from the effects of the plague of wayward children:
Now the sons of Mosiah were numbered among the unbelievers; and also one of the sons of Alma was numbered among them, he being called Alma , after his father. 2
Clearly, Satan can reach into any family and snatch away any of our innocent children.
No Grief is as Acute
Of course, when this happens to us, we feel grief-stricken, isolated, ashamed and guilty. In vain we internalize and personalize the child's bad behavior: “What did I do wrong? Why didn't I see this coming?”
We groan under the weight of apparent scriptural indictments:
And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents … And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord. 3
Perhaps worst, we feel helpless to change things. Should we employ tough love and risk destroying the relationship? Or should we silently watch and mourn and risk losing the child completely? Where are the answers? Where is power to change things?
There is an Answer
Mormon knew the answer. So did the ancient prophets, and so do the modern prophets. It is a common theme, if we know where to find it. But first we have to admit that waywardness is, at least in part, a spiritual problem, and that part needs to be handled spiritually. Therefore, we need to start with three spiritual things:
- Perspective . The Fall renders us significantly impotent. We ever feel sin beckoning us, and we cannot escape the realities of corruption, aging, disease and opposition. Mortality is a hard experience for our children and for us.
- Grace . We cannot make it alone. The Fall is an impossible situation without divine intervention and help. Only Jesus Christ can give us the strength to persevere, overcome and do good works.
- Strength . Strength to do what? Strength to change, not eliminate, our circumstance. Strength to believe in and draw upon the power of the atonement, where there is infinite power. Strength to believe that the Lord is bound to us by covenant, and therefore there are principles that allow us to tap into that higher power and change our situation.
For us to become agents of change, parents who are capable of acting in the strength of the Lord, suggests that we reevaluate our level of belief in the Plan of Redemption and adopt a new perspective. Perhaps we need to reexamine our faith. Do we simply believe that Christ is , or do we believe who he is? Do we believe that the gospel is a vibrant system of reclamation and redemption, or do we simply believe that it is a nice culture?
Rescuing wayward children all comes down to this: The gospel — the whole gospel — is true! And this is the lesson that we learn from Alma 's experience: Any effort that parents put forth to increase their level of sanctification has a direct redeeming effect on their children. In other words, the redeemed do the redeeming; the sanctified do the sanctifying. The gospel of Jesus Christ absolutely holds the spiritual solution for spiritual waywardness .
Sweeping Prophetic Promises
Of course, nothing trumps agency, and no guarantee could ever been made that a child will ultimately choose to turn from a life of waywardness. Nevertheless, these principles are so powerful that the prophets have used very little qualifying language in making universal and incredible promises. The atonement has a much greater reach than we might imagine.
Such optimism from the prophets for eventual success should kindle hope within any parent's despairing heart. These empowering principles and promises should be good news for us. Rather than languishing in hopelessness, while watching our children die spiritually, we can employ the sanctifying principles found in the Plan of Redemption and expect miracles to happen.
And miracles do happen!
A psychologist in Utah shares his experience:
When our teenage son abandoned the Church and fell into a life of alcohol, drugs and wanton sex, my wife and I were devastated. My reaction was to apply the principles of psychology to change the boy, but I soon discovered that this situation was beyond my training. I had never felt so disempowered. I had always thought that I could handle even the most difficult behavioral situations with my science, but as I watched my son free-fall into spiritual oblivion, I felt absolutely helpless.
Remarkably, my wife came up with a solution. She had no professional training for this, but she was a student of the scriptures — the very thing she needed to be. I resisted her solution at first. It was too simple, I thought. Then I remembered that the Israelites had been asked to do an easy thing too: Look at the brass serpent and live.
I was soon to learn that the principles affecting spiritual healing are just that simple, as simple as the gospel that spawned them. My wife's solution was this: “We will pray and fast for our son. Then we will go to the temple twice a month, instead of once, and we will put his name on the prayer rolls in faith.”
That struck me as a disappointing answer. I thought, “We are dealing with an urgent, complicated situation, for goodness sake; it calls for an urgent, complicated answer, not all this Sunday School stuff. Our son is dying, and all you can come up with is pat answers? Prayer, fasting, temple attendance — give me a break!” I didn't say this out loud, of course. For the sake of our marriage, I agreed to do as my wife recommended, but I held onto my psychology books, just in case.
Over time, my wife extended more love to our son. Together, we prayed, fasted and upped our temple attendance. She found promises from the prophets and kept copies in her nightstand. She searched the scriptures for spiritual remedies.
Despite our effort, things went from bad to worse. On several occasions, I picked up my son from jail. He would bring home his disgusting friends, who helped themselves to our food. He became belligerent and cursed at us when he didn't get his way. But through it all, my wife urged patience, faith and perseverance.
And then it happened! My wife and I had been praying for the Lord to send our son a conversion opportunity — not something that would interfere with his agency and force him out of his destructive lifestyle, but something that would provide him perspective and a clear choice. One night in a drunken stupor, he had an accident that threatened his life. In a miraculous way, he was spared.
The situation was so miraculous that it defied explanation. He knew that this was not luck; he knew that God had saved him. Heavenly Father had given him a second chance, and he knew it. That experience opened the door.
His accident involved immediate medical treatment. Lying in bed recovering, he was willing to talk about the spiritual implications of his actions. Now I could use my skills as a psychologist to discuss his behavior and emotional problems. Now all the sciences came together to heal our son.
Although his complete spiritual recovery is still a work in progress, and although sometimes we feel that we are taking baby steps, we know that our son's direction has turned 180 degrees and hope is on the horizon. He is active in the Church now. He is working with the bishop for the restoration of is blessings. He is dating with his eye on the temple. I am convinced that my wife's and my spiritual efforts opened the door for the Lord to offer our son a choice to change.
I no longer resist my wife's simple Sunday School answers. We search the scriptures with more purpose; we pray, fast and attend the temple with more purpose; we hold Family Home Evening and attend to our callings with more purpose. In the beginning, I had wanted to do something to change my son. But I had it all turned around. The Lord's way is not man's way. Spiritual healing requires another tactic. I learned that I had to change myself first then an opportunity came to my son. What a discovery!
There is Hope
The powerful principles in the Plan of Salvation are within the reach of anyone who is willing to exert the effort. Is there a need? A survey of any ward in the Church or a scan of conference talks should provide the answer.
Spiritual waywardness is epidemic. You are not alone! In fact you are in good company. Some of the best parents who have ever lived have struggled with wayward children — so much so that one begins to wonder if this situation is not common to the mortal experience. Perhaps it is not a curse after all; maybe it is a trust. Nevertheless, this epidemic was foretold in the scriptures, and a remedy was prescribed. Once parents become acquainted with these redemptive principles, miracles often happen.
The divine resources that are available to us are amazingly expansive, and the vast body of confirming evidence of eventual success is overwhelming. Therefore, to discount the Lord's power to reclaim, even from incredible distances, or to minimize the power that the Lord has placed within our reach is to disparage the redeeming power of the infinite and universal atonement of Jesus Christ.
Absolutely, there is hope.
The Purpose of this Column
This is the first article in what is to be an ongoing column called Rescuing Wayward Children. The articles are extracted from a book that will be released in the spring of 2009. The purpose of this column is to explore spiritual principles that parents can employ to help to heal spiritual sicknesses and to evoke a change in their wayward children.
This column does not attempt to discuss behavioral and emotional healing. Psychiatrists and psychologists have those skills, and often these professionals should be consulted.
I invite your stories. Other despairing parents need information and hope. Visit my website: www.LarryBarkdull.com.
Next time
“Perspective — The Most Wicked Age of the Most Wicked World”
Notes
Mosiah 26:1-4
Mosiah 27:8
D&C 68:2 5, 28
Return to Top of Article
Click
here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.
© 1999-2008 Meridian
Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
|
