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The Verbal Knockout
By Don Staheli
Embrace
your opponent in a way that lessens the threat and leads to understanding.
When the televised boxing match began,
my wife left the room. Too violent for her. All the kids but one
drifted away to something more meaningful. Only our youngest daughter
was interested in watching the mayhem with her father, so we sat
in the semidarkness enthralled by the spectacle of fisticuffs. There
was something very basic, even visceral, about the sweat, the blood,
the swollen eyes and flat noses of the fighters. A man in blue trunks
and one in white, like desperate predators in opposite corners of
the cage, ready to pounce again as soon as they gained their breath.
We watched several rounds of jabbing
and sparring until blue trunks saw an opening and landed a heavy
blow to the head of his opponent. White trunks reeled and tried
to protect himself. Another blow to the head and then one to the
midsection and another to the head. He was dazed and hurt. With
no hope for the mercy of a saving bell, the injured white trunks
fell onto his attacker, embracing him in a fearsome clench.
"Why doesn't he run away?"
asked my little girl. "Why doesn't he back up so the other
guy can't hit him?"
Good questions. It looked like getting
close to the powerful fists of blue trunks was the last thing the
man in white ought to be doing. The square ring offers few hiding
places, but it seemed to my daughter that he would be wiser to get
on his boxing bicycle and try to outrun the pummeling. Not so. Retreating
when hurt usually allows the opponent to step up and throw another
blow, sometimes a knockout.
When a boxer gets tired or hurt, often
the best thing he can do is get in close and hang on to the other
fighter. When he moves in to the point of embracing his opponent
in a sort of sweaty bear hug, he just can't be hit. The aggressor
has lost his leverage, and the pair are too close to allow either
one to get a good swing. Not a bad strategy, even for those of us
who have no pugilistic ambitions.
When someone lands a verbal punch,
the natural reaction is to back up or run. It hurts when we get
socked with a stiff jab from a sharp tongue. But, just as with an
unskilled boxer, backing off can easily set us up for a more severe
beating. It's usually best to move in and neutralize our opponent's
ability to strike.
On more than one occasion, an individual
has lashed out at me for some perceived wrong I have committed.
Once or twice I have responded with a verbal comeback that did nothing
but excite my opponent to throw some more my way. Sometimes I have
figuratively run away or at least backed off, allowing the one who
saw me as the enemy to have even more room to fight. The far better
strategy has been to move in close.
Hey, you really seem angry. Slow
down, talk about it, what went wrong.
Some huffing and puffing, an explanation
of my supposed error, but no more punches thrown.
You're kidding. I had no idea. I'm
really sorry you saw it that way.
The fight is over. A little more explanation.
An increase in understanding. If you're lucky, some real communication
and a strengthening of the relationship. None of that would have
been likely if you had backed up or run away.
Slip his punches. Step into him. Minimize
his advantage. Keep him off balance. Don't let him swing. Good advice
for a dazed boxer. Perhaps even better for a fighter in a war of
words.
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