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Happiness—Just
Over the Next Hill?
by H. Wallace
Goddard
When
I get that new car, I'll be happy. When I graduate, we will have
more time. When the student loans are paid, life will be better.
When I find the right person to marry, life will be great. When
we can get our own house, our family will be more peaceful.
Happiness always
seems to be just over the next hill, around the next bend. But it's
a cruel trick. Research shows that each person has a characteristic
level of contentment. Certainly there are ripples (even occasional
waves) in any person's average level of contentment but the happy
tend to stay happy, the morose cling to their misery and today's
rejoicer is likely to be jubilant tomorrow.
Learning
the Lesson
I first learned this lesson about happiness when I took a teaching
job right out of college. The school where I taught was divided
by serious strife. My troubled peers insisted that certain things
must change in order for them to be at peace. In the course of a
few months all those things did change. But my faculty friends were
not at peace; they were just as distressed as they had been before.
But they were fretful about different things. I was amazed.
I concluded
then that our level of happiness tends to be stable over time. It
depends very little on our circumstances. In fact research shows
that "happiness is largely unrelated to income level or educational
attainment, to social status, or to whether one is married or single"
(Lykken, 1999, p. 1).
Most people
assume that more money provides more happiness. Professor Myers
who has written what may be the most influential book on happiness
has observed that money only provides an improved sense of well-being
if you are hungry; once you have enough food to eat, more money
makes no difference in your level of happiness. "Today's younger
adults have grown up with more affluence, [and yet with] more depression,
and more marital and family misery" (Myers, 1992, p.43).
A Remodeled
Kitchen
A woman tells a story with a powerful lesson about appreciation:
We had just
remodeled our kitchen when my grandmother came to visit. With great
pride I showed her the refrigerator-freezer, the dishwasher, the
washer and dryer, the electric stove with timer controls, and the
disposal unit in the kitchen sink. She admired everything extravagantly
and then sat watching me prepare dinner. Suddenly she said, "If
you could have only one of the conveniences in this kitchen, which
would you choose to keep?" I thought about it carefully, weighing
the merits of each appliance, and finally decided that the refrigerator
was the one I really couldn't do without. Grandma chuckled. "I would
pick running water every time," she said.
Happiness comes
more from an attitude of gratitude than from unrelenting abundance.
"The cheerful heart has a continual feast" (Proverbs 15:15 NIV).
Happiness comes from a choice to be grateful.
The
Novelty of Riches
If a typical person were asked to describe their vision of ultimate
happiness, it might include luxury and leisure. But research suggests
that the novelty of such riches wears off quickly.
If happiness
truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the
happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would
be, I think, an American cow. William Lyon Phelps
Happiness,
as it turns out, has less to do with what we have than in the opportunity
to work and contribute.
"Productive
activity is one of the most dependable sources of human happiness
. . . Desserts have their place, but the mainstay of any happiness
diet is productive effort, developing and exercising skills, doing
something that needs doing. Sometimes we foolishly imagine that
a life replete with . . . pleasures would be heaven. But if we
do not permit the denizens of that heaven ever to do anything
constructive, to create anything, to learn and then exercise some
skill, then I think that heaven would be a kind of hell" (Lykken,
1999, pp. 24, 63).
Happiness is
more likely to be found in the workshop than in the mall. It is
not surprising that latter-day revelation portrays heaven as more
of a bustling workshop that a retirement community. The recommendations
of prophets provide an ideal formula for happiness: be busily loving,
building, and serving.
It is clear
why shopping can become an addiction. It doesn't satisfy in a deep
and enduring way.
"Wherefore,
do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor
for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and
remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy
One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither
can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness" (2 Nephi
9:51, see also Isaiah 55:2).
Three
Thieves of Happiness
Dr. Lykken has nominated three thieves of happiness. The first is
depression. Depression is often worsened by our tendency to look
for causes. It is common to dwell on our mistakes and faults, ruminate
on them and thereby enlarge and extend our depression. There are
times when counseling or medication can be helpful. But for most
episodes of unhappiness the remedy is an eternal perspective.
Verily, verily,
I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet
understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands
and prepared for you;
And ye cannot
bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will
lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof
are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours. D&C 78:17-18
God loves us
and intends to redeem us. That good news will cheer and enliven
our souls if we let it fill us.
Dr. Lykken's
second happiness thief is fear. He recommends that skillful parents
and friends urge the fearful out of their corners. God, the perfect
Parent, does just that as He invites us from the dark corners of
fear to His remarkable peace.
Peace I leave
with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give
I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid. John 14:27
When we trust
in God we discover that there is no reason for fear.
The third set
of happiness thieves is anger and resentment. "Many people can be
seen to hoard grievances and develop a kind of chronic irritability
. . . While feeling angry may be better than feeling scared or weak,
it is not nearly so gratifying as just feeling happy" (p. 233).
The gospel cure for anger is divine love.
A new commandment
I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you,
that ye also love one another. John 13:34
Jesus has every
reason for anger and resentment; yet He chooses to love.
Happiness is
the natural byproduct of living the gospel of Jesus Christ. For
some people happiness is blocked by various chemical imbalances.
Most of us are distracted from happiness by that father of lies
who would rather have us worry and fret than believe and rejoice.
Satan does not want us to embrace God's great plan of happiness.
For all of
us happiness is increased by living the core principles of the
gospel: loving, believing, repenting serving, and thanking. It
is true that "happiness is the object and design of our existence;
and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads
to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness,
and keeping all the commandments of God" (TPJS, p.255).
References
Lykken, D. (1999). Happiness. New York: Golden Books.
Myers, D. G.
(1992). The Pursuit of Happiness. New York: William Morrow
& Co.
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