Staying Spotless
in a Sea of Slime - Part 3
by
Clark L and Kathryn H. Kidd
Editors'
Note: We have received so many letters from readers interested in
learning more about how to avoid pornography, the Kidds have agreed
to do two additional columns with solutions.
Judging by the
number of letters we have received from Meridian readers since this
series began, it is apparent that pornography has ensnared many
Church readers of both sexes and all ages. It isn't just your children
who should be protected from Internet pornography; adults are also
susceptible.
If your family
wants to use the Internet without being endangered by online pornography
- and from some of the other evils that are lurking on the Internet
-, the first thing to do is to make sure your online environment
is as family friendly as possible. Junior may want a computer of
his own, and Mom and Dad may even prefer to keep those noisy computer
games securely isolated in a child's bedroom or a basement office.
But the loss of your peace and quiet is a small sacrifice to make
when compared with the potential danger of having a child or parent
succumb to the effects of pornography, or to computer predators
in other forms. That being the case, your computer should be located
in the busiest area of your home - an area where people are likely
to walk past the computer at any moment and glimpse whatever is
being displayed on the monitor. Furthermore, the monitor screen
should be facing outward where anyone can easily see it. This removes
temptation that may be difficult to resist if the computer were
safely hidden behind closed doors.
You may want
to also set up hours when the computer may be accessed. Setting
hours for computer use may avoid the inevitable squabbles that occur
when a household of people want to use a single appliance. But even
more important, setting regular computer hours will assure Mom and
Dad that nobody will be using the computer unsupervised. It doesn't
do any good to put the computer in the kitchen, if people are allowed
to use the computer when nobody else is around.
But putting
the computer in a public place and regulating the hours of usage
is only the beginning. Every family member, including the adults,
should be expected to abide by rules that govern the use of your
home computer. Start the process by having some discussions with
your children. You may want to hold a formal family meeting, telling
your family members about some of the online dangers, and explaining
why certain rules are necessary. Ask your children what they can
do to make sure they don't fall into the traps that are being set
for them by unscrupulous characters and situations they could find
online. If your children are involved in setting the rules, they
will be more likely to keep them.
The key is to
regularly emphasize that these are not arbitrary rules dictated
by Mom and Dad, but rules developed by the family, for the protection
of the family. That means parents must follow the rules also, although
they will probably be granted more privileges than the children.
Emphasize, too, that connection is a privilege - not a right. Family
members earn the privilege of computer use by following the rules
that have been agreed upon by your family.
Your family
rules for computer use should tell the family in no uncertain terms
what is prohibited in the use of your home computer. This list will
obviously vary based on the age of the children, but consider including
at least some of the following:
— I will never
disclose personal information to strangers without my parents' permission.
This includes my last name, my street address, my city and state,
my telephone number, my age, and the name of my school.
— I will not
disclose personal information about my parents or other family members
without permission. I will not disclose where my parents work, or
when they work, or tell anyone their occupations.
— I will never
agree to meet an online acquaintance in person, unless I have permission.
— I will never
make or receive phone calls from online contacts without permission.
— I will never
mail anything to an online contact without permission. Similarly,
I will not open anything I receive in the mail from an online acquaintance
without getting permission first. (This refers to postal mail, not
email.)
— I will not
give out my email address to anyone unless I have permission.
— When sending
email, I will not send any attached or embedded files without getting
permission. Similarly, I will not download any such files I receive
from others without permission.
— When someone
asks me to send a picture of myself, either through the mail or
attached to an email, I will not do so until I get permission.
— I will not
respond to any message I receive that is rude, suggestive, or harassing,
and I will report all such messages to my parents.
— I will not
stay online if someone starts to annoy or threaten me, but will
disconnect immediately, and contact my parents.
— I will not
open email from anyone I do not know. If I accidentally open email
from someone I do not know that has links in it, I will not follow
the links.
— I will not
look at any suggestive websites or read any suggestive email - either
in my own home or on someone else's computer. If a friend tries
to show me suggestive material on his computer, I will leave the
room.
— If someone
I do not know sends me an instant message, I will not respond. I
will not visit a chat room unless I have permission from my parents.
— I will not
give anyone my password except my parents (or my spouse), who will
always have my password and who will have access to my email box.
— I will not
let any of my friends use my screen name (user ID) to send or receive
email, unless I have permission from my parents. Any friend who
uses his own screen name on our computer must abide by our family
rules when doing so.
— I will abide
by my family computer rules on any computer where I may have access,
even away from home.
Some of these
rules sound arbitrary, but all of them are sound. For example, you
may believe a chat room is a safe place for your children to visit.
After all, how dangerous can a discussion of pet hamsters be? But
chat rooms are the most dangerous places on the Internet. Pedophiles
lurk in the chat rooms and elicit conversations with unwary children.
And even if your child is spared this personal attention, there
are computer programs that regularly search chat rooms to collect
email addresses, which are then used to send pornography solicitations
to those email boxes.
When we were
writing our book A Parent's Survival Guide to the Internet,
Clark spent just a few minutes in a chat room, using a screen
name (user ID) that had never received any unsolicited email. Within
24 hours, that mailbox was filled with spam (junk email) advertising
everything from pornography to online school papers. It was like
opening the door of our home and dumping a can of garbage on the
carpet.
The other situation
that may cause trouble for your children is when they go online
with a friend. The friend may have less stringent rules regarding
computer behavior than your family does. Or the friend may try to
do things with your child's screen name (user ID) that could invite
improper solicitations that will be received by your child. In fact,
if a friend misbehaves online using the screen name of one of your
family members, your family's online account can be canceled.
Once your family
rules have been established, they should be posted in a place where
everyone who uses the computer can see them. You may want to print
them out in the form of a contract, with each computer user in the
household - from Dad down to Junior - signing the contract and agreeing
to obey it. Take several opportunities each year to review the rules
and explain why they are important. If you see stories in the media
where people are harmed because of Internet activities, relate those
stories to your children, and use them to reinforce the importance
of having and following family rules. Breaking the rules by any
member of the family should result in a temporary or permanent loss
of online privileges.
Our next column
will show you some of the danger signs that may indicate when a
child - or a parent - is not following the rules of online behavior.
Other columns will give you some general safety guidelines for computer
use, as well as technical information that will show how you can
make sure your rules are being enforced. If pornography is already
a problem in your family and you need this information more quickly
than we can post it here, you'll be able to find it in our book
A Parent's Survival Guide to the Internet.
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