The Value
of Kindness and Friendliness
In connection with Richard and Linda Eyre
As
many Meridian readers know, Meridian Magazine, in collaboration
with Linda and Richard Eyre, presents a specific and particular
value each month, complete with methods for teaching that value
to each age group of children. For over a year, this was a weekly
column, apearing every Friday and offering new methods each week
for teaching the value of the month to children of various ages.
(click
here to review all 12 of the monthly values and their weekly
methods in the values archive.)
After the year was over, and all 12 values had been presented
all of the methods articles were placed in the Meridian archives,
and the Eyres now write a monthly update and reminder column so
that reader parents can stay excited and motivated about teaching
each value of the month to their children in the month it comes
up. Remember that any time during the month, you can click on
the "family value of the month" icon on the left side
of the Meridian home page and go directly to the teaching ideas
for the month. You can also get additional teaching ideas
for teaching and communicating the value of the month by going
to http://www.valuesparenting.com/
The whole idea here is that there is strength (and encouragement)
in numbers. As all Meridian families work on the same value each
month, we all take heart in the unity and solidarity of being
involved with thousands of other parents — all
working with their kids on the same concepts, the same ideas,
and focusing on the same value.
New families can come into the program at any time, because there
is no particular sequence to the values. You can start with any
of them.
This Month's Value: The Value of Kindness and Friendliness
What could be a more important thing
for children to learn than to be kind and friendly!?
Here is an overview of the value
and some general ideas about how to teach it to kids. For detailed,
and age specific ideas, go to the values archives (see right sidebar)
or click here.
Simple kindness and friendliness is a great human value. It involves
parts of other values, such as the empathy of sensitivity and
the boldness of courage, but it is a very separate and different
value from these. This value is also partially an extension of
the value of peaceability. In peaceability we try to teach children
not to hurt and to avoid conflicts. Here we teach the positive
side of being a friend, acting friendly and kindly, and becoming
more polite and courteous.
Friendliness and gentleness also apply to self. Children who learn
to be gentle and tolerant with themselves grow up to be less stressed
and more relaxed and self-secure.
Simple friendliness (based on our earlier-established criteria
and definition of a value of something that helps others and diminishes
hurt in others) is a profound value. Often a simple act of kindness
or a word or two of extended friendship can change another person's
attitude and mood for the rest of the day — and longer.
In trying to teach kindness and friendliness to our children we
once again realize that they are not lumps of clay to be molded
as we choose, but seedlings — already who they are —
ready to blossom if watered and fertilized and exposed to a lot
of sunlight.
Wherever your children fit on the scale of natural kindness and
friendliness to others, there is always room for improvement on
this important value of life.
Lulu's Mistake
Talk frequently about how things
are going, how people feel, how hard it is to remember, and so
on.
Decide where your child
stands in his natural abilities to be kind and friendly.
Know what your challenge is with each child. There is nothing
quite like the joy one feels as a result of kindnesses to those
who really need and appreciate it, whether it be a good deed for
one little old man across the street or kindness on a more grander
scale.
However, kindness and friendliness
are never as easy as they sound. Some children show their insecurities
by pretending to be popular but putting other children down in
ways that are outright cruel, while other shrinking violets and
painfully shy children spend all their time wondering why no one
likes them. Others are genuinely well adjusted and naturally look
for ways to be kind and friendly to those around them. Try to
determine where your child fits in his natural abilities to be
kind and friendly so that you know where to begin.
Teach by example.
Give your children clear and specific models for friendliness,
kindness, and politeness. This value is one that cannot be overdone.
During the month be extra friendly and polite to everyone, including
your children. Use "please," "thank you,"
and "excuse me" profusely. Say nice things. Practice
Emily Post etiquette in everything from opening doors and holding
chairs for women to setting the table in a proper and special
way. Even help children with their own jobs. Smile a lot.
Watch children respond. Once they
get over the suspicion that you're putting them on or rehearsing
for a part in some play, they will begin to mirror what they see
in you.
Teach your child the
value of relationships, not only with friends but with family.
This will increase their appreciation of close "blood"
relationships. During an evening meal every few months take the
time to reinforce the importance of having friends and being a
friend.
Foster and nourish the idea that
even though outside friends are very important, the best friends
they will ever have should be their brother or sister (as well
as his or her parents). Childhood friends will come and go, but
family members will last throughout life. Those friendships should
be nurtured and treated with care.
You could even try a private game
among family members. When one child is persecuting another or
arguing or calling names in a way that he would not think of doing
with a friend, have the persecuted child say the word friend,
which is a code word to the other child to back off and begin
treating him a little more like a friend. Although it may not
work at the moment, it will help to raise the awareness of what
they're doing. (The same game works for parents who talk to their
children in less than glowing terms, or vice versa.)
You could even suggest that when
a child is angry or being rude to another family member, an onlooking
child has a responsibility to walk up to the child being attacked,
put his arm around him, and say, "Don't talk that way to
one of my best friends."
Your Questions on Joy Schools
Before we end this month's update,
let us thank you for the interest expressed in Joy Schools from
last month's article. Several had questions about costs and about
how to set up a group, so here are a couple of paragraphs that
should answer most of the questions we received:
Joy Schools are well-established
(more than 100,000 parents and kids have participated) and truly
unique preschools. The central belief of Joy School is simply
that children, while in their most impressionable years, should
be taught life's most important thing, the various capacities
for joy. A related belief is that children suffer not from being
started in academic learning too late, but in starting too soon,
before they have a basis of social and emotional self-esteem.
Do-it-yourself Joy Schools involve
from three to six mothers who rotate as teacher, holding Joy School
in their homes twice a week and using the detailed lesson plans
from this site, which include all the music, stories, games, and
activities to learn and teach one kind of Joy each month.
The Joy School curriculum is built
around joy, with the philosophy that happy children become strong
students and well adjusted adults. For three and four year olds,
"J.Q." (Joy Quotient) is more important than I.Q. (Time
after time we are told by kindergarten and first grade teachers
that Joy School graduates do better in school than kids coming
out of pushy, early-academics preschools.)
And Joy School is cheap
(a major consideration in a world where preschools sometimes cost
$50 to $100. per week. Joy school moms pay less than $5 per week,
which covers all their materials — including highly detailed
lesson plans with colored stories and cut-outs and wonderful music
CDs for each lesson.
Click on this link
to get a free sample lesson plan, and then click
here to learn all about how joy school works and how to set
one up in your neighborhood.
Good luck with May's Meridian
Family Value of the month. See you in June, when the value will
be "Justice and Mercy."
Closing
Note: Many have asked if there are actual teaching tools to assist
parents in teaching the Meridian family value of the month to
their children. The Eyres have been involved with a series of
values-teaching CDs called Alexander's Amazing Adventures, which
give 5-14 year old children a vicarious (and dramatic) experience
with each month's value. By special arrangement, Meridian readers
who have been following this column and participating in the value
of the month can now receive, as a free gift, the HONESTY CD from
this series. Simply send a self-addressed, stamped 5 X 7 or 8
X 10 envelope (the padded ones are best) to the Eyres at 1098
Augusta Way, Salt Lake City, Utah, 84108 and they will send you
the gift CD. (You will need to put three regular stamps or postage
on your return envelope.) Please respond only if you are reading
and following the column, and please do not ask for more than
one copy of the CD. We hope this gift will help make the value-of-the-month
concept even more effective within your family.
