Week 3 of May: The Value of Kindness and Friendliness
In Connection with Richard and Linda Eyre

Editor's note:  This month of May the Meridian Family Value of the month is KINDNESS AND FRIENDLINESS.  Click here  to read this month's overview article). Each week during the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple of the Eyres' favorite methods for teaching This important value to each age group.  Remember that you can also go to http://www.valuesparenting.com/ for still more ideas and teaching methods.  Thanks for your interest and participation.  There are tens of thousands of parents concentrating on this value this month.  It is a way of saving this somewhat unkind and unfriendly society of ours ― one family at a time!  Send us your feedback, and if you want a free children's CD on the value of Honesty, see the instructions at the bottom of this article.

Methods for Preschoolers

Thumper’s Motto

Give small children a particular motto of friendliness that they can memorize and that you can use on them as a reminder or a guide. If possible, see Walt Disney’s Bambi. Watch for (and replay) Thumper’s little speech on “If you can’t say sumpthin’ nice, don’t say anythin’ at all.”

Have small children memorize that line. Explain to them that there really is no place for bad or unkind words — silence is better. But it is best to think of something nice to say.

When there is a problem, ask, “What is Thumper’s motto?” Let the child repeat it to you and tell him you expect him to follow it.

Story: The Real Hero

Telling this story will help small children consider the fact that being friendly and kind is better than being tough and strong. Paraphrase the basic story and expand on it in your own words:

Once there were two friends who lived in a place called Anywhere. As they grew up, they became very different from each other. One of them became huge and strong and developed superpowers. He became known as Muscle Man. The other became very friendly and kind but had no superpowers and all. He became known as Polite Man.

One year a group of aliens arrived in a spaceship from a far-distant  galaxy. The aliens landed and asked to be taken to the leader of Anywhere. They were taken to Muscle Man. Muscle Man, when he saw them, assumed they were bad aliens. He immediately tried to fight them using his strength to tie them up. But their powers were greater than Muscle Man’s, and they tied him up. Then they said, “This can’t be your leader. Take us to him.”

This time they were taken to Polite Man. He welcomed the aliens in a friendly way and asked if he could do anything for them. They thanked him and said they had been sent as the “friendly force” of the universe and told to bring all unfriendly or warlike people to the universe court to be locked up, but that they were simply to give greetings and best wishes to those who were already friendly and polite. They said that they were pleased that the town of Anywhere was led by a person like Polite Man.

Methods for Elementary School Age

Memorize

Remind children, on an ongoing basis, of this value. Learn the phrase, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Explain to older elementary-age children the difference between win-lose and win-win. Explain that winning in a discussion or personal conflict that causes another person to lose may not be good at all. (You can “win the battle but lose the war.”) When people are friendly and kind, a  solution can usually be found that makes both people happy.

The “Friend” Chart and Contest

This will help children concentrate on friendliness and new acquaintances during this month. Put up a blank chart in the kitchen with each family member’s name at the top of a separate vertical column. Have a contest to see who can meet the most new people during the month, writing the names in their column. The requirement is to learn to know the name plus an essential fact about a person they had not met before.

You can join the contest with the child or children and spruce up your own friend-making and conversation skills.

The Chain-Letter Comparison

Help children grasp the “chain reaction” nature of friendliness and kindness. If your child has participated in a chain letter, point out that one letter leads to so many more. Explain that friendliness is similar. When we are kind to a person, it is much more likely that that person will be kind to someone else. A similar comparison can be made (or demonstrated) with dominoes set up to create a chain reaction.

Methods for Adolescents

Smile, Ask, Listen

Help your children remember the three “keys to friendliness.” Ask them to remember the three words they all had to learn when they were small in order to cross streets safely (“stop, look, and listen”). Tell them that there is another simple three-word phrase that will help them to be automatically friendly and well liked.  The phrase is “smile, ask, and listen.” Talk about each word… how a smile brightens the day for those who give and receive the smile, how a question gets conversations started and lets the other person know you are interested in  him, and how really listening helps you learn about and know someone — and show him that you care.

Make “smile, ask, and listen” your family motto for this month. Exemplify it to your children and talk with them about it at every opportunity.

Learning from History

A brief discussion will help adolescents appreciate politeness and manners. At a dinner table or while driving or some other moment you are with your children, ask questions like: “Why do we do thing the way we do? Make cars or airplanes? Have traffic laws and speed limits? Make food according to recipes? Etc.”  Steer the conversation so that the answer to all these questions is “because it works.” After you have established the idea of learning from what has worked in the past rather than rediscovering everything by trail and error, ask the key question: “Why should we practice politeness and manners?” Make sure children understand that the answer is the same: “That they work.” People and societies have discovered the behavior that is best for everyone. These codes are called politeness and manners.

Remind Adolescents That in Order to Have a Friend, One Must Be a Friend

This will increase their daily awareness of friends and their needs. Thoughtful kindnesses such as taking ice cream  to a friend who has just had her wisdom teeth out or dropping off a little flower just before a big event in a friend’s life, are moments that will never be forgotten.

See you next week for more methods for all age groups.

Closing Note: Many have asked if there are actual teaching tools to assist parents in teaching the Meridian family value of the month to their children. The Eyres have been involved with a series of values-teaching CDs called Alexander's Amazing Adventures, which give 5-14 year old children a vicarious (and dramatic) experience with each month's value. By special arrangement, Meridian readers who have been following this column and participating in the value of the month can now receive, as a free gift, the HONESTY CD from this series.  Simply send a self-addressed, stamped 5 X 7 or 8 X 10 envelope (the padded ones are best) to the Eyres at 1098 Augusta Way, Salt Lake City, Utah, 84108 and they will send you the gift CD.  (You will need to put $0.87 [87cents] in stamps or postage on your return envelope.) Please respond only if you have been reading and following the column, and please do not ask for more than one copy of the CD.  We hope this gift will help make the value-of-the-month concept even more effective within your family.