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Week
4 of December: Fidelity and Chastity
In Connection with Richard
and Linda Eyre
 Editor’s Note: This
month the Meridian Family Value of the month is Fidelity and Chastity.
Click
here to read this month’s overview article). Each week during
the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple
of the Eyres’ favorite methods for teaching Fidelity
and Chastity to each age group. Remember that you can
also go to www.valuesparenting.com
for still more ideas and teaching methods. Thanks for your
interest and participation. There are tens of thousands of
parents concentrating on this value this month. Strength in
numbers!
Methods for Preschoolers
Teach Modesty by Example and Discussion
This
can help give small children a sense of pride but also of
protection of their bodies. Dress modestly even within the
home and take opportunities to mention that our bodies are
too wonderful and too special to be exposed to just anyone.
Be Generous with Your Physical Affection
This
gives children the security and commitment of touch and
helps prevent the “physical-affection starvation” that can
cause children, as they grow up, to look for physical attentions
from their peers. Hug and kiss and pat. Begin these habits
with tiny babies and continue through the preschool years.
Methods for Elementary School Age
Discussion of Movies, TV Shows, and so on
These
discussions can help older elementary-age children begin
to sense that sex is much more beautiful and pleasurable
when it is part of real love and commitment than when it
is mere experimentation or self-gratification. Watch for
an opportunity (which may come through a TV show or movie)
to point out that there are probably six broad reasons that
a man and woman or boy and girl would sleep together:
1.
Experimentation
(to try out sex, to see how it feels).
2.
Self-gratification
(a person does it because he wants pleasure for himself).
3.
Ego (a person
does it to prove that he can).
4.
Acceptance
(a person does it to “be like everyone else” or to keep
the other person from dropping or rejecting him or her).
5.
Love (a person
does it because he loves the other person and wants to give
pleasure).
6.
Love and
commitment (a person does it because it is a way of showing
not only love, but also commitment and trust and tenderness
to his or her partner).
Point
out that the first five reasons are not good ones because
they run a great risk of hurting others or hurting self.
Something as intimate as sex, when it is done for one of
the first four reasons, is almost sure to leave at least
one of the parties feeling guilty, or used, or selfish.
And of course, if a pregnancy is started or a disease spread,
the physical and emotional hurts get deeper and more couples.
Even the fifth reason can be a source of hurt (sometimes
the worst hurt of all) because bonds and feelings are formed
that are broken without commitment.
Methods for Adolescents
Offer Physical Affection in Family Settings — Particularly
Before Dates
This
will increase adolescents’ feelings of security and reduce
their needs for physical stimulation from dating partners.
Take the opportunity to give adolescents a warm hug or embrace
as they leave for a date. Tell them verbally that you love,
respect, and trust them. The physical hug often implants
and reinforces a sense of physical security that lessens
the need for physical contact on the date.
The Verbal Game: “What Helps, What Hurts?”
This
exercise helps review and put in perspective many of the
principles of this month’s value. Bring up various situations
where sexual activity can take place (in marriage, in early
dating, living together outside of marriage, in one-night
stands, etc.) and ask, for each situation, “Who is helped
by this? Who is or could be hurt by this?” let the discussion
flow and find opportunities to say what you think needs
to be said.
Discussion of Immoral and Amoral
This
will help your children be more sensitive to and amore aware
of the dangers of amoral messages in music and media.
At
an appropriate time, discuss the differences in the definitions
of the words immoral and amoral. Explain that immoral usually
refers to the breaking of laws or the violation of values;
it is wrong and it is acknowledged and recognized as wrong.
Amoral, on the other hand, means to be without reference
to right or wrong — not even to deal with the question of
right or wrong.
Explain
that evil or overt wrongdoing — in media or in real life
— is easy to see. But amorality — the ignoring of any question
about rightness or wrongness is very subtle. Amoral media
or music portrays acts that violate fidelity or other
“rightness” in flippant or light hearted ways, ignoring
the consequences or guilt or hurt that might result.
Give
examples.
Decide
as a family to watch for amorality and to be able to identify and
discuss it together.
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Meridian Magazine.
All Rights Reserved.
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