Methods for Preschoolers

Set Bedtime and Wake-up Times

Help your small children  get the feeling of being “on time” and of having their minds “stronger” than their bodies. Set definite bedtimes for preschoolers. Help them learn  to tell time (or at least know when the little hand is pointing at the seven,  etc.) and challenge them to notice when it is bedtime and to discipline themselves to be in bed on time (you  will still have to remind them, of course). Tell them that if they are big enough to get into bed on time, they deserve an alarm clock to get up on time with. See if they can wake up, turn on their alarm, and get to breakfast on time. Give lavish praise when they do.

Methods for Elementary School Age

The Family Bank

A family bank (a large wooden box with a lock and a slot in the top for deposits works well) is a great teacher of frugality and discipline, especially if it pays high interest. Let children spend their own money, but explain to them the rewards and growth of disciplined saving. On Saturday “payday,” encourage children to put a percentage of their pay into the family bank so that they can earn interest and save up for a major purchase such as their education. Calculate interest and add it to their account quarterly. Give older elementary children an old checkbook and check register so that they can withdraw or deposit money to the family bank (and can learn the financial process and procedures of money management). When they are twelve, let them open a real checking account at a bank with their own money, with you as a cosigner.

The “Choose the M of the A” Game

This game teaches older elementary school children the fact that some things are okay in moderation but bad in excess, while other things are bad in any quantity of form. Make up, on three plain sheets of paper, a large M for “moderation,” a large A for “avoid” or “abstain,” and a large N.:L. for “no limit” (describe and define the words). Then explain that you are going to go through a list of things and you want them to pick one of the three signs for each of the items you are going to mention. Then go through the following list, adding items of your own and stopping to discuss or ask questions about any on which the answer is not clear.

Eating (M)
Taking Drugs (A)
Reading (NL)
Exercising (M)
Watching TV (M)
Caring for others (NL)
Name-calling (A)
Smiling (NL)
Drinking alcohol (A)
Drinking before driving (A)
Playing at friends’ houses (M)

Memorizing

Plant the concepts of discipline and moderation deeper into your children’s subconscious by having them memorize short phrases. We use two that are easy to memorize and important to remember. Both can be put on signs and though about frequently during this month.

One is “Do it” or “Do it now.” The other is “Mind over mattress.” Use one to overcome laziness or procrastination and the other to get up early for music practice, homework, or brief family meetings before people go their separate ways. (With older elementary age children you might want to discuss some modifications of the second phrase: “Mind over menu,” “Mind over muscle,” “Mind over matter.”)

Methods for Adolescents

The Extension of the M, A and NL Game

With this game we generate discussion with adolescents about moderation and self-control. Expand the elementary-age method of choosing the M or the A and include items like “staying out until curfew,” “dating the same person,” and any other issues in your current life with teenagers.

Decisions in Advance

This is a way to assist your children in making correct choices clearly and objectively rather than emotionally and erratically. A great many undisciplined and disastrous teenage decisions are made on the spur of the moment, yet their results can last a lifetime. Help your kids actually think though in advance some of the decisions you can predict they will have to make over the next few years. For example, think though with them (verbally) a situation in which they might feel considerable peer pressure to try drugs, to get drunk, to become sexually involved. Be specific in actually describing scenarios and ask them to be specific in mentally rehearsing exactly what they would say and do in those situations.

Suggest that your child actually make a list (in a private place ― perhaps in the back of his journal or diary) of the decisions he has made in advance (e.g., not to do drugs or dink, not to become sexually involved, to finish high school and stay academically on course for college).

These advance decisions, thought through with your help and recorded with real intent in a teenage journal, can be remarkably effective safeguards and “route markers” for the right path of discipline and moderation.