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“All Girls are Princesses”
By
Steve and Claudia Goodman
When
the orphanage director openly ridicules Sarah for claiming she is
a princess in the movie “The Little Princess,” she responds, “I
am a princess. All girls are—even if they live in tiny old
attics, even if they aren’t pretty or smart or young. We’re still
princesses, all of us. Didn’t your father ever tell you that?
Didn’t he?” In today’s sophisticated, materialistic world, it is
easy to lose sight of the divine calling of women and the respect
that is due every daughter of God.
Recently
our sixteen-year-old daughter had dates with two different LDS boys.
On the first, the young man made it a point to tell us as parents
when he would have our daughter home and what they were planning
to do. He helped her into the car, complimented her on how beautiful
she looked, and made sure she had an enjoyable evening. When the
group began inventing nicknames for each other, someone suggested
“airhead” for our daughter, but he quickly responded, “No, she’s
not an airhead. She’s sweet.” He escorted her home afterward and
left her feeling that she was very special.
The
following week she went with the other young man. We almost had
to pry out of him where they were going and when they would be back.
One member of their group lit a breadstick on fire in the car as
they sped through the neighborhood considerably over the speed limit.
At her date’s home they pulled out a questionable movie, and when
our daughter said she wasn’t allowed to watch it, they grumbled
loudly and teased her about having to view a Disney movie instead.
They egged on some drunks they encountered as they got into their
car. She breathed a sigh of relief when she finally arrived home
rattled but in one piece.
Both
dates were supposedly with fine LDS boys. What was the difference?
One of them had been taught to respect and safeguard womanhood and
the other hadn’t. Unless we are diligent in teaching our children,
they will fail to grasp that vision. The world certainly does not
provide it. Our children’s examples must come primarily from the
home.
Parents
Teach By Example
It
goes without saying that example is the most powerful teaching tool
to provide the image of what a woman should be. There’s a quote
that says, “Children are great mimics. They follow the example
of their parents, despite their best efforts to teach them otherwise.”
Patterns are set when children are very young. If we do not provide
the proper example for our children to safeguard womanhood, they
will probably absorb their values from outside sources. We need
only consider the attitude of the world for a moment to realize
how detrimental that would be.
Fathers
can set a powerful example for their children. Simple comments
such as, “You look so pretty.” “I think you’re the best mom!”
and “I just love being with you!” can make a woman’s day. Our son-in-law
Slate used to always say, “Thank you for this lovely dinner,” at
the end of each meal. Now his children say it before he has a chance.
What a great tradition to pass on to them.
Simple
actions can convey a world of meaning. As our children grew up,
my husband not only gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day, but he
also gave each of our seven girls a long stemmed rose in a small
vase. It made them feel very special. He still opens the car door
for me, and if he can’t for some reason, he asks one of our boys,
“Will you please open the door for your mother?” thus teaching them
that same respect. He has never allowed any of the children to
speak disrespectfully to me or about me. One of our daughters mentioned
that she has never once heard him raise his voice with me. There
are so many ways to express love and respect, and each family will
find its own unique ways to honor womanhood.
Teach
Daughters to Value Femininity
Besides
setting an example for our children, we can make a conscious effort
to teach our daughters to treasure an almost forgotten quality—femininity.
There is an irresistible charm when women possess it. Little girls
are naturally feminine as they dance uninhibited around the room
in frilly dresses, their curls flying, or gently sing their dolls
to sleep. Their sweet tenderness and innocence is charming. Contrast
their actions with the cold, calculating behavior of children seen
on TV, who respond sarcastically with adult humor to every comment
made to them. This stereotype is foreign to the way children naturally
are.
I
recently watched a young woman preparing to go to Prom. She said,
“I want a Cinderella dress that twirls way out.” Since buying one
was out of the question, financially her mother arranged to have
someone make it. Her appearance, with her long hair curling in
cascades and laced with flowers took everyone’s breath away. All
night people interrupted their dancing to say, “Your date is the
prettiest one here. She looks like Cinderella.” Everyone was captivated
by her. Perhaps they didn’t realize, though, that the thing that
truly made her beautiful was more than the dress or the hairdo.
She would have been beautiful in blue jeans and a T-shirt—because
she possessed true femininity. One observer described her thus:
“There’s a glow about her I can’t describe…it’s a sweetness, an
innocence. I know what it is. She is absolutely pure.” Girls
need to understand that it’s okay for them to be sweet, tender,
and beautiful. After all, they are princesses.
Teach
Daughters the Ideals of Motherhood
In
a world where the role of mother is scoffed at and even ridiculed,
it is vital that we paint a bright picture of motherhood, not only
for our daughters, but also for our sons. They need to understand
what a privilege and joy it is to be a mother.
When
our daughter Christy became pregnant with her first child, she notified
the school where she was teaching that she would not return in the
fall. The principal was appalled and commented, “That is such a
waste of your talent to stay at home!”
Christy
replied, “I’ll use it on our son.”
While
there are definitely times when it is not only necessary, but right
for a mother to work outside the home, it is so vital that we teach
our children what a privilege it is to stay home and raise the children.
When I was young, it was almost unheard-of for mothers to work.
Now it is becoming almost unheard-of for them to stay at home.
There seems to be a prevailing attitude that families just can’t
make it unless both parents work.
One
of our daughter’s friends grew up in a home where her mother had
always worked, so she followed the pattern that was set for her.
Then several months after her first baby was born, she lost her
job. As she stayed home, her eyes were open to how critical it
was for her to be there for her children. It had never occurred
to her before that she could stay home. Together she and
her husband trimmed back their expenses so they could make ends
meet on his salary. They have never regretted their decision.
I
have always told my daughters, “The most important day to be with
your child is Day 1, and the second-most important day is Day 2,
and so on.” How easy it is to rationalize that when the children
are young they won’t miss us. We’ll quit work when they are a little
older. That might be too late. So many ties are made, so many
values shaped, so many beliefs formed when children are very tiny.
Do we really want to miss being a part of molding a life?
Teaching
children from birth about the importance of the mother being in
the home helps shape their goals for the future. Our daughter Melissa
tells her little children, “Some mommies do have to work, and that’s
right for them. But I’m so lucky I can stay home. It’s worth not
buying so many things so that I am with you instead.” She further
explains that when David grows up he is going to work like Daddy,
so that his wife can stay home and tend the children. Little Bresciana
wants to be an astronaut, but she plans to do that before she becomes
a mom, so she can stay at home.
Yes,
we understand that circumstances sometimes make it necessary for
mothers to work outside the home, and in those cases we know that
the Lord will bless them and meet every critical need. But in many
cases, we can be home for our children if we are willing
to make the necessary sacrifices. Sometimes the father can take
an extra job or expenses can be cut.
We
watched one of our daughters and her husband turn down a house that
they qualified to buy, because they knew it would strap them a little.
They finally found a more modest one in an older neighborhood that
fit their budget better. How their love and closeness grew as they
saved and worked together with their children to fix it up. There
is such a beautiful spirit in their home. No one feels deprived
because they live on one income. Our children really don’t want
more things—they simply want more of us. The material blessings
will wear our and be discarded, but the memories we make with our
children will last forever. Let us firmly plant in the hearts of
our daughters the ideals of motherhood and the indescribable joy
it brings.
As
we paint a beautiful picture of motherhood for our daughters from
birth, they will come to value the things that are truly important,
just as Sister Marjorie Hinckley did:
“I
don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car,
wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed,
and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive
up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids
to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes
from mowing Sister Schenk’s lawn. I want to be there with a smudge
of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s
children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails
from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with
children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend
on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that
I really lived.”
Teach
Sons to Lighten the Load at Home
Boys
are often made to feel that certain chores are “women’s work.”
One of the most valuable things we can teach our children is to
help out around the house, and that it is everyone’s responsibility,
not just the girls’. It doesn’t matter so much what they do, as
long as they do their part in their own way. For example, my husband
has always vacuumed the floors and done the dishes for me without
asking—just like his father did. It’s a happy day for us when our
son-in-law Eric comes to town, because he fixes everything that
is broken and adds improvements to the house. When Paul comes,
all our computers run in tip top shape, and Aimee receives expert
help on chemistry projects.
On
the other side of things, many women tend to criticize their husbands
and sons for not helping out, when in reality they are doing a lot
to help—just in different areas than their wives expect. Some men
may never change the baby’s diaper, yet they will spend hours taking
a young son on a fishing trip. Before women become too critical,
they might want to take a closer look at what their husbands are
doing, instead of what they are not doing. They may decide
they like their husband’s choices better than those they would have
dictated.
Teach
Sons to Protect and Respect Women
An
unfolding rose is one of the most beautiful of all flowers, yet
it is incredibly fragile. While wildflowers can survive for hours
without water, a rose wilts in minutes. In order for it to achieve
its fullest potential, it needs devoted attention and protection.
A young girl is much the same. If she is to achieve the height
of womanhood, she needs shelter from the harsh world around her.
The
members of our daughter’s choir class were signing up for tickets
to a play that contained some questionable dialog. Before she could
say a word of protest, several of the boys insisted, “You can’t
see that play. You’re not going.” Innately they sensed her need
to be protected from anything the least bit unworthy.
Our
sons can be taught politeness for women and girls from the time
they are young. They can be trained to open the doors to cars and
buildings and to let women enter first. They can be taught to stand
when women enter the room. They can be taught to use respectful
language in front of them. Girls should be taught to earn that
respect, but boys can be trained to respect all women, young and
old, simply because they are women.
Every
woman needs a chance to blossom and become all she can be. President
and Sister Hinckley are beautiful examples of what a woman can become
with a man’s support. Sister Hinckley explained, “My husband always
let me do my own thing. He never insisted that I do anything his
way or any way for that matter. From the very beginning he gave
me space and let me fly.” Pres. Hinckley commented that he likes
to “Get out of her way and marvel at what she does.” (Ensign, Oct.
2003, p.22, “At Home with the Hinckleys”) What a perfect pattern
of freedom for all of us. We can all see the incredible result
of this practice.
Remember,
All Girls are Princesses
Women
are daughters of a Heavenly King, and as such are entitled to royal
treatment. As they are honored in a manner suited to their noble
birthright, they will be given the best opportunity to blossom and
fulfill their divine potential.
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