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Family Reunion
Fun!
by
Claudia Goodman
I'll never forget
the first Dayton Family Reunion we held a few years after I was
married. Since most of my seven brothers and sisters loved boating
and water skiing, we all gathered at Lake Powell for a week of family
fun. We had fond memories of many enjoyable vacations in that beautiful
place. However, we soon discovered that there were some unanticipated
hitches. For one thing, several of us were now married. A few of
our spouses had never water skied before, while some of my brothers
and sisters were so advanced that they were building pyramids on
slalom skis.
One of the biggest
challenges was the large number of small children we now had. There
was only room for a few people at a time on the boat. It was a nightmare
trying to keep crawling babies out of the water and off the hot
sand, as we shook scorpions from the shoes and tried in vain to
keep our babies out of the blistering sun. The days dragged on,
and by the fourth day I didn't know how I was going to get through
the week. By the time the reunion was over, I was totally exhausted.
It was not fun.
That experience
could have left most of our family convinced that they would never
attend another family reunion. But thanks to the humility, insight,
and pure love of my parents, our reunions blossomed from that rocky
beginning. They called each of us individually and listened carefully
to our input. Then they modified a few things to help our reunions
succeed. Now some thirty years later, we have had ongoing family
reunions that we all have loved and still look forward to eagerly.
Following is
a list of general guidelines that have helped our family have successful
reunions. This list is not exhaustive by any means. Undoubtedly
you will want to modify some of these suggestions in order to fit
your family's needs. Simply use these ideas as a springboard to
create your own exciting family reunions.
#1:
Respect Times and Seasons
The
biggest problem with our first Lake Powell reunion was that we hadn't
realized that we were in a different season of our lives. We had
loved spending a week water skiing when all of us were teenagers,
but such a trip just isn't practical for tiny children. It doesn't
accommodate their needs. It is important to take into consideration
who will be attending the reunion. Do you have many small children
and babies? Are any of the mothers pregnant? Will there be many
older people? Handicapped? Teenagers? Etc. Activities need to be
planned accordingly.
One thing we
learned is that everyone needs a certain amount of personal space--and
some people need more than others (including me). I find that I
can go along with someone else's schedule just fine for about three
days, but after that I need some time to myself to regroup. Some
people who are very easy-going can go with the flow a little longer,
but you are sure to end up with a few people in every family who
really can't enjoy being with a large crowd for more than three
days without getting up-tight. In-laws are especially susceptible,
because after all, they didn't grow up in this family. We found
that in a family reunion consisting of parents, children, and grandchildren
where more than two families are present, three days is the absolute
maximum for the reunion. After that, certain individuals--especially
those with small children--are going to start getting antsy. It's
better to quit while people are still eager for more than after
they have had too much. For extended family reunions where many
people don't know each other, one day is plenty long.
We also found
that it was much more reasonable to hold family reunions every other
year. After all, each married child not only has his own family
reunion to attend, but hopefully also his spouse's. In addition,
it is important for each family to have their own family vacation
time as well. As our married children spread out, cost and distance
also became factors. We have held our reunions every other year
for decades now, and it works great.
#2:
Remember Pacing
"Variety is the spice of life." Above all, a reunion should
be fun! If no one has a good time, they won't be returning. Through
trial and error we discovered the importance of including structured
time balanced with free time. We found that if we merely had lots
of fun things to do, such as swimming, hiking, games, etc., that
after a few hours people got tired of them. It was more of the same
every day. On the other hand, if there were structured activities
planned every minute, there was no time to relax and talk or finish
a project. Having a group activity scheduled for morning, afternoon,
and evening, with plenty of free time left over to pursue other
options is usually a good combination. It also helps if there are
things available to do. A swimming pool, river, or lake with water
activities is especially attractive to most people.
For example,
we held one family reunion at a lake resort. One morning we played
water baseball. In the afternoon we visited a nearby historical
site. That evening we held family Olympics. In between, people went
boating on the lake, swimming, played volleyball on the lawn, and
board games inside the lodge. Everyone was happy because they didn't
have to spend the entire time trying to figure out what to do; yet
they had the freedom to make some choices on their own.
#3:
Include Activities that Build
A family reunion should be more than just a fun vacation.
If one family gets together with another, they can casually plan
out one day at a time and do whatever they feel like, but at a reunion
you are dealing with several different families, each with its own
distinct personality. The purpose is to help people who may not
get to see each other very often develop meaningful relationships.
Activities should be planned accordingly. Watching a show or going
shopping may not deepen friendships nearly as effectively as playing
interactive games or participating in family programs.
We also try
to include at least one activity that centers on our ancestors,
so that the younger generation can get to know them. Sometimes those
in charge dress up like the great-great-great grandparents and tell
their story in first person. On one reunion we took a driving tour
of Magna and Salt Lake City, Utah where my parents grew up and met
each other. They recorded experiences that happened to them at different
locations. We all loaded in cars and drove around to see where the
different events took place as we listened to them on tape. Another
time all the adults went to the temple together and did the work
for some relatives that one of our sisters had researched. It was
really a bonding experience. The sky is the limit on creative presentations.
The important thing is to "remember our fathers," as the Book of
Mormon so often reminds us, and make them live in the hearts of
our children.
Family reunions
are also an ideal time to strengthen testimonies. It's so important
to remember the pacing and not try to make the whole reunion spiritual.
It gets too heavy that way--like ten desserts one on top of the
other. Most of the reunion needs to be fun. Then a spiritual activity
one afternoon or evening can be powerful. I'll never forget one
evening when my husband's parents who had just returned as mission
presidents bore their testimonies. As Steve's mom looked the young
girls in the eye and testified to them the power of sister missionaries,
she had an impact on our daughters that cannot be measured.
At another reunion
we related experiences too sacred to be shared outside a family
setting involving experiences with loved ones beyond the veil. I
hadn't realized there were so many just within our own family. The
meeting was supposed to be about forty-five minutes but stretched
to over two hours. No one wanted to leave. I was worried that the
teenagers and younger children would be restless, but they sat spellbound.
After the meeting I assumed that the teenagers would want to do
something fun and active. But when I tried to locate them later,
I found them all in one room, huddled around the TV watching the
video of our three young children's funeral. They were hungry for
more.
While we need
to make most of the reunion fun, we are throwing away a golden opportunity
if we do not capitalize on this chance to share with our closest
friends our roots and our testimonies.
#4:
Rejoice in the Differences
It is so easy at a family reunion to start focusing on
the differences. Children in the same family go such unique directions
after they are married. We must make sure that these differences
do not divide us but unite us. One thing my parents did was assign
a different family to be in charge of each reunion. We have held
reunions in the mountains of Utah, a beach in California, the beautiful
forests of Washington, and a lake in upstate New York, to mention
just a few. Each reunion reflects the wonderful ideas of the family
who plans it and makes us feel closer to them. Of course many activities
are delegated out, which makes everyone feel a part of things. But
each family has so many unique ideas. I feel that we have truly
feasted on the best from each family. If the same person does it
every time, we can really get in a rut, because no one has all the
great ideas.
We have found
at reunions that it is important to keep emphasizing how much our
differences round out our family as each of us brings different
talents to add to the strength of our entire family. We must teach
our children to rejoice in those differences so that we are not
threatened by them.
#5:
Make the Sacrifice
I think Satan knows we are doing something very important
when we attempt to hold a family reunion, and he pulls out all the
stops. I don't ever remember a family reunion that was easy to get
to. Even if it was nearby, it seemed that things always came up
to make it very hard to attend.
About eighteen
years ago my husband Steve and I were in Washington D.C. visiting
with my sister's family. They were in charge of the family reunion
that year and asked us if we were planning to come. We explained
to them how much we would love to come, but that we had some very
important things scheduled during that time (I haven't the slightest
idea what they were now) that would make it impossible for us to
be there.
Two weeks later
a big package came in the mail. It was a carry-on suitcase from
my sister with a note that said, "See you at the Reunion!" We were
smitten in our hearts, and as we thought and prayed about it, we
knew we had to go. We didn't know how we could rearrange our schedule,
but we were determined, and somehow we made it. At that time we
learned that family reunions--or any other family event, for that
matter--almost always require great personal sacrifice. Is it worth
all the effort? Let me answer with an experience.
#6:
Reap the Rewards
Two family reunions ago my youngest sister Mary's family
were living back East and had a brand new baby. They planned a trip
to Utah to attend both of their family reunions--they had missed
them when they lived in Germany for four years. They told everyone
when it would be most convenient for them, but unfortunately, the
Dayton family reunion couldn't be held until the week after they
were to return home. At first Steve and Mary didn't think they could
stay an extra week. It seemed impossible, but after much deliberation
and prayer, they determined to make the sacrifice and come to the
reunion.
We sent our
two youngest girls, LeAnne and Aimee, out to the reunion early with
Grandma and Grandpa, so they could spend time with their cousins
Erin and Amber in California. Steve and Mary's family drove out
with us from Utah in a motor home. In both cases, cousins spent
hours and hours together, one on one. Little did they know that
they were playing with David, Peter, and LeAnne for the last time
in this life. Four months later they died in a car crash. In the
eternal scheme of things, some experiences are timeless--and priceless.
Amber got baptized
about a year later. She was petrified of water, but as she left
the font, she told her mother that LeAnne had been there with her.
If they hadn't spent that time together at the reunion, would that
experience have happened?
At crucial times--when
my younger brother and sister died, when children leave on missions,
when someone is critically ill, when we had our accident--the very
first place you turn is to the family members you are close to.
There's no time then to develop relationships. You have what you
have taken the time to nurture. There are some things that make
attendance at a family reunion impossible, but we have learned over
the years that genuine sacrifice always plays an integral part.
And maybe there's purpose in it. We come to love most those things
we pay the highest price for.
Our last family
reunion was held again at Lake Powell. Thirty years later our reunions
had come full circle. This time the reunion went much more smoothly.
There were not so many little children, for one thing. But more
importantly, we had learned a few things. Probably the most important
is that family reunions are seldom perfect. But part of the challenge
is overlooking the weaknesses and focusing on the strengths. By
so doing and by using the steps outlined above, we can build deep
bonds of love that will take us through all the storms of life hand
in hand with our family.
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