M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Can't Do It All At Once
by the Goodman Family

We live in a world of instant success-instant breakfast, instant mashed potatoes, instant playback, instant weight loss, instant relief, and instant winners. But with all these things at our fingertips, no one has ever created an instant family.

People often ask us how to build a strong family. Would you like to know the secret? There really isn't one! When we first got married, we had twelve theories of how to raise children, and no children. Now we have twelve children and no theories!

Over the years, however, we have discovered that although we can't have instant families, we can still build strong families-little by little. We just can't do it all at once. Lasting things take time. And perhaps, after all, it's the little things we do day by day that make the big differences anyway: Dad waltzing around the kitchen with a teenage daughter who needs a temporary prince charming to heal a broken heart. A quick-fix and delivery to school by Mom on a class project that didn't quite get finished the night before. "Good Luck" signs plastered all over a bedroom by brothers and sisters the night before an older brother's critical exam. A child's call to grandma sharing the ecstasy of a successful toilet training experience.

Claudia (the mother): Years ago I stood on the threshold of parenthood with apprehension clouding my anticipation. I asked my mother, "How can you raise children without making serious mistakes? I'm afraid I might ruin my kids."

My mother smiled thoughtfully and replied, "Oh, you'll make lots of mistakes, because you've never been a parent before. You're learning right along with the children. But the most important thing is something surprisingly simple. Just make sure they know you love them. If they know that, they can forgive your mistakes and overlook the times you are not at your best-and you can forgive them as well."

Mark (eighteen-year-old son): One of my earliest memories happened when I was four or five. I have a September birthday, so when all my friends went to kindergarten that year, I didn't get to go, because I missed the deadline. I was really disappointed. One day while we were in the car, my mom told me that she was so glad I got to stay home with her for another year. She doesn't even remember telling me that, but it meant the world to me. I realized my mom loved me and that I was important.

Years later when I was sixteen, I was driving our van to Arizona with my mom and two sisters. We hit a bad spot on the pavement, and I rolled the van. My little sister's head was cut, and she had blood all over her face. The first thing she said was, "Mark, Mark, it's okay. Please don't feel bad." But I did feel bad. The van was totaled, Aimee had to have nine staples in her head, and my mom had a bruised rib. I felt like it was all my fault. I kept thinking to myself, "What could I have done differently?"

After we were treated at the local hospital, someone we didn't even know offered to let us stay in her home overnight. When things settled down, Mom and I went for a walk. Mom put her arm around me and said, "Mark, it was an accident, and accidents happen. You were going the speed limit, and you were driving carefully. You did the best you could. The Lord doesn't spare us from all our problems, but He did intervene enough to save our lives. The car is just a car. What's important is that we're all right."

My dad called and said the same thing. He also told me that I could learn from the experience that Heavenly Father loves me. I learned another lesson, too, that he didn't mention. I learned how much my parents love me, and that means the world to me.

Little Things
Little things? Maybe. But they shape our lives. It has been said, "A mother's intuition is the purest form of revelation." When we listen to the inspiration that comes to us as mothers, fathers, grandparents, and children, we discover the little things that strengthen our families.

This column will explore ideas to help us build Zion homes by capitalizing on those little things. Our family will draw on our experiences over the past thirty years in rearing twelve children, five of whom are now married. We also invite your comments and stories, for "out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

FUTURE TOPICS:

February: Rekindling Love.Again and Again

March: Unleashing Imagination

April: Grandparents' Legacy of Love

May: Being on the Same Team

June: Talk About It

July: Take It as a Compliment

August: Alternatives to Pushing a Rope

September: Adding More Hours to the Day

October: Time Out-for Yourself!

November: Friday Night Fun for Kids

December: Turn Your Mirror into a Window

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