Many Kids Simply Avoid School Dances

We live in an area of Northern California that is known for its very liberal attitudes, but a few years back, the so-called "dirty dancing" became an issue with several schools in the area. At that time, one of the school principals cancelled all of the schools dances for a year as a way of telling the students they had a no-tolerance policy for that kind of behavior. Other principals took a similar stance, but that was a few years ago and since we have no children in the public schools any longer, we haven't kept tabs on what goes on.

Many of the stakes in our area have their own proms where modest dress is required, lights are dim but not so dark dancers can't be seen, and there is a standard of behavior that is enforced. I think many of our kids who care about the environment where they go to have fun simply avoid school dances.

--Gail Wasden
Petaluma, California

Proud Of Our Daughter’s Choices

I read your article with interest as the issue of our eighth grade daughter attending a dinner and dance just came up for us. We live in a rural area in central New York. There was plenty of supervision at this event and formal wear usually worn to proms was banned. That was not the main issue as far as we saw it. The issue was the fact that youth in the church are not allowed to attend youth activities that include dances until they are 14, and our daughter is only 13. We were in a quandary as to what to do, so we asked her to pray about it and we did likewise. We decided that perhaps if we were allowed to chaperone the event, we would allow her to go. Then, when the school refused to allow us to be there, we were not going to allow her to go.

My husband brought up this topic at a stake youth leader meeting and all of them said the same thing, that they felt the church standards of not attending dances until the age of 14 also includes non-church dances. A counselor in the stake presidency suggested that we might let her attend the dinner part and not the dance part, and that is what we did. Still, she said she did not like the immodest dresses some of the girls were wearing. The dance part started earlier than scheduled, and we were proud of our daughter for not participating even though many of her peers tried to pressure her into dancing "just one dance" before we arrived to pick her up. She opted to take pictures of her friends instead and had a wonderful time.

Her dad and Ihad not even thought to ask her about the way they were dancing and I am glad you brought this up. I agree that even if we boycott these events, we must be more involved in supporting the school staff to make our schools moral and safe for our children. Even out here in the sticks, the youth culture seeps into our schools. It can be a daunting thing to see a preview of what is coming because whatever is happening in large urban schools eventually makes its way to the rural areas as well. It is no wonder that so many families opt for homeschooling.
Thanks for being our watch dog.

—Sonia Francisco
New York

If Schools Want to Solve Problems They Will Be Solved

I have been in a simliar situation. I went back stage to pick up my son, at our high school play. The boys and girls were ALL in the same dressing room together, with one girl standing around in her bra and underpants. I dragged my 14 yr old son out of there, and immediately complained to a few students standing there. They said to me--'but we have no place to change quickly because of some construction'. They looked at me, and realized their mistake. You see, I am a local theater director in the community, and many of them have been in my plays. I quickly responded, 'BALONEY! You KNOW that I would have never allowed that, and would have set up strict rules about who dresses where, and set up stations for everyone!!' I then talked to one of the teacher advisors, who didn't know that was happening. I, THEN, wrote a letter to the Principal, about how inappropriate that was, and gave him my credentials so he couldn't say, 'oh, she doesn't know how crazy backstage theater antics are'. Then I told him HOW to solve space issues. Then I told him that I felt that it was totally inappropriate for my 14 year old son, to be unwillingly forced to watch girls prance around in their underwear. The results? My letter was totally ignored, or even acknowledged.

Bottom line: If schools WANT to solve problems they will be solved.
If they don't want to bother, they won't.

--Marilee Alexander
Boston, Massachusetts

Do Something about Dirty Dancing

I enjoyed your article. I live in Meridian, Idaho, and unfortunately dirty dancing happens at our school dances also. This year for prom, as the students bought their tickets, they had to sign a pledge that they would not participate in dirty dancing. If they were caught dancing in that manner, they were removed from the dance. I don’t know if it kept students from attending, but my daughter didn’t make any comments on the dancing.

Our high school choir also sings songs about God and Christ so maybe we can’t compare our experience with yours, but you’re absolutely right, don’t throw your hands up in the air and say “The sky is falling!” Do something about it!

--Mary Jane Helms
Meridian, Idaho

The Principal Can Make a Difference

The principal can stand up and make a difference. People will come to support him. The principal in the article on dirty dancing was nothing but a big weenie. We had a similar problem at the local high school. The principal demanded changes and when the students didn’t take it seriously he cancelled all the dances (http://www.thelemooreadvance.com/articles/2005/02/02/news/news4.txt).

Some parents were enraged, but the vast majority of folks stood up. The students eventually came together and fixed the problem in order to get their dances back. All it took was one man willing to stand up for what was right. The controversy went nationwide and was even featured on MTV. So, ask your school’s principal to stand up and do what he knows is right.
--Jason Orton
Stratford, Calif.

High School Takes A Stand Against Dirty Dancing

Prairie High School in Vancouver, Wash., finally made a stand, even threatening to cancel prom. I haven't heard if they held it or not.

Links:
www.kgw.com/neighborhood/vancouver/stories/kgw_120208_news_vancouver_dirty_dancing.2589d737.html
and
http://abcnews.go.com/m/screen?id=6402850&pid=81.

Sallie Nielson
-Vancouver, Wash.

Stand Up For What Is Right

As a "real" club/radio/mixDJ with experienceexpanding well over 23 plus years, I have been on both sides of the fence and can tell you we as a culture have been headed down a very dark and dangerous road for quite some time.

I had written you before telling you that I walked away from corporate/top 40 radio and clubs at the peak of my careerapproximately six years ago due to my own moral compass. However,I was approached two years ago by a new station with a new format consisting of older "fun"hits. I told them I would be involved as long as I was able to keep my unique mix shows "clean.” They agreed and the ratings, despite almost no promotion budget, were phenomenal and for the most part kept the station alive because those ratings were the highest of anytime of the day.

Recently I have watched a national trend of this format either shut down or completely change to "current" pop hits which if one investigates even just the top 10 songs of current CHR, a conservative/Christian would be sickened to find out how vile and disgusting the lyrics, musicand videos have become. This is scary due to the fact this format pulled many 25 and olderparents back into "party radio" only to tell them that the old fun stuff isn't cool anymore and we must all support today's pop music filled with violence and pornography. The industry is lying to people in hopes to send them down that dark path.

As you might have guessed already, I endedup quitting again. I told them it was a blessing to have had the opportunity to play to thousands of people, maybe even millions in club and on air. I believe that I have an obligation to do the best I can to lead the children of God in the right direction.When my hands become tied due to management and playlists, then it is time to walk away and tell people why.

The reason why I tell you about the radio business and experience is because in your article you mention that educators feel their hands are tied. I disagree because this problem is not just a school problem. It is society’s problem. It is in our popular movies, music and widely accepted lifestyles. It is the fact that we don’t see parents and neighbors picketing radio stations disgusted with the filththat is being taught to our children through so called "popular music.” It isupon the shoulders of church leaders who believe it is better to have evil music fill the cultural halls of our stakes than to have the children be elsewhere. It is the fault of LDS artists and those who could fund the artists in the fact that instead of following the top 40 playlists over the years to ensure success, they should have been in the process of creating their own danceable music.

I find it worrisome when other Christian denominations hold clean dances and Gospel and Christian music is only allowed but when I think of the true church, my heart aches when I walk into a stake house or onto BYU campus only to find evil music edited. What is wrong with this picture?

If a school board cannot hold a clean dance without complaints from the children then I say don’t have dances. Tell the children why and be an example. We count on our teachers, leaders and parents to lead and guide and direct the youth so that one day they will do the same.

I have two Web sites that I wish were more professional in their delivery, but nonetheless are up and running. One site is aimed at LDS youth and shows lyrics from pop music and focuses on the “Strength of Youth” pamphlets. The other was recently created after I left radio to fill a void for inquiring listeners who wanted to still be able to download my mixes. I am posting mixes that are available for download or just to listen to. They are all clean and fun without being too cheesy or not in touch with the youth.

Thanks for all you do. I love your magazine and love your stand on morality even more.

-Shawn Phillips

Principals Need To Take Action

Last year our local high school principal was so dismayed at the dirty dancing she witnessed at one of the early or mid-year dances, she canceled the big end-of-year prom. She had warned the kids, but they took no heed, so she canceled all dances for the rest of the year. Why can’t your principal do that? Dances are not required activities. Our principal gained some credibility when she took action.

-Kristen Jenson
Bothell, Washington

Watch the Movie “Footloose”

I just read the article about dirty dancing. I understand the plea for higher standards. It reminds me a little of trying to watch the NBA basketball playoffs without seeing the girls "dancing" with practically no clothes on. These kids learn dancing from far more than rated "R" movies. Contact your sport teams too to let them know you'd like to watch a game without the filth.

The only other thing I want to recommend iswatching again the movie “Footloose.” So much of what we do needs to be done in love or else we risk the very real threat of pushing them to be worse than they would if they had nothing to push against.

-Jenn Moore

We Must Band Together For Our Children’s Sakes

Things are so bad in N.C. that my daughter had a terrible time at the prom. She and my younger daughter are involved in a professional theater in our town and during “Footloose,” the teens would get together after rehearsals and dance so dirty that my two girls would leave and essentially had no friends for the show, and they see all of this while homeschooling.

Parents everywhere need to take a stand. I feel blessed to be homeschooling my children so their exposure is far more limited to the R-rated life until they are older and have their standards and testimonies more firmly rooted. But even at early ages they see and hear things at 4H, Girl Scouts, and even church functions that are simply not appropriate.

Our world is no longer moral. Those of us trying to teach standards to our children are in the minority. We must band together for our children's sakes.

-Teri B. Clark
North Carolina

Helping Youth Make Educated Music Decisions

I have, for a long time, wanted to write a book about how media in movies, TV, music, and now video gaming is helping bring about the "perilous times" in which we live. I stopped viewing, listening, and playing these games because I could see the adversary clearly in opposition to temple covenants I personally was making. It no longer made sense to engage in these things. However, I knew there were countless youth who wouldn't, or would be confused by what they saw. It is clear to see Satan's hand in many forms. I, for one, am willing to stand up and speak out.

I am a music teacher. Last year one of our teachers wanted to use my time to show a video the students all wanted to see. I went down to see exactly what she wanted my time for. I couldn't believe my ears as I approached her classroom and heard "Blue Man Group." I was so appalled that while I was scrimping and saving to teach youth how to avoid such things, they were getting it just down the hall! These were 5th graders listening to this garbage at school. The lady teaching it looked nice enough, but the sounds from the classroom were horrid. I went to my Superintendent about it who agreed with me, but implied
my job would be on the line if I were to press it. The next year they decided they wanted me to teach all of the 5th graders.

I actually made a clear-cut decision to take a cut in pay to be a teacher for this very reason: to help youth make an educated music decision. I base my views on a talk by one of our former prophets, President Ezra T. Benson, titled, "Satan's Thrust: Youth." Yet, it appears very few are listening because our world (in the church and out) is still listening to what a prophet of God said not to—in our youth church dances too.

-Jackie Coleman

Dirty Dancing Getting Out of Hand

Dirty dancing happens on the West Coast. I live near Seattle and the same thing happens here at the high school. The LDS family I work for are ballroom dancers and so taught their son and his friends some real dance moves like the swing. It’s the kind where you pick up the girl and almost throw her over your shoulder. The kids were told to stop because it was dangerous, but they wouldn't stop dirty dancing. It's been so bad here that some girls came to the school counselors saying like they felt raped and molested. The boys were so overly aggressive dancing like that when the girls didn't want them to.

-Becky Rose
Washington

Proper Evenings Weed Out Dirty Dancing

I feel for you and your daughter so badly reading this article, and count me and my eighth grade daughter to be lucky. We justchaperoned the most amazing Social Leadership Ball ever. This is a program run by parents at a charter school in Utah.

Every other month, on a Friday, the Leadership committee would have a Friday night social dance and etiquette night for each grade. Each evening would have a theme and be so much fun for the kids. Then, at the end of the year, was the culminating ball. My daughter felt like a princess and the evening was so well run and chaperoned.The theme was "Night with the Stars.” The kids came down the red carpet and had pictures taken. Then they were seated and served a seven-course meal and were taught how to properly eat. I learned how to properly eat soup.

Then,the dancing started with the "Thriller" line dance. Each kid had a dance card that was very well set up so no one was ever without a dance partner. They had a cha-cha dance competition and hadschool alumnithat had gone on to get ballroom dance scholarships to BYU come back and perform and judge. Then, at the end, parents were invited for the last dance with their child. I was able to attend because I ran the pizza sales every Thursday throughout the year that paid for the program.

Every school needs a Social Leadership program, and parents need to step up and participate if they want their child to have anything worth attending these days. The charter school my kids attend is American Preparatory Academy in Draper, Utah.

-Amanda Perkins
Draper, Utah

Parents Should Let Their Voices Be Heard

As a grandmother, I am appalled. As a former school teacher, I can understand the problems in trying to enforce standards. I hope the parents you reach will let their voices be heard. Thanks for all you do.

--Zina Goodwin

This Kind of Culture is Present Where I Live

I don't know where this school is located but, as a former teacher, I can say that this kind of culture is present where I live. We are outnumbered by students who will do as they please and, unfortunately, what they please is immoral. Usually an elementary teacher, I taught high school for one year and will never go back. I did not go to dances. I didn't have to go in order to know how the kids would behave--the same as they did in the classrooms.

The author mentioned some possible solutions for the problem. The problem begins in the home and ends with society in general. Can we change the kids' home life? Can we change society? It is all too sad.

--Paula Wojasinski
Sadieville, Kentucky

“School Choice” May be a Possible Solution to the Problem

Your article on dirty dancingso clearlyportrays the predicament of parentswho want to try to stem the tide of sexual permissiveness in the schools. It seems so hopeless. We know the entire culture is coarsening and getting more hostile toward morality. We would like to think we could change human nature to makegood parents less timid, make bad parents less litigious, and helpthe schoolpersonnel have more of a spine. I fear, however, that we may be waiting a long time for those changes to happen.

But there is an easier alternative that has the potentialof solving all of this,and that is school choice. Teachers unions and government officials try to scare usby saying that introducing the concept of competition among alternate education providers would destroy the public education system. Competition, however, is the foundation of free enterpriseand has been proven to strengthen every industry where it is applied. And when we can establish the right of parents to send their children to alternate schools when the public schoolsare harming them, we will be introducing a compelling force that will help us make public schools accountable and give all parents other options if the schools refuse to change.

--David Hall
Phoenix, Arizona

Be the Salt of the Earth

This is an excellent article and very timely. This morning as I read in 3 Nephi 12:13--"I give you to be the salt of the earth,” I thought of ways I could be better at being involved in the community. And then, I read your article. What you did by going to the principal is exactly what Christ expects us to do in this culture. If Christ has given his covenant people to be the salt we need to "savor the world" with our standards or we will be good for nothing--but to be cast out and to be trodden under foot of men. If I don't "salt" I will be trodden under by the "non standards of others"--my thoughts --my standards will not matter--I need to be the "SALT" by speaking out--if I don't the standards of men will be the norm--Christ expects us to speak up and be involved. Thank you for your great example.

--Kriste Bennett