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Everybody Loves a Baby
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Article Here
Involuntary Childlessness:
One Man’s Perspective, by Alan R. Thompson
Thank you, Alan Thompson, for that poignant story and incredible insight. Thank you for being willing to share your innermost thoughts.
Deborah Atkinson
Denver, Colorado
**
I remember as a young man hearing a discussion once about how having children provided learning lessons that could not be learned in any other way. I particularly remember a couple that I had known almost all my life, they were childless, and I thought that the assertion was inaccurate, but also, it was very insensitive to them. I felt that perhaps some lessons were more easily learned (or forced upon) parents of children, but I didn't believe that God's plan would include lessons that might be withheld from some.
I guess that that experience foreshadowed my later life. My wife and I found after a few years that we couldn't get pregnant. Our two pregnancies [one with fertility medications and the other through IVF (twins)] ended with pregnancy losses. We have been fortunate to adopt a little girl, and will be adopting another in a few weeks, but I can appreciate Brother Thompson's points about how blessed we are. We were able to do infertility work ups and IVF because of a combination of a few things: we have been blessed financially, and my duty in the military has allowed us to do the IVF at a sizeable discount.
Additionally, I recognize that
our adoptions have been with newborn children lacking any significant
health or emotional problems. Our first we brought home when
she was 2 days, and it will be a similar arrangement with our
new little girl.
There are many more parents who will never be able to have their
own children, and I feel saddened because I can somewhat empathize,
and at the same time feel grateful that I have been able to
adopt my daughter (and 2nd on the way). I do not envy all of
the losses that Brother Thompson reflects upon.
Thad Barkdull
Salt Lake City, Utah
**
I learned a great deal from the article by Alan Thompson. I am an adoptive mother, and…I felt validated to read his article. It was during the 1980's that my husband and I struggled with infertility. It can be a confusing issue for all concerned as to how best to sensitively apply scripture and doctrine, as his article so aptly puts it.
As an adoptive mother, I am parenting
four children through the ups and downs of this life. It was
a hard and rocky road to get here, and I appreciate so much
the talents of Brother Thompson who can give people like me
a voice.
Lisa Coffey
Lake Oswego, Oregon
**
Thank you for the wonderful article. I have experienced infertility but have three children; and my daughter and son-in-law also have that heartache.
I hope everyone takes to heart what you have written. My own dog helped fill the void of that one more baby that never showed up. When she died after 18 years it was like losing one of my own kids. I am glad you have that comfort in your life. I hope you have some nieces and nephews that will treasure your story and your treasures.
An empathetic Mom in St. Louis, Missouri
**
In the movie "55 Days at Peking,"
a priest makes a comment to Charlton Heston about 2/3 of the
way through the movie that may be of some value in this discussion
of involuntary childlessness. Heston plays a U.S. Marine major
in 1900 China during the boxer rebellion. His adjutant, father
to a Chinese girl, has just been killed. Heston and the priest
who is present are discussing who of them will tell the girl
that her father has just died.
The priest insists Heston should do the telling since he knew
her father; Heston hedges since he has never been a father.
In trying to encourage Heston to speak to the girl, the priest
makes a very interesting statement that I have long loved as
it expresses a valid feeling I think we should all have, whether
we have children ourselves or not. He says (as close as I can
recall the statement), "Someone once said that every man
is a father to every child - but I suppose that's true only
if you feel it." It seems to me that that is the essence
of who we are or at least who and what we should be as we work
with our youth. Heaven help us to be so, and better.
Charles E. Healy, Ph.D.
Creve Coeur, Missouri
**
I’m so glad that someone who is so articulate in expressing the inner thoughts and feelings of childless individuals took the time to write this wonderfully written article on the subject.
I may be alone in feeling this way but being a childless married woman, shower invitations further push me down to Depressionville!
A Sister from Minnesota
**** **** **** ****
My husband and I were in Salt Lake City the weekend of your final concert and skipped sacrament meeting to hear “Music and the Spoken Word” that Sunday morning. We have always loved listening to the choir, but for several years have had a personal interest because of a friend (Laura Garff Lewis) who now sings with the choir, so we always look for her. But for the past nine years, since our return from a mission in Guatemala, we have had BYU-TV and so been able to watch the Sunday morning broadcast before leaving for church. Two of those years meant leaving at the conclusion of the broadcast for our assignment to preside over a Spanish branch in our stake.
For some reason, certain other choir members seemed to have memorable faces so that we can always notice them in the broadcasts. You have been one of those anonymous friends whose obvious enthusiasm for what you were doing added to our enjoyment of the music.
We stayed after the broadcast last Sunday, actually hoping to talk with Laura (which we finally did), and so were pleasantly surprised to be part of your farewell to the choir. Anyone who can not only sing but fit in the same size suit for twenty years really has achieved a remarkable accomplishment. That morning's broadcast was particularly beautiful because we heard it in person. We will miss seeing you among the tenors in the future and thank you for your part in what continues to be a pleasant beginning to each Sunday morning. Good luck in whatever your future holds for you.
Gail and David Wasden
Petaluma, California
**
Wow, what a fascinating article. Thanks so much to Brother Roberts for sharing this amazing experience of being a member of the Choir.
It was always a dream of mine to be in the Choir but nevertheless I have shared his experience along with him, as well as through the columns written by Robb Cundick. It was truly awesome to read of so many wonderful trips that he was able to take and choice experiences relating to those performances. I am sure that it will be a difficult thing to not participate in singing, but at the same time he is able to share this great opportunity with a new choir person who is also anxious to sing with the Choir. So thank you, Brother Roberts for so much joy that you have spread all around the world.
I was fortunate to hear you in San Francisco at the Sesquicentennial Performance as well as in Nauvoo at the Temple Dedication.
Dorothy Thompson
Lodi, Califonia
**
I thought the article was wonderful. I know the retirements are hard on those who have sung with the choir for so long. There is a special bond with choir members. I am an usher at all these events he mentioned and they are wonderful. I get to see the fruits of their labor with the countenance of people as they leave the Broadcast each Sunday.
Tourists are so excited to come and see and hear the Choir for the first time. Many are touched with the spirit that radiates in all the buildings on Temple Square. They really do feel something different when they are there. We give them sample CD's of songs of the choir. They are so delighted and some have even come back years later to find that one little usher who gave them a tape years ago. The Gospel and the Church are a lifeline. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Brother Roberts.
Diane Taylor**
Brother Roberts, thank you so much for sharing SOME of your 20 years experience singing with the Choir. I have been tenderly touched by your account as you have related special experiences.
My idea of "a perfect read" would be to hear from all members of the choir about their service.
We are all so grateful for efforts of the choir members and their families to sing to our hearts each week.
Thanks to BYU-TV for broadcasting it to those of us who do not live in Utah and for Meridian to bring us accounts such as this.
Virginia Braley**** **** **** ****
The Prom Invitation by Don H. Staheli
This touched a nerve in me! I remember being in BOTH positions in high school — his, and the girl's. It takes a lot of courage to admit to such an unloving action, and what you have learned from it. Congratulations to Brother Staheli for his frankness and honesty. His short "confession" should be required reading for high school students!
PS. High school was 34 years ago, but this made me feel those same confusing feelings all over again. Thankfully, they didn't last.
Laura Leseberg
Provo, Utah
**
It was with some dread that I read the article by Don Staheli, for I too was a dumb 16-year-old who seemed to have checked his heart at the door. Why do we do such stupid, heartless things in adolescence? Aside from the details, I did almost the same thing as a young man in high school. I'm sure both the author and myself were not raised that way. I'm sure that our mothers would have not hesitated to straighten us up had they known what we had done. Yet we did it and at the time felt no regret. I try to teach my own children but realize sadly that they will probably make similar mistakes.
Oh the regrets of a misspent youth. How often we wish we could go back and undo our foibles. Alas, all that we can do is try and do better in the future. At least we can learn from the past.
Thanks for a great article that made me reflect and learn more about myself.
Jason Orton**
Thanks so much for "The Prom Invitation." I have my own "list" of people that I will want to apologize to on the other side. I appreciate the message of using past failures to encourage increased sensitivity in the "here and now."
Chris Streeter**** **** **** ****
Seeing One Another Through, by Susan Law Corpany
I really liked Susan's article. I have always felt the same way about helping others through what we may have already experienced, even when it is painful to relive. The last part of her article sums it up really well. May I add this quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that hangs in a family member's home and we quote often in our family: “God watches over us but it is often through someone else that He meets our needs (paraphrased).”
Annette Moore**
Being recently diagnosed with lymphoma at age 42, I have experienced many of the various comments and attitudes that the writer faced. Some extremely helpful, some less so. Trying to keep in mind that for the most part other people do not know what I'm feeling and therefore can't do/say exactly the right thing has helped when I've felt less than understood. Being grateful for the small gestures of love and concern has given me more insight into Christ's love for me. Thank you for sharing your story and feelings.
Sister John Hanley**** **** **** ****
Superbly written, Brother Bishop. I can remember my father as a man who knew everything; at least I thought so. I was the youngest of three girls. They were hoping for a boy —so I was the one who went fishing in the pond; squirrel hunting in the piney woods; learned to read animal tracks; learned how to survive shooting a double barrel and a 22 long. I learned the respect of weapons, knew which tree was solid and which one was to be avoided, and which berry was edible and which was poisonous.
I remember the times he sat and read the Bible to me, the radio shows (pre-television), the comics in the newspaper and church every Sunday. We were Methodists and as small as my dad was, he was a giant in my eyes. He taught me morals, values and how to use and appreciate the gifts Heavenly Father had given me. He loved my mother and my two sisters and created a tight family, even though we went our separate ways.
What a father!! He was a lot like you, Brother Bishop.
Barbara Butler
Scottsdale, Arizona
**
I must again thank you, Meridian, from the bottom of my heart, for a deeply meaningful message by Paul Bishop concerning the importance of Fathers. I grew up with only a precious grandpa, who made me feel I was indeed worthy of goodness, who loved me unconditionally and purely. I thank Heavenly Father every day for my grandpa.
My two fathers — one biological, who didn't want to know who I was, and the other, who adopted me at age four — were not righteous father figures. So I, at a fairly young age, went looking for love in all the wrong places.
I have long since realized just how vital fathers are to a family. Not just a benign "father figure" or only the "breadwinner", but an integral part of the structure of a young woman's life: the MOST IMPORTANT FIGURE, who will guide her to making a good choice for a husband and a loving father for her own children.
I've sent this article to all the meaningful men in my life: my children, my current and (for the last seventeen years) beloved husband, and many family members. It's never too late to begin. Our salvation depends on it.
Fathers, take note! YOU ARE DEEPLY AND ETERNALLY IMPORTANT to both your sons and your daughters.
Name withheld by request
**** **** **** ****
Fifty years ago, when many of us were blissfully graduating high school, (with perhaps one year of college under our belts), and getting married (mostly in the Temple) 'cause all the friends were doing so, there were VERY FEW pre-marriage preparations and counseling helps. We had nothing much to go on, except "live righteously," which didn't hold much water when the wear and tear of life, being a perfect mother to perfect babies, (sure) guilt, commitments, and frail personal inadequacies were inundating and drowning us/me. I'm sending this to all my family. I want my twelve grandchildren (11 who are still not married) to have a better grasp on the reality of what marriage is all about! Marriage a tough job and you have to REALLY like your spouse. Marriage needs to be a real partnership of equality, with both parties working together, hand in hand, heart to heart. Keep the help coming. Meridian is such “a lifesaver to savor.”
Name withheld by request**** **** **** ****
Discovering Nature with Your Grandchildren, by Fay A. Klingler
As always, I enjoyed Fay's article on grandparenting. She's a winner!! How about feeding hummingbirds in the back yard with a bird feeder — one of my favorite memories of mother and my daughter.
Nancy Beck**** **** **** ****
When one reads about what is going on in America, one can understand how Latter-day prophecies are about to be fulfilled faster than anyone could imagine until now.
I am appalled at witnessing how a God-fearing and seemingly conservative society has been able, in the space of a few decades only, to move away from the traditional values of family and marriage. Where is the America of my childhood, when the most popular TV series was "Father Knows Best" with Robert Young?
I am grateful that there are still many people, including in France, who continue defending the values of traditional marriage and family, with a reasonable measure of success. Not being a US citizen, I cannot do much in favor of your cause in the US but I can definitely make good use of your excellent arguments to defend similar ideas in my country.
May the Lord greatly bless you in this most worthwhile effort of yours to preserve the traditional family institution.
Charles Defranchi
Paris, France
**
We need to keep writing our Senators and Representatives. Make sure that all readers know how to reach each and every Senator and Representative. I know it’s a pain to keep doing this, but the other side doesn’t give up and we can’t either.
Even if they leave it to the states, they need to do something to keep the activist judges from overturning the vote of the people. They need to realize that they are there to SERVE US, not the other way around.
I keep writing to our Congressmen from Colorado and everyone needs to do the same. I also write to Senator Reid, Senator Kennedy, and several others.
We must write and call and keep doing it until they get the message, and every Congressman that didn’t vote for the amendment, we should vote out of office in November.
It doesn’t matter any more which party as they are so divided and keep picking at each other. I think there are a few that really want to serve us, but the majority are only there for their own gain.
Let’s keep it moving folks!!
Laurel Gallegos
Grand Junction, Colorado
**
Thank you for your efforts in behalf of the Marriage Protection Amendment. I live in California and know firsthand the affects of standing up for what you believe in. I have many friends and acquaintances through my employment who are engaged in this living style. The opponents to the Amendment are angry. Satan is working through them to destroy God's plan for marriage and in his cunning way he has ensnared many to these false beliefs.
It is our responsibility as God's children lovingly and kindly to teach our beliefs to those whom Satan has deceived. It is not through anger or pulpit hammering, it is by follow Jesus Christ's example, by loving our brothers and sisters, regardless of their choices and standing firm in our beliefs that will make the changes come about.
I applaud your efforts. Keep up the good work!
Robyn Shelby**
Thank you for showing us the clearly laid out talking points for the Gay Agenda. One of the weaknesses on our side is we spend too much time on defense and not enough on offense. The sword of truth both defends and attacks. May I suggest a few talking points of our own.
Script 1: Children are objects. Those who favor same-sex marriage have a complete disregard for the needs of children. They have become self-serving adults who want what they want, no matter the consequences.
Script 2: Destruction of freedom of religion. Those who favor same-sex marriage do not think religions should have any say in moral issues, nor should they be allowed to be exempted from accepting any behavior they consider immoral. They are after the destruction of this constitutional guarantee.
Script 3: Values of a very few are being forced upon the majority of the citizens of this nation. The school-system is brainwashing our children into accepting the gay lifestyle. I once had an educator make a very chilling statement to me. "If we can teach the children, they will go home and teach their parents. That's what we have done with environmental issues." They do not want acceptance — they want indoctrination.
Script 4: There is no truth coming from the gay community. They make up their "facts." Just one example: A few years ago you would hear the number 10% used for the percentage of homosexuals in the general population. Within the past few months, in national news broadcasts, I heard the number 6% and then in a different program 3% used. I wonder how much lower that number will fall as people look for the truth. Someone is getting the word that the "facts" we have been told are not correct.
These are the few that came to me quickly. I’m sure there are many better ones. I think we need to be bold and succinct in exposing their true agenda to the American people.
Sallie Nielson
Vancouver, Washington
**
If our society redefines marriage, we shall see more moral decay and more psychological confusion. I wonder why it could be a good thing for children to be raised by any same-sex couple. Even plants are basically dependent on "male" & "female" fertilization. Even if a homosexual couple were expert parents, one of the couple could not be the natural parent of each child. How confused can you get? Jesus Christ said there will be no need of marriage in heaven. St. Paul stated that marriage is a "picture" of Jesus Christ's relationship to the corporate body (all) believers in Him. We are created in God's image. It takes one man and one woman to develop the whole image!
Jane Kurth**
You put it so well — thanks for giving us the language, the rhetoric, the logic and the strategy for waging this battle.
Mary E. Petty, B.A.
Salt Lake City, Utah