Readers’ Reflections:
What is Fatherhood?
Edited
and compiled by Kathy Green
Everybody Loves a
Baby
Read
Article Here
Involuntary
Childlessness: One Man’s Perspective, by Alan R. Thompson
Thank you, Alan Thompson, for
that poignant story and incredible insight. Thank you for
being willing to share your innermost thoughts.
Deborah Atkinson
Denver, Colorado
**
I remember as a young man hearing
a discussion once about how having children provided learning
lessons that could not be learned in any other way. I particularly
remember a couple that I had known almost all my life, they
were childless, and I thought that the assertion was inaccurate,
but also, it was very insensitive to them. I felt that perhaps
some lessons were more easily learned (or forced upon) parents
of children, but I didn't believe that God's plan would
include lessons that might be withheld from some.
I guess that that experience
foreshadowed my later life. My wife and I found after a
few years that we couldn't get pregnant. Our two pregnancies
[one with fertility medications and the other through IVF
(twins)] ended with pregnancy losses. We have been fortunate
to adopt a little girl, and will be adopting another in
a few weeks, but I can appreciate Brother Thompson's points
about how blessed we are. We were able to do infertility
work ups and IVF because of a combination of a few things:
we have been blessed financially, and my duty in the military
has allowed us to do the IVF at a sizeable discount.
Additionally, I recognize that
our adoptions have been with newborn children lacking any
significant health or emotional problems. Our first we brought
home when she was 2 days, and it will be a similar arrangement
with our new little girl.
There are many more parents who will never be able to have
their own children, and I feel saddened because I can somewhat
empathize, and at the same time feel grateful that I have
been able to adopt my daughter (and 2nd on the way). I do
not envy all of the losses that Brother Thompson reflects
upon.
Thad Barkdull
Salt Lake City, Utah
**
I learned a great deal from
the article by Alan Thompson. I am an adoptive mother, and…I
felt validated to read his article. It was during the 1980's
that my husband and I struggled with infertility. It can
be a confusing issue for all concerned as to how best to
sensitively apply scripture and doctrine, as his article
so aptly puts it.
As an adoptive mother, I am
parenting four children through the ups and downs of this
life. It was a hard and rocky road to get here, and I appreciate
so much the talents of Brother Thompson who can give people
like me a voice.
Lisa Coffey
Lake Oswego, Oregon
**
Thank you for the wonderful
article. I have experienced infertility but have three children;
and my daughter and son-in-law also have that heartache.
I hope everyone takes to heart
what you have written. My own dog helped fill the void of
that one more baby that never showed up. When she died after
18 years it was like losing one of my own kids. I am glad
you have that comfort in your life. I hope you have some
nieces and nephews that will treasure your story and your
treasures.
An empathetic Mom in St.
Louis, Missouri
**
In the movie "55 Days
at Peking," a priest makes a comment to Charlton Heston
about 2/3 of the way through the movie that may be of some
value in this discussion of involuntary childlessness. Heston
plays a U.S. Marine major in 1900 China during the boxer
rebellion. His adjutant, father to a Chinese girl, has just
been killed. Heston and the priest who is present are discussing
who of them will tell the girl that her father has just
died.
The priest insists Heston should do the telling since he
knew her father; Heston hedges since he has never been a
father. In trying to encourage Heston to speak to the girl,
the priest makes a very interesting statement that I have
long loved as it expresses a valid feeling I think we should
all have, whether we have children ourselves or not. He
says (as close as I can recall the statement), "Someone
once said that every man is a father to every child - but
I suppose that's true only if you feel it." It seems
to me that that is the essence of who we are or at least
who and what we should be as we work with our youth. Heaven
help us to be so, and better.
Charles E. Healy, Ph.D.
Creve Coeur, Missouri
**
I’m so glad that someone who
is so articulate in expressing the inner thoughts and feelings
of childless individuals took the time to write this wonderfully
written article on the subject.
I may be alone in feeling this
way but being a childless married woman, shower invitations
further push me down to Depressionville!
A Sister from Minnesota
**** **** **** ****
Swan Song
Read Article Here
Reflections on Twenty Years
in the Tabernacle Choir, Part 2, by Brian C. Roberts
My husband and I were in Salt
Lake City the weekend of your final concert and skipped
sacrament meeting to hear “Music and the Spoken Word” that
Sunday morning. We have always loved listening to the
choir, but for several years have had a personal interest
because of a friend (Laura Garff Lewis) who now sings with
the choir, so we always look for her. But for the past
nine years, since our return from a mission in Guatemala,
we have had BYU-TV and so been able to watch the Sunday
morning broadcast before leaving for church. Two of those
years meant leaving at the conclusion of the broadcast for
our assignment to preside over a Spanish branch in our stake.
For some reason, certain other
choir members seemed to have memorable faces so that we
can always notice them in the broadcasts. You have been
one of those anonymous friends whose obvious enthusiasm
for what you were doing added to our enjoyment of the music.
We stayed after the broadcast
last Sunday, actually hoping to talk with Laura (which we
finally did), and so were pleasantly surprised to be part
of your farewell to the choir. Anyone who can not only
sing but fit in the same size suit for twenty years really
has achieved a remarkable accomplishment. That morning's
broadcast was particularly beautiful because we heard it
in person. We will miss seeing you among the tenors in
the future and thank you for your part in what continues
to be a pleasant beginning to each Sunday morning. Good
luck in whatever your future holds for you.
Gail and David Wasden
Petaluma, California
**
Wow, what a fascinating article.
Thanks so much to Brother Roberts for sharing this amazing
experience of being a member of the Choir.
It was always a dream of mine
to be in the Choir but nevertheless I have shared his experience
along with him, as well as through the columns written by
Robb Cundick. It was truly awesome to read of so many wonderful
trips that he was able to take and choice experiences relating
to those performances. I am sure that it will be a difficult
thing to not participate in singing, but at the same time
he is able to share this great opportunity with a new choir
person who is also anxious to sing with the Choir. So thank
you, Brother Roberts for so much joy that you have spread
all around the world.
I was fortunate to hear you
in San Francisco at the Sesquicentennial Performance as
well as in Nauvoo at the Temple Dedication.
Dorothy Thompson
Lodi, Califonia
**
I thought the article was wonderful.
I know the retirements are hard on those who have sung with
the choir for so long. There is a special bond with choir
members. I am an usher at all these events he mentioned
and they are wonderful. I get to see the fruits of their
labor with the countenance of people as they leave the Broadcast
each Sunday.
Tourists are so excited to
come and see and hear the Choir for the first time. Many
are touched with the spirit that radiates in all the buildings
on Temple Square. They really do feel something different
when they are there. We give them sample CD's of songs
of the choir. They are so delighted and some have even come
back years later to find that one little usher who gave
them a tape years ago. The Gospel and the Church are a
lifeline. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Brother
Roberts.
Diane Taylor
Plain City, Utah
**
Brother Roberts, thank you
so much for sharing SOME of your 20 years experience singing
with the Choir. I have been tenderly touched by your account
as you have related special experiences.
My idea of "a perfect
read" would be to hear from all members of the choir
about their service.
We are all so grateful for
efforts of the choir members and their families to sing
to our hearts each week.
Thanks to BYU-TV for broadcasting
it to those of us who do not live in Utah and for Meridian
to bring us accounts such as this.
Virginia Braley
Liberty Lake, Washington
**** **** **** ****
Opportunity Cost
Read Article Here
The Prom Invitation by Don
H. Staheli
This touched a nerve in me!
I remember being in BOTH positions in high school — his,
and the girl's. It takes a lot of courage to admit to such
an unloving action, and what you have learned from it.
Congratulations to Brother Staheli for his frankness and
honesty. His short "confession" should be required
reading for high school students!
PS. High school was 34 years
ago, but this made me feel those same confusing feelings
all over again. Thankfully, they didn't last.
Laura Leseberg
Provo, Utah
**
It was with some dread that
I read the article by Don Staheli, for I too was a dumb
16-year-old who seemed to have checked his heart at the
door. Why do we do such stupid, heartless things in adolescence?
Aside from the details, I did almost the same thing as a
young man in high school. I'm sure both the author and
myself were not raised that way. I'm sure that our mothers
would have not hesitated to straighten us up had they known
what we had done. Yet we did it and at the time felt no
regret. I try to teach my own children but realize sadly
that they will probably make similar mistakes.
Oh the regrets of a misspent
youth. How often we wish we could go back and undo our
foibles. Alas, all that we can do is try and do better
in the future. At least we can learn from the past.
Thanks for a great article
that made me reflect and learn more about myself.
Jason Orton
Stratford, California
**
Thanks so much for "The
Prom Invitation." I have my own "list" of
people that I will want to apologize to on the other side.
I appreciate the message of using past failures to encourage
increased sensitivity in the "here and now."
Chris Streeter
Tucson, Arizona
**** **** **** ****
Seeing Things
Read Article Here
Seeing One Another Through,
by Susan Law Corpany
I really liked Susan's article.
I have always felt the same way about helping others through
what we may have already experienced, even when it is painful
to relive. The last part of her article sums it up really
well. May I add this quote from President Spencer W. Kimball
that hangs in a family member's home and we quote often
in our family: “God watches over us but it is often through
someone else that He meets our needs (paraphrased).”
Annette Moore
St. George, Utah
**
Being recently diagnosed with
lymphoma at age 42, I have experienced many of the various
comments and attitudes that the writer faced. Some extremely
helpful, some less so. Trying to keep in mind that for the
most part other people do not know what I'm feeling and
therefore can't do/say exactly the right thing has helped
when I've felt less than understood. Being grateful for
the small gestures of love and concern has given me more
insight into Christ's love for me. Thank you for sharing
your story and feelings.
Sister John Hanley
La Grande, Oregon
**** **** **** ****
Father Time
Read Article Here
Fatherhood, by Paul Bishop
Superbly written, Brother Bishop.
I can remember my father as a man who knew everything; at
least I thought so. I was the youngest of three girls.
They were hoping for a boy —so I was the one who went fishing
in the pond; squirrel hunting in the piney woods; learned
to read animal tracks; learned how to survive shooting a
double barrel and a 22 long. I learned the respect of weapons,
knew which tree was solid and which one was to be avoided,
and which berry was edible and which was poisonous.
I remember the times he sat
and read the Bible to me, the radio shows (pre-television),
the comics in the newspaper and church every Sunday. We
were Methodists and as small as my dad was, he was a giant
in my eyes. He taught me morals, values and how to use
and appreciate the gifts Heavenly Father had given me.
He loved my mother and my two sisters and created a tight
family, even though we went our separate ways.
What a father!! He was a lot
like you, Brother Bishop.
Barbara Butler
Scottsdale, Arizona
**
I must again thank you, Meridian,
from the bottom of my heart, for a deeply meaningful message
by Paul Bishop concerning the importance of Fathers. I
grew up with only a precious grandpa, who made me feel I
was indeed worthy of goodness, who loved me unconditionally
and purely. I thank Heavenly Father every day for my grandpa.
My two fathers — one biological,
who didn't want to know who I was, and the other, who adopted
me at age four — were not righteous father figures. So
I, at a fairly young age, went looking for love in all the
wrong places.
I have long since realized
just how vital fathers are to a family. Not just a benign
"father figure" or only the "breadwinner",
but an integral part of the structure of a young woman's
life: the MOST IMPORTANT FIGURE, who will guide her to making
a good choice for a husband and a loving father for her
own children.
I've sent this article to all
the meaningful men in my life: my children, my current and
(for the last seventeen years) beloved husband, and many
family members. It's never too late to begin. Our salvation
depends on it.
Fathers, take note! YOU ARE
DEEPLY AND ETERNALLY IMPORTANT to both your sons and your
daughters.
Name withheld by request
**** **** **** ****
Too Late Smart
Read
Article Here
LDS Marriage Network Smart
Marriages Pre-Conference Announced
Fifty years ago, when many
of us were blissfully graduating high school, (with perhaps
one year of college under our belts), and getting married
(mostly in the Temple) 'cause all the friends were doing
so, there were VERY FEW pre-marriage preparations and counseling
helps. We had nothing much to go on, except "live righteously,"
which didn't hold much water when the wear and tear of life,
being a perfect mother to perfect babies, (sure) guilt,
commitments, and frail personal inadequacies were inundating
and drowning us/me. I'm sending this to all my family.
I want my twelve grandchildren (11 who are still not married)
to have a better grasp on the reality of what marriage is
all about! Marriage a tough job and you have to REALLY
like your spouse. Marriage needs to be a real partnership
of equality, with both parties working together, hand in
hand, heart to heart. Keep the help coming. Meridian is
such “a lifesaver to savor.”
Name withheld by request
**** **** **** ****
Doing What Comes Naturally
Read Article Here
Discovering Nature with
Your Grandchildren, by Fay A. Klingler
As always, I enjoyed Fay's
article on grandparenting. She's a winner!! How about
feeding hummingbirds in the back yard with a bird feeder
— one of my favorite memories of mother and my daughter.
Nancy Beck
**** **** **** ****
Maurine on Marriage
Read Article
Here
The Marriage Protection Amendment:
A Fight We Can’t Give Up, by Maurine Proctor
When one reads about what is
going on in America, one can understand how Latter-day prophecies
are about to be fulfilled faster than anyone could imagine
until now.
I am appalled at witnessing
how a God-fearing and seemingly conservative society has
been able, in the space of a few decades only, to move away
from the traditional values of family and marriage. Where
is the America of my childhood, when the most popular TV
series was "Father Knows Best" with Robert Young?
I am grateful that there are
still many people, including in France, who continue defending
the values of traditional marriage and family, with a reasonable
measure of success. Not being a US citizen, I cannot do
much in favor of your cause in the US but I can definitely
make good use of your excellent arguments to defend similar
ideas in my country.
May the Lord greatly bless
you in this most worthwhile effort of yours to preserve
the traditional family institution.
Charles Defranchi
Paris, France
**
We need to keep writing our
Senators and Representatives. Make sure that all readers
know how to reach each and every Senator and Representative.
I know it’s a pain to keep doing this, but the other side
doesn’t give up and we can’t either.
Even if they leave it to the
states, they need to do something to keep the activist judges
from overturning the vote of the people. They need to realize
that they are there to SERVE US, not the other way around.
I keep writing to our Congressmen
from Colorado and everyone needs to do the same. I also
write to Senator Reid, Senator Kennedy, and several others.
We must write and call and
keep doing it until they get the message, and every Congressman
that didn’t vote for the amendment, we should vote out of
office in November.
It doesn’t matter any more
which party as they are so divided and keep picking at each
other. I think there are a few that really want to serve
us, but the majority are only there for their own gain.
Let’s keep it moving folks!!
Laurel Gallegos
Grand Junction, Colorado
**
Thank you for your efforts
in behalf of the Marriage Protection Amendment. I live in
California and know firsthand the affects of standing up
for what you believe in. I have many friends and acquaintances
through my employment who are engaged in this living style.
The opponents to the Amendment are angry. Satan is working
through them to destroy God's plan for marriage and in his
cunning way he has ensnared many to these false beliefs.
It is our responsibility as
God's children lovingly and kindly to teach our beliefs
to those whom Satan has deceived. It is not through anger
or pulpit hammering, it is by follow Jesus Christ's example,
by loving our brothers and sisters, regardless of their
choices and standing firm in our beliefs that will make
the changes come about.
I applaud your efforts. Keep
up the good work!
Robyn Shelby
Ontario, California
**
Thank you for showing us the
clearly laid out talking points for the Gay Agenda. One
of the weaknesses on our side is we spend too much time
on defense and not enough on offense. The sword of truth
both defends and attacks. May I suggest a few talking points
of our own.
Script 1: Children are objects.
Those who favor same-sex marriage have a complete disregard
for the needs of children. They have become self-serving
adults who want what they want, no matter the consequences.
Script 2: Destruction of freedom
of religion. Those who favor same-sex marriage do not think
religions should have any say in moral issues, nor should
they be allowed to be exempted from accepting any behavior
they consider immoral. They are after the destruction of
this constitutional guarantee.
Script 3: Values of a very
few are being forced upon the majority of the citizens of
this nation. The school-system is brainwashing our children
into accepting the gay lifestyle. I once had an educator
make a very chilling statement to me. "If we can teach
the children, they will go home and teach their parents.
That's what we have done with environmental issues."
They do not want acceptance — they want indoctrination.
Script 4: There is no truth
coming from the gay community. They make up their "facts."
Just one example: A few years ago you would hear the number
10% used for the percentage of homosexuals in the general
population. Within the past few months, in national news
broadcasts, I heard the number 6% and then in a different
program 3% used. I wonder how much lower that number will
fall as people look for the truth. Someone is getting the
word that the "facts" we have been told are not
correct.
These are the few that came
to me quickly. I’m sure there are many better ones. I think
we need to be bold and succinct in exposing their true agenda
to the American people.
Sallie Nielson
Vancouver, Washington
**
If our society redefines marriage,
we shall see more moral decay and more psychological confusion.
I wonder why it could be a good thing for children to be
raised by any same-sex couple. Even plants are basically
dependent on "male" & "female" fertilization.
Even if a homosexual couple were expert parents, one of
the couple could not be the natural parent of each child.
How confused can you get? Jesus Christ said there will
be no need of marriage in heaven. St. Paul stated that marriage
is a "picture" of Jesus Christ's relationship
to the corporate body (all) believers in Him. We are created
in God's image. It takes one man and one woman to develop
the whole image!
Jane Kurth
Hillsboro, Oregon
**
You put it so well — thanks
for giving us the language, the rhetoric, the logic and
the strategy for waging this battle.
Mary E. Petty, B.A.
Salt Lake City,
Utah
