Angela Hanley
La Grande, Oregon
**
I was gratified to read the article
replies and felt the need to add to them.
I was diagnosed with a chronic
illness 25 years ago and given 10 years to live if it was
not controlled. It is still not really controlled and since
then I have developed more illnesses — in fact I had a doctor
say that I was so ill I shouldn't be expected to work; but
that is not possible. Sometimes it seems that the better I
cope the more ill I get but I know that isn't true.
The problem I have is that I
look and often act healthy. This leads to people asking why
I wasn't in church (sleep deprivation and pain), why can't
I do the physical work they've asked me to do (arthritis and
lethargy), what do you do all day (cope), etc. The thing wrong
with this is that I am continuously explaining my reasons
to the same people. Why can't people listen and learn?
One gets tired of people judging
from the outside appearances. We need to remember that the
negative comments are heard louder and remembered longer than
the positive. When the bishopric asks the same questions,
you start questioning the need to keep explaining. It gets
bad enough that sometimes I wish I had a visible infirmity
so that everyone would say poor you and quit bugging me.
But the Lord has given or allowed
me the infirmities that he knows I can handle and that will
bless me. I thank Him for that — and those illnesses that
are just because and not from the Lord, He has given me the
ability to cope with them too if I only ask his help.
David Mohr
Victoria, British
Columbia, Canada.
**
I thank you so much for addressing
this sensitive, painful (no pun intended) subject.
My husband suffers from fibromyalgia
AND rheumatoid arthritis. Both illnesses are seen most often
in women. For the past several years he has not been able
to work because of the severity of pain. He recently went
back to work, mainly because we had no choice. Luckily his
pain management meds and his RA medications are working well
enough to accomplish this. We also believe that Heavenly
Father has His hand in this too.
I injured my back several years
ago and underwent surgery. I thought I was well recovered
and then the pain became more and more severe. I had to quit
work almost a year ago due to the chronic pain. In fact I
am being evaluated for further surgery. To say things have
been difficult is an understatement. Financially we are a
mess. I was a registered nurse, with a decent income and
now that is gone. My husband is a nursing assistant. He makes
less than half what I used to. We have learned to manage,
though.
What is more distressing however,
is the view people have of us. As a priesthood holder, he
is expected to support his family, but my husband was unable
to for many years. He was given a lot of grief over this.
No one would say it to our face, but I know many thought him
lazy and terrible to expect me to work and support the family
while he sat home "doing nothing." Now that I am
off work, that has eased a bit, but it is still hard. People
automatically think I am lazy and a terrible housekeeper.
No one understands how bad it hurts to do the dishes AND vacuum.
It is one or the other, but not both. Our children range
in age from 8 down to 2. It is all I can do to make sure
they are clean and dressed and off to school (of course the
little one stays home with me). We show up to church looking
like we just got out of bed some Sundays because I cannot
do the ironing and all that. It is so good to read of others
in the church who suffer as we do, and understand (not that
I would wish this suffering on anyone else, just that I am
glad I am not alone). I look forward to more articles teaching
me to deal with these issues. I enjoy Meridian Magazine so
much. Keep up the good work!
Renee Drake
Orland, California
**
This article has great advice.
I recognize myself in many of the comments. Hopefully I can
do more than just admire the sage advice. The first hurdle
I have is to believe that what I have to say is of worth,
and then that I will not expose my ignorance.
Dale Wilder
Fremont, California
**
I want to thank Darla Isackson
for her article entitled "Gifts and Challenges of Chronic
Illness." I have not been able to understand why I have
such chronic problems with my feet and my back that leave
me depressed about it. I try and rationalize in my prayers
that I could do so much more for the Lord "if only"
I didn't have these problems that leave me feeling hurt, depressed
and uncomfortable.
A little over a year ago I felt
inspired to have my feet operated on to relieve the plantar
faciitis that had plagued me for years. I had done everything
prior to the surgery to prevent the surgeries, but to no avail.
In talking with my podiatrist
I felt that this was the right thing for me to do and felt
a calmness about it. I had one foot operated on and was restricted
for 6 weeks in getting around. Then I had the other foot
operated on with the same restrictions. All of this only
to discover that my feet actually hurt worse than before and
the doctor couldn't figure out why. Perhaps it was my fibromyalgia
that kicked in making things worse. It now has been over
a year since the surgeries. I have chronic lower back problems
as well. And today as I write this isn't my best day.
Yet as I read Darla Isackson's
article, I strangely feel better even through my tears. And
I will reread it and share it with my husband, too.
I know I need to look at these
problems as the Lord's way of reminding me to depend on Him
in all things. But feeling discouraged at times and sometimes
hopeless about it only encourages Satan to use these conditions
against me. I must realize not to let Satan win. But to
know that the Lord is in charge, and with His divine help
I can endure to the end.
Margaret Wilcox
Jerome, Idaho
**
I read this article and the associated
comments with great interest. I suffer from RSD (or CRPS)
a much-misunderstood condition that makes no sense either
to those who suffer from it or to those who are closest to
them. My wife cannot comprehend the condition nor can she
understand how it affects me.
A simple definition for RSD,
given by my doctor, is that you have the pain from a trauma,
in my case a badly broken upper arm, constantly, even though
the physical bone has healed as much as it is going to. For
me, the best or least the pain gets is at the same level as
it was when the arm was first broken. At times it feels ten
times worse than that. As a result I don't sleep well. If
I get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep a night, I
consider myself lucky.
Right now, to add to my woes,
I have "something else." The doctor doesn't know
what, but he's given me antibiotics, steroids, muscle relaxants,
pain killers and cough medicine to try to treat it.
Needless to say I was ready to
call a pity party.
My wife is concerned that I am
being negative most of the time and in truth there is something
to her concerns. It can be very hard to be positive in my
circumstances.
Sister Isackson's article was
just what I needed. She is the first person in a long time
who has a chronic illness who has tried (and succeeded) to
be positive and to make useful suggestions. I know that what
she says is right partly because my wife was saying the same
things to me this morning.
There are many chronic pain support
groups, several specifically for RSD/CRPS sufferers, but they
all seem to be basically pity parties where everyone sends
emails complaining about their woes. I have tried all of the
medications / narcotics that are available for pain management
and do not like any of the side effects. I have searched many
times for people to talk to who had positive suggestions.
My friends who don't suffer chronic pain simply don't understand.
Unlike a broken bone in a cast
or a physically obvious problem like cerebral palsy, chronic
pain cannot be seen by others. There is no dial that they
can tap and see that your pain levels are currently at a 9
out of 10. There is frequently no visible bruising or markings
to be seen and sympathized over. There is only the word of
the sufferer that they hurt. It seems inconceivable to others
that you can suffer from constant pain for 4 years and that
you have not "got used to it." That you have not
decided that you are "just going to ignore it" and
"get on with your life." It doesn't seem sensible
that you would willingly ignore the instruction to provide
for you family just because you are in pain.
Given all this, it is easy to
see why chronic pain sufferers feel misunderstood and sometimes
almost paranoid. Especially when another suffers pain for
a few hours or days and expects to be able to stay in bed
until they feel better. I know from personal experience that
you don't want to be negative, but when all you hear is negative
from fellow sufferers and from those around you, it is hard
to be anything else.
The only way out is to do the
things that Sister Isackson talks about — the ability to make
the spirit the master over the body and trusting in the Lord.
It is sometimes hard to accept that the Lord will not give
us any trial we cannot overcome — especially when you feel
as if you are in fast sinking quicksand and someone is throwing
heavy things at you. But I know that it is true. My life was
literally turned upside down when I broke my arm in a car
wreck when I rolled our family Suburban 5 times. You cannot
imagine how uplifting, a literal answer to a prayer, being
able to read a positive article from a "fellow sufferer"
was to me this morning.
The only way through the pain
is to accept that the Lord knew what he was doing when he
gave the trial. My wife reminded me this morning that the
"support groups" do not know better than the Lord.
He knows what we are capable of. Our job is to find the path
that can make our lives happy and useful again. The hardest
part can be to accept that the path we have trodden thus far
is no longer available to us and we have to almost blindly
blaze a new trail for ourselves.
I can see many positives about
the trials I am going through, but at times it all feels a
burden heavier than I am capable of carrying. Sister Isackson's
article reminded me that sometimes all the Lord can or will
do is make it possible for us to bear the burden. The burden
itself is not going away; it is how we deal with it that matters.
David Gray
Willard, Utah
**************************************
Happiness is a Hoole Book
Read Article Here
“To Be Happy at Home: An Interview
with Daryl Hoole”
I'm very excited about reading
new material from Daryl Hoole. I was a new homemaker in the
70's and her books and classes at BYU Education Week motivated
me and helped me learn to be organized. I'm so excited there
is a new book for a new generation - my daughters. Thanks!
Linda Ottley
Highland, Utah
**
My mother gave me Daryl Hoole's
book The Art of Homemaking almost 35 years ago, when
I became a new wife. I read that book over and over! I ran
across it when my children were in their teens and I was working
full-time and looked it over but put it away because I felt
it didn't relate to my life anymore. I look forward to reading
Sister Hoole's new book and if I like it I will pass on the
torch and give it to my own two daughters.
Valerie Sorensen
Salt Lake City, Utah
**
I am so excited to be able to
glean from this wonderful lady!! In my “young family” season,
I was so grateful for her advice! Thank you for giving us
the opportunity to learn again — especially directly from
her, and the “behind the scenes” info.
Blessings on your heads! I am
planning on purchasing one for my two daughters and two daughters-in-law
for either their birthdays or Mother's Day.
Thank you!!
Suzie Hansen
Erda, Utah
*********************************************
One Man’s Valley of Sorrow
Read Article Here
“Keys to Overcoming Discouragement,
Despondency, Depression,” by Darla Isackson
Depression! One of the dirty
words of Mormon culture, usually placed on the same level
as divorce, abuse, homosexuality, somewhere under the coat
rack or in a corner of the lavatory.
Not only is it a dirty word,
but when we do read personal stories or retold stories of
depression, especially in Church publications, we usually
read about women and depression. Seldom does any publication
deal with depression in men — it’s as though a valiant priesthood
holder is somehow exempt from that disease, or, at least,
if he has it, he should be able to overcome it through faith
and priesthood blessings: one of the comfortable myths of
Latter-day Saints.
However, depression, like so
many other trials and tribulations, is no respecter of gender,
age, or faithfulness. As emeritus General Authority, Elder
Alexander B Morrison wrote in Valley of Sorrow, even
children as young as two or three years of age can suffer
from depression. In my case (a sixty-four year old, believing
high priest), depression started as a recognizable experience
in my late thirties and early forties. I was a public school
teacher, my wife and I had a large family (eight children),
and she didn’t work outside the home.
Even when I worked two jobs during
the school year and an additional job during the summer, there
was never really enough money. The financial stress, with
its attendant marital difficulties, combined, I believe, to
begin my bouts with depression. In addition to everything
else, our fifteen-year old son died in a meaningless motorcycle
accident. But because I was busy most of the time, I didn’t
really pay much attention to what I now know were symptoms
of depression.
About five years ago, after being
divorced for almost ten years, I started falling deeper and
deeper into the black void. I had raised the family; I lived
alone, and spent most of my time alone. When my next to last
son left for the mission field, I learned of the church-service
missionary program, and so applied for that position. Because
of my background in English, the brother in the archives section
of the then Church History Department was anxious for me to
work with him. Happily, I began my assignment in the Church
Office Building in January of that year.
Three months later the first
of the serious depression bouts hit, and I went down like
the proverbial rock in the lake. One day on the way to the
office, I simply started crying, for no reason. Nevertheless,
by the time I arrived there, I had pulled myself together,
and was able to complete the assigned tasks for the day. That
night, however, I cried myself to sleep — the next day I had
to call in sick, knowing that I wasn’t sick, but also knowing
that I couldn’t face anything or anyone. I think I stayed
in bed that day until about 3:00 PM, when I got so hungry
that I had to get up to eat. That was one scary day.
A few months later, while trying
to figure out something on the computer, I asked one of the
brothers there to explain to me how to do what I needed to
do. Instead of explaining it to me, he simply did it, then
continued with his own work. I felt an almost uncontrollable
anger taking over. I wasn’t stupid; I wasn’t illiterate; I
wanted to know how to do the process so that I wouldn’t have
to ask again the next time. I went to my supervisor, told
him I wasn’t feeling well, and then went home where I sat
in the chair becoming angrier and angrier with the man who
didn’t take the time to explain to me how to do what I wanted
to do.
During the next six years of
church-service missionary work, I was kind of like a “bouncy
ball” — up sometimes, but also down sometimes, with no clear
pattern that I could distinguish. I finally told my supervisor
that I was bi-polar, and that I was becoming more and more
unstable. He was very understanding, telling me that he wanted
me to continue working as my health allowed.
I need to interject, at this
point, that I am one of those lucky people who have acquired
a rare, non-treatable, non-fatal, progressively debilitating
autoimmune muscle disease. My immune system is slowly but
surely destroying all the structural muscles in my body. I
have had it for about twenty years and am now completely confined
to a wheelchair. Getting in and out of bed, in and out of
the shower, on and off the toilet are all tortuous activities
for me.
If I fall, I can’t get up by
myself; either I have to call someone to help me or I have
to wait until someone comes along to help me. So certainly
the disease has been the dominating factor of my life the
past five to eight years. It also has contributed as much
to my depression as anything else. I know that, barring some
unforeseen death-causing incident, I will eventually be totally
bed-ridden, completely dependent on other people for everything.
Four rears ago, following an
unpleasant scene with two of my married children, in a fit
of petulance, self-pity, and anger, I overdosed on some sleeping
pills, planning on waking up in a different existence than
the one I had fallen asleep in. However, that didn’t happen.
I woke up in the psychiatric ward of the University Hospital.
My children had discovered what I had done (I had left detailed
information and instructions regarding wills, house titles,
etc. on the computer), and had taken me to the hospital. A
psychiatrist saw me and prescribed some medicine for me.
During the four days I was there,
various counselors spoke with me, I visited various group
therapies, and seemed to get along with few problems. The
staff at the hospital made an appointment for me to see a
counselor at LDS Family Services. I can’t say enough good
about him — he was totally accepting, completely sympathetic,
and compassionate. However, he was not a cure-all; I often
had to call him after hours to talk with him on the phone
when I knew I was not safe. He never failed me.
Unfortunately, whoever was in
charge at Family Services decided he was needed more somewhere
in the South than he was needed in Salt Lake, and so I lost
one of the threads that was connecting me to sanity and stability.
I could go on and on with stories of my continued depression,
but I really don’t think they would add much to what I’m writing
here.
I have to confess that I have
reservations about priesthood blessings; my physical experiences
have dented my spiritual nature enough that I am very wary
of saying that priesthood blessings have helped. Perhaps they
have, but I just don’t know it. I continue to suffer severe
depression; I take my medicine, try to eat well, try not to
be alone all the time, and I do say my prayers, unorthodox
though they may be. Since my first experience in the psychiatric
ward, I have been there twice more, with no assurance that
I won’t be there again. When I tell people that I suffer depression,
most of them have no idea how to respond; consequently they
begin ignoring or avoiding me. I do, however, have a wonderful
home teacher who is willing to listen to almost anything I
say. He is a great comfort to me.
My children do what they can
for me, with their busy schedules and families to take care
of. In following President Hinckley’s advice to read the Book
of Mormon, I have discovered a scripture in Alma that has
taken on new meaning for me: Alma 7:12, especially “that his
bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that
he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people
according to their infirmities.”
Christ has suffered all so that
he can understand our suffering. When I concentrate on this
scripture, I am filled with a sense of hope and faith that
eventually I will no longer have to suffer because Christ,
knowing and feeling my despair, will have removed the suffering
from me. As for now, I have learned that even believing priesthood
holders are subject to the demons of depression
Mack Patten
Salt Lake City,
Utah
*********************************************
On the Level in Lubbock
Read Article Here
“Why Are We Here — Really?”
By Jay A. Parry
I enjoyed today’s main article
Why Are We Here – Really? I would like to read more of Brother
Jay Parry’s thoughts on the essential purpose of life.
It certainly helped me to look
into myself at a deeper level than I have in the past.
Sister Carole Davis
Lubbock, Texas
**
Noting this article, “Why Are
We Here — Really?” was authored by our stake president, I
took time to read it this morning and immediately e-mailed
it to our children and my husband. I appreciated the loving
expanded vision of our life purpose. What a blessing!
Upon reading Anne Perry's letter,
12/2001, describing the beauties of Scotland, I contacted
a good friend in Chicago of Scottish ancestry and said, "let's
go." She returned with an invitation to meet her in
Edinburgh the following March. Surprising myself, I obtained
a passport and went. While we did not get to Anne's neighborhood,
we had a marvelous week independently touring in Scotland
and England. So with regret for tardiness I say Thank You
Meridian for blessing and enriching my life.
Katherine Carpenter
Salt Lake City,
Utah
**********************************************
An Eye Opener
Read Article
Here
“Clinging to the Real Treasures
of Life,” by Anne Perry
Dear Anne,
Thank you for explaining the
Gideon Principle. I think perhaps your writing it had the
hand of God in it, for it is something that I've been praying
for: the ability to see more clearly all that I have to be
thankful for.
Using the Gideon Principle, I
am able to see things I hadn't been seeing. My prayers are
being answered!
Thank you for this message.
Marci Wahlquist
Riverton, Utah
**************************************************
Lucy Bigelow Young Makes History
Read Article
Here
“Wilford Woodruff, Man
of Many Visions,” by By James T. Summerhays
It makes me sad whenever I read
an article regarding the work done for the men who appeared
to Elder Woodruff in the St. George Temple. Half of the story
is left out. Doesn't anyone ever wonder about their wives?
Lucy Bigelow Young, my great-great grandmother, did most of
the baptisms and the endowments for them. I haven't seen
it documented yet as to whether or not she helped with the
sealings. But, in the Church Office building, there is a
library to the east of the front doors on the first floor.
I went in one day to look up some stories on Lucy Bigelow
Young and was referred to Elder Woodruff's diary. He stated
in his journal that under the direction of Brigham Young,
my great-great grandfather, He and Lucy were dressed in white
and did the first endowments for these couples. Elder Woodruff
wore white buckskin. I have seen the baptisms documented
in another church manual.
Lucy was an amazing woman and
deserves the honor of that recognition. I have seen her work
in the Church History Library. She traveled to New York in
the 1870's or 1880's and collected information back into the
1600's on the Bigelow line. She also served a few missions
to the Sandwich Islands after my great-great grandfather died.
She would be the last one to call attention to herself, but
she loved Brigham as much as a woman could love any man, and
he loved her too. Now that she is gone, please don't forget
her and all that she has done for the redemption of the dead.
I feel their influence often
from behind the veil. They are still very much together.
They both have an amazing influence on me and I can feel their
love for me.
Marsha G. Hall
Pleasant Grove,
Utah
**********************************************
Chair Man of the Ward
Read Article
Here
“We are a Chair-Moving People,”
by Mark Dixon
Yes it is all true. I also learnt
service from my Father, as he set chairs up for different
meetings in the chapels we have served in. Very enjoyable,
“brings back memories” article.
Glenda Olman
Albany Branch ,
Australia Perth Mission
****************************************************
High Water Mark
Read Article
Here
“Why Water is Your Ally,”
by the Mysterious Dr. Bridell
Good article!
One thing to remember about drinking
water is not to drink too much or too fast in cases of heat
exposure, dehydration, or heavy physical exercise. This can
cause brain swelling and sometimes death.
March is National Nutrition Month.
The theme is "Step Up to Nutrition & Health."
The American Dietetic Association has a website: www.eatright.org,
which gives good information and ideas about this theme. Go
to: www.mypyramid.gov to find out individual
calorie needs based on age and activity.
Amy Lee Corbin, B.S., RD
Colorado Springs,
Colorado
******************************************************
Slow Food
Read Article Here
“#3: What Your Body will
Do for You,” by the Mysterious Dr Bridell
I TOTALLY agree with the eating
slow thing. My father takes a sip of wine before EACH BITE!!!
(We'll skip the wine issue for now — he's not a member.)
It would take him at least a half an hour to eat anything.
If he couldn't have his full time he would just not eat.
As a kid it used to drive me
CRAZY. It was the most ludicrous thing I ever heard of.
But he's never been overweight his whole life. And this from
a man who loves to eat!
Thanks for writing about "common
sense." I'm on the thin side but enjoy reading your
articles anyway because of that very thing.
Johanne Perry
Cedar Hills, Utah
*********************************************
Guilt Trick
Read Article
Here
"I, Nephi... ," by
Kathryn H. Kidd
Thanks to Kathryn for sharing
that great perspective on reading verses of scripture. I will
never read again without thinking of that. It takes away the
guilt of having just "a minute or two" to read.
Super!
Linda Sumsion
Bountiful, Utah
**********************************************
Heart Appreciation
Read Article Here
“Greg Olsen, Painting From the
Heart,” by By Steevun Lemon
This was such an excellent article.
Also thanks for showing so many pieces of his work throughout
the article.
It brought me to tears. The spirit
was there. I will look at these particular paintings now and
think of the story behind them.
Rita Jarreau
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
***********************************************
Heart Palpations
Read Article Here
“From Our Hearts Instead of
our Eyes,” by Vickey Pahnke-Taylor
I had a frustrating conversation
with my 14-year old last night. He is trying his hardest
to live by gospel standards, and in my view is a wonderful
young man. But, he’s beginning to see his friends at school
getting into trouble that, nine times out of ten, looks like
a lot of fun. He feels isolated and wonders if all his sacrifices
are worth it. I found myself struggling to find the right
words to say, but mostly I just sympathized with him. Frankly,
I feel the same way he does sometimes
This morning after I checked
my email from back home in the states, I went to www.Meridianmagazine.com to look for
something inspiring to read. You’re article really touched
my heart. I’ve printed it up and plan to use it as the basis
of our next family home evening. With all the garbage on
the internet, it’s amazing and encouraging to me that in just
a few clicks I can find wise words from another mom that speak
directly to my heart. Thank you to Vickey Pahnke-Taylor for
taking the time out of what must be an appalling schedule
(eight children!) to write about sacrifice and blessings.
Lisa Goddard
Gothenburg, Sweden
