http://www.ldsmag.com/homemaking/060221cures.html

I have long struggled with reverence when with small children in church. I remember when I realized that I found Sunday to be the worst day of the week. My best friend with seven children confided in me that she too would get the shakes, and not be able to sleep the day before the Sabbath because it was such an overwhelming and unbearable day; especially dealing with children at church. My most frustrating time of the week was during Sacrament meeting when my children were preventing me from listening.

The author focused on quiet books, crayons, and no food, but what are the principles behind these solutions that would make them universal? Most members around the world don't have access to quiet books (too expensive or complicated to make) or crayons (too expensive and easily broken and lost). I would suggest more universal approaches that could apply to members around the world, some who travel long distances to their meetings. One principle we have used with our seven rambunctious, high- energy children is to simplify. Bring one pen or one pencil, (per child) and some plain paper instead of 48 crayons and multiple coloring books. We also suggest that the older children look through the hymn book, read the words of the hymns and not bring other distracting books. If these two activities aren't working we do allow the children to put their heads on the laps of their parents seated next to them.

So much of our children's behavior in church involved years of training, patience, and sometimes positive reinforcement in terms of treats at home, if they were improved from the week before - not just for perfect behavior. Punishment does not train children to good behavior. Children are in the process of learning to find the intrinsic value in the meetings and not all the extra things to do while enduring the meeting. This is part of their spiritual journey too. The most important thing is not to be irritated or discouraged by their inappropriate behavior. If one parent is more reactive and impatient with normal childish behavior, then put the other parent in charge for a while. We have left meetings when both of us were frustrated and irritated, and learned to make a joke of it between the two of us so that we did not build up resentment toward the children. Take advantage of the rooms where the meeting can be heard via speaker so that the parent feels renewed and refreshed instead of resentful, and burdened. Some in our ward are helping others by sharing child duties during the meetings - much to the relief of all involved.

This is a very challenging and serious subject that affects marriages and the bond that parents have with their children. Some people go inactive for a time rather than dealing with difficult children at church. This is a problem that cannot be solved by a few crayons and quiet books.

Susan Reeve

Tabernacle, New Jersey

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When our children were small, my wife instituted a one-hour "quiet time" each and every day for our young children. They could take a nap, read quietly, or do some other quiet activity. It was not a coincidence that the quiet time coincided with the time our ward was assigned for Sacrament Meeting. This way, the children were used to being quiet and doing quiet activities at about the same time EVERY DAY ! When Sunday came around, they continued to enjoy their accustomed quiet hour. It worked pretty well for our family. Now that the children are older, we still have a quiet time during the summer and sometimes on Saturday.

Mom also usually would get a nap out of the deal!

Owen Mortensen

Tucson , Arizona

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Natalie Hale has written a great article. I thought it was just because I was older and had no toddlers of my own to deal with that made me less tolerant of late of those whose children are out of control. But I guess I'm not the only one who sees this as a problem or the article wouldn't have been written.

Natalie left us with so many good tips for handling the young ones. Here's one my wife and I used when our 6 kids were young. We continually saw parents drag their kids kicking and screaming out of sacrament meeting and into the foyer. There in the foyer would be several parents with several toddlers. The kids were content and the parents were relieved. Only one thing was wrong with this situation, and that is that they are not in the chapel where they should be. The kids are loving it because they are on the floor playing with their buddies.

When our children decided that the stress of being quiet was too much to bear, we took them out of the chapel right away. We didn't wait for the decibel level to reach triple digits. We went out of the chapel and right past the nursery scene on the foyer floor. We would find an empty classroom or even a custodial closet if all the rooms were being used. We would STAND in the room until order was restored. The child was taught right there that their behavior was inappropriate for the chapel and that there would be no reward for that type of behavior. They were not in that room to play. No toy or doll was brought to the room. All that was there was a frustrated child and a parent who was demonstrating that reverence was important and disrespect for that reverence would not be tolerated.

The children quickly got the idea that going back into the chapel to sit quietly with the family was a much better alternative than where they were standing. Of 6 children, none needed more than 2 sessions like this to fully understand that there was a better way to pass the hour than standing with arms folded in a quiet room. Their own children now are in the process of learning these same lessons and it is working for them as well.

Thanks again Natalie for bringing this important topic to the readers.

Marc Orvin

Arvada , Colorado

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I had just been thinking on Sunday about the food issue with children. While most of the parents in our ward are working to train their children about being quiet, they don't seem to understand that idea of reverence for the sacrament meeting, the chapel and the Lord in their food and snack habits. And I do think it is a habit. All the children, including older teenagers, partake of these snacks. They demand them immediately after the sacrament is passed and happily munch on treats whose smells waft throughout the chapel. I've seen everything from bananas to peanut butter sandwiches and not only babies' bottles, but older children drinking out of their own water bottles. How I wish parents would understand their children can certainly cope through an hour meeting without eating and thereby contribute to the reverence of the meeting for all involved. It only takes a little extra planning to feed them closer to the time church begins.

From a reader in California (name withheld by request)

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Ours are now 19 (currently at the MTC!) and almost 17. Yes, reverence can be achieved. Something of critical importance not mentioned in the article is how you behave (yes, you, the parent) when you must take your wiggly or loud child out of Sacrament Meeting. You let them know that they haven't "won" anything by leaving the meeting, that in fact, they are now more restricted. You find a quiet room where they don't even have anyone else to look at (horrors!) and you sit with them on your lap, until they're ready to go back in to the meeting. And you ask them, "Are you ready to be reverent and go back into the meeting?" You don't stand and chat with other parents in the foyer and watch your children run around together.

My husband taught me this when I was at my wit's end with our little boys. Yes, it takes personal discipline on the parent's part to discipline a child.

I love John Bytheway's quote "There are two kinds of pain; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." It's up to us to teach our tiny little brothers and sisters. Hang in there; they do learn by our example.

Pamela Smith

Henderson , Nevada

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As one who has raised 4 children, sacrament meeting was seldom a problem and the reason why is that not only did I train them at home, but the only item that I brought to Sacrament meeting was a quiet book. My children knew that talking and misbehaving was not an option during this meeting time. If they

misbehaved, they were promptly taken out, dealt with and then brought right back in. I'm pleased to see that those of my children who have children of their own are quiet during church meetings.

I find though that parents are also irreverent and sometimes are worse than the child. What really upsets me is when parents of babies play with their baby, the baby giggles and wiggles; but when it comes time for that baby to be quiet, it's been given the message that it's okay to giggle and wiggle. When they're made to be quiet, they have been stimulated rather than soothed. Believe me, if young parents would realize that nobody really cares if their baby giggles, it's not funny to the rest of the congregation, in fact it's downright annoying to hear that persistent giggle, then ultimately the crying because that baby is now tired of being tickled and played with. And then to those parents who allow their children to wander around the chapel and up to the choir seats - it's very distracting, and don't these parents see their child wondering? Are they blind? It's not cute, people!

Sometimes the parents of disruptive children are the same people who think that it's okay to come and talk to me just prior to the start of the meeting when I'm trying to feel and invite the spirit in. They sometimes act offended when I tell them not to talk because I'm trying to be reverent.

I think the problem is twofold: