Roses
in December: Readers Throw Flowers and a Few Snowballs
Edited and compiled by Kathy Green
GIFT
EXCHANGE:
A
reader has four tickets to the Saturday, Dec. 10, Tabernacle
Choir concert and needs to exchange them for a Dec 9 performance.
If you can swap with this brother, please respond to the
editor right away. Thanks.
Grateful
Grands
Grandparenting
at a Distance,
by Faye A. Klingler -- Read
Article Here
Thanks
so much for this article. When my son-in-law graduates
from college in May he will be going directly into military
training back east. I know I am going to miss my little
grandson so much when they move away, and this article
gives me hope that I can keep a close connection with
him. Thanks for the ideas and encouragement.
Valerie
Sorensen
Riverton, Utah
**
Great
article.
I am a long distance grandparent. My problem is trying
to get my grandchildren to hand write me a letter. I get
a lot of e-mails, but not enough in their own hand. I
write them and thank them every time they send me something
and I do it by hand.
I
have talked to their mother and she suggests that they
write me, but it does not seem to get through. I do not
want to demand that they write, so I just keep waiting
for them to get the point.
Pete
New Mexico
***************************************************************
Written
Notice
Audience of One -- Read Article
Here and The Key
to Your Personal History, by Paul Bishop -- Read
Article Here
Peculiar Treasure, Priceless Opportunity, by Carol Kostakos Petranek -- Read Article Here
How
generous of your writers to share their expertise with
so many of us "wannabees."
From
the mere titles of the articles, which immediately grasp
attention, to the stimulating text of each article, I'm
referring especially to recent contributions of Paul Bishop,
"An Audience of One ― Written Gifts for Those
You Love."
How
beautiful! When he brings out the essence of love given and received with his
gift of family stories, efforts and labors of love in
their tradition of giving "homemade Christmas gifts".
So timely! And his second article, "The Key to Your
Personal History." Aren't we all still trying to
write or rewrite this? I must try it again after reading
this.
Another
article for writers, "Segullah:
Peculiar Treasure; Priceless Opportunity". New Literary
Journal Fosters Creativity, Connection among LDS Women."
Could we make this interesting enough to stimulate an
activity for the new Relief Society Enrichment program?
I
have seldom been happy with my own writing, no matter
how labored it is. 'Haps I'm not alone in this! The other
probably came through Meridian, also. "The
Nauvoo Workshop, for LDS Writers." registration available.
Great motivation! [see http://www.nauvoo.com/writers.html:]
Many,
many thanks to all the writers, editors and staff at Meridian. Oh that I had the eyes of my 16th birthday instead
of my 76th!!
DeNiece Spencer
Nebraska
**
As I sat down to write the stories for my children this
year, I decided to check my e-mail. I found your article
in my daily subscription from Meridian Magazine. I so
appreciated your words and council.
Stories at Christmas time started after many years of
my "story telling" about the kids when they
were little and drove me crazy (two of the three are ADHD).
Over and over the stories were told and we laughed each
time. Finally, one of my sons requested that I write the
stories down for posterity. Well, that request changed
my life. I honored his request even though I always got
D's in English for many years in school, even though I
don't know how to punctuate or spell, and even thought
I really didn't think I had much to say that anyone else
would ever care about. I can testify that God has truly
guided me. He also made Spell Check for me and provided
very sharp friends who blessed me and our family by editing
my work!
My daughter, each year, takes her "book" to
work and shares my stories with her co-workers and they
seem to enjoy the stories as well. So, I guess others
enjoy my stories too!
I appreciate your suggestions regarding the presentation
of my work. I provided our adult children with a three-ring
binder and each year I punch the stories with holes to
be easily placed in their own "book." I hope
to be more creative this year in the presentation of my
stories thanks to your suggestions.
The stories have evolved over the years. They started
out by being just about the kids. Then I progressed on
to other aspects in my life that the kids really didn't
know the details. Sharing stories about my military career
was especially fun for me to write. I have been able to
include pictures along the way and that really is fun
as well.
This past year I lost my two beloved animals; one to
age and the other sickness. I will be writing about them
while my memory is clear and my feelings are raw.
I am unable, for some reason, to write fiction. I stick
with true happenings in my life. I wish I could go beyond
myself some day and create short stories that inspire
and motivate my children and grandchildren.
Again, thank you, Brother Bishop, for your article.
It has helped me for this and future seasons of "home
made" gifts in remembrance of the birth of our dear
Savior and all that He has given us.
Bless you at this sacred time of the year.
Sister Marti Lindquist
St. George, Utah
******************************************************************
Porn
Free
Pornography: Molesting the Minds of Our
Young, by W. Dean Belnap -- Read Article Here
I
am a new reader to your web site and could not resist
just this quick missive to say thank you... Dr. Belnap's article was as they say, dead on the money. Also
powerful was the 11/28 article on the aftermath of Amercian
slavery. Bracing; Unifying! Please continue your excellent,
excellent work.
Ben
Halley
New York City
**
Thank you for the article by Dr. Dean Belnap in today's issue discussing the evil influence of pornography
and pornographers. Certainly it is the most evil influence
of a promiscuous and open society. In my work in church
leadership on several occasions I have participated in
church disciplinary action involving other members.
While I truly believe that process is a wonderful, healing
process that ultimately helps members turn
their lives to the light of Jesus Christ, I have also
learned that almost all those who are disciplined for
sexual transgression have started their downward spiral
by viewing pornography. Thanks to Dr. Belnap
for helping us understand a little
better how to confront this dark assault on the youth
and adults of our church and our society.
Lamonte John
Annandale, Virginia
********************************************************************
Change
Your Partner
How Do I Get My Spouse to Change? by Laura M. Brotherson, PhD. Read Article
Here
I
just wanted to thank you for a wonderful article! My (non-LDS)
husband and I went to marriage counseling and did not
get very far. I have been resentful of my husband for
not even wanting to try the tasks she set us; and that
hasn't made things easier. The last session I attended
myself and she told me that she thinks I'll probably end
up leaving him and that he is not going to change: Obviously
an unsatisfactory answer and I was so distressed at the
bleak future she painted for our marriage.
I
have spent some time in prayer trying to find out how
to make this work, and how to get out of the bad cycle
we're in. The first impression I had was
to seek counseling at LDS family services (didn't do this
at first, as didn't want my husband feel that "we"
were ganging up on him.) Your article provided so much
inspiration to me ― the timing of it was truly an
answer to my prayers!
I
always read your column and always feel like I can find
things there to take away and apply.
Name
withheld
Sydney Australia
**
Laura, I just finished reading your article on Meridian
Magazine. Loved it! You are one terrific woman! Thanks
for all of your help.
I was the complaining, criticizing wife for years.
Healing from ritual abuse, I had to work through a lot
of issues ― my husband triggered everything for
me. However, he stuck it through with me.
One day, one of my therapists said, "Pam, can you
just love him? Get out of his way." Once I started
doing that, our relationship changed. You are SO right.
It is so much about changing yourself. And unconditionally
loving yourself.
A friend suggested I say to myself (a lot), "I
unconditionally accept myself right now." This has
helped me so much in accepting others as well as myself.
And has made a world of difference in the relationships
I have with my spouse, children, and immediate family.
God bless you! You are a godsend.
Name withheld
**
Why
we want our spouses to change:
1.
We love them. We want them to overcome weaknesses to
be the best they can be. Not only that, we have made sacred
covenants to help each other. My husband is also my brother,
and I have an obligation to pray for and support righteous
changes. Loving the person he is right now does not preclude
my loving the person he will become.
2.
We want the best for our children. For example, if my
husband doesn't yell in anger, hopefully my kids won't
either.
3.
We want it for personal reasons. Sometimes they are
selfish (If my husband were thin, I'd look better in front
of my friends), but they can be righteously motivated
as well. For example, it would make my life easier if
my husband helped me clean the house.
Depending
on your motivation, wanting a spouse to change isn't necessarily
a bad thing. In our marriages, we need to be more open
to change. If my husband wanted me to develop a righteous
characteristic ― like good health, patience or organization,
wouldn't it be helpful if I actually tried, instead of
kicking and screaming "He's trying to change me!
He's not accepting me the way I am"?
Our
spouses may know us better than anyone else, and can see
us in ways we cannot. How about letting your spouse set
one of your New Year's Resolutions for you? I'm trying
it this year; and I confess that I will have to let go
of a little pride in order to do this. Even good changes
can be difficult to make.
Name
withheld
******************************************************************
Picking
a Winner
Two Churches Only, by Joseph Fielding McConkie -- Read Article
Here
Wow!
vThanks,
Meridian Magazine, for being one of the first to recognize
a future classic talk! This talk might become a turning
point in the missionary methods of thousands of Saints.
Thanks for sharing this!
Mark
Matheson
Highland, Utah
**
This
was wonderful and life-changing if taken to heart. It
gave me thoughts that had never occurred to me before,
which gave me courage that I never had. Brother McConkie's
talk caused me to think of the last few beatitudes, (Matt
5:10 & 11 & Luke 6:22) and gave me a clearer understanding
of them. I feel very thankful to have read this. My husband
and I are planning to go on a mission in a few years and
I will read this many more times. Thank you for printing
this and the many other great articles. I love Meridian
Magazine.
Debbie
King
Sequim, Washington
******************************************************************
Enders
The
Children of Divorce,
by Orson Scott Card -- Read
Article Here
I
was so happy to see such a well-written and informative
article on this subject. My "temple" marriage
of 27 years ended due to my husband's adultery. The repercussions
for my children have been enormous. I remarried three
weeks ago and just last night had my 16-year-old daughter
"melt down." She expressed how difficult it
is for her to "choose" between parents during
the holidays. We have tried to be as fair as possible
with our teen and adult children in planning holiday times,
but it truly is impossible to come up with any solution
that makes the children feel whole.
Divorce
is so ugly, even in the so-called "good divorces."
The children suffer so much. I am a child of divorce,
I know. My parents divorced when I was 17. Sometimes we
think it doesn't affect the older children so much, but
that is a misconception. My 19-year-old son told me yesterday
that he is struggling with his testimony of priesthood
authority and he thinks he feels the same way his father
does. The article points out how difficult it is for children
who have one "religious" parent and one who
isn't.
I
can testify that this is indeed a very difficult challenge
for teenagers. My own testimony was so challenged by my
ex-husband's choices that I spent two years in a less
active state that has had a huge impact on my children.
Before the divorce I served in several auxiliary presidencies.
It all becomes so confusing for children. Adults can hardly
make sense of any of it.
Being
an LDS child of divorce brings about additional challenges.
My daughter once said, "I feel like no one at church
understands what I'm going through." My son feels
additional pressure to "not be like his father."
An older son came home from a European mission after only
four months and was falsely accused of sexual sin by members
of our ward who thought he was just following in his father's
footsteps.
I
would love to see more articles related to our LDS children
of divorce and their challenges, as well as articles on
step-parenting and blended families. These are realities
in this difficult world, and it is refreshing to see an
LDS publication take this on.
Name
withheld
**************************************************************
In
the Neighborhood
The Challenge of Accepting Ourselves, by Darla Isackson -- Read Article
Here
In
"The Broken Heart," Bruce Hafen
warns us of the dangers of self-acceptance gone awry.
He quotes a popular children’s TV show that says, "I
like you just the way you are." He then goes on to
say how pop psychology takes an important truth, but then
this point "loses its sense of restraint, with the
misleading idea that self-acceptance is the end of therapeutic
or personal development rather than the beginning. Counseling
can in this way become less concerned with assisting people
toward change and more concerned with simply helping them
to be comfortable" (p. 181). If self-acceptance is
the end of our efforts, rather than the beginning, we
have short-changed ourselves. The good news of the gospel
is that we can change. In fact, the Savior says
that if we come unto him, he'll show us where need to
change (see Ether 12:27, Mosiah 3:19).
Name
withheld
**************************************************************
School
Daze
Parents Should be Outraged, by Maurine Proctor --Read
Article Here
I
concur with Lindsay Varnum Cano that we MUST be involved in the day-to-day activities
of our children/grandchildren and actually read the things
that they bring home. If we want it to be our responsibility
to teach and make decisions for our children instead of
school administrators, then we need to do so.
This
decision doesn’t really take away any rights of parents
yet. What it does is tell us that if we make the wrong
choice by not exempting our kids from things of which
we don’t approve, we’ve made the choice to give the schools
carte blanche to indoctrinate, survey, show inappropriate
movies, or whatever else they “invent” for our children
that has nothing to do with teaching.
The
decision is absolutely not surprising. Many years ago,
I watched as the sex education movement argued that if
parents wouldn’t talk to their kids about sex, the schools
would do it. This decision is just the rest of the camel
being pushed into the tent by the courts. If we are outraged
by the decision, good, as long as that outrage provides
the motivation to be vigilant about what’s going on in
the schools our youth and children attend. If outrage
doesn’t motivate us, it’s a wasted emotion.
The
principle of enduring to the end is,
I believe applicable here. We need to be vocal. We need
to be vigilant. We need to be vocal and vigilant to
the end in protecting our posterity from the evils
of the world. Make no mistake, evil will be both vocal
and vigilant in attempting to lead our children astray.
Remember the lesson of Las Vegas. The only thing necessary
for evil to triumph, is for good people to do nothing.
Finally,
perhaps this decision will motivate more of us and “those
of like mind” to home school.
William
L. Shumway
Mesa, Arizona
**************************************************************
Burden
Baring
Grief: A Universal Experience, by Darla Isackson -- Read Article
Here
I am sorry for the loss of your son. I know a parent
should never have to go through this terrible agony.
How comforting to know you had friends to help you through
the grieving process, many others do not, including myself.
I am a young widow. I lost my husband to leukemia complications
over 4 1/2 years ago and am still trying to cope and move
forward with my life.
Recently I had surgery. Before the operation, I was
told I would not survive. By His grace I did, but I still
don't know why I am here or whether I have a purpose,
I am just here, trying to live my life quietly for God.
It would be nice to have a friend, even a church member
to talk to about the death of my husband, if I bought
the grief workbook to do the exercises, etc. There is
no one I can speak with or write my feelings down for,
who would understand. Most are married or single. I just
don't fit in ― especially in a family ward. This
ward I have been in for 2 1/2 years really never has accepted
me, not like my mother’s ward whose members came down
to pick me up and bring me home when I was so sick.
When I heard, a certain brother was heading this up,
I knew I would be taken care of; and I was.
My mothers ward members, many who I have known since
beginning in high school, enveloped me, included me in
things, asked me to baby sit, etc.
My Patriarchal Blessing is too painful to read. I am
doing the best I can, all without friends. I only see
church members on Sunday unless there is an activity.
I know this has been long, you touched a nerve. "I
am a thriver, not a survivor."
Sorry for the long letter, many emotions came out.
Thank you for being a listening ear.
Name
Withheld
