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Correction and Correctives: Readers Respond
Edited and compiled by Kathy Green
Daily Bread
It is wonderful articles such as this that keeps bringing me back (daily) to Meridian!
Susan
Christensen
Safford, Arizona
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My
husband and I were able to see The Work and the Glory last weekend
with our oldest son in Cedar City. We thoroughly enjoyed the movie and thought
the actors fit the parts quite well (after we adjusted to the new
Becky
West
Cedar City, Utah
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Thank you for sharing your insightful ideas on self-esteem.
May I recommend the chapter "Doer of Our Deeds" in Catherine Thomas' book Spiritual Lightening as an excellent reference on the pursuit of self-esteem. She addresses the myth that low self-esteem is boosted when we focus on the self to deal our unmet needs. Instead, she suggests that feelings of confidence and security come when we feel the love of the Lord and make him the central focus in our life.
Thomas' gift is the ability to transform an ordinary subject into words that allow us to think about a topic in new and very personal ways. I hope you find this book to be one of the treasures in your library as I have.
Liz
Dayton
St. George, Utah
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I must have really needed this article this morning because it hit me like a lightning bolt! Even after reading those passages in Alma, Helaman, etc. in the past, they didn't have the perspective nor the impact on me as was wrought by this article. I understood, or at least thought I did, what was being said by Alma, et al, but to be honest, I didn't have the focus I should have had. Perhaps a better term here would be 'application.' I can't thank you enough for this "turning-away-from-self" help! The article is succinct, easy reading and has me truly pondering the words of the prophets with an altered perspective.
I am now determined to read the other five preceding articles with the hope that they, too, will offer up more enlightenment for me. I sincerely hope to apply Brother Goddard's insight when reading my scriptures and then doing my best to LIVE it! Again, the key is the application. The reading and understanding are the easy part! Again, thank you for such an outstanding article!
D. Meledie Knopf
Arlington, Washington
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Brother Goddard hit the nail squarely on the head as he usually does. I appreciated these thoughts very much.
I used to pray for help in loving myself so I could then love others. This relieves me of a double burden. Now I do not have to worry about my self-hate, nor do I have to strive to overcome it with self-love either. I just forget about myself and focus on Christ. I like that.
I think most of us knew this, even if we did not know we knew it. We have all experienced the joy of losing ourselves in service to others. This should blend very well with Terry Warner’s information on Self-Deception that I treasure.
Gary
Larsen
Murray, Utah
**
My husband and I took heed of the Prophet’s call. We are at reading 3 Nephi 9 at the moment. All the way through up to this point we have felt a very strong message — one that we recognize as the love of God for us, his spirit children. Then along comes this article that sends my head and heart spinning.
I think a common mistake we make is seeing the Book of Mormon as a history lesson of wars and more wars. We don't see the loving counsel contained in its pages. The two articles that I have read fill my heart with love for the living God. Like you, if I made my list now it would be in the hundreds.
Thank you for a further insight into the Book of Mormon. We need to move out of our comfort zone and take heed of what God has in store for us. Do we want to be buried in the depths of the sea or be buried under a mountain? Today the sea is morality and the mountain pornography.
Dot
Thompson
Otane,
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http://www.meridianmagazine.com/arts/051101show.html
It was a pleasure to meet Greg Hansen through this short article. What a joy that one with such talent shares so willingly. We have had several missionaries from Corvallis, Oregon serving in Fort Worth recently, three of whom I know personally. These boys all knew each other before their missions. I am sorry they were not all able to participate with President Crockett and others like Greg Hansen.
Thank you, Greg, for all of your many contributions. May the Lord continue to bless you as you share your great talents.
Diane Merten,
Corvallis, Oregon
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http://www.ldsmag.com/ideas/051031serpents.html
This is an intelligent balanced report. Because of the hysteria sometimes aroused through newspaper publicity, I want to say a word in behalf of former offenders, though exceptional, who want to live normal lives, who regret their past offense (which may have been long past), who want to get on with their lives.
There is always more than one person suffering: not just the offender and victim, but their families. To me it is unjust to create such a harsh social climate that it seems impossible to repent, change, and start with a clean slate. The two offenders whom I know personally each came from good families. Both used pornography. One is a man, the other a woman. The man got hooked in his youth on pornography, and the woman found herself supposedly in love with a youth she was responsible for tending while the mother worked fulltime.
Of course we want to protect our children. Your piece carefully distinguished between dangerous situations and safe ones. As you pointed out, there are degrees of seriousness of offenses. Does not our legal system punish sufficiently and monitor sex offenders? Could media attention make matters worse? What happens when one regrets his/her error, is fully repentant, and wants to lead a good life? Do we give him/her a chance? What about their loved ones?
Thank you for writing from experience in the Church and in law enforcement. We as Church members must prevent the use of pornography.
Mary Jane Fritzen
Idaho Falls , Idaho
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I hope Paul will eventually overcome his apparent inability to forgive these individuals in his ward who have sinned, but have done nothing to him directly. As the father of a child who was convicted of sexual misconduct with a minor, I am torn by the issue of registration of sex offenders.
Unfortunately, due to the inexperience of the judge involved with our case (my son’s was the first juvenile sex offense she had ever tried) her decisions at sentencing resulted in my son being placed on the sex offender registry when it is not customary for cases such as his. He’s a mid-teenage boy who wants to have as normal a teenage life as he can, given his crime. That life is denied to him because of his sin/crime and our society’s reaction to it. He now must follow a safety plan that requires him to be under 24/7 adult supervision. We can live with that, hard as it is. Unfortunately, the registration aspect of the sentencing makes it harder for him to change and heal. The information about his crime is now public knowledge to everyone in his school, seminary, and neighborhood. Would you wish that upon a child who is struggling because he made a mistake and is trying to reform?
His peers at school are in no danger of him committing another crime since none of them could even qualify as victims. Still, all it took was for one of those peers to stumble across him on the website and now everyone is aware of the issue and the whispered innuendoes go on.
Someone reading this will possibly be thinking, “He should have thought of that before he offended.” If we adults thought through the implications of our sins we wouldn’t commit them, but we still do. Expecting early teenage youth to project out the real implications of their actions is wishful thinking. In fact, I dare say that most juvenile sex offenders probably know it’s wrong, but don’t realize that what they are doing is a crime.
I also suspect that if we were to closely examine most high schools we would find numerous cases of sex crimes occurring on a regular basis. Any relationship involving seniors and sophomores, for example, (not that uncommon) that involves necking or petting can be prosecuted as a sex crime (at least in my state).
The classic example that Paul raised in his cathartic article is one that I believe bears closer examination: that of the offender whose offense is twenty years in the past. He’s probably correct in that most of these individuals don’t represent a danger to society any longer. Many of them can and do overcome their weakness, yet still it must be publicly posted that they committed this offense regardless of the time that has passed or the repentance that has been achieved.
Will we ever give them a second chance? A chance to build anew without that hanging over them? Whatever happened to our supposed philosophy that it is better that a hundred guilty men go free than to hang one who is innocent? I would submit that many, not all, of those who committed sexual crimes have reformed and are not a danger to society. As such, their time of public registration should come to an end.
In high school or college many of us read Nathaniel Hawthorn’s “the Scarlet Letter,” and were intrigued/dismayed at what was portrayed there. Are we any different? Are we not putting a scarlet letter on these offenders? In Hawthorn’s day the crime “du jour” was adultery. Now it happens to be sexual relations with minors. Will our society change again and pick a new “crime du jour?” Please understand that I am not trying to minimize the gravity of the sin/crime these people have committed. But is there a point when their debt has been paid?
On the other hand, perhaps we ought to ask ourselves if we’ve gone far enough with this registry idea. Are our children not in as much danger, even mortal danger, from the convicted drunk driver who lives next door or down the block? Why is there no registration requirement for him (or her)? Again, are our children not at a high risk of succumbing to the life-destroying effects of the drugs that will be pushed at them by the convicted drug dealer who’s moved into the house two blocks over? The drug dealer whom we know, with a certainty, will target the youth of the neighborhood as his victims/customers but who lives anonymously in our neighborhood because there is no requirement that we be notified when he moves in?
Perhaps all the adulterers in our neighborhood should be posted so we can protect our wives/husbands from these family-wrecking predators. Or maybe we ought to register anyone who’s ever committed a crime of fraud so we can be sure to protect our hard earned assets from these predators who need to find new victims just to support their lifestyle. And we certainly wouldn’t want to skip those convicted of assault since they are a danger to not only the children, but to any family member. Scariest of all, there can well be murderers living next door unbeknown to anyone in the neighborhood. Heaven forbid that we should presume that just because they murdered their wife/neighbor/stranger on their doorstep 20 years ago that they won’t re-offend. I’m appalled that these groups are not required to register and have their identities posted on a web site so the neighbors can circulate handbills warning of the danger. What kind of society have we become when we allow any such person to live in our midst unknown?
But seriously, as a society we have focused on this one issue with the thought that it will protect society. That is well and good, but by doing so are we allowing/helping the offenders to change and move on with their lives? That sexual crimes are being more recognized is beyond doubt and that we need to work towards eliminating them is obvious, but if all our offenses were as widely broadcast as those of sex offenders, would any of us be able to repent?
Please leave me anonymous for the peace of my family and my son who is trying to change.
**
No mention was made of those poor individuals who are falsely accused, prosecuted and imprisoned. All it takes is the word of an angry child, and someone ends up in jail for a crime they never committed. The word of the child always wins in a sexual assault case. When they get out and become registered on one of these sex offender lists, they will be persecuted by people who never bother to find out the truth.
Teri Hansen
Provo, Utah
**
I
read the article and was shocked. After I read it I felt impressed to send
it on to others that I know. Everyone needs to know this information and
do something, you know what they say, "The
only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke.
Gone is the day when you can sit back and hope for better days. If we want
better days, we have to fight for them, today.
Thank you so much for all you do to promote righteousness.
Kimberly Waldron
Morgantown, West Virginia
**
I would add one other suggestion: The Boy Scouts of America, as part of the membership requirements for all youth joining, have a youth protection introduction in each of the Scout Handbooks. Parents would do well to go through this material with their children on a regular basis. BSA also provides an excellent Youth Protection program for educating the adults working with our youth. This program has received national recognition. I strongly encourage any adult working with youth in a Scouting setting to take advantage of this training.
Bob
Taylor
Poulsbo,
Washington
**
it is comforting to know that someone with professional insight can acknowledge the need for compassion and forgiveness, even while protecting both the offender and others from future harm. It has been a long, frustrating experience to love someone who is repenting from this mistake while still feeling the need to defend him as not the monster society would have us believe.
It is possible for someone to make a sexually related mistake and not be a future danger to anyone. It is also possible for them to repent, be forgiven by God and church, and to change and turn their lives around. They still have the same hope for celestial exaltation that any other repented sinner can hope for.
I am grateful that my feelings in this area have been validated by the words of Brother Bishop, and this gives me hope that others within the church membership will have a change of heart. I know that I would hate to have my sins laid out for all the world to see. I am so grateful that my repentance in life has been private. I can't imagine how it must feel to have your past mistakes always haunting you as they do in the case of sexual offenses. While I understand the need for society to be aware, it is such a high price for those whose offenses are minor to moderate and for whom true change and repentance can be accomplished.
Every time our family gets together and we cannot enjoy the presence of our convicted loved one because children will be there, it is a sharp reminder of the pain we have endured and we wonder if we will ever be truly healed. Our lives will never be the same and the joy we used to feel as a family will forever be altered. We don't need anyone outside our home to tell us how wrong his choices were or make us feel any worse than we already do. We have all paid the price for his choice that day. I pray that when he goes to church, he will find compassionate ward members who will see him for ALL of who he is and not just WHAT he did in a moment of weakness a long time ago.
Anonymous by request
**
I found out several months ago that I have two registered sexual offenders living in my ward, and both are active members. One is our Sunday school president. I wrestled with this knowledge for a while, because I like both men and their wives. I finally went to my bishop to talk about my feelings. I learned that my bishop was aware of both men. The one who is our Sunday school president had gone through the repentance process and the other is going through it now, as a new member of the Church. I have been able to reconcile my feelings by realizing that if the Lord has forgiven these men and allowed them their progression, who am I to contradict the Lord?
I have never spoken with another ward member of my knowledge and I will never do so, unless malicious gossip would start. At first it was hard to be sociable with these men, but after my visit with my bishop, I am now able to be on friendly terms with them. All of my children are grown and gone with their own families, but I would not be comfortable having my grandchildren alone with these men.
My bishop assured me that they would never be given a calling that involved children. My conversation with my bishop was the most comforting thing that I could have done. I would recommend to any ward member anywhere, if they become aware of sexual offenders in their wards, go and talk with their bishop first before anyone else! If the bishop is aware of the person, then he can set your mind at ease as to what is being done church-wise. If he is not aware of the person, then he can immediately begin to do something about it.
As mentioned in the article, there are families involved with these people — and who are we to destroy a family?
I pray that everyone who reads this article will become diligent in gaining knowledge to keep their family safe while being diligent in not destroying another family.
Anonymous by request
**
I appreciate the well-written article on this very sensitive subject. Sexual abuse in the Church is far bigger than most of us want to admit.
My first husband molested all five of my children. When we went to court he took a plea bargain because I felt the children were too small to go on trial. Thus in a few years all evidence was removed from his record. There was no church action taken against him, no record to warn anyone.
I fear that this man's passions have continued, although I have kept my children safe. With the judge’s help I was able to move far from this man. I know he has a temple recommend.
Years later I confided in a church friend what my children had suffered. She spread horrible rumors though the ward. No one would tell me what she said, but both my husband and I were released from our callings and we were horribly shunned each Sunday. At first I thought, “This will pass. They have known us for years. They know we are good people. After one and a half years, things had not improved. Funny thing was, the woman who started the rumors was now inactive. The "righteous" members of the ward had all forgotten where the rumors started and just took them for truth. The final blow came one Sunday when the stake president and his family, who were in our ward, all talked in sacrament meeting on judging others righteously. I felt the entire meeting was directed at me. In order to save my precious testimony, we moved. The Lord sent us to a loving branch where we could heal and be loved.
I have a cousin who was molested by his mother. As a young boy, he molested his sister. His mother made certain he stood trial, was sentenced and went to prison. When he got out he was in intensive therapy for over seven years. He is registered as a serious sexual predator. His actions were wrong, but he was only 14 years old. I have seen the pain he has suffered.
It is not our job to "righteously judge" these people. It is our job to keep our children safe. The advice in the article was excellent. Thank you again.
Anonymous by request
**
I have been a volunteer at the Utah State prison and county jail for about six years. I have come to love many of these "sex offenders." Those who are active members of the Church suffer greatly because of the hurt they have inflicted.
Many are on the road back. They are doing that in spite of not having their temple blessings, priesthood, membership or even the gift of the Holy Ghost. For many they will be without these blessings for 10-20 years, if all goes well.
I certainly do not condone their behaviors. But as you noted some are there based on accusations, most being true, but I have come to believe a few are manufactured by jilted significant others. Others have had relationships with consenting older teens, etc.
It is tough to judge. While in the prison system I simply accept them for who they say they are and do my best to teach the gospel with love. If one of them moved in the ward I would take the precautions you suggested: Thank you!
One thing that greatly disturbs me is that in our Utah prison system magazines like Bender, Curves, Cosmopolitan and Maxim are allowed in the Special Services Dorm (SSD). While in their therapy for up to eighteen months, prisoners are actually encouraged by therapists to view this soft porn. Masturbation is a major issue. The inmates report to me that the therapists "condone or encourage" this behavior under the veil of, "It's better to view adult soft porn than children's pictures, etc."
All in all it is a difficult condition that would be easily solved if we all simply followed the principles and doctrines of the Church. I am a missionary in the Church's Addiction Recovery Program also.
Yesterday, on invitation from a bishop of a BYU ward I gave my "Pornography — a Tragic Evil among Us" presentation. There are many young people with this challenge.
Elder
Jack Ayre
Sandy, Utah
**
My son allowed pornography to get the better of him. He fell among friends who did not have the same upbringing we were trying to give him, and he succumbed to temptation. He never went further than viewing it, but he did set up a web site where others could come and download some pictures. He is not a bad person. He made some bad mistakes and will have to live with them for the rest of his life. My objection to Megan’s Law is that it groups all sex offenders into one big category. As you said, there are major offenses and minor offenses. I'm very grateful my son got caught before it went further. But he is trying desperately to put his life back together. He will have to register with the authorities and let them know of his whereabouts for many years. I'd like to see him get a chance to live after he is out of prison, but with the current laws, I don't see that happening. He is just as guilty as someone who rapes and murders in the eyes of the community when they see he is on the S.O. List.
I think there should be a time limit to be on the list. If you have been "clean" for 20 years, especially if you have not had any further interactions or "viewings" in my son’s case, you should be free. Can a person not repent? Once a sex offender, always a sex offender? I just hope by the time he gets out, (4 years) there will be something he can do without everyone looking over his shoulder.
Anonymous by request
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Just Kidding
Thank you for the suggestions you have on Meridian for ward activity committees. I was recently called as the aectivities chairman. Although I felt that I had some good ideas (especially for organizing a committee) your suggestions filled in the gaps. Besides a few internet sites, there really aren't very many resources out there for this job, so thank you for what you have put out there.
Mary
Lee Schoenfeld
Salt Lake City, Utah
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