Correction and Correctives: Readers Respond
Edited and compiled by Kathy Green
Daily Bread
Read Article Here
It
is wonderful articles such as this that keeps bringing me back
(daily) to Meridian!
Susan
Christensen
Safford, Arizona
******************************************************
Marvelous
Work
Read Article Here
My
husband and I were able to see The Work and the Glory
last weekend with our oldest son in Cedar City. We thoroughly
enjoyed the movie and thought the actors fit the parts quite
well (after we adjusted to the new Lydia). Good strong actors, great script, and
very realistic sets. It was wonderful. Great Job! We're looking
forward to the next film in the series.
Becky
West
Cedar City, Utah
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A Token
of Our Esteem
Read
Article Here
Thank
you for sharing your insightful ideas on self-esteem.
May
I recommend the chapter "Doer of Our Deeds" in Catherine
Thomas' book Spiritual Lightening as an excellent reference
on the pursuit of self-esteem. She addresses the myth that low self-esteem is boosted
when we focus on the self to deal our unmet needs. Instead,
she suggests that feelings of confidence and security come when
we feel the love of the Lord and make him the central focus
in our life.
Thomas'
gift is the ability to transform an ordinary subject into words
that allow us to think about a topic in new and very personal
ways. I hope you find this book to be one of the treasures in
your library as I have.
Liz
Dayton
St. George, Utah
**
I must have really needed this article this morning
because it hit me like a lightning bolt! Even after reading
those passages in Alma, Helaman, etc.
in the past, they didn't have the perspective nor the impact
on me as was wrought by this article. I understood, or at least
thought I did, what was being said by Alma, et al, but to be
honest, I didn't have the focus I should have had. Perhaps
a better term here would be 'application.' I can't thank you
enough for this "turning-away-from-self" help! The
article is succinct, easy reading and has me truly pondering
the words of the prophets with an altered perspective.
I am now determined to read the other five preceding
articles with the hope that they, too, will offer up more enlightenment
for me. I sincerely hope to apply Brother Goddard's insight
when reading my scriptures and then doing my best to LIVE it!
Again, the key is the application. The reading and understanding
are the easy part! Again, thank you for such an outstanding
article!
D. Meledie Knopf
Arlington, Washington
**
Brother
Goddard hit the nail squarely on the head as he usually does.
I appreciated these thoughts very much.
I
used to pray for help in loving myself so I could then love
others. This relieves me of a double burden. Now I do not have
to worry about my self-hate, nor do I have to strive to overcome
it with self-love either. I just forget about myself and focus
on Christ. I like that.
I
think most of us knew this, even if we did not know we knew
it. We have all experienced the joy of losing ourselves in service
to others. This should blend very well with Terry Warner’s information
on Self-Deception that I treasure.
Gary
Larsen
Murray, Utah
**
My
husband and I took heed of the Prophet’s call. We are at reading
3 Nephi 9 at the moment. All the way through up to this point
we have felt a very strong message — one that we recognize as
the love of God for us, his spirit children. Then along comes
this article that sends my head and heart spinning.
I
think a common mistake we make is seeing the Book of Mormon
as a history lesson of wars and more wars. We don't see the
loving counsel contained in its pages. The two articles that
I have read fill my heart with love for the living God. Like
you, if I made my list now it would be in the hundreds.
Thank
you for a further insight into the Book of Mormon. We need to
move out of our comfort zone and take heed of what God has in
store for us. Do we want to be buried in the depths of the sea
or be buried under a mountain? Today the sea is morality and
the mountain pornography.
Dot
Thompson
Otane, New Zealand
***************************************************
Mini-Mission
Report
http://www.meridianmagazine.com/arts/051101show.html
It
was a pleasure to meet Greg Hansen through this short article.
What a joy that one with such talent shares so willingly. We
have had several missionaries from Corvallis, Oregon serving in Fort Worth
recently, three of whom I know personally. These boys all knew
each other before their missions. I am sorry they were not all
able to participate with President Crockett and others like
Greg Hansen.
Thank
you, Greg, for all of your many contributions. May the Lord
continue to bless you as you share your great talents.
Diane
Merten,
Corvallis,
Oregon
*****************************************************
Forgiving
the Unforgivable
http://www.ldsmag.com/ideas/051031serpents.html
This
is an intelligent balanced report. Because of the hysteria sometimes
aroused through newspaper publicity, I want to say a word in
behalf of former offenders, though exceptional, who want to
live normal lives, who regret their past offense (which may
have been long past), who want to get on with their lives.
There
is always more than one person suffering: not just the offender
and victim, but their families. To me it is unjust to create
such a harsh social climate that it seems impossible to repent,
change, and start with a clean slate. The two offenders whom
I know personally each came from good families. Both used pornography.
One is a man, the other a woman. The man got hooked in his youth
on pornography, and the woman found herself supposedly in love
with a youth she was responsible for tending while the mother
worked fulltime.
Of
course we want to protect our children. Your piece carefully
distinguished between dangerous situations and safe ones. As
you pointed out, there are degrees of seriousness of offenses.
Does not our legal system punish sufficiently and monitor sex
offenders? Could media attention make matters worse? What happens
when one regrets his/her error, is fully repentant, and wants
to lead a good life? Do we give him/her a chance? What about
their loved ones?
Thank
you for writing from experience in the Church and in law enforcement.
We as Church members must prevent the use of pornography.
Mary
Jane Fritzen
Idaho
Falls , Idaho
**
I
hope Paul will eventually overcome his apparent inability to
forgive these individuals in his ward who have sinned, but have
done nothing to him directly. As the father of a child who was
convicted of sexual misconduct with a minor, I am torn by the
issue of registration of sex offenders.
Unfortunately,
due to the inexperience of the judge involved with our case
(my son’s was the first juvenile sex offense she had ever tried)
her decisions at sentencing resulted in my son being placed
on the sex offender registry when it is not customary for cases
such as his. He’s a mid-teenage boy who wants to have as normal
a teenage life as he can, given his
crime. That life is denied to him because of his sin/crime and
our society’s reaction to it. He now must follow a safety plan
that requires him to be under 24/7 adult supervision. We can
live with that, hard as it is. Unfortunately, the registration
aspect of the sentencing makes it harder for him to change and
heal. The information about his crime is now public knowledge
to everyone in his school, seminary, and neighborhood. Would
you wish that upon a child who is struggling because he made
a mistake and is trying to reform?
His
peers at school are in no danger of him committing another crime
since none of them could even qualify as victims. Still, all
it took was for one of those peers to stumble across him on
the website and now everyone is aware of the issue and the whispered
innuendoes go on.
Someone
reading this will possibly be thinking, “He should have thought
of that before he offended.” If we adults thought through the
implications of our sins we wouldn’t commit them, but we still
do. Expecting early teenage youth to project out the real implications
of their actions is wishful thinking. In fact, I dare say that
most juvenile sex offenders probably know it’s
wrong, but don’t realize that what they are doing is a crime.
I
also suspect that if we were to closely examine most high schools
we would find numerous cases of sex crimes occurring on a regular
basis. Any relationship involving seniors and sophomores, for
example, (not that uncommon) that involves necking or petting
can be prosecuted as a sex crime (at least in my state).
The
classic example that Paul raised in his cathartic article is
one that I believe bears closer examination: that of the offender
whose offense is twenty years in the past. He’s probably correct
in that most of these individuals don’t represent a danger to
society any longer. Many of them can and do overcome their weakness,
yet still it must be publicly posted that they committed this
offense regardless of the time that has passed or the repentance
that has been achieved.
Will
we ever give them a second chance? A chance
to build anew without that hanging over them? Whatever
happened to our supposed philosophy that it is better that
a hundred guilty men go free than to hang one who is innocent?
I would submit that many, not all, of those who committed sexual
crimes have reformed and are not a danger to society. As such,
their time of public registration should come to an end.
In
high school or college many of us read Nathaniel Hawthorn’s
“the Scarlet Letter,” and were intrigued/dismayed at what was
portrayed there. Are we any different? Are we not putting a
scarlet letter on these offenders? In Hawthorn’s day the crime
“du jour” was adultery. Now it happens to be sexual relations
with minors. Will our society change again and pick a new “crime
du jour?” Please understand that I am not trying to minimize
the gravity of the sin/crime these people have committed. But
is there a point when their debt has been paid?
On
the other hand, perhaps we ought to ask ourselves if we’ve gone
far enough with this registry idea. Are our children not in
as much danger, even mortal danger, from the convicted drunk
driver who lives next door or down the block? Why is there no
registration requirement for him (or her)? Again, are our children
not at a high risk of succumbing to the life-destroying effects
of the drugs that will be pushed at them by the convicted drug
dealer who’s moved into the house two blocks over? The drug
dealer whom we know, with a certainty,
will target the youth of the neighborhood as his victims/customers
but who lives anonymously in our neighborhood because there
is no requirement that we be notified when he moves in?
Perhaps
all the adulterers in our neighborhood should be posted so we
can protect our wives/husbands from these family-wrecking predators.
Or maybe we ought to register anyone who’s ever committed a
crime of fraud so we can be sure to protect our hard earned
assets from these predators who need to find new victims just
to support their lifestyle. And we certainly wouldn’t want to
skip those convicted of assault since they are a danger to not
only the children, but to any family member. Scariest of all,
there can well be murderers living next door unbeknown to anyone
in the neighborhood. Heaven forbid that we should presume that
just because they murdered their wife/neighbor/stranger on their
doorstep 20 years ago that they won’t re-offend. I’m appalled
that these groups are not required to register and have their
identities posted on a web site so the neighbors can circulate
handbills warning of the danger. What kind of society have we
become when we allow any such person to live in our midst unknown?
But
seriously, as a society we have focused on this one issue with the thought
that it will protect society. That is well and good, but by
doing so are we allowing/helping the offenders to change and
move on with their lives? That sexual crimes are being more
recognized is beyond doubt and that we need to work towards
eliminating them is obvious, but if all our offenses were as
widely broadcast as those of sex offenders, would any of us
be able to repent?
Please
leave me anonymous for the peace of my family and my son who
is trying to change.
**
No
mention was made of those poor individuals who are falsely accused,
prosecuted and imprisoned. All it takes is the word of an angry
child, and someone ends up in jail for a crime they never committed.
The word of the child always wins in a sexual assault case.
When they get out and become registered on one of these sex
offender lists, they will be persecuted by people who never
bother to find out the truth.
Teri
Hansen
Provo,
Utah
**
I
read the article and was shocked. After I read it I felt impressed
to send it on to others that I know. Everyone needs to know
this information and do something, you know what they say, "The
only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men
to do nothing." Edmund Burke.
Gone is the day when you can sit back and hope for better days.
If we want better days, we have to fight for them, today.
Thank you so much for all you do to promote righteousness.
Kimberly Waldron
Morgantown, West Virginia
**
I
would add one other suggestion: The Boy Scouts of America, as
part of the membership requirements for all youth joining, have
a youth protection introduction in each of the Scout Handbooks.
Parents would do well to go through this material with their
children on a regular basis. BSA also provides an excellent
Youth Protection program for educating the adults working with
our youth. This program has received national recognition. I
strongly encourage any adult working with youth in a Scouting
setting to take advantage of this training.
Bob
Taylor
Poulsbo,
Washington
**
it is comforting to know that someone with professional
insight can acknowledge the need for compassion and forgiveness,
even while protecting both the offender and others from future
harm. It has been a long, frustrating experience to love someone
who is repenting from this mistake while still feeling the need
to defend him as not the monster society would have us believe.
It
is possible for someone to make a sexually related mistake and
not be a future danger to anyone. It is also possible for them
to repent, be forgiven by God and church, and to change and
turn their lives around. They still have the same hope for celestial
exaltation that any other repented sinner can hope for.
I
am grateful that my feelings in this area have been validated
by the words of Brother Bishop, and this gives me hope that
others within the church membership will have a change of heart.
I know that I would hate to have my sins laid out for all the world to see. I am so grateful that my repentance in
life has been private. I can't imagine how it must feel to have
your past mistakes always haunting you as they do in the case
of sexual offenses. While I understand the need for society
to be aware, it is such a high price for those whose offenses
are minor to moderate and for whom true change and repentance
can be accomplished.
Every
time our family gets together and we cannot enjoy the presence
of our convicted loved one because children will be there, it
is a sharp reminder of the pain we have endured and we wonder
if we will ever be truly healed. Our lives will never be the
same and the joy we used to feel as a family will forever be
altered. We don't need anyone outside our home to tell us how
wrong his choices were or make us feel any worse than we already
do. We have all paid the price for his choice that day. I pray
that when he goes to church, he will find compassionate ward
members who will see him for ALL of who he is and not just WHAT
he did in a moment of weakness a long time ago.
Anonymous
by request
**
I found out several months ago that I have two registered
sexual offenders living in my ward, and both are
active members. One is our Sunday school president.
I wrestled with this knowledge for a while, because I like both
men and their wives. I finally went to my bishop to talk about
my feelings. I learned that my bishop was aware of both men.
The one who is our Sunday school president had gone through
the repentance process and the other is going through it now,
as a new member of the Church. I have been able to reconcile
my feelings by realizing that if the Lord has forgiven these
men and allowed them their progression, who am I to contradict
the Lord?
I have never spoken with another ward member of my knowledge
and I will never do so, unless malicious gossip would start.
At first it was hard to be sociable with these men, but after
my visit with my bishop, I am now able to be on friendly terms
with them. All of my children are grown and gone with their
own families, but I would not be comfortable having my grandchildren
alone with these men.
My bishop assured me that they would never be given
a calling that involved children. My conversation with my bishop
was the most comforting thing that I could have done. I would
recommend to any ward member anywhere, if they become aware
of sexual offenders in their wards, go and talk with their bishop
first before anyone else! If the bishop is aware of the person,
then he can set your mind at ease as to what is being done church-wise.
If he is not aware of the person, then he can immediately begin
to do something about it.
As mentioned in the article, there are families involved
with these people — and who are we to destroy a family?
I pray that everyone who reads this article will become
diligent in gaining knowledge to keep their family safe while
being diligent in not destroying another family.
Anonymous by request
**
I
appreciate the well-written article on this very sensitive subject.
Sexual abuse in the Church is far bigger than most of us want
to admit.
My
first husband molested all five of my children. When we went
to court he took a plea bargain because I felt the children
were too small to go on trial. Thus in a few years all evidence
was removed from his record. There was no church action taken
against him, no record to warn anyone.
I
fear that this man's passions have continued, although I have
kept my children safe. With the judge’s help I was able to move
far from this man. I know he has a temple recommend.
Years
later I confided in a church friend what my children had suffered.
She spread horrible rumors though the ward. No one would tell
me what she said, but both my husband and I were released from
our callings and we were horribly shunned each Sunday. At first
I thought, “This will pass. They have known us for years. They
know we are good people. After one and a half years, things
had not improved. Funny thing was,
the woman who started the rumors was now inactive. The "righteous"
members of the ward had all forgotten where the rumors started
and just took them for truth. The final blow came one Sunday
when the stake president and his family, who were in our ward,
all talked in sacrament meeting on judging others righteously.
I felt the entire meeting was directed at me. In order to save
my precious testimony, we moved. The Lord sent us to a loving
branch where we could heal and be loved.
I
have a cousin who was molested by his mother. As a young boy,
he molested his sister. His mother made certain he stood trial,
was sentenced and went to prison. When he got out he was in
intensive therapy for over seven years. He is registered as
a serious sexual predator. His actions were wrong, but he was
only 14 years old. I have seen the pain he has suffered.
It
is not our job to "righteously judge" these people.
It is our job to keep our children safe. The advice in the article
was excellent. Thank you again.
Anonymous
by request
**
I
have been a volunteer at the Utah State prison and county jail for
about six years. I have come to love many of these "sex
offenders." Those who are active members of the Church
suffer greatly because of the hurt they have inflicted.
Many
are on the road back. They are doing that in spite of not having
their temple blessings, priesthood, membership or even the gift
of the Holy Ghost. For many they will be without these blessings
for 10-20 years, if all goes well.
I
certainly do not condone their behaviors. But as you noted some
are there based on accusations, most being true, but I have
come to believe a few are manufactured by jilted significant
others. Others have had relationships with consenting older
teens, etc.
It
is tough to judge. While in the prison system I simply accept
them for who they say they are and do my best to teach the gospel
with love. If one of them moved in the ward I would take the
precautions you suggested: Thank you!
One
thing that greatly disturbs me is that in our Utah prison system magazines like
Bender, Curves, Cosmopolitan and Maxim
are allowed in the Special Services Dorm (SSD). While in their therapy for up to eighteen months, prisoners are actually
encouraged by therapists to view this soft porn. Masturbation
is a major issue. The inmates report to me that the therapists
"condone or encourage" this behavior under the veil
of, "It's better to view adult soft porn than children's
pictures, etc."
All
in all it is a difficult condition that would be easily solved
if we all simply followed the principles and doctrines of the
Church. I am a missionary in the Church's Addiction Recovery
Program also.
Yesterday,
on invitation from a bishop of a BYU ward I gave my "Pornography
— a Tragic Evil among Us" presentation. There are many
young people with this challenge.
Elder
Jack Ayre
Sandy, Utah
**
My
son allowed pornography to get the better of him. He fell among
friends who did not have the same upbringing we were trying
to give him, and he succumbed to temptation. He never went further
than viewing it, but he did set up a web site where others could
come and download some pictures. He is not a bad person. He
made some bad mistakes and will have to live with them for the
rest of his life. My objection to Megan’s Law is that it groups
all sex offenders into one big category. As you said, there
are major offenses and minor offenses. I'm very grateful my
son got caught before it went further. But he is trying desperately
to put his life back together. He will have to register with
the authorities and let them know of his whereabouts for many
years. I'd like to see him get a chance to live after he is
out of prison, but with the current laws, I don't see that happening.
He is just as guilty as someone who rapes and murders in the
eyes of the community when they see he is on the S.O. List.
I
think there should be a time limit to be on the list. If you
have been "clean" for 20 years, especially if you
have not had any further interactions or "viewings"
in my son’s case, you should be free. Can a person not repent?
Once a sex offender, always a sex offender? I just hope by
the time he gets out, (4 years) there will be something he can
do without everyone looking over his shoulder.
Anonymous
by request
**************************************************************
Just
Kidding
Read
Article Here
Thank
you for the suggestions you have on Meridian for ward activity committees.
I was recently called as the aectivities
chairman. Although I felt that I had some good ideas (especially
for organizing a committee) your suggestions filled in the gaps.
Besides a few internet sites, there really aren't very many
resources out there for this job, so thank you for what you
have put out there.
Mary
Lee Schoenfeld
Salt Lake City, Utah
