Leadership for Saints: Part 39

Help Your People Succeed

by Rodger Dean Duncan and Ed J. Pinegar

Remember, a critical part of your leadership role is to provide “context” and instruction for the people you lead. They need to know how they “fit” into the big picture, and they need your help in building both confidence and competence. (See the material on situational leadership in later installations of this book.)

If your people struggle, accept your share of the situation. It is your responsibility to train and encourage them so they will know the joys of success. The Church worker (or family member) looks to his leaders as if to say:

If you want my loyalty, interest and best efforts, you must take into account that—

(1) I need a sense of belonging, a feeling that I’m needed and wanted.

(2) I need to feel my assignment is worthwhile and of far-reaching value.

(3) I need to feel that the assignment you give me can be achieved.

(4) I need to be kept informed.

(5) I need to have confidence in you, as a leader, based on trust and mutual loyalty.

(6) I’m depending on you to be prepared to teach me.

(7) I’m depending on you to teach me how to feel the affirmations of the Spirit.

In brief, no matter how much sense my assignment makes to you, it must also make sense to me. I have the usual human frailties. I hear what I want to hear and I place importance on the words that are pleasant to me. I justify my actions, but I’m willing to change if you will show me how and then make the rewards great enough for me to work for them.

When you’re conducting a stewardship reporting interview, avoid drifting into a monologue or lecture. The steward will often have a great deal to say if he feels you’re ready and willing to listen.

Learn to use silence. Don’t feel obligated to jump in to fill a brief void in the conversation. Allow the steward to explore—and think through—his relationship with the people he serves.

Help the steward move from an external to an internal frame of reference. Let him tell you how he genuinely feels about his assignment, how things truly look to him. As the interviewer, you should be primarily concerned with what is central to the steward, not what is central to you. If the steward says, “I hope for your sake that the people you home teach are more willing to have visitors than the ones I’m assigned,” and you reply, “It so happens that the people on my list welcome visitors” . . . you shift the frame of reference from his situation to yours. But if you remark, “Tell me about the interests of the people you’re assigned to visit,” you confine the discussion to his frame of reference and help him explore ways to get closer to his people.

Carefully consider what we said earlier in this chapter about empathic listening.

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The Use of Questions

Sometimes the straight question-answer pattern fails to create the atmosphere in which a warm, positive exchange can evolve. This doesn’t necessarily mean we should eliminate questions. But we should consider alternatives to the asking of questions, and we should be sensitive to the questions the steward is asking (even if he’s not asking them outright).

The ultimate test is this: Will the flow of the conversation be enhanced or inhibited by the question I’m about to ask?

When you do ask questions, consider the difference between “closed” questions and “open” questions.

Here are some examples:

(closed) Do you enjoy your home teaching assignment?
(open) Tell me how you feel about your home teaching assignment.

(closed) Is Sister Akrami still looking for a job?
(open) What resources can you explore to help Sister Akrami find a job?

(closed) Are you making a list of things to do for the people you serve?
(open) Tell me about the process you’re using to establish goals for your home teaching.

(closed) Have you been praying for the people you’re assigned to teach?
(open) Please tell me about your prayers in behalf of the people you serve.

Closed Question

Open Question

In most instances, we should avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no or with a nod of the head. With just a little bit of adjustment we can provoke thinking and openness. Asking good questions is a skill that can be improved with care and practice.

In our leadership work we should avoid solving people’s problems for them. As the saying goes: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish for himself and you feed him for a lifetime. Invest your leadership energy in teaching correct principles, not in trying to “fix” problems for people. One of the primary reasons for conducting interviews is to help the individual discover for himself opportunities for improvement.

In all of our interviewing we must remember that effective listening is the key to our success. That entails listening to what the other person says, listening for what the other person does not say, and listening to the promptings of the Spirit.

Note the first word of D&C 1:1: Hearken. That means to listen. Nearly two dozen sections of the Doctrine and Covenants begin with the word listen or hearken. Another word that is frequently used as a starter is behold.

There’s a great deal of difference between merely being quiet and genuinely listening. Heavenly Father would not invite us to pray continuously if he were not willing to listen. He expects us to follow that same pattern of caring when we deal with his children.

The Prophet Joseph often said that one of the most distinguishing characteristics of the Latter-day Saint people is that—by virtue of our confirmation—we have the opportunity to enjoy the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. As leaders called to serve, we must be forever vigilant in maintaining our eligibility for that constant companionship. The Spirit will help us understand and deal with situations far beyond our own capabilities. As we love and coach and nurture and teach and encourage the people we’re called to serve, the Spirit will show us the way. But first, we must listen.

Quotes Worth Remembering

[The people you lead and teach] deserve more than your knowledge. They deserve and hunger for your inspiration. They want the warm glow of personal relationships. This always has been the hall mark of a great teacher ‘who is the student’s accomplice in learning rather than his adversary.’ This is the education worth striving for and the education worth providing. — Gordon B. Hinckley

If you listen carefully to their feelings, you will find out something about the heart. – Henry B. Eyring

The value of the question consists, in part, in backing away after you have asked it. By asking the question, you have invited them to turn their attention to an issue…
– R. Lanier Britsch and Terrance D. Olson

They will use open-ended questions that require more than a one-word reply and "what," "how," and "why" questions that lend themselves to more discovery and explanation. Good listeners "play back" feelings or rephrase what someone is telling them. They also pause to make sure that they understand what someone has been saying. – Lloyd D. Newell

I saw clearly that listening is a key. It is analogous to the hugs we give our young children. It is one of the ways we show affection for those who are embarrassed to be hugged or who feel too old to be cradled in our arms. By listening, we also show respect and love. – Ted Hindmarsh

Note: The excerpts of Leadership for Saints posted on Meridian are only a fraction of the contents of this 349-page book. To learn more about this ground-breaking book and to order copies, click here.

© by Rodger Dean Duncan & Ed J. Pinegar, All Rights Reserved

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