M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Eyewitness at the Pentagon
by Rick Seeley

I assumed it was a bomb exploding as the building shuddered while I was sitting at my desk. Lt Colonel Simonsen, one of my customers, and I had just been looking at the CNN web site after hearing about the World Trade Center disaster. Eerily, I realized I had been thinking the Pentagon would be a good target-I was not surprised when it happened.

Alarms sounded and I heard screams in the hallway. Stepping out of our office, I saw people scurrying around, heard shouts that this was "for real" and was directed to evacuate immediately. Numbed a little, I went back in our office and fumbled around pondering what I should take with me-we had just started on a major project and my work was scattered all over my desk. Colonel Simonsen jarred me back to reality and said, "Let's go." I walked out with only my day timer.

Humor
For better or worse, I always try to use humor to control my emotions and break the tension around me. As we walked out, I quipped, this is some fine "GFE" you're providing. GFE stands for Government Furnished Equipment-as a contractor, the government is supposed to provide me a workplace, computer and the like. Another feeble attempt at humor-I guess I'll be able to work on my rock patio today. Some people were in tears, many more near tears…no hysteria, but a calm, smooth evacuation.

Smoke
Thick, black smoke greeted us as we walked out the doors. Major Smith, another of my customers, said "I'm glad it wasn't a chemical or biological warfare attack…we'd be dead." Thousands of us were evacuating…once we were in the parking lot there was no direction…everyone kept moving away from the building straining to see the extent of the damage. A security guard stated a plane had crashed into the side of the Pentagon. That thought, coupled with the sight of the billowing smoke, unnerved more people…more tears, more expressions of disbelief, people frantically searching for friends and loved ones-assuming the worst.

Where should we go? My first inclination was to get up wind…up wind we went. Now what? My curiosity got the better of me and I suggested we go up on the freeway on-ramp…the height and angle would give us a first-hand view. Still nothing but smoke. I tried to think of anyone I knew that worked in that part of the building. Thankfully drawing a blank I then hoped that no one I knew was attending any meetings there. There! Fire on the ground just short of the building! Maybe the plane didn't reach the Pentagon, maybe it fell short of its target! Hopes soared as we began speculating fewer injuries, fewer deaths. Finally, the fire was under control…the smoke cleared.

Shock
The gaping hole in the side of the Pentagon stunned us. Searching for ways to minimize the pain we asked, "Isn't that the section of the building being renovated?" There wouldn't be too many people in there. Still dazed but hopeful, a security officer yelled, "Another plane is coming! For the first time that day fear struck me. Feeling defenseless and struggling to keep my emotions under control, I realized I couldn't be in a safer position-I was standing on a hillside with few people and no structures around me. Scanning the skies, no plane appeared. It was a false report. Earlier feelings of fear were replaced by anger toward the officer as he had, albeit innocently, nearly caused a wave of panic and hysteria. We wouldn't find out until later that it wasn't a false report-airline passengers had sacrificed their lives and somehow forced the plane to go down somewhere in Pennsylvania. The security officers forced us to move further away from the Pentagon…toward Crystal City. Looking at Crystal City all I saw was multi-storied office buildings-more targets, I didn't want anything to do with Crystal City.

What now? It was obvious we weren't going to be allowed to go back to work…but how to get home? No cars between us, no buses running at that time of day…the Metro? The Metro also seemed a natural target…bombing the Metro and a few key bridges would paralyze the whole area. No choice. We got on the Metro. The first tunnel was a little unnerving…everyone on board breathed a sign of relief when we came up to daylight again. I asked Major Smith (we'd had several discussions about religion over the past few months) what his feelings were about death. An agnostic, he said he wasn't sure. He mentioned Purgatory-we talked about judgement and mercy. What a sad discussion for someone with no hope. Colonel Simonsen finally got through to his wife on his cell phone. Passing along our names and phone numbers so his wife could notify our loved ones that we were safe, I shook my head…My wife, Cindy, worked on Tuesdays, I don't have her work number with me. They don't watch TV where she works. She probably hadn't even heard what happened-I was wrong.

Colonel Simonsen's wife picked us all up…what a beautiful sight as we pulled into our cul-de-sac and I saw my quiet neighborhood and my home…I didn't have my keys. No matter, if Cindy didn't leave the door open I'd surprise her at work (it was only two houses away).

Home
As I opened the door Cindy was on the phone…"What's she doing home?" I wondered. Letting out a cry of relief she started crying and we embraced…All of a sudden I didn't want to let go; I needed a hug; I needed my wife's love and support. She didn't complain as I squeezed the breath out of her. Always the sensitive one (hah!), I asked her what was wrong. I told her nothing had happened to me. I was on the opposite side of the Pentagon. My biggest challenge was trying to keep my shoes from getting dirty and to figure out how to get home so I could get a few hours of work in on my rock patio…more feeble attempts at humor. "Everyone's been calling…they're worried about you…you need to call," and she listed off who and in what order to make the calls.

Love
I was deeply moved as I returned the phone calls…moved to the point of tears. I didn't really understand or appreciate the pain and anguish my family and friends had been suffering in until a few days later. My children and I were talking, and one recounted how he heard that the Pentagon had been destroyed. That left him with no conclusion other than to think I was dead. Striving to overcome the emotional trauma associated with that thought, he turned to his Heavenly Father in prayer and asked Him if I was okay. Receiving confirmation that I was indeed safe still couldn't quell the relief and joy he felt when he called home to check on me and I answered the phone. "Dad," was all he could manage to say…neither of us could speak for a moment as our emotions choked off any response. "I love you" I finally croaked.

Wednesday
Military members report for duty, contractors stay home. That's okay, more time for my patio. However, my day off was cut in half as I was told to report after lunch. My customer was trying to return to normalcy and we had a major project to work on. Returning home that evening, I found my daughter Stephanie visiting. As a Fairfax County paramedic and firefighter, she had worked the midnight shift at the Pentagon-her job was to tag the remains of those who perished in the explosion and ensuing fire. I could only manage to tell her I was sorry she had to go through that and hold her tightly in a father's embrace. "It's my job," she faintly responded.

Aftermath
As the days have gone on I find myself more deeply affected than I originally thought. So much death…so much suffering…so much sorrow. So many people with little or no belief in God having no where to turn for comfort. How blessed I am to know that my Heavenly Father lives and that Jesus Christ is my Savior. As I look back, I know the calm I experienced throughout the incident and the evacuation was the calming influence of the Holy Ghost. How grateful I am to have had the companionship of the Holy Ghost throughout my time of need. Our prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley said during a memorial service:

"But dark as is this hour, there is shining through the heavy overcast of fear and anger the solemn and wonderful image of the Son of God, the Savior of the World, the Prince of Peace, the exemplar of universal love, and it is to Him that we look in these circumstances. It was He who gave His life that all might enjoy eternal life.

"May the peace of Christ rest upon us and give us comfort and reassurance and, particularly, we plead that He will comfort the hearts of all who mourn."(President Gordon B. Hinckley, remarks at a memorial service held in the Tabernacle following the World Trade Center disaster, 11 September 2001)

How blessed I am to be here today.

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About the Author
Rick Seeley retired from the Air Force in 1997 and now works as a defense contractor in the Pentagon supporting the Air Force's space programs. His office is located across the center courtyard, on the side opposite the impact area...directly in the flight path. He has six children and one grandchild. He is a member of the Fairfax Ward in the Washington D.C. metro area.

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