Editor's note:  This is part two of a four-part series on Know Your Neighbor — a community outreach initiative meant to be a starting point for how we reach out to those outside of our Church boundaries, whether around the world or across the street. Read Part 1 here.

In 2002, after the Salt Lake City Olympic Games were over (when presumably understanding of Mormon history and culture would have increased significantly), a person-on-the-street poll was conducted. The question asked was, “When you think of Mormons, what do you think of?” The number one top-of-mind response was polygamy.

It seems shocking that polygamy would be so strongly associated with modern Mormonism (120 years after the Manifesto), but the fact is that only 8% of the people surveyed (4 in 50) responded that they actually knew a Mormon; in the U.S., every 1 in 50 people is a Mormon. Of those who knew a Mormon, they most probably knew that we don't practice polygamy today.

What would happen if each of us expanded our circle of acquaintances — people that we are truly friendly with who are not of our faith — so that if this survey were conducted again, the number of people who knew a Mormon doubled to 8 in 50?

The impact would no doubt be remarkably positive. But this is easier said than done, because so many Mormons seem to suffer from what many have dubbed a persecution mentality. (http://www.knowyourneighbornet.com/helps/fear.php ) It is true that our church has a history of persecution, and not so long ago, Mormons were excluded, excoriated, and sometimes killed because of what we believed. And so for purposes of survival, the Lord commanded that we flee from Babylon and gather to Zion. However, despite President Harold B. Lee's 1973 directive, which was — “that the time for gathering to Zion was past,” the mindset of fleeing and gathering, of us vs. them, persists both through our words and actions.

1. What of our words?

"All the people like us are ‘We,' and everyone else is 'They.'"
Rudyard Kipling

In her blog, Dana King writes in an entry called It's Terrific to be Specific,

“I have a friend who said she would not join our Church because she believed we didn't value the truth in other churches. She cited our rhetoric ‘only true Church' as alienating a whole group of very good people. She didn't want to be part of a culture she perceived as narrow-minded and insensitive, even though she recognized the good the church does in my life and others. ”

She continues, “We can be cavalier and say, ‘Well the statement is true, therefore it is OK to say. Some will be offended by the truth, right? Don't the scriptures tell us that?'  Let's be clear: a statement, while being true or correct, may not promote understanding. It does matter how we say it.  It takes real caring and sensitivity to consider how someone else receives our message.”

And what of how we describe people?

Over the next few days, notice how much an “us vs. them” worldview seeps into your language. For example, “So and so isn't Mormon, but ...” “He's not a member, but ...” We only realize how odd these descriptions sound when we apply the concept to other aspects of our lives. Would you ever begin describing a friend: “So and so doesn't work with me but …” Or “so-and-so doesn't live down the street, but …”

What if we simply tried using descriptors that emphasized the common ground between us? A good way to practice is to think about how you'd describe one of your friends who is a Mormon to another friend. He's my friend from college. She's my friend from work. Or he's one of my children's friends. We describe people for what they are, not what they are not.

And when we start including others in our “we,” something wonderful happens. Just this past week, my 10 year-old son had a really tough day at school after getting a much lower grade on a science fair project than he had anticipated. The headmistress of his school, a devout Catholic, told me of her conversation with him.

“I talked with him about using his faith to get him through sadness. I suggested that in a quiet place he ask Jesus to help him and maybe even ask Jesus to take the burden from him. I told him you two gave him the gift of his faith and these are good times to use that.” Her ability to offer such sensitive guidance to my son is due to conversations about our shared faith in Jesus Christ over the past several years. (For more on my son's story, see The hero's journey and accountability.)

It will be really difficult for many of us to change our descriptors. I certainly struggle with it. But, if in fact, we want to move away from the gathering and fleeing, either/or, us vs. them, relatively immature construct of the world (our children tend to think in either/or), we must change our descriptors. After all, our church is no longer in its adolescence … it's an adult, and adults don't do “us vs. them” (at least not most of the time). For more on this topic, see What's in a word.

"Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open."
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Think again about the survey in which 4 in 50 people said they knew a Mormon. The positive outcome of this survey's findings was that those who said they knew a Mormon expressed overwhelmingly positive feelings about Mormons. When people intermingled with members of the Church in a significant way there was no “us vs. them,” only “we.”

Know Your Neighbor, in its simplest form, challenges us to invite someone with whom we have something in common OTHER than religion into our home in the next six weeks — not to convert them, but to become friends. For example, up until last year, we really didn't know any of the other parents at our children's school. And yet we knew that we loved the school — so we decided to host a dinner in our home for a few of the families who live nearby.

We were nervous, even self-conscious initially — remember these are people that are part of our world and things needed to go reasonably well because we would see them next week, if not the next day at pick-up and drop-off. And what if they shunned us because we didn't served wine at dinner?

Our fears were put to rest as we ended up having a spirited, interesting discussion about emotional intelligence; it was a memorable evening. Are we best friends? No. Not yet anyway. But there is a growing sense of collegiality — and whereas I used to dread going to school activities, now I find myself interested and even eager to be there — because I feel that I belong.

For more details on how to implement KYN, see http://www.knowyourneighbornet.com/how/index.php

Another option for reaching out, or what I'd call Know Your Neighbor with a twist, is “Dinner and a Mormon.” Because Mitt Romney is a presidential candidate, the Mormon question currently looms large in the national media. As a way to reach out to people who don't know a Mormon and want to, KYN has partnered with More Good Foundation to create www.dinnerandamormon.com, a website where you will be able to sign up to virtually “meet” people who are interested in getting to know a Mormon.

Another simple action we can take is this — what if every time we meet someone, we consciously make an effort to tick off three things that we have in common with them? I am a woman and so are you. We both live in Massachusetts, maybe even the same town. We both work. Or not. You realize with three simple connections, there's actually a lot to talk about. Finding common ground and eliminating “us vs. them” thinking becomes easier the more we practice.

As our words and actions include others, we will find we belong.

“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”
Irish Proverb

One of my favorite articles is A Candle in the Window by BYU Professor Stephen L. Tanner. He writes, "We [were] created to experience joy in our association with others ... our plan of happiness has always depended upon fellowship and a sense of community in the profoundest of terms. The greatest satisfaction comes from those poignant, unforgettable moments when soul meets soul in spiritual communion ..."

The Brother of Jared and his family understood our need for community. In Ether 1: 34-35, 40 we read, "At the time the Lord confounded the language of the people ... the brother of Jared did cry unto the Lord, and the Lord had compassion ... that they were not confounded." During the chaos of Babel, what the Brother of Jared and his family most earnestly prayed for — and were willing to travel thousands of miles for — was the ability to communicate, to feel a sense of community.

Initially it was difficult to invite people into our home who were not of our faith — we didn't always know how we would be received. But with time it has become easier and we have found the words of Elder Bruce R. Hafen to be true: “A … dinner table surrounded by parents and children [and friends] who share their laughter and their lives is a sacred setting, not just a place setting.”

And, whether for Sunday dinner after church, for luncheons to celebrate birthdays or for a fund-raising dinner prepared by our school principal, as we have come together with acquaintances, something sacred has indeed occurred. We have been fed, both body and spirit. We have come to know one another. And, in that knowing, we have come to feel a part of a community in which we love and are loved. What better reason to get to Know Your Neighbor?