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Loving Our Dads
By Joy Lundberg

How can I not get personal when writing about fathers? It's not possible. Consequently, I'm writing this from my feminine perspective, with input from my husband Gary along the way.

Father's Day is coming up and we need to be thinking about how we can best honor our own fathers and fatherhood in general. Heavenly Father gives the greatest meaning and dignity of all to the very name of “Father.” Because of Him we love and respect this sacred role. He is our example, letting us know that fatherhood is noble and worthy of our greatest admiration. So let's grab this opportunity and celebrate the blessings of fatherhood.

To begin, it might be interesting to explore what we'll all be doing in our wards to honor fathers on their special day. A lot of attention gets paid to mothers on Mother's Day, which is a worthy thing. I suppose part of the reason there is such a hullabaloo for mothers on their day is because members of the bishopric are fathers and they make it happen. But they're not as likely to honor themselves, and, as a result, not as much attention gets paid to dads on Father's Day.

Our ward changed that a couple of years ago. Now on the Saturday preceding Father's Day the Relief Society members pick up big yummy cinnamon rolls from the best bakery in town and have them at church the next morning for all the fathers to take and eat on their way out after the meetings. A few prospective fathers get in on the goodies, too. The men love it! The bishop announces that fathers are being honored in this way. That old saying, “the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,” is as true today as it ever was.

Another ward has all the women make two pies each (two to compensate for less active sisters) and bring them to church, where they are set out on tables at the close of the meeting block. The men then pick out the pie they like and take it home. The person reporting this said the men in her ward feel honored and pampered by this act of love, even if they go home with a pie they know came from their own kitchen.

I don't think it matters what is done, but I think it's important to do something a little beyond the ordinary to honor fathers on this special day. It would be fun to hear from our readers to see what other wards are doing to honor their fathers.

Getting Personal

I love Father's Day. It's a time to remember my own father and all he did for me. I can't even begin to imagine how different my life would have been if I hadn't had the presence of my father in our home. He shaped so much of who I am.

Just the simple idea that I wanted to be a good girl — for him — was significant. I wanted him to be proud of me. I think that stems from the fact that I was so very proud of him. He was not a famous man, just a simple farmer who knew to his very core the importance of doing what was right, and did it, regardless.

One distinct memory I have of how deeply I admired him came when I was probably about 12 years old. President McKay was growing old at the time and the thought came to me that, without any doubt, my father would be chosen to be the next prophet. I had no concept of how prophets were chosen. I just knew that my dad was the most righteous man I knew and so surely he would be chosen. I never told him, nor anyone else; I just knew it in my heart. Of course it never happened, but my love and respect for him remained the same.

Fathers are Vitally Important

All fathers are important. If yours was/is less than the near-perfect image I have of mine, don't despair. Through the years I have become more aware of a few frailties he had that, as I child, I was blind to. They didn't matter. Don't let your father's frailties matter (as long as it's not abuse), and just focus for now on what you love about him. This day is about celebrating the goodness in our fathers and to thank them for all they do that makes life better.

As I review four things that made me love my dad so much it may key into your mind some of the things that fill you with gratitude for your own father. If you are a father, don't beat yourself up over what you haven't done (do fathers do that, or is it just mothers?). Instead just pat yourself on the back for being there and doing a lot of things right, and then spend the day being grateful for your own father.

Four Things I Remember

I'll begin with my father's most important attribute — he absolutely adored my mother, and we all knew it. When he came in from the fields he would take her in his arms and give her a big kiss. We nine kids often heard him tell her he loved her. He was an example of happy-married love. And so was she because she treasured it and gave it back. It made me feel secure.
He adored me, too. I hope my siblings felt the same, but I can't speak for them. All I know is that I knew my father loved me, and was pretty sure he loved them, too. He was strict, but never mean. One time when I was so mad at him for making me do the right thing, he smiled and said, “You're beautiful.” You can't stay mad at a dad who says that, particularly when you are sure he means it — even if you don't think it's so.
He loved the Lord, heart and soul. I could tell it from the way he prayed and I could tell it from the way he lived. He would rather die than say the Lord's name disrespectfully. In fact, he simply would not use profanity or swearing of any kind, no matter how frustrated he was. I believe it was out of the respect he had for Heavenly Father and the Savior. As a result, it caused me to have deep respect for him, and for them.
He had faith in the Lord and a belief that things would always work out somehow. There were many years of hard times on the farm. I remember as a child when a fire burned up the tractors and everything else in the machine shed that was needed for the farm. I stood there with my parents watching the horrible fire after they had done all that they could. With arms around each other they cried. Mother sobbed out the words, “What will we do?” All was lost. I heard my father softly reply, “I don't know, but I know the Lord knows, and He will help us through this.” My father had faith, and as a result, so do I.

Looking back on my growing up years and the many moments of wise counsel from my father since then, reminds me of how important fathers are. He's gone now, at least from my mortal eyes, but my memories are sweet and vivid and his influence is eternal.

Something to Think About

There is more to the role of father than most people understand, as is evidenced in this research quoted in an article by Dr. Stephen F. Duncan.

Children of highly involved fathers show increased cognitive competence, increased empathy, enhanced school performance, greater motivation to succeed, enhanced social development and self-esteem, less sex-stereotyped beliefs, stronger sexual identity and character, and more intrinsic motivation.
Children of highly involved fathers have fewer psychological and behavioral problems, are less likely to become delinquent, and are less likely to use drugs. (The Importance of Fathers)

There is no question — fathers are vitally important to the well being of children. What they do affects not only their children, but all of society. The world needs good fathers and we need to express gratitude and respect for them.

Regarding this need, President James E. Faust said:

In order to strengthen the father in the home, I make two simple suggestions: first, sustain and respect the father in his position; second, give him love, understanding, and some appreciation for his efforts.

There are some voices in our society who would demean some of the attributes of masculinity. A few of these are women who mistakenly believe that they build their own feminine causes by tearing down the image of manhood. This has serious social overtones because a primary problem in the insecurity of sons and daughters can be the diminution of the role of the father image.

Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children's father or the father's image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security of the children themselves. How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down. You women are so superior to men in so many ways that you demean yourselves by belittling masculinity and manhood.

In terms of giving fathers love and understanding, it should be remembered that fathers also have times of insecurity and doubt. Everyone knows fathers make mistakes — especially they themselves. Fathers need all the help they can get; mostly they need love, support, and understanding from their own. (“The Father Who Cares,” Ensign , Sep 2006)

At times we may need to be reminded that it is a commandment to “honor thy father.” So on this Father's Day let's enjoy the honoring by making it a special day of loving gratitude for the fathers in our lives.

[For more help in knowing how to be a good father and mother read Gary and Joy Lundberg's book I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better, and learn how to empower your children to be effective problem solvers and responsible people. For other parenting tips visit the Lundbergs' website at www.allbetter.net.]

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