Alternative-Based
Exercises
By Richard Eyre
Editor's note: During
the "first half" of this column, Richard outlined and defined
“The Three Deceivers” of Control, Ownership,
and Independence, and detailed how our obsessions with them can ruin
the quality of our lives. If you missed any of the earlier columns in
this series, you can go to the Deceivers Archive (see right sidebar)
to catch up. Then, in the the second phase of the column, he replaced
the deceivers with "The Three Alternatives"
of SERENDIPITY, STEWARDSHIP, and "SYNERGICITY". Over the next
few weeks, Richard will present a series of suggestions on how to make
the attitudinal shift from the Three Deceivers to the Three Alternatives.
Send comments to Richard@meridianmagazine.com
It's one thing to talk about SSS (Serendipity,
Stewardship, and Synergicity) — about what they are, about how
adopting them as "attitudes" can help us and make us happier,
and about how much better and how much truer they are than the three
deceivers. But it's another thing to actually acquire SSS — to
really implement them into our lives, and to make them the paradigms
within which we live our lives.
Developing new attitudes is very much like
developing new muscles. It takes exercise! Today's column will introduce
you to some mental planning and recording exercises that are designed
to help you notice new things and to develop and build more SSS into
your life!
To develop mental/emotional/spiritual "muscle," the exercises
must be daily, and we must be consistent. If we are going to change
the lenses through which we view the world, and the very attitudes that
we carry around with us every day, we will need some very well conceived
exercises that really alter the way we think and that will expand our
awareness and increase and widen our perspective.
I am going to suggest three daily exercises
to you. None of them requires a lot of time, but all of them require
a lot of effort and focus and concentration. After all, what we are
trying to change is how we see the world around us, and how we respond
and live our lives on the day-to-day. There is one exercise that helps
develop Serendipity, one that helps with Stewardship, and a third that
builds and encourages Synergicity. I will overview them here, and then
spend the next three columns (the next three Fridays) elaborating further
(and giving examples) on each of the three.
I should tell you at the outset that all
three exercises involve the formula that Christ himself gave us for
life — "Watch and Pray." We have to watch, and to notice
things that most people miss, in order to bring SSS into our lives.
And we have to pray, both for the awareness we need to watch, and for
the little interventions or "tender mercies" that God can
bring into our lives and that lie at the core of SSS.
The three exercises also involve writing
in a daily journal or planner. The writing you will be asked to do is
not extensive, in fact, it is just a few words each day, but it is what
allows us to record the results of the exercises, and to check ourselves
and remain consistent in the habits we are trying to develop.
So, here we go. Here is an overview of
the three exercises:
-
"The Serendipity
Line." In your daily planner or journal (if you don't
use one, you should get one for these exercises — either a daily
appointment book, with a separate page for each day, or a daily journal
with a page for each day) draw a vertical line down through the middle
of the page. Put your plans and meetings and appointments and activities
on the left side of the page. On the right side, write the serendipities
that come to you that day (the unplanned things, the "gifts."
Remember the definition of Serendipity: "A state of mind wherein,
by awareness and serendipity, one often finds something better than
that which he was planning.")
Your serendipities
could involve a new idea, a noticed beauty (a sunset or a rose),
a call from an old friend, the discovery of a new favorite place,
a little chance to help someone. A serendipity is anything good
that happens that you notice, and that you could not have planned.
The noticing and discovery of serendipities is a learned skill.
It is something we can become better and better at. It is, as the
definition suggests, a "state of mind" involving awareness
and sensitivity to what is around us. It involves "watching
and praying" because in addition to looking for and trying
to see what others miss, it involves asking God to bring opportunities,
beauties, and discoveries to you and asking for the perception and
awareness to see them and appreciate them.
Recording serendipitous things that happen to us (writing them down
each day) helps us inventory them and appreciate them and look for
more of them. I challenge you, for starters, to find at least three
serendipities each day and to write them down on the right side
of each day's page in your planner or journal. As you do this, you
will think more and more in terms of serendipity and less and less
in terms of control. The result will be more excitement and adventure
in life, and less frustration.
-
"The Stewardship
Blanks." There are a lot of "have-to-dos"
in each day. They are the things we put on our "to-do" list.
(drop off the kids, pick up the laundry, make the phone call, mow
the lawn, and so on) They are the things we do at work (have the meeting,
write the memo, go to the appointment, finish the project, and other
tasks).
Sometimes the have-to-do's
consume our entire day, and the "urgent" takes over for
the "important." Important things like reading a story to
the kids or spending a quiet moment with your spouse, or taking the
time to exercise, or meditating or praying, get left out because we
are too busy to get to them. The stewardship blanks are designed to
prevent this.
Here is what you do:
At the top of your planner page, put three horizontal lines. These
are called "stewardship blanks" and they are the "choose-to-dos"
of life. They need to take priority over the have-to-dos. Fill them
in before you start listing appointments or duties or commitments.
On the first line, write one thing that you choose to do that day
for your family. Not something someone is expecting you to do, like
picking up the kids or fixing dinner. Something you choose to do because
you think "What does someone in my family really need today?"
On the second line,
write one thing you choose to do for your work. Again, this is not
something you are expected to do, like fill out the report or conduct
the meeting. It is something need-based, such as, "Write a thank
you note to Jennifer for helping with the layout of the sales report."
It is usually something people-oriented, something you think of because
you think "what does someone need?"
On the third line, write
one thing you choose to do for yourself. What is something you need
that day — to feel better, to clear your mind, to refresh yourself.
It might be exercise, it might be reading scripture, it might be meditating.
It will be something need-based, and something you do not have to
do or that others are expecting you to. It will be something you choose
to do for yourself.
Your three greatest
stewardships, each day, are your family, your work, and yourself.
If you do one choose-to-do for each of them each day, and if you prioritize
that choose to do above any of your have-to-dos, your life will begin
to orient itself more to stewardship and less to ownership.
-
"The Synergicity
Bands." Instead of
trying to be independent, we should relish our interdependence on
others, and our dependence on God. To help you become better (and
more consistent) at doing this, put three "Synergicity Bands"
across your daily planner or diary page. Make them by simply making
three "highlighter" horizontal thick lines across your page,
one at the very top, one at the very bottom, and one in the middle.
Think of these as the three times to pray, and to ponder the manifestation
of God's hand in your life.
Also think for a minute
"morning, noon, and night" about others you have interacted
with, made friends with, done something for, or felt appreciation
toward. Jot down (in the synergicity bands) any expression of God's
hand or any meaningful interaction with another person. This is, of
course, simply a way to make us more aware of our dependence on God,
and of our constant need for Him, and of the little answers or inspirations
or beauty that he slips to us every day. When we don't see them, it
is not because they are not there, it is because we fail to see them.
Things we call "circumstances" are often better called guidance
or blessings.
To see God's hand in
our lives gets easier and easier as we watch for it, notice it, and
write it down. And the beauty of needing other people, learning from
them, benefiting from their gifts, and vice versa, is one blessing
of knowing that we are all children of God and that we all have the
capacity to help and to love others.
Keeping track of God's
hand and of our interdependence on others (and thinking about it briefly
three times a day, "morning, noon, and night," as we pray,
is a spiritual exercise that tunes our spirits to God's will, and
that brings us deep joy as we acknowledge where we fit in to this
world and in to eternity. It helps us gain Synergicity, and it helps
us rid ourselves of our false notions of Independence.