History of "Control"
The history of the quest for control
is essentially the history of the world. Human beings seem hardwired
for the desire to control things around us. And this internal
programming has probably saved our lives individually and collectively.
But in recent history, the instinct to control has been institutionalized
by the whole industry of planning and goal-setting and by the
notion that control is what can bring us happiness. The good
idea to set goals and have plans and control oneself gets expanded
into the idea that we should be able to control and manage everything
(and every person) around us.
Actually, we have control of a
tiny island of things around which swirls a huge sea of uncontrollability
and unpredictability. Our challenge is not to control the ocean,
but to see its beauty and appreciate its waves and currents.
In the control mode, surprises
annoy or irritate us because they may prevent our day from going
exactly as we had planned it. Our friends annoy us because they
don't do things the way we would. Our children annoy us because
they don't seem to want to be quite what we want them to be
or to be interested in just what we think should interest them.
And days when we don't get everything checked off of our list
get chalked up as failures because we have defined success as
control.
It is lovely to strive to
control our emotions, our appetites, our habits — but
we must strive with equal diligence to acknowledge that we need
God's help even with these most personal things, and to understand
that most everything else is controlled by His plan, His providence,
and His will. In the proper paradigm, all of our plans need
to be in subjection to His plan, and all of our little efforts
at control need to be within His control.
History of "Ownership"
The right of "property"
is a key underpinning of a democracy and a free enterprise system.
Such rights had to be established (and fought for) to free people
from tyrants and monarchy.
In an economic sense, ownership
is a prerequisite for responsibility. People don't take very
good care of things unless they own them. Home owners take better
care of their houses than renters. You care more about your
own car than a rental. But, like control, ownership becomes
deceptive and destructive as it is overextended. As we start
thinking in an ownership mentality, we forget that — in
eternal and spiritual terms — God owns all. We are just
using things that pass through our hands with time, things that
come from or are part of God's earth, things we may have a deed
for but which ultimately are His.
If you think of the notion and
attitude and perspective of Ownership as the trunk of a tree,
what are the branches that grow? Branches of envy and jealousy
as we are in contact with those who have more things or better
things than we do. Branches of condescension or superiority
as we see those who have less. Branches of greed and covetousness
as we think about all that we wish we had. Branches of pride
as we think about what we have, or about having more of it than
someone else.
There must be a better perspective,
a better attitude, a better paradigm.
History of "Independence"
How can you speak or write against
independence in a land founded on it and emancipated by a document
called the Declaration of Independence? Of course independence
is a desirable political condition, and of course personal independence
is an asset in the senses of thinking for oneself and taking
care of oneself.
But like the other deceivers, it
gets dangerous and damaging as it is carried too far. We have
become a nation that worships independence and that equates
strength with not needing other people, with "going it
on your own,"and with being "co-dependent no more."
It is easy to forget, in this mode, how interdependent we all
are, and most dangerous of all, it is too easy to forget our
complete and entire dependence on the God who gave us life and
now gives us every breath we breathe. To need and to be needed
is what keeps us human, and humble, and honorable.
The real problem with Independence
is in the "I." Independence, at the lengths we often
try to carry it, is the attitude of I. It’s about
me and about what I can do on my own. Real life — the
way God intended it to be lived — is always about we,
about us, about our interdependence, and about how
all of us are brothers and sisters because we are all His children,
and all equally and totally dependent on Him.
The old, positive "can-do"
attitude is a great place to start, but a better (and higher)
place is a positive "can't-do" attitude that essentially
says, "Of myself, I am nothing, and can't do much of anything,
but with the help of friends and family, and most of all with
the guidance and assistance of God, I can do anything that is
His will."
Looking Forward
I wish I could answer every thoughtful
letter I have received in connection with this column so far.
There are hundreds of them! And the "guesses" you
have made about the Three Alternatives are wise and insightful
indeed. Keep them coming!
Let me give you one more small
clue about where this column will go in future weeks as it gets
ready to reveal the Three Alternatives: The reason I have chosen
to call CO&I the three deceivers is not that they are inherently
evil concepts or that they possess no useful or positive aspects.
It is that they are telestial paradigms. They deceive us by
blinding us to greater truths. They are part of a lesser law
that serves our society rather well — but that too often
obscures a higher plane with paradigms that are far deeper,
far more eternally accurate, and that produce and foster far
more joy. The Three Alternatives can replace the Three Deceivers
as the attitudes we hold and the perspectives through which
we see our lives.
