The Three Deceivers
By Richard Eyre

Publisher's note:  Perhaps the three most pursued and coveted things in our modern world are control, ownership, and independence.  In Richard Eyre's mind, they are the three deceivers — and are not only unobtainable, but also undesirable.  They are, Eyre believes, the "false gods" that separate us from God and rob us of the things of the spirit. This new column, exploring the obsessions we have developed with control, ownership and independence, and outlining a better and more spiritual alternative for each, will run each Friday.  Welcome to a new world of thinking that may change how you live.

The frustration and stress and imbalance we so often feel are not based as much on the details of how we live each day as they are on the fact that we are seeking the wrong things — that we have the wrong goals.  I know that is a bold statement, and I know that most people would be quite determined and strong in defending the goals they have chosen to pursue.  Nevertheless, I have come to believe that almost all of us (and Church members as much or more so than anyone else) spend a substantial amount of our time and our mental effort seeking three things that end up working against us and against our happiness and joy.  They are things that almost all of us think are good things — right things — things we think will bring us happiness.

And it is our obsession with these three things that destroys the balance and the quality of our lives.

The three things are Control, Ownership, and Independence.

Now before I tell you why I think these are wrong goals (false goals in fact), ponder for a moment how much we desire each of them and how much effort we put into their pursuit. 

Oh how we long for Control .  We try to control the events of our day by making lists and checking them off.  We try to control our children by disciplining and rewarding them.  We try to control our destiny by deciding who and where and what we will be.  And when things go a different direction than our plans, our lists, our goals, we feel frustration and stress.

And Ownership is the American way!  Life seems to present itself as a giant scoreboard where we are measured by what we own.  We work longer and harder than any people in the history of the world because we want more wealth, more possessions, more exclusivity.  And when we compare what we own to what others own (a kind of comparing we find ourselves doing all the time) we always come out envious and jealous or else proud and condescending — both of which lead to unhappiness.

The third one, Independence, is such a revered concept that we have a holiday named for it.  And we revere it.  To need no one but ourselves, to stand alone, to be co-dependent no more — these are the mottos of today. Yet we continually find out how dependent we are, how much we need other people and how much we need God.

We not only Control, Ownership, and Independence; as a society we worship them.  They are our idols.  They are what we measure success by.  They are what our self-help books are about.  They are the assumed goals that cause us to change jobs, or to get a second job, or to move to a new place or to not have another child, or to go further into debt, or to buy bigger planners or day timers, of to try to get through things on our own rather than ask for help.  I call them the three deceivers because they have grown up into obsessions that serve the purposes of the adversary, and that I believe are promoted by him.

There are two big problems with the concepts of Control, Ownership and Independence.  One is that they cause stress, frustration, and unhappiness.  Two is that they are false concepts !  They are lies!  Think about it.  What do you really control?  You are one tiny individual in a world made by God.  It is He (and the laws and the plan he has set forth) that controls both the big and the small things that happen around you and to you.  What do you really own?  With the one possible exception of your will and agency, you own nothing.  You are stewards of much that God has entrusted to you, but that He owns.  And from what are you independent?  You are dependent on so many other people — especially those you love — and completely dependent on God for the very air you breathe and the light that lets you live.

Most people, when they really think about it, can see the limits and the falsehoods in the idea of Control, Ownership and Independence, but as Church members — as partakers of the insights and truths of the Restoration — we really know (and should be so grateful) that control and ownership lie with God, and that we are completely dependent on him and that His plan is one of interdependence on each other.

Now, let me back off and make some caveats and concessions before I start sounding a little extreme.  Control, ownership and independence are very useful economic concepts, and are also at least partially useful and true psychologically.  It's good to control our checkbooks and our emotions.  Ownership and property rights are essential in a democracy and a free economy, and trying to live with relative independence in a psychological and economic sense is certainly a virtue.

The problem comes when we get so obsessed in our desire for the three, and our pursuit of them, that we let the obsession take over our lives.  It is in the spiritual context that each of the three is a lie.  And the spiritual context is the most important one.  Reality is best and most accurately understood as a spiritual paradigm.  And it is in the eternal, spiritual "things-as-they-really-are" point of view, that control, ownership, and independence do not exist.

Nor should we want them to!  Would you really like to control your life and that of those around you, or is that better left to God?  Would you really like to own things that are really God's ("your" children, "your" talents, or the various parts of the earth that you "own")?  And would you really want to be independent rather than dependent on God and interdependent with other people?
 
When you think about it, the whole plan of salvation and the reasons for mortality (for coming to this earth in the first place) would be ruined and destroyed and frustrated if we had control, and ownership, and independence — instead of leaving them to God and trying to cope, get along, and learn under the systems and situations He puts us in.

What we need, I believe, is a clear and correct alternative to each of the three false concepts.  As we try to stop seeking and being obsessed with control, ownership and independence, we need true alternatives to turn our attention and desire toward.

I believe there are true alternatives incorporated within the Gospel and the Lord's plan of happiness for us, his children, and I believe that turning away from the three deceivers and focusing instead on their Gospel-based alternatives is the key to the happiness that God wants us to find.  It will be the exploration of these three alternatives that this column will focus on in the weeks ahead. I have become convinced that real Balance in life (and the peace and fulfillment that comes with it) is an inner thing that is obtained by putting our desires in harmony with reality and with the will of God.

Join me here every Friday (and every weekend) and let's explore together how we can cut ourselves from the worldly, frustrating, and stress-causing paradigms of Control, Ownership, and Independence. Let's discover together a spiritually nourishing and Restoration-based alternative for each of the three.

Richard welcomes your feedback and inputs.  Write to him at Richard@meridianmagazine.com or by clicking here.