Circle of Sisters got an unexpected vacation last week, when a huge number of Meridian articles combined with a picture-heavy Meridian cover story to almost guarantee that the Meridian webmaster was going to labor all during his Labor Day weekend to format Monday’s issue.  Being the saint that I am, I gallantly volunteered to give the column a week’s hiatus so he could have a little extra time for himself.

Pin a medal on me.

But make sure it’s a tasteful medal, because that’s what our topic is going to be for next week.  After we run a last few comments about finding modest clothes for people of large size and small, we have a letter questioning the appropriateness of our Sunday attire.

What a can of worms that is going to be!

But before we get out the can opener, finish out the last few letters on finding attire that covers the parts of us that Mormon ladies should have tastefully covered.  Here they are:

I was really surprised with the frustration the sisters were voicing over the difficulty in finding modest clothing, especially for larger sizes.  We live in a time of computers, and sewing machines,   I really believe that with those two things, we can get just about everything we need.
 
I'm a big fan of Avenue.com and JessicaLondon.com, However I still can't always find what’s just right.  I have taken white blouses that were too sheer and dyed them so they are a bit more opaque (Dylon dye at Walmart, $1.99).

Check out Susie’s Casuals.  Anything in the store is no more than $5.99.  If you find a blouse or dress you like and it is sleeveless, it’s cheap enough to buy two and use one to cut out sleeves from.

There are thousands upon thousands of clothing patterns, and you don't even have to leave home.  See them all online and then just pick the patterns you want.  Raise the neckline, lengthen the skirt or pants, or do whatever alterations you want.  Sewing isn't brain surgery; it’s just sort of tedious.  What? Did I hear you say you can't sew?  You really can learn in one day.
 
Try going outside the box a little. I've even ordered used pure silk saris on eBay.  The purchase and the shipping came to under $15, and I ended up with 5 yards of really beautiful and unique silk to sew with.
 
You're right, there are so many cute things out there, “if only” (it had a back, it wasn't so short,  the neckline didn't plunge down to the navel, and so on), but as women in the Church we live in the best time ever, and we literally can purchase from just about anywhere in the world. 

True sacrifice is giving up something good to gain something better.  We sacrifice many of the fashions of the day because we want to wear what our Heavenly Father would have us wear.  There will be blessings that come from dressing modestly.  If we treat this as a challenge rather than a burden, half the battle is already fought.
 
Diane S.
Anaheim, California

Thanks for a great, upbeat letter, Diane.  I was a little puzzled looking for “Susie’s Casuals” online, only to find it in a list of “Defunct Retailers of the United States”.  Apparently the one in your neighborhood is a dinosaur, so appreciate it while you have it.

As for sewing, you’re right.  Many years ago, before I turned into Jabba the Hutt, I found a simple dress pattern I liked and that was flattering.  I took that dress pattern and made it half a dozen times.  Each time I varied the pattern just a little by adding a collar or changing the neckline or doing something else so every dress looked completely different.  I used that pattern until it fell apart.

When I tried to do that later on, I was disgusted (I believe the LDS term is “shocked and appalled”) to see that the size numbers had been changed and that I no longer had any idea what size would fit me.  That was the end of my sewing career, but I could just as easily start over and do it again.  If I can sew, anyone can.

Speaking of customized clothing, it’s amazing what elegant collars can be made out of placemats.  I went through a collar phase after I couldn’t sew dresses anymore, and the collars I made looked so beautiful you would have thought I’d gotten them from Neiman-Marcus.  It’s amazing what you can do with a little ingenuity.
  
Thank you so much for this great article!  Though I can't afford $400 for a suit (and even if I could, wouldn't spend it), I found some great new sites to check out.  I am a plus-sized tall woman in New York, and hands down my favorite store is Avenue.  The people are so nice and knowledgeable, products are good and priced accordingly, but the best part is their sales. 

I hit their clearance racks every few weeks.  Price range from $1.99 to 14.99 and they have the best items.  I redid my whole wardrobe for less than $100, including a wonderful pair of dress boots and peep-toed comfort heels, a great handbag, and three necklace/earring sets.  They are always very respectful of my need for modest shirts and dresses also.

Plus-Size Karen, (26W)

Thanks for the information, Plus-Size Karen.  We’ve had so many recommendations for Avenue that it must be a terrific place.  And in these times, all of us can appreciate a bargain.

I live in Las Vegas and of all places it's hard to find modest clothing here — especially if you are looking for a formal for a dance or a wedding dress. There's a store in town that's new but it's been in Utah for a long time called Allyse's Bridal and Formal. They carry all modest formal dresses and wedding dresses in sizes 0 to 28.

There's also a website you can look at and buy from if you don't live near a store and it helps you figure out your sizing and what to order. It's www.BeautifullyModest.com. I have had a great experience with them and my sister bought a wedding dress from them and loved their prices too. As a helpful hint on sizing they said the sizes run a little small so if you are a small and petite and a double 0 you'll fit their size 0. Hope this helps some dress-buying woes!

Sabby

Thanks, Sabby.  I’m sure all our Las Vegas-area readers will appreciate the information.

For all you ladies in the Intermountain West of the United States, here’s another endorsement of Allyse’s:

I have been buying dresses for years from just the kind of store you are looking for, Allyse’s Bridal and Formal Wear. Allyse’s gowns are exclusive, stunning, fun and give you the choice to be beautiful and modest. You will be able to find the perfect dress to fit your personality. The selection is huge and everything is “temple appropriate.” Allyse’s carries gowns from size 0 to 26, and if you need alterations, they have a seamstress located on-site.  Allyse’s Bridal carries modest wedding gowns, temple gowns, mother of the bride, prom, bridesmaid, semi formal and day dresses. Allyse’s has awesome prices that can fit anyone’s budget.  They have three store locations:

Allyse's Bridal and Formal  
University Mall
575 East University Parkway
Orem, UT 84097
1-801-226-4706
Open Monday - Saturday 10:00a.m.- 9:00p.m.

Allyse's Bridal Bridal and Formal 
62 North 600 West
American Fork, UT 84003
1-801-756-3032
Open Monday- Saturday 10:00a.m.- 7:00p.m.

Allyse's Bridal and Formal 
2651 Paseo Verde Pkwy.#180
Henderson, NV,89074
702-785-0175
Open Monday and Saturday 9:00a.m.-6:00p.m.
Tuesday -Friday 9:00a.m.-8:00p.m.

You can also buy Allyse's Bridal dresses online at beautifullymodest.com. Allyse’s customer service is amazing. Everyone is so helpful and makes sure that you find just what you are looking for, no matter what size or shape you are.  I recommend Allyse’s to all my family and friends. 

Satisfied Customer

Thanks for the testimonial, Satisfied.  Lots of readers will appreciate the trouble you went to in order to provide such detailed information.

I am 5'2" and wear a size 6-8.  Sounds easy, right?  My problem is that retailers feel anybody my size is a teenager.  I'm not. I'm 55 years old and a grandmother of five.

I've had great success with Dress Barn (once they started carrying petites) and Chadwick's.  In addition, I'd like to suggest some mail-order catalogs cater to mature women.  Willow Ridge and Bedford Fair are two separate catalogs owned by the same company.  In general, I've found the clothing from the Willow Ridge catalog to be of a slightly higher quality, but in general I'm pleased with almost everything I've purchased from them.  With your order, they provide a postage-paid label in case you need to return something. 

Another good catalog is Old Pueblo Traders.  Granted, I don't pay a lot of attention to the large sizes in this catalog, but I've got a sister-in-law with a DD chest, and Old Pueblo Traders had swimming suits (note the plural) that fit her.

My biggest issue is with shoes: I wear a 5-1/2 Wide.  The major retailers, such as Penney's, Sears, Dillards, etc. don't even carry my size.  Unlike clothing, shoes aren't something I can make myself.  There are some mail-order catalogs, but I am not interested in paying $100 for a pair of loafers!

Thanks for your ideas,

Small-town shopper

Thanks for the suggestions, Small.  I noticed that Willow Ridge carries clothing in size 4 to size 30W, which fits all but the very smallest and very largest of us.   Chadwick’s has tall sizes, but it appears the smallest of the tall is size 6T, which doesn’t help the size 2 reader who wrote in.  The largest size I saw at Chadwick’s was size 24W, but I didn’t look for long so there may be bigger sizes.

As for shoes, there are indeed zillions in your size.  One option is Zappos.  But you’re right about the price.  Of all those zillions of shoes in your size, the cheapest ones I saw were about fifty bucks.
 
I love the plus size store, C.J.Banks, but unfortunately, I can't shop there in California because the closest store to me is four hours away. But when I visit Utah, there are four stores from Provo to Layton, and I can score big-time. So I have to wait to shop until I travel. They have an online store and their sizes are pretty true.

They have a smaller sizes store called Christopher and Banks that are more prevalent.
Their clothes are longer and more modest than I have seen — and modern. I hate having two options: looking like J-Lo or like I have one foot in the dock and one in the boat.

I can always find something at CJ Banks — and that's the problem! I can usually find too much that I like and have to pick carefully.

Annie Smith, quilt designer and Instructor
www.SimpleArts.com, home of "Quilting Stash" — the first podcast for quilters 

This is great news, Annie.  And I’m assuming you are making your own quilted fashions to personalize your wardrobe.  Quilts don’t only belong on a bed.

The biggest problem I find in shopping for modest clothing, is the lower necklines prevalent everywhere these days.  As someone mentioned earlier, even the camisoles they provide with the lowest cut blouses are too low. 

I found this product that is ingenious and wonderful, called “No more peeks”.  They are inexpensive, come in several colors and are easy to use.  I have used them in addition to the included camisoles with good results.

I'm so grateful that I found this little product; it's allowed me to wear many different kinds of blouses since finding them.

Big and Tall in NW Missouri

Thanks for the link, Big.  This is apparently a successful product.  I can see from the website that they’ve been covering cleavage since 1966!
 
I’ve enjoyed this topic.  I was 5’8 and 145 pounds by 6th grade (and have grown 2 inches and 100 pounds since then – I’m now age 50), and so I’ve never known anything but difficulty in shopping for clothes.  I just assumed it was a universal experience for women! 

The letter this week about how all clothing manufacturers must fit to one body type as a standard really resounded with me.  I just recently saw Susan Boyle (the frumpy contestant who blew us all away on “Britain’s Got Talent”) after she had a makeover.  Wow!  Not only did she have a hairstyle perfected suited to her face shape, and makeup done perfectly suited to her lovely features and coloring, but clearly she had also been dressed by a professional.  The shape of her dress, the length of her hem, the neckline, the fit, the color; everything was perfect for her body type. 

As I watched her and later gave some thought to what I’d seen, I realize why it is that people in the media can appear to look so good.  Everybody knows that, say, Princess Diana, had clothing custom-made for her exact body measurements; but many don’t know that the art of tailoring can and should be applied to every piece of clothing that women own. 

No, wait, men are aware of this.  No man would dream of buying a business suit right off the rack.  And look at how their dress shirts are sold — by neck size, sleeve length and body shape (fitted, athletic, pleated).  The culture of fitting has remained for men’s clothing, but has been lost for women’s.  It’s that simple. 

Yes, it costs money and time.  Sorry, but that’s how it is if you expect to have a good fit.  If you choose to never accept this fact, and want to keep pretending that something should fit perfectly in the dressing room, you will always be mired in frustration as you shop.  (For some professional pointers, tune in to “What Not to Wear”).

And just forget about dresses; they are made for one body type only — and if that’s not yours, sorry!  So sisters, spare yourselves the frustration and don’t even bother with them.  Separates solve that problem, and can be much more inexpensively tailored anyway.

Here’s an experience I’ve had so many times I’m no longer counting (and I’m currently a size 20, after working diligently to lose some of the unwanted weight).  While in a store, and in “my” section — women’s sizes — out of the corner of my eye I spot the cutest outfit ever and practically dive for it.  But, alas, it has been mistakenly hung in “women’s” (14-24) when it belongs in “misses” (0-12).  I search and search the racks of that same manufacturer (but in “my” section) and never can find anything as cute and contemporary and absolutely stunning as that outfit I just saw.   

I know that all of you reading this have “been there, done that.”  Just enjoying sharin’ the commonalities of being a woman (any size) in our day and time.

Pam
Henderson, Nevada 

I enjoyed your letter, but I have to admit I laughed in one place.  When you wrote, “No man would dream of buying a business suit right off the rack,” I thought, “There is a woman who has never met a computer programmer.”

I would like to add to your wonderful ideas:

I wear scarves to cover the cleavage.  They can really dress up a navy, black, or gray dress or separates and are very classy looking.  I always receive compliments on my scarves, and many sisters admit they never wear them!

Carol
NW Ohio

Scarves are a great idea, Carol.  You can make them so cheaply, and buy them even cheaper.  Even if you don’t have a cleavage problem, using interchangeable scarves to dress up an outfit is one way to get a lot more use out of that outfit.

I am a latecomer to the dialogue on modest clothing, especially for larger sizes.  I rarely have a problem, but that may be because I shop mostly from catalogs and QVC.  My picks for catalogs include Coldwater Creek www.coldwatercreek.com and Draper's & Damon's www.drapers.com .  QVC, however, has become my clothier of choice.  I can go to the website, click on "fashion," and refine my search by "long skirt" or "cotton sweater" and up come many choices, all available in sizes xs - 3x.  If I receive my purchase and don't like it, returns are easily made.  In 15 years of ordering with QVC, I've never had a bad experience — and that's saying something!

Rosemary Powell
Spokane, Washington

Thanks for your suggestions, Rosemary.  So many people have suggested QVC that if I ever get an income I’ll have to check them out.   As for Drapers & Damon’s, I checked out their website and found they have some lovely clothes for people who are sizes 4 to 28.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Here’s another vote for QVC:

I appreciated your article regarding shopping for modest clothing of all sizes, especially plus sizes.

I've discovered shopping for clothing at QVC.  They make every clothing item they sell in plus sizes, and everything is online. Their service is fantastic, they have tons of modest clothing, and their return policy is very generous.  I haven't purchased an item of clothing in a store in two years.

The fit is almost always consistent, and they give the measurements of each garment they sell.  Just thought I'd contribute.

Patti

Thanks, Patti.  From the look of my mailbox, QVC is an option that appeals to a whole lot of people.

Here’s another short one:

Just quickly — www.onestopplus.com is a great site, because it sort of creates a “mall” — albeit an online one — that puts many of the stores together, and allows you to search several of them at once. 

Kathy — Cookie Momster to Amy (17), Rob (14), Matthew (12), and David (8)

You’re right, Momster.  Onestopplus is a lifesaver, although by the time you get to the Omar the Tentmaker sizes, all that’s left is one step above a muumuu.  This is something I know by sad experience, because those one-step muumuus comprise most of my wardrobe.

What wonderful feedback.  This has touched a sensitive nerve for many women.

I was very interested in one reader’s comments [she wrote about JCPenney], because in 1949, I became an associate with the JCPenney Company as advertising and display manager in store # 1752 (in Pontiac, Michigan).  I was privileged to be Mr. Penney's hostess as he visited our store during the next few years.

Mr. Penney would be pleased with your comments, as his whole life was dedicated to providing sensible solutions for the needs of his customers. From babies to great grandmothers, boys to working men, from hats to shoes, and everything in-between, handkerchiefs to blankets and bed sheets.
Everything had to pass his strict standards of quality. He paid a lot of attention to the needs of people of every age, and their individual likes and dislikes, whether it be the size, color or the fit of the garments.

He was in his 90s and had written a book, Into My Ninth Decade, the last time he visited our store. He was still as enthusiastic and vital as any of even the youngest of our associates.

Helen Spencer Schlie

Thanks for your memories of Mr. Penney, Helen.  He founded his empire in a day when the focus was on quality and customer service.  We need more people like him.

Our last letter on the subject (before we springboard off into a vat o’ worms) comes from a reader who is currently serving a mission:
 
Modesty is a very important issue to me. It's the immediate outward show of our obedience to the Lord and to our prophets who have set the guidelines. I think the most important thing is that we decide that we will be modest no matter what, no matter how difficult to find clothing, no matter what the other Young Women or the Relief Society president or any other sisters are wearing. 
 
Having served as a temple worker the past two years in the Sacramento Temple, I was disturbed at times to see what sisters were wearing to the temple. One thing that concerned me that is very easily fixed, was seeing skirts with big slits up the side or the back. Those skirts are unbelievably revealing, yet can be sewed up with minimal sewing experience. I would appeal to those reading to sew up those skirts, or call someone in your ward with a sewing machine. 
 
Being a large sister myself, I have struggled to find clothes that were not dumpy and frumpy or immodest. The selection of large-size clothing has certainly improved from what it used to be. I find quite a few attractive items of clothing at JCPenney and I order clothing regularly from LandsEnd. 
 
Determination is the most important factor in dressing modestly — never giving up or giving in when it's difficult to find clothing. 

One more note; I'm so proud of my daughter who is teaching her young daughters to dress modestly from infancy. She is a great example to me and to everyone in her ward. 
 
Worker Bee from Auburn now on a mission 

Thanks for your note, Worker Bee.  I like your thoughts about how much easier it is to dress modestly if you have determined ahead of time to be modest, no matter what.  If we make the decision ahead of time, we’ve won the war — even though the daily skirmishes may be a little discouraging.

Speaking of discouragement, this week’s topic is not for the faint of heart.  We ran a note last time from a reader who called herself Stockings Please.  Here is the part of her letter that gave Stockings her pseudonym:

This next comment will likely keep my letter from being published, but I will say it nonetheless. Since we are on the topic of clothing, here's my two bits.

Sisters, we need to be wearing stockings to church and to the temple. My back-up for that comment is a talk given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson at the CES fireside on Nov. 7, 2004. It is called "A Sense of the Sacred,".
Incidentally, those who work at the Church Offices in Salt Lake are required to wear stockings, as are any sisters who sing in choirs on Temple Square and also the sister missionaries. We need to show our respect for sacred places by dressing less casually. End of soapbox.

Thank you for agreeing to post my comments, even though perhaps they were a bit off-topic. Modest clothing and what is/is not "too casual" might be an interesting question for a future column.

Stockings Please

Okay, readers, what do you consider is or is not “too casual” to wear to church?  Should this be dictated by our national cultures and climates, or is this a one-size-fits-all rule?  What should we do — if anything — when others dress inappropriately at church?

I don’t want to turn this into a free-for-all, but if you have any civilized observations to offer, please send them to meridianmagazine@aol.com.  Put something in your subject line to let me know your email isn’t spam.

We’ll publish your letters next week.

Until next time — Kathy

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

Anais Nin