We have another thorny question today, Readers. A military wife from Colorado has been unable to form any friendships in her ward (and in others) because she has a hard time breaking through the cliques. We all know that our religion has no place for cliques, but sometimes cliques happen. Other times, people who are new may perceive cliques that aren't even there.

Please read today's question, and let us know what you think:

Ever since the implementation of the enrichment activities to accommodate smaller groups, I have noticed that the already prevalent cliques have gotten tighter and more obvious.

Being the spouse of a military member, I have moved around quite a bit.  Each time we move into a new ward it has taken time to feel accepted and to break into one clique or another.  Now it seems even more difficult. 

Each ward has a unique dynamic even though the gospel is the same and true everywhere we go. One thing remains, however, and that is a tendency for the sisters of the ward to be comfortable in the presence of the familiar.  I understand this and have managed a strategy to gently insert myself into the "familiar."  With the inception of the Enrichment Activities, it seems the "familiar" has become more cemented together with little room for the new.  I often feel left out and lonely regardless of my attempts to insert myself.

I realize, as well, that the gospel is true and we are all trying to better ourselves; it just seems that we should all be trying harder to be accepting rather than excepting.

A Sister in Colorado

There you have it. If you have moved into an area where the ward seems cliquish, how do you find friends within those cliques — or outside them?

And if you have dealt with cliques in the past, what have you done (or what have you seen that has worked) to get rid of the cliques in your ward?

As President Gordon B. Hinckley used to say, every church member needs a friend. How do you go about making friends in an area where the friendships already seem to be established? If you have any ideas, send them to meridianmagazine@aol.com. Put something in your subject line to let me know your letter isn't spam. We'll publish the first responses next Monday.

And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or country. (If you'd rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan ,” or “Sandy from Timbuktu .” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next time — Kathy

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

Author Unknown