We've had a couple of interesting weeks of letters on the subject of preparing for the death of a spouse. Today we end the topic with a letter from Boyd J. Hale of Vilnius , Lithuania , who started the subject three weeks ago. He started the topic with a query on what readers should be doing, and then he decided to put his own thoughts on virtual paper. He calls his essay "Provident Dying, 2009," and this is what he has to say:

The scriptures constantly remind us that no man knows the time when we will meet the Lord.

The purpose of my article is not to remind you of funeral arrangements, wills, or complicated details like that.

When my aunt left on her fourth mission for the Church, friends asked her how she could leave all her nice things behind while serving the Lord. She answered with a smile, "I guess it's just good practice for dying." It was nice to be reminded that things are so unimportant.

Women statistically live longer, so they tend to do a better job of planning, but, men tend to block out the need to make any preparation for single living.

Only protracted illness gets our attention about death, and provokes us towards better preparation of the inevitable needed details.

For the sake of learning coping skills, here are some questions. What kinds of activities are useful in getting yourself prepared for single living?

Would short separate vacations to visit children and family be one wake-up call for Grandpa to learn to boil an egg?

Would it prompt Grandma to learn where and how to turn off the power or water in an emergency?

Is a sham auction a solution to placing precious keepsakes with the children who price them the most highly? Each sibling was given $10,000 in fake money to direct the bidding process. My sister only wanted Mother's antique mechanical apple peeler. She used all her inheritance credit to get that.

Have you told family that you want something useful given to the world, instead of letting flowers die in a few days at the cemetery? I am still honored to visit the shelves in the local library donated by the townspeople who honored my grandfather's request for books in lieu of flowers.

Has Dad taught Mom to change the dripping faucet, and told her where he hides the tools? If he loves canned peaches, has she taught him to do it?

Has Mom learned to check the oil in the car?

Have you written your spouse a letter to be opened later? How about sending an e-card a year early, to be delivered on your wedding anniversary? It could be the last expression of love you left behind for her.

I don't pretend that any of these things make separation more bearable, but we are taught to be prepared. One sister sorted all the family pictures, and distributed them to the children she felt would be most interested. These envelopes were only opened after her death.

I don't have any obsession about my impending exit from this mortal sphere, but it gives me peace of mind that my dear wife won't get burdened  by the funeral industry, because I have put my woodworking talents to use, and have created two lovely boxes for that time of inevitable separation. Total cost $40.00 ? and two months of loving labor.

Please share your own family stories, of lovely gifts of preparation that a parent may have thoughtfully prepared for the one left alone. .

Boyd J. Hale
Lithuania

If you want you to share personal stories with Boyd Hale, feel free to write to him care of MeridianMagazine@aol.com. Put something in the subject line so your letters won't get lost. Boyd wants to hear about "neat or innovative things you have learned from parents and loved ones, about how they prepared for death. Any other thoughts on the topic will be appreciated."

Next week we have a shiny new topic. If any of you have any questions you'd like addressed in future columns, don't hesitate to send them to MeridianMagazine@aol.com. Put Topic Suggestion in the subject line, and I'll put your suggestion in the queue.

Until next week ? Kathy

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”

Epictetus