Boom! I ran a quiet little letter about tattoos, thinking to get about a half-dozen responses. Ha! By noon of the day the column appeared, there were 61 emails in my email box, and two more had found their way to my personal email address. By Wednesday, there were 130 — and counting. Who knew?

I'll never make a dent in these if I don't start fast, so here's the first one — written from a reader who has experienced tattoos from both sides of the fence:

Here's a story about tattoos.  My son, who weighs in like Santa Claus and is as gentle as a mouse, is covered with demonic-looking (but very clever) "improvements” to his body with needlework !"  He had a brain injury in high school playing football and ended up doing a 5-10 stint in state corrections.  The thugs in there (I know that sounds unreal, but I volunteer and teach inside the county jail) left him alone and were scared stiff of him after seeing his body.  It saved him from much sexual harassment. 

Keeping this in mind, fast backwards to a night in the temple about 10 years ago.  It was a singles night and I had driven a van load of "silk and silver sisters" from the two wards in our town and was hoping I would see at least someone I knew more my age and maybe find someone special to talk to.  I sat just outside the chapel waiting for the group to assemble, and the only male was standing closer to the doors.  Tattoos showed brightly through his white shirt and his hair was pulled back in a tidy ponytail tucked inside his shirt collar.  He was slim, handsome and I was already thinking, "How awful, all those tattoos, to have to live with that." 

He turned, looked right at me, and I was about to duck when I realized it was a brother from my own ward.  With a suit coat on, this lovely young man had always had the tattoos covered.  I rushed to greet a face I knew and he asked if I would sit with him as he hadn't been back to the temple for a long time.  He was aghast that I had driven down with no priesthood and insisted on driving back behind us to make sure we were safe. 

We often laugh over this as I told him straight out, "I didn't know you had INK," and here is what I learned.   It is my fault for not being able to overlook that and being judgmental. I could have missed out on a beautiful friendship, but because he reached out regardless the tattoos became of no significance. 

This lovely sister who feels the edge of that judgment — sweetheart forgive them. They are the ones who are losing out. You have so much to give; you manage pain well!  You can strengthen others.  Your body and its art forms are just as precious to the Lord as a new baby's skin.  Atonement takes care of all that. 

Smile back at the faces that show anxiety or even fear, and use your example to show our youth that you chose not to do this anymore and some choices are with us forever, but we can still become as perfect as possible. If you had an arm or leg missing, you would have people who feared that too. Differences thwart our ability to accept others.  You are different; now let the Lord use you. I know He accepts you. 

Wendy Holsberger
York, Pennsylvania

Thanks for writing, Wendy. It was fascinating to hear how your son's “needlework art” saved him from sexual harassment in the county jail.

Your account of the tattooed man from your ward reminds me of a sweet little girl who used to be in our ward. On Sunday she looked like all the other girls, but under that long blonde hair was some sort of weird head shaving, coupled with hair that had been dyed in a color that God never created, which she wore the rest of the week. Eventually she grew up and became a corporate lawyer, and now she's as conservative as anyone else in her Manhattan ward. We all do crazy things when we're young. If we express ourselves with our hair it grows out; people who get tattoos aren't quite so lucky.

Having attended branches/wards in New Zealand , the UK and the USA , I can  happily attest to the fact that quite a number of my LDS friends sport both visible — and not so visible — tattoos, and that not all of the “tattooees” are men, either.

Many members have joined the Church as adults, as did my wife and I, and not all have lived squeaky clean lives prior to their conversion. I certainly wasn't a crime-lord, but nor was I a saint in my early years. It's called repentance , folks, and it should be an ongoing practice. Or are we all perfect now?

Some have had alcohol or drug problems, some have been criminals, and some have (heaven forbid!) tattoos. So what? Big deal! If Christ can forgive a woman caught in sin (amongst others), then can we not make the effort to overlook a mere tattoo? One would hope so. To those who cannot overcome this “hurdle,” shame on you! Stop carrying the burden of self-righteousness on your back. You'll find it a lot easier getting around without the added weight.

One of the most humble stake presidents I ever knew and greatly admired carried tattoos from (presumably) a misspent youth. I once served on a branch presidency with a wonderful, generous and very genuine man who had tattoos.

Perhaps Peter, the fisherman, had tattoos when called by Christ? And Paul (Saul) wasn't exactly the nicest kid on the street in his early days. But they did ok in the long run. Surely some Roman legionnaires were converted? Well, Roman soldiers were commonly tattooed with the number of the particular legion in which they served; and Pictish, Gaulish and Germanic tribes were heavily decorated. Were they denied Christian teaching and conversion?

Fair enough, if a tattoo is offensive in any way then it would be best to conceal it as best as possible. If removal is cost-prohibitive, then perhaps re-tattooing something over it might be the only option. Oh, no! Get another tattoo? Well, what else can the moaners and groaners suggest? Amputation of the offending limb? Isn't it just a “lesser/greater sin” solution?

If the lady with the problem has made the effort to return to the fold, then good on her! Welcome her in with open arms and disregard the issue. Or, ask about it, if that's acceptable to the person concerned. She just might have a really interesting and educational story to tell; perhaps to some LDS children/youth who are considering getting tattoos.

Alan (World Traveler)

Thanks for the jaunty tone of your letter, Alan. It made me smile. As we discussed in our emails, though, not everyone who has a tattoo can blame it on a pre-conversion lapse of judgment. I've seen pictures of one guy who had the faces of all the prophets — from Joseph Smith to Gordon B. Hinckley — tattooed on his person. (In fact, if you go to Google Images and search on tattoo + prophets, you can see his ink in living color.) One can presume he has since added President Monson to the gallery.

You asked for comments to "Tattooed Sister," who felt out of place because of the dress she wore (her tattoos), and who witnessed her "friends" in the Gospel who "couldn't get away fast enough."   One suggestion would be to help this sister understand that, "What's done, is done." 

Decades ago, as fresh-faced ward clerk, I had to fill out membership records for a newly baptized family.   The birth dates entered on the baptismal records indicated the first child had been born prior to the parents' marriage date, so a call was placed to the newly-baptized father to obtain a corrected birth date.   Only the clerk was embarrassed when the worthy and happy father confirmed that the reported dates were in fact correct.   Ultimately this man served as a very productive counselor in a variety of presidencies, including a bishopric.  

If Tattooed Sister's tattoo makes other people feel uncomfortable, she needs to be taught that their discomfort is their problem, not hers .   This sister should be counseled to consider occasionally visiting mission-field branches and wards far from the madding crowd where acceptance is always so much more readily given.   As she experiences the warmth of Saints who look beyond the pale and are truly grateful for her presence, warts and all, she will quickly come to understand that the problem she perceives as her own, is in fact a problem of other people's perceptions.  

Encourage this sister to focus on her own personal relationship to Heavenly Father, and she'll be a winner in the long run.   The Church is a greatly different institution in locations where it is growing, but the Gospel of Jesus Christ found there offers the same warm Holy Ghost that has recently attracted her back into activity.     

Steve Gregory
New Jersey

Thanks, Steve, for reminding Tattooed that “her” problem is really the problem of other people. Well said!

As for your story about the “incorrect” birth date, my visiting teacher often says, “The first baby comes when it comes; the rest of them take nine months.” I like that saying because it is a very gentle way of saying some things are none of our business, and we shouldn't be curious about them.

As for minding our own business, here's a reader who says things better than I could on that subject:

I'm glad you brought this up. It is an interesting topic, one that should give us all pause. I think we all make mistakes in life. Some are huge; some are small. Some are visible to others; others are visible only to God and ourselves.

I will admit when I see tattoos on a member, it takes me aback for a moment. Then I remember that I'm just lucky that my bad choices earlier in life are not on full view. If we truly believe in the Atonement of our Savior, truly believe that His sacrifice makes our repentance and His forgiveness of us possible, then we need to stop being such hypocrites and judging others so quickly by appearances. We all are in need of that forgiveness, not just those whose poor choices are displayed for the world to see.

What we hide about ourselves is often more destructive to our spirits than some colorful tattoo ink. It is hard to do sometimes, but we must overcome our prejudices, following Present Kimball's advice to, "Just do it!" Our church and our wards will not prosper if we cannot extend Christlike love and understanding to both investigators and members alike. You who are without sin, cast the first stone.

Darla Gaylor
Nashville, Tennessee

I'm with you, Darla! I'm only glad all my sins aren't written on my body for others to read. Most of us do things that are a lot worse than choosing to get a tattoo, and it would be awfully sad if the evidence were kept in a prominent place for everyone to feel obligated to comment on.

I was also inactive and while so I got two tattoos also.  When I came back to church I was also concerned how I would be perceived.  I remembered that I wasn't coming back to church for others; I was coming back for my happiness.  I decided not to let others' reactions dissuade me.  I knew the Lord welcomed me back with open arms, with or without tattoos. 

I remember a talk I heard something I read years ago about sin.  I can't remember who said it or where I heard or read it, but it was basically talking about repentance and the atonement.  The gist is this: When we sin and repent we are forgiven, period.  We are forgiven. That doesn't mean the scar from the sin is gone — only that we are forgiven and the sin is forgotten.  

I think of my tattoos the same way.  I was inactive and now I'm active.  I have repented of the things I did during that time but the scars are still there; so are my tattoos.  They will always be there and will remind me of where I was and where I am now with the Lord's love and forgiveness.  I know the Lord is happy you have returned to his fold regardless of your tattoos.

Tattooed Member

Thanks for a compassionate perspective, Tattooed. I like your analogy of comparing tattoos to scars of sin. That was a real help!

Read on for a creative take on why people may be staring at others' tattoos:

I have a couple thoughts as to why seeing your tattoos might make someone uncomfortable. Tattoos are art on the skin that will never come off. So when you got them, you got them knowing people would look at them. 

LDS people are human, and so we are no different. We will look.  It's a natural reaction if you see something different on someone — whether it's tattoos, braces, glasses, earrings, gobs of makeup, scars, whatever. People are going to look. 

Then there is the possibility that seeing your tattoos makes the person feel guilty because he wants one and is fighting with the desire to "Follow the Prophet or get a tattoo."

Perhaps the starer secretly got one and is immediately ashamed when he sees yours because he has one too. Maybe if the starers have teenagers, one of them is fighting to get one and it is a reminder of their family struggles and the fear they have for their child.  

Lastly, maybe the starers are judging you.  There is really no telling what their emotions are really saying. And there really isn't much you can do about it, either. If you got your tattoos before you found the gospel, then you have nothing to worry about.  Care about yourself. It's between you and Heavenly Father. No you and Heavenly Father and the other members of the Church.  You know where you are spiritually; no one else does. 

You cannot stop others from judging you or looking at you and your tattoos.  It's impossible until the tattoos are gone. But you can be strong and be OK with yourself.  What matters most is your relationship with Heavenly Father and how you handle the situation.  So many times we are caught up in what others are judging us for, when actually we are judging them to be judging us.  Let others have their reactions.  It doesn't lessen your worth in anyway. 

Crys from Virginia

Thanks for that laundry list of reasons people may be staring, Crys. It's true; there are many reasons why people may be staring, and not all of them are judgmental.

My son, in his adolescent stupidity, also got a tattoo.  It has been a thorn in his side ever since. However, he has since served an honorable mission, and is serving in his ward.  The Lord knows your heart, and other people have no right to judge you.  Whenever you can get them removed, do so.  If you feel more comfortable, wear long sleeved shirts to cover up your tattoos. 

If you are enthusiastic in the work of the Lord, others will see your commitment and forget about your tattoos.  Use your “tattoo problem” to your advantage. Talk to the youth about why they should not get tattoos and about how your body is a temple.  You are the perfect one to talk to youth about this.  You have lived with it and learned the hard way through experience. 

Evalee Taylor
Albuquerque, New Mexico

There's an excellent idea, Evalee — to use those tattoos as a lesson for the youth! That's one great way to turn a lemon into lemonade.

I had an interesting experience last night.  There's a brother in our ward who was recently baptized.  I am the elders quorum president and had assigned him to be my home teaching companion.  When I approached him to home teach he said he was not ready to do the "home teaching thing," so I reassigned myself to someone else.  Then last week the brother who was recently baptized approached me at church and said, "Hey, will you give me a call this week about home teaching?"  I said I would, and I called him.  During our conversation he said he would go home teaching with me.

Then just last night, during his first outing as a home teacher, I found out what happened to change his mind.  He said that every time he went to church he felt I was looking at him.  He said whenever he looked at me he felt really guilty that he was not doing what he thought he should.  He felt that I was giving him the "evil eye" and was judging him for not being willing to home teach.  I was glad that this brother felt comfortable telling me this, and it was done without any accusing undertones from him.  I think he had just come to the realization that in fact I was not "judging" him and I had never thought anything negative about him, but the feelings he was having were his own.

I find that quite often we think others are thinking about us way more than they truly are.  Most folks are just worried about themselves.  The truth is, when we assume others are judging us we only hurt ourselves. 

Will some folks judge us unfairly?  Absolutely.  Whether they think we have too many kids, not enough kids, we're always late for church, our kids are too noisy during sacrament, we're too blunt, too ugly, or too handsome, they will judge us.  But, unless someone tells us directly that they dislike something about us, it's less stressful to assume the best about people, not the worst.  If someone does express a gripe they have, just know that one person does not represent all people in the ward.  Remember, the Lord looketh upon the heart.

Brent from Oregon

That's a great point, Brent. So often we assume people are thinking one thing, when they're actually thinking something else entirely. Thanks for the reminder that not all judgment is coming from other people. It could just as easily be coming from ourselves.

I have four tats. I have also returned to the gospel. I have one on the back of my neck that shows quite often, especially in the temple (which is rather embarrassing). My mom just keeps pulling up my temple clothes so it doesn't show. I always wonder what they are thinking sitting behind me.

I know that the Lord knows I have repented, and when I return to him the tats will be gone. I actually learned to appreciate my tattoos as a reminder of my past, a past that I will never return to . I stare at other people's tats at church and wonder what they went through and am thankful they were able to return.

I don't have a lot of ward members that even know who I am, but when I see them at the store they don't even acknowledge me. I have been active again now for almost four years. I have two tats that show. You can always wear a bandage over the tat, but that gets to be a pain.

Good luck. God bless you and a big congratulations to you for coming home. Heavenly Father loves you. Make sure you have forgiven yourself; that's all that really counts forgiveness.

Vicki in Colorado

Thanks for an encouraging letter, Vicki! But while we're on the subject of judgment, I want to comment on what you said about people who don't acknowledge you at the grocery store. It could have nothing whatsoever to do with your tattoos. I know this from experience.

I have found over the years is that one way to tell an introvert from an extrovert is to see how they shop at the grocery store. Extroverts look at every shopper they pass, wondering if they know the person and ready to exchange greetings if they do. Introverts may appear as though they're looking right at you, but in reality they're concentrating on finding whatever they're looking for and don't even focus on the people who are standing between them and the peanut butter.

I am an introvert myself, and on numerous occasions I have had good friends stop me and ask why I was about to pass them without saying hello. It's an easy answer; I didn't even see them. Sometimes they were people I really needed to talk to and would have called later to find out a particular piece of information.

It's not a question of being unfriendly. It's a question of where your focus lies. If you focus on people, you see people. If you're looking for the tuna fish, that's exactly what you find.

Here is a response from someone who gets his answer from the scriptures:

Christ has the answer:

Matthew 7:3-5 says:

Clarke

Thanks Clarke, for reminding us that we can get all our answers from the actions of the Savior.

I thankfully learned long ago that individual members cannot keep me from building a better relationship with the Savior.  There are many less-active brothers and sisters, as well as new converts, who have lived outside what is considered the normal LDS lifestyle.  Tattooed Sister will be welcomed back by those individuals who have a more mature testimony of the gospel.  She should not allow insignificant reactions or opinions to keep her from returning to her journey back to our Heavenly Father.

My daughter had tattoos when she was sealed in the temple, and the ordinance workers there treated her exactly like anyone else that came through for their live ordinances that day.  When I see brothers or sisters in the Church with tattoos I remember why we are all there.  We are all imperfect and should be going to church to become better people.  The only difference between her and someone without tattoos is the ink.  We all carry our mistakes in different ways.

Sherri from Oregon
Oregon Mt. Hood Stake

What a great line, Sherri: We all carry our mistakes in different ways. Thanks for writing!

If it is any comfort, my son-in-law has a tattoo, which was done when he was a young man in the army; he was not active in the church at the time.  He later returned to the Church and after marrying, having a family, and so on, he was called to be a stake president — where he served very faithfully. 

People do things that they may come to regret.  The tattoo is not "you."  If people can't cope with the tattoo, that is their problem.  It takes some courage to get back into church life. Be patient as it takes a little time for friendships to develop.  Best wishes for your future.  

A Great Grandmother from Australia. 

Thanks for letting us know that even stake presidents have tattoos, Great-Grandmother. I know that many years ago, babies in Utah customarily got tattoos under their arms. I think the tattoo was of the child's blood type. I know that at one time I had both a bishop and a stake president who had these tattoos.

I am very lucky; I got my tattoos before I joined the Church.  Mine are in places where no one can see them, especially because I dress modestly except for a tank top when I work out.  Then one of my tattoos becomes visible but the members that see it just take it in stride.

I found that LDS persons don't judge me at all for my tattoos. Most know I have them.  They appreciate me for being active, attending meetings, and especially for helping out those in our ward and area that are in need.  Once church people really get to know you instead of just seeing tattoos, they will see a person that cares for others.  If they still see only the tattoos, that's their issue that they need to humble themselves to overcome.

Hard to be Humble
Rexburg, Idaho

Thanks for telling Tattooed Sister what she has to look forward to, Humble. Right now, she may be known as “Tattooed Sister.” After people find out who she really is, they'll think of her in other ways.

Please be patient with the members of your ward. They are not perfect yet. As they get to know you and see beyond the tattoos, you'll be accepted. Seek those who are more tolerant in your ward. Discuss your fears with your Relief Society president, visiting teachers and home teachers. Give it time. You'll be fine and can enjoy the fellowship of the Spirit and the members while you attend your ward.

Rodney Ross
Payson, Arizona

That's a good point, Rodney. If Tattooed Sister shares her fears with some influential people in the ward, the message will circulate that she has something to offer, and that nobody should hold her back because of previous choices.

If you feel strongly that you need to come back to activity then I feel that you feel the Spirit; if you feel the Spirit then I think Heavenly Father has forgiven you for your past sins. Move on; go forward. You are fine with Him and to those that are truly filled with the Spirit will be fine with you to.

Those that may be uncomfortable, well, that is their problem — not yours. That is their little trial to get past. You have done the right thing in coming back to the Church. Give the people time to get past their problems with you just as God gave you time to get past your problems and come back. Be friends with those that will accept you and wait for the others to come around; some will, others may not but that's all right.

The people in the Church may not be perfect, but the gospel is. Heavenly Father loves you and He wants you back in church; go there and stay. Don't let anything turn you back to inactivity. That is your little trial; will you be steadfast and faithful in spite of others' attitudes about your tattoos?

Before we were members of the Church, my husband served in Vietnam . I told him not to come back with a mustache, beard or tattoo. He came back with a mustache, which I thought made him look gorgeous and told him to never shave off. He also had my name tattooed on his arm, and I was not happy about that. I got over it. He wished he had never done it, to this day. We are active in the Church and although he can easily hide it and tries to make sure especially young people do not see it that he might in some way sway them to go and do likewise, he has moved on.

Just you do what is right; let the other members decide if they will also do what is right.

Deborah Hecht
Carol Stream, Illinois

People have minds of their own, don't they, Deborah! Just as you gave your husband orders not to come back from Vietnam with facial hair or a tattoo, I let my husband know before I even married them that I absolutely loathed facial hair. Once he found out how much I hated it, he had a mustache for more than thirty years. He'd still have a mustache, but he had to shave it off to keep working in the temple.

I personally do not have a tattoo, but I have friends and family who do and they are all good, active members of the Church.  If others have a problem with your tattoos, let it be their problem, not yours.  If you are ready to come back to church, hooray for you!  If others are clearly staring at them, ask them if they'd like to look closer and explain to them what they are and why you got them.   Put them at ease.  But the important thing is that you are coming back to church — not that you have a tattoo!  Don't let the tattoo keep you away.

A Friend in Virginia

That's a great way to satisfy people's curiosity, Virginia — if people are staring, cheerfully tell them the story of your tattoo. A little information can dispel clouds of uncertainty.

This sister's desire to serve is all that matters. If fact, even if she didn't desire to serve, her tattoos are just not something for any of us to worry about. Our job as members of the Church is to help people to come unto Christ, He who “looketh on the heart.” It is not our job to decide if they are worthy, or presentable.

We had a sister in our ward many, many years ago who was trying to quit smoking. She was struggling with it and smelled of smoke every Sunday. There were those who thought she was just terrible for smoking. I, for one, thought she was incredibly strong, courageous, and faithful. She knew what her mistakes were and she also knew where she needed to be in order to turn her weaknesses into strengths. She was gladly serving the Lord as she worked to improve herself. I would add that she was also one of the more compassionate women in the ward.

What is each one of us doing to fall short of how we ought to be? Every person on this earth has at least one weakness they will need to work on quite a lot before we are done. Are they any less serious because they are unseen? No, we are all in the same boat as we are faced with the task of modeling ourselves after Christ. Tattoos and smoking are just a bit more visible. I would say that shunning a sister who is sincerely trying to come unto Christ is much worse than serving in the Church with the signs of a poor decision on her arm (or wherever it may be). 

Janet
Greenwood, Indiana

Speaking of judging others, Janet, one of my favorite Meridian writers, Paul Bishop, used tattoos to teach a terrific lesson to the youth in his ward about judging others. He went somewhere and got a temporary tattoo, and then showed it off to the Young Men he was teaching. He said he had gotten it on vacation and was really excited about it. When they told him what a bad person he was, he revealed that the tattoo was only temporary, and that the lesson was on the sin of judging others. I can't wait to try that one on the Young Women of our ward!

We have several tattooed sisters in my ward, myself included. In fact, our last bishop was tattooed himself. I think the most important thing you can do is to not place any undue importance on your tattoos in your own mind. If you are feeling ashamed of them, you are going to bring that attitude into your interactions with others.

My past bishop and I discussed tattoos once, and he felt no shame about having them. I think that made a big difference in other people being able to accept it. The one tattoo I have reminds me of a very challenging period in my life. I think of it now as an emblem of what I overcame. Your experiences have brought you to this point in your life when you are ready to return to your faith. Everyone in the church has scars to some degree — some of yours just happen to be visible. Giving yourself permission to let go of being embarrassed or feeling somehow tainted will go a long way to helping you to feel comfortable. You can't make others comfortable, but
when they see that you are, that will make a big difference.

Tattooed in Delaware

Great points, Tattooed. If you think of tattoos as emblems of what you have overcome, looking at them will be a positive thing, rather than a cause for shame.

The one implication I have received from a lot of letters is that being tattooed is some kind of sin. I'd like to take issue with that. Unlike the Word of Wisdom, which has been in force since before we were born, it has been less than nine years since President Hinckley first told us we shouldn't have tattoos. There were a whole lot of faithful church members who got tattoos before autumn of the year 2000. They weren't sinning; they were just making choices that were later to have been determined by the Prophet to be not in the best taste.

Thanks for your input on this, readers. As my mailbox attests, it is a fascinating subject. But as intriguing as it is, please, please don't send any more letters about the subject. I still have more letters in my email box than we can ever run about tattoos. In fact, we have so many that I'm not even going to be able to personally respond to each of them. Thanks so much for your willingness to help “Tattooed Sister.” I am so grateful for the kindness of Meridian readers.

Until next time — Kathy

“In judging others a man laboreth in vain; he often erreth, and easily falleth into sin; but in judging and examining himself he always laboreth to good purpose.”

Thomas Kempis