After all these weeks of discussing visiting teachers (including ourselves) who didn't measure up, here are some stories that will make you realize why it's all worthwhile.

But first, someone has finally risen to the challenge of writing a Ten Commandments for Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers. They come to us compliments of David Schory in Iraq. Thanks for rising to the challenge, David!

10 Commandments for Visiting Teachers and Home Teachers

1. Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.
2. Smile at people. It takes sixty-five muscles to frown, and only fifteen to smile.
3. Call people by name. The sweetest music to anyone's ear is the sound of his own name.
4. Be friendly and helpful. If you would have friends, be friendly.
5. Be cordial. Speak and act as if everything that you do is a real pleasure.
6. Be genuinely interested in people. You can like everybody if you try.
7. Be generous with praise, and cautious with criticism.
8. Be considerate of the feelings of others . It will be appreciated.
9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others. There are three sides to a controversy — yours, the other person's, and the right one.
10. Be alert to give service. What counts most in life is what we do for others.

David A. Schory
Iraq

What a terrific list, David! Those Ten Commandments would also be invaluable for getting along with roommates, spouses, and other people we interact with on a regular basis. Thanks so much for taking the time to write them, and to send them in. Thanks again, too, for what you're doing for us in Iraq.

Here's a letter from an enthusiastic reader. She writes:

Yay!  I get to comment!  I had been less active for four years (due to transgression, marrying a less active man who may as well have been a hostile non-member).  My visiting teacher, who was lovely and kind, brought me a John Bytheway tape, "Get an Attitude — Heroes of the Book of Mormon."  

I listened to it over and over while I cleaned my house day after day.  I accepted his challenge to read the Book of Mormon.  I put the book by my bed at night and read it as soon as I woke up in the morning.  That gave me the strength of spirit enough to get my sad self to church. 

I have been grateful to that visiting teacher for the 10+ happy years since then — joyfully partaking of the things of the gospel.  Did she know I love to listen to tapes while I clean house, and that I love and value humor?  I don't know, but the Lord knew and probably inspired her. 

There is just no substitute for prayerfully following the guidance of the Spirit.  You may not know what to do, you may not love her perfectly, but the Lord does. 

When I turned the last page of the Book of Mormon, one of my first thoughts was "WOW!  I don't think Mormons read this, or they would be better at being Mormon."   As I have been active, I have noticed that there are people who seem to have drifted away from the things that invite the spirit, and are "going through the Mormon motions" with out the life-giving spirit of the Lord.

Well, I love that sweet visiting teacher, and love it when I run into her.  We are in different wards now.

Leah Thornley
South Hill, Washington

Thanks so much for writing, Leah.  I'm glad you had a visiting teacher who was insightful enough to be able to serve you in exactly the way that would help you the most. We're all entitled to inspiration like that. All we have to do is to ask for it — and to live in a way that allows the communication lines between ourselves and God to be open.

As for some church members drifting away from things that invite the spirit, that's part of the human condition. All of us have times when we're more susceptible to enticings of the world. But it's a great thing when there are home teachers and visiting teachers and friends who don't give up on us. Just as your visiting teacher made all the difference, we can all make similar differences in the lives of people around us.

I am now 44 years old and have memories of traveling many miles in the back of the car as a little girl to different homes with my Mum and her various companions over the years. When talking with her years later, she told me she had 17 homes at one stage; however she averaged about 10.

Visiting teaching was always an all-day mission, and at times a few days out of the month were taken driving to many settlements in our district in New Zealand to visit Heavenly Father's precious daughters.

One home that she went to was particularly humble. Though they had nothing in material possessions, they had a ton of love in their home. You could feel it! They were an inactive family; the father always seemed to be out of work, and the mother had six small happy children gathered around her, in their very humble home.

My mother loved the dear sister Tammy (name has been changed). I guess because my Mum had seven children she knew exactly what Tammy was going through or struggling with as a mother. Mum would say to me, "She is always so happy with her lot in life and never complains." 

I remember when I went to kiss Sister Tammy, I could smell tobacco on her breath, so instantly knew she smoked. This was a real big deal to a kid, but no big hurdle to my Mum, who always offered her unconditional love, encouragement and support, and was never judgmental of her. 

Believe me, through my childlike eyes, the home was in rack and ruin and Tammy had plenty to complain about! They had no money and food was scarce. I remember from time to time on non-visiting teaching visits, my Mum would take a large pot of soup or a meal and several loaves of bread to help Tammy and her husband but on visiting teaching days. Every month without fail she would bake them a big cake. Their children never knew what a visiting teacher was, but when we would arrive, they used to scream out with glee to their Mum, "Mum the cake lady is here!" They would all gathered around their mother's knee with bright, happy smiles and eyes.

Over the next 10-plus years, Mum continued to travel the 30 kilometers to visit Tammy and her husband in the country settlement where they lived. Eventually they started to come back to church, along with a few of their extended family. Tammy struggled with the Word of Wisdom for some time and slowly but surely she kicked her habit. They gained their temple recommends and were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity as a family.

Mum and Dad used to have them over for dinner occasionally to fellowship them in the gospel. In time Dad died, and Mum became engrossed in helping others, Tammy and her husband included. Tammy came to consider Mum as a mother; their children referred to her as Grandma.

One by one, Mum has helped prepare each of their sons for their missions, by buying all of their white shirts, suits, socks and garments when they went through the temple. I remember helping her sew color codes on their socks and clothing, because she has been so excited to help get their mission clothes together, along with new suitable bedding. She has continued to send money to them on their missions and has been excited as they have returned home, married and had babies of their own.

My Mum taught me that no one is exempt from the love of the Lord. Everyone has weaknesses and with love and compassion we can kick those weaknesses and become strong active mothers and fathers and members of the Church.

I just wanted to share the testimony that I have of visiting teaching and the most diligent example of visiting teaching that I know. She is my Mum and is now 77 years old — and still going strong. Although her memory is fading, and she would struggle to hold a calling like teaching a class each week, believe me she will always feel able to do her visiting teaching. No one is too old to hold this most sacred calling in the gospel.

Trudy
Queensland, Australia

What an inspiring letter, Trudy! I can not even fathom visiting 17 people every month — especially at long distances. What a terrific person your mother is to be faithful about visiting — and even more, to endure in love for all the people on her route. She's an inspiration to all of us.

Read on to see how effective visiting teaching can be, even when done by letter:

When I was Relief Society president, I dutifully assigned a Do Not Contact to a sister's visiting teaching route.  This DNC sister had been inactive for years.  The visiting teacher wrote several cards and invited the DNC sister back to church. 

One Sunday the DNC and her husband appeared and expressed gratitude for the invitation. She said she had never been asked to return to church services because she had been missed.  She and her husband became active, married in the temple, and continue to be active to this day.  What an amazing success story and eternal family!

Witness

What a great experience, Witness. It's amazing, isn't it, how the smallest things can have the biggest results. Thanks so much for sharing that story.

Here's another letter-writing experience:

I had a letter-writing experience I'll always remember, although it wasn't to a "Do Not Contact" sister.
 
Several years ago, the boundaries were redrawn in the ward where I was living, and a large area from another stake was added to ours. A large number of members were added to our ward list, and we were not even sure if many of them were actually living at those addresses. 

In an effort to make sure that these members received some contact until the leadership could meet all of them, the Relief Society president was inspired to put the names of those who had not yet attended our ward on a letter-writing route, which was done on a volunteer basis by the sisters in the ward for a few months.
 
I signed up to write three letters, and as I contemplated those names and read the message, I prayed that the Lord would inspire me to write a note to each sister that would touch her heart. I saw that one of the names was Asian, and as I did not know the sister or her level of literacy, I wrote my note in very simple English, expressing a desire to get to know her, including my name and phone number.
 
I will never forget the phone call I received a day or two later. "Sister Kristina?" asked a sweetly accented voice. I knew right away who it was. This sister told me she'd received many letters from Relief Society sisters over the years, but she didn't read English very well and didn't usually understand the letters. "But I understand yours!" she told me, reading back to me the words I'd written to her.

She may not have been prompted to contact me under normal circumstances, but my letter "just happened" to arrive at a time of need for her; she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was frightened and in need of support and friendship. I went over that evening for a visit, and the Relief Society president was able to come with me.
 
I became friends with that courageous little Cambodian lady who had not been able to attend church for several years due to a Sunday work schedule. The Lord sent her just the right people in our ward who were able to help her through her trials and befriend her children, and she was able to find a way to attend church several times a month. I moved away about a year later and have not kept in touch, but one time when I returned for a visit I was thrilled to see her there in sacrament meeting.
 
I have also written my share of letters that for all I know were deep-sixed without ever having been read (or perhaps read with great eye-rolling annoyance). But I believe that if we write prayerfully, those letters will be consecrated to the welfare of our souls and, if the sisters choose to accept them, to theirs as well.
 
Kristina Eide
Woodstock, Georgia

Thanks for a great letter, Kristina. Many — and maybe even most — of the letters we write may be “deep-sixed” instead of being read, but as your letter pointed out, it's not our place to make the judgment. When people conscientiously do their callings, showing true concern for the people they visit, it could often make a difference.

We never know what will make a difference, either. Clark and I have been home teaching/visiting teaching a wonderful lady for more than twenty years. She has been inactive for at least half that time. For a long time, the Relief Society presidency asked me to take the monthly Common Bond to her, but I never did it. (I didn't think it would do any good, for one thing. But she also lived in a third-floor walkup, and that was a real detriment in my book!)

Finally the persistent Relief Society presidency took matters in their own hands and started mailing the Common Bond to this lady. She absolutely loves it. She reads it from cover to cover every month and often mentions things that she read in it.

From that I learned that people who have stewardship over ward members just might be smarter, or wiser, or more spiritually attuned than I am — or maybe all three. I shake my head every time I think of the several years our Relief Society presidency nagged me (in the kindest possible way) to deliver those issues of the Common Bond, but I thought I was smarter than they were.

Here's another story of a person who was reactivated through the efforts of a visiting teacher who had to do her visiting teaching through the mail:

It saddens me to read so many negative experiences of visiting teachers. I think the whole concept of what a visiting teacher is or should be is lost on some of these individuals who focus so much on the "me" part of the program.

I am a success story, but many of the sisters who through the years continued to send me messages through the mail were more likely to think of their efforts as a waste of time.

I was a Do Not Contact and estranged member of the Church for more than 25 years. I moved into a town where the visiting teachers, home teachers and bishopric didn't give up on me. They didn't focus on how inconvenient I was to be on their route. They simply did what the Lord has asked us to do — reach out and feed his sheep.

I read every one of those letters. Those women have moved away or never met me, but all these years later, I'm back and very "converted." Those letters kept the message in my home whether I was accepting of it or not. Eventually it got through my tough exterior. Bless those women for not giving up on me!

How difficult is it to write a letter. I do it with a sister now myself. I don't use a form "fill in the blank"-type letter. Each month, I copy the visiting teaching message from the Ensign and add a personal testimony of what the lesson did for strengthening me that month. I let her know about activities or upcoming events. I talk to her as if she's an old dear friend. I've been doing that with my companion for two or more years now.

Last week, this sister came to our Home, Family and Personal Enrichment Night where I happened to be teaching about missionary work in our everyday lives.

We don't know if our efforts are deemed "successful" because they aren't measured by earthly standards. Quit complaining. If you have visiting teachers who bring their little children; make accommodations for them and remember they are doing the best they can to honor their calling. Life isn't perfect, and neither are we. But sisters who are trying to do their best need support and love, not condemnation and criticism. The world is full of that.

Angie

Angie, I hope your letter shows people that the person on the other end of that form letter is a real human being, who has real potential for being brought back to the fold. Bless you for being the same kind of visiting teacher that others were to you.

My most recent experience with visiting teaching was beyond wonderful.  I was serving as the Relief Society president at the time, and we had a sister who, for some reason, no one wanted to visit, and no one wanted her to visit them. On the surface, she was perhaps a bit different, but I knew that her heart was full of love and all she wanted was to serve God and her sisters.

I assigned her to visit me. I knew that I could accept her into my home.  I had not had a visiting teacher in a very long time, because sisters were scarce for the visiting teaching program. This
assignment greatly blessed my life as I sat month after month for two years as this sister faithfully loved me, served me and became my best friend. I love her dearly, and wish she were still my visiting teacher.

Another experience was sweet as well. I was in a ward that had many less active sisters, and many who had requested no home visits. I was told by the Relief Society presidency that they had prayed over these lost sisters and had assigned a few of us in the ward to faithfully write to them — not just a copied visiting teaching message, but a heartfelt note. I always love a
challenge, so I accepted.

I remember offering a brief prayer that my words not be too awkward as I began to write. It was just after Christmas, and I had some family Christmas cards left over. I used the photo as the starting point, and sort of introduced us to these sisters. I pretended I was writing to a long lost friend.

Once I got that first letter done, the rest came much easier. I wrote month after month, never knowing if the sisters were getting them, or tossing them. I told them all about my then-two babies, my hubby's work, my daily life, church, everything. I always included a photo, so they might feel a connection, and my phone number and email so they could contact me if they wanted.

Then one day, I was sitting with my babies in the doctor's office when my cell phone rang. It was one of my "letter sisters" and she was crying. She said she had been away from the Church for 40 years, but she was ready to come back. She wanted me to give her the bishop's phone number.  I was stunned.

She later told me that somehow she grew to trust me from those letters. She felt like she knew me.

I soon began visiting her in person. She had been battling with cancer for more than a year and was seeking the comfort that only God and the Holy Ghost could offer. Within a few short weeks, she was attending church regularly. At one of our visits she mentioned that she didn't have any scriptures, so I got her a quad and we read together. We became dear friends as we fellowshipped and loved and served each other. One year later, she received her own endowment, and I was privileged to be there with her.

As she served in the church, she battled the cancer, and eventually it won. After she passed, I got a call from her then-visiting teacher. They wanted me to have the scriptures I gave her. I was so honored. It also just happened that my own scriptures were falling apart from 20 years of use. We were broke and could not afford a new set of scriptures, so this was an amazing little miracle for me. I now use those scriptures, and every time I open them, I think of her, and our friendship, and wonder what amazing things she must be doing "up there."

Just recently, our Relief Society president was saying, "We have a lot of sisters who are sending the visiting teaching message from the Ensign with just a note on it — “thinking of you” — and calling it good." I said, "Oh no, I cannot imagine any sister would do that!"

That very week, I received that exact thing from my new visiting teacher. I had never before been sent just the message. My new visiting teacher had made it clear that we are both busy, and we can chat in the halls at church, and I agreed, but now I am remembering all the great experiences I have had, and I think both of us are missing the blessings of doing it the way it should be done.

I have such a strong testimony of visiting teaching. If we truly follow the spirit, we will not fail. God will bless us and our sisters as we serve.

A mom, a wife, a visiting teacher

Thanks for writing, Mom! It was inspiring to see that you have participated in two extraordinary tasks as far as visiting teaching — accepting a visiting teacher into your home whom nobody else wanted, and writing letters that paid off in a wonderful success story. Thanks for sharing both experiences, and for ending off with the reminder that God will help us if we go about our callings in the proper spirit.

Here's our last letter on the subject of visiting teaching. It's a long one — more along the lines of a serial than a single letter. Bear with the narrative, and you'll be glad you did:

I sent a Christmas card to a dear friend of mine — a visiting teacher I had 23 years ago. I only had her for few months before I had to move. Her impact was life-changing.

Below is the reply I received from her daughter and then my reply back to her. Names have been changed to protect the grieving family.                                     

Lori in AZ  

Below is my reply to the devastating news:

Thanks for giving us the last word in visiting teaching, Lori. I hope all you readers can see from Lori's letter and from the other ones in this week's column how much good a visiting teacher (or a home teacher) can do. We are put in the position of changing lives. We can change lives for good through acts of love and service, or we can change them in the other direction through carelessness or neglect.

As members of the Church, we are given huge blessings — and responsibilities to match them. I hope that all of us will learn from the letters we have read during the past two months. I, for one, am going to redouble my efforts with the people under my stewardship who are the hardest to reach.

Until next time — Kathy

“He who tooteth not his own horn, getteth not his horn tooted!”

Gloria T. Foster