Oh boy, do we have a great assortment of readers to present to you today! We have a teacher, a 16-year-old boy, and a former biker. It doesn't get any better than this!

But first, we have a letter that theorizes why people didn't write in to give suggestions for helping people feel loved during the holidays. Her idea made sense to me. She wrote:

I've been thinking about the topic a lot, being caught in it myself.  I now suspect that the lack of response is due to a basic guilt that most of us feel, that we're not doing enough to reach out, but we're so tied up in family responsibilities we don't really know how we can do more. 

So we perform the acts of service that are within our reach (angel trees, Sub-for-Santa), but most of us do not even think of connecting with individuals on the holidays themselves — that's our own family time.  We'd like to do better, but can't really see how.

The only time I've ever seen it be different was growing up in the military — no matter where we lived, all the single servicemen knew to come to my folks' house, to eat, hang out with the kids and their new toys, and just lie around as they would have at home.  Since my folks had 16 kids, I think the GI's just figured they could be lost in the crowd, so they felt comfortable and at ease.  Plus they knew that many of the families in the military branches would come by sometime during the evening, as our military family took the place of biological families.

I'd like my own home to be like that, but again, circumstances are now totally different.

Now on to our new topic of young people and “edgy” books:

Children's literature covers such a large period of development.  What is appropriate for one child is not for the next.  In my opinion when there is questionable content, parents should be asked first for approval, especially when dealing with middle school and younger. 

My friend's 4th grader brought home a book from school that had the mother's adultery as a central theme.  She went ballistic and the school could not understand why.  In the school's words, "This is no different from what they watch on TV."  Believe me, this child did not watch that kind of thing on TV! 

When my kids were little we stopped going to the public library because the children's books were so trashy.  If it had been the bad guys being habitually rude I could have handled it, but the heroes were depicted as rude and unkind.  The series I objected to was published by Scholastic and was very popular.

As children get older, I believe they need to gradually get exposure to some of the less nice realities of the outside world — and literature is a great place for that.  “Age-appropriate” depends on the kid and parents, and I believe both should have veto power over any school reading.  I started reading The Tale of Two Cities to my kids when they were little because I had enjoyed it when I read it in high school.  I soon ran into adult content and stopped.  This is a classic book and well worth the time, just not for young kids.  My son is reading it now and enjoying it.

Many high schools are requiring kids to read The Catcher in the Rye , so I read it recently, knowing it was controversial.  In my opinion, the emperor had no clothes and it was a piece of garbage.  I was particularly astonished to find out that it is supposed to be funny.  A friend of mine from church thought it was a great book because she viewed it as a look inside the teenage male mind.  We all have our own perspectives.

Literature is extremely personal and also affects each of us differently.  I read many, but not all, of the books my kids read.  I could never keep up.  My teenagers are not fond of the edgy teen genre and read more adult books.  My daughter and 12-year-old enjoy manga (Japanese comic books). We discuss what they read often.

I am not big on sheltering my kids, but I am a big believer in knowing what is happening in all parts of their lives and discussing it as it happens.  We listen to Dr. Laura together, which brings up lots of adult subject matter while looking at the bigger moral picture.  Books can do the same thing; they can provide us with opportunities to analyze the morality of the characters, the viewpoints of the authors, and the actions and intentions of the characters.

I just asked my 16-year-old son what he thought of this subject.  He says he did not like the edgy teen books he read when he used to go to a library book group because there was nothing inspiring about them.  For me that sums it up — books need to inspire us in some way. 

He complained about how the teenagers are depicted as rude and out of control, yelling and having trouble with their parents.  Lucky for me he thinks this is weird.  I believe that if what we watch depicts bad behavior as normal, our teenagers will live up to our expectations and we see this all around us.  He specifically mentioned Ender's Game as inspiring.  It is now required reading in some schools, but it was written for adults and is not considered "teen fiction" although it has a huge following with teenagers.  He is also happy that his parents read so much because we can recommend good books to him.

Liz in Santa Monica

Thanks for writing, Liz. I really liked what you wrote about “age-appropriate” being an individual thing. I can well remember when I was a (non-LDS) teenager and my mother gave me the dirtiest novel that was on the market in 1968. It was a bestseller, and there was a lot of discussion nationwide about how shocking the book was. When I asked her (after reading the book and finding it to be abominable) why in the world she had given it to me to read, she said she wanted to know whether I thought boys and men were that fixated on sex. Being a girl, I had no idea!

The book did not ruin my life, but I don't have a memory for that sort of thing. I have a good friend who is a former bishop, though, and he accidentally turned on a hotel television to a pornography station years ago and is still haunted by the brief flash of whatever it was he saw before he quickly changed the station. Some things can scar a person for life.

Read on for thoughts from Liz's sixteen-year-old son:

Books where people aren't perfect aren't always horrible; they can still be works of art. Edgar Allan Poe made several short stories with themes and references to drugs and murder. I still consider some of his stories a good read because of the visual imagery and atmosphere.

Most writers can get away with a little questionable content because the reader is able to choose which parts of the story to skip and which parts to visualize. More importantly, although his stories do contain some violence, they don't glamorize it or make it look good or normal.

There is a limit after which a book is not only worthless but not worth making someone else read. This is a hard to define limit because it is different for each person in each family. Parents are qualified, and have the right to, make decisions about their children. If the parents have a bad gut feeling, especially after contemplating or praying about a book, they are probably right.

I don't know how you would complain to a school or teacher about books you don't want your children to read, but trying to replace an offensive book with an inoffensive book would probably work better than complaining without offering a solution. I wouldn't suggest trying to change the whole school's curriculum, though. Different people have different standards, so it is entirely possible your child is the only one who shouldn't have to read a particular book. You have the right to change what your child reads, [but not the right to determine] what other people's children read.

In an ideal school environment, the reading assignments would be flexible. I am homeschooled, so my mom has to come up with her own solutions to these types of problems. Her solution is to make a list of authors, some mandatory and some not. I have to read at least one work by all of the mandatory authors, but I get to pick which of the non-mandatory authors I will read. This makes my mom's life easier because it makes things flexible, and it makes things easier for me because I get to study books that interest me more. This is the type of solution I would like public schools to adopt.

Joshua, 16
Santa Monica, California

That's a great idea, Joshua. I would imagine it would make life more pleasant for the teacher to read twenty essays on different Dickens works than it would be for her to read twenty essays on A Tale of Two Cities , too. You are wise beyond your years.

Now let's hear from the teacher:

Many children, especially elementary school-aged kids still tend to believe that everything they read in print is true. They do not yet have the power to distinguish truth from error, so it is the job of diligent parents and teachers with good moral character to guide them along the right path. There are still a lot of excellent books out there to choose from.

Carol Gwynn
Salt Lake City, Utah

Thanks for a fascinating letter, Carol. Not being a parent, it had never occurred to me that pre-teens tend to think of anything that is printed as being true — but it certainly should have occurred to me, because there are so many adults that think that anything they read in the newspaper is true. Live and learn. Thanks for writing!

Thanks so much for bringing this up.  I appreciate it, because it applies even in high school. 

I have been grateful that my son and girls are avid readers.  It has been interesting to watch the books they choose to read.  I happen to like children/young adult fiction, and have usually read what they have read because I was interested.  It has been good to see them make choices. 

However, there are many books that have won literature awards that their high schools have had them read that are edgy.  I have been upset with some.  My older daughter actually scribbled out the words (she attends private school, and they have their own copies of the texts), and edits the version for herself.  She took out one book from the library that she stopped reading because she was offended by the language.  It has been fun for me to see her develop a liking for some classics that I tried to introduce her to at a young age that she wasn't ready for, but has learned to enjoy.  Right now she is reading and working on a senior exhibition for English on Jane Eyre.

For us, we have made choices to read, the children see us read, and we have also read the scriptures to them from a young age.  I think the keys are to promote reading in your family, practice regular family scripture study (all of the children read the Book of Mormon with President Hinckley's challenge), and (for us) establish TV and computer time as optional activities, not daily requirements. 

It has been fun for us to see some of our favorite books come to theaters.  When they were young we read satisfying, uplifting stories that were fun for them to read (the Little House books, and Narnia Chronicles , among others).  If they have a basis for good stories, they will learn to recognize them, and the daily scripture study will protect them and shield them from the others that they are required to read. 

We recently had a family home evening discussing talks on pornography from the recent General Conference, and discussed it based on movies (many PG-13), and also books that sneak it in.  I recognize that I can't read everything that my children do, and also that they have to learn to judge those things for themselves, but also hope that they will be protected by doing what they know is right.   

I will say that I have been disappointed by some LDS fluff novels that borderline suggestiveness, and LDS authors in the popular market.  They may be cowing to editors' demands, but a good story will always be read.  I haven't voiced my opinion often on this, but I recognize that we as parents need to be active in this as well, and complain about behaviors, books, and other things that are being promoted by educators as appropriate and acceptable for our youth.  I won't complain about them being in the library, but I will complain about them being required reading.

Susan in Delaware

Thanks for writing, Susan. You're right — it's important to introduce young children to good literature so that when they are old enough to choose their own books they will recognize quality when they see it. I wish that more families would make reading a family experience, instead of just sending people off to read their own things. Discussions about the books that children have read are not only interesting, but they can also be very enlightening.

Here's the promised biker letter:

Having spent 10 years living the biker lifestyle (you know, Harley Davidson, pool halls and all of that), I have seen and lived the evils of the world.

Teenagers are not mentally mature enough to read this type of material and not have it affect them. This is the adversary's tool to get them thinking about the things we hold most sacred. The Holy Ghost may not be able to dwell with our precious children when they engage in consuming this material.

We have been asked to raise the bar. So let's raise it.
 
Speak up as parents, if you have a concern for "required reading” in your child's school. I think the Lord will hold us parents accountable for any prompting we get from the Holy Ghost that we choose not to act on.

Some of you may say, "But the Bible and the Book of Mormon talk of incest and homosexuality and so forth."  To you my good people I simply say, "The Lord has commanded us to read the Bible and the Book of Mormon. We should also read the Ensign, Liahona, New Era and the Friend. "  We are also told to read from the BEST books.   
 
Research your question on LDS.org. and also KBYUTV. I have gotten many answers to my questions from reading talks from these websites.
 
Protect your children.  

Lori from Arizona  

Thanks for writing, Lori. It's always good to hear from someone who has lived life from a different perspective. You know from personal experience what living on the fringes feels like. That gives your counsel extra weight.

As someone who also works in the Young Women program, I am surrounded by girls who are avid readers of books that raise my eyebrows. (If you read my account of the dirty book my mother had me read, you may have assumed that my eyebrows are not easily raised!) There are very popular and critically acclaimed books out there that don't have bad language or even sex in them, but that still contain extremely questionable material.

I am not one for censoring individual books, because censorship brings up too many problems. For one thing, it makes people who are being protected feel very curious about what was so bad about the book in question!

However, I find myself almost on a crusade in our ward to tell the mothers to read the series of books their daughters are devouring right now. Some of the books our children are reading could be the basis for probing discussions between mother and daughter. In fact, I have seen the girls in our ward at least modify their opinions on the current series they're reading enough that they now admit the protagonist in these books is a blithering idiot. I consider that to be a victory!

Read on for a letter from a reader who was forbidden to read a particular book, and who sneaked off to find out what all the fuss was about:

I was a teenager in the 70's.  My mother strictly forbade me to read Catcher in the Rye.  It was required reading in my advanced English class, but I'm sure my mother made a fuss about it with the teacher and I didn't have to read it. 

The mere fact that my mother did not want me to read that book so badly made me wonder what was inside the book and I read it.  I don't remember it, and it made no impression on me.  But I do remember my mother's big deal about the book!  That made a huge impression on me.

Now I have teenagers, two girls left at home.  They love the Harry Potter books.  They have a friend (LDS) whose mother won't let her read the books.  The friend is not nearly as rebellious as I was and has not read any of the series.  If I had set forth some edict that my kids could not read Harry Potter, I would have caused my children to disobey me, because there was no way they were not going to read HP.

There have been times in our kids lives (five kids, three grown) when I have said things like, “You won't like this movie or book because it will give you bad dreams or clutter your mind with images that you don't want.  I don't say it very often so that when I do, they know I am not being overprotective, but protective.  I then give them the freedom to choose for themselves.  If they aren't given some choices now, when they are young, how are they going to choose when they are out on their own?

The kids in our family know our standards.  They have been taught well.  The world is full of “reality.”  A good book that depicts a little of that reality will help them to know what path they want to take.  Over-protecting them doesn't usually work (in my experience). 

Where do you draw the line on edgy books?  Read them first and discuss them with your child.  Discussion is always better.  Kids don't like to be kept in the dark.

An 'edgy' mom in AZ

Brava, Edgy! You said it much better than I did. Thanks for writing.

Here's our last letter of the day:

Ok, as my oldest is only eight, I don't have to deal with this, yet.  But the time is going to come sooner than I know. 

My first thought is that I am not going to let my children read those books, at least not before age 16 or so, and being that we homeschool, we may be able to hold off longer than other parents.  But the time will come when we will have to address this. 

When that time comes, I think I will read the books with them and we will discuss the themes involved, not only for content, but for appropriateness and how what is happening relates to the gospel.  I know someone whose daughter wanted to watch a particular TV show pretty bad, so the parents sat down and watched it with her.  Before it was over, she had decided that it wasn't a show for her.  I hope to be as fortunate in such situations; maybe I won't be.  Although there are some elements of the media that my husband and I will have to flatly say "no" to, there may be some that our children will be better off experiencing in a supervised manner.  Please don't think this translates into other areas such as drinking and sex or outright pornography.  I just pray for guidance, as I do in all areas of my parenting.  I also pray that I won't overreact.

Not looking forward to this part of parenting,
Lisa in California

I think you're going to be fine, Lisa. If you are already communicating with your children about the books they read (which you're certainly doing if you are homeschooling them), you are creating an environment where they'll continue to discuss what they're reading with you — especially if you can listen to whatever they have to say without letting your eyes pop out of their sockets.

Reading with your children can be an enjoyable activity. If you haven't discovered our Children's Books column (it appears in Meridian on Fridays), be sure to read it to find books that you and your children can enjoy reading together. The writer, Holly Newton, works hard to find books that you have probably never heard of, but that are outstanding for young and old people to enjoy together. Once the pattern is established, it can continue up to and throughout adulthood.

Okay, friends and neighbors, that's it for this week. If you'd like to contribute to the discussion, send your thoughts to meridianmagazine@aol.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn't spam. And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you'd rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next time — Kathy

Either write something worth reading,
or do something worth writing.

Benjamin Franklin