Okay. I give up. The towel has been thrown in, and “Uncle” has been cried.

I was so sure that everyone would like a warm and fuzzy topic to discuss during the Thanksgiving and Christmas season that when we didn't get any letters last week I naively assumed it was because the mail links were bad. So I set up shiny new email accounts for all our Circle of Sisters mail, optimistically certain that once the glitch was fixed, I'd have to dig myself out from under all the email.

All I can say is, “Ha!”

Apparently Meridian readers like nuclear warfare. You certainly prefer meaty and controversial topics to the rosy and docile subjects that warm the cockles of my heart.

I concede defeat. I am going to go to eBay tonight and order a fresh stock of plutonium, so that next week I can start a topic that will positively glow in the dark. I do this all for you. If you want holiday cheer, dust off your copy of It's a Wonderful Life .

Till then, I give you the entire response of letters I got concerning how to make Thanksgiving and Christmas happy for people who would otherwise feel left out. Considering that I got a grand total of four letters, if you don't have a lot of time today to read, this is the column for you!

Our first letter today comes from Texas, and it's full of great ideas that can help. Aldine Allen writes:

I have several ideas that may be helpful.

Thanksgiving Pie Night

Several years ago we were invited to a neighbor's house on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, for Pie Night.  It was their family tradition.  Everyone who came brought one or two pies and we all enjoyed visiting and eating pies.  Usually, by the time we have finished Thanksgiving dinner we are too full to enjoy the pie, so why not eat pie first!  It is a great way to include those who may not have friends or family close by, as well as a great fellowshipping opportunity.

Turkeys

There were several times when our children were young, that we would ask the bishop for names of several families in our ward who may be in need of turkeys for Thanksgiving.  Then, when the turkeys went on sale, we would go to the store and buy several.  We would have our children secretly put one on the doorstep of the house, ring the bell, and then run and hide.  We would wait to be sure that they opened the door and discovered the turkey before we would leave. 

Then, one year when we were having financial problems, we received an anonymous phone call to look outside on our porch, and there was a turkey that someone had given to us.  It was an amazing experience to be on the receiving end.

Christmas Giving

I have a dear friend in Colorado, whose four sons are not active in church.  She feels it is important to show them a good example throughout the year, but especially at Christmas time.  For the past several years, she has received names of three or four families in the community who give their names and their “Wish List” to one of the agencies in hopes that they will receive something for Christmas for their children.  Her family then goes out and buys the gifts on the gift list, wraps them and then they have fun delivering them a few days before Christmas.  They have found it to be a wonderful, amazing, and uplifting experience to see how others live and the depth of their gratitude when they open their gifts from the hearts of my friend and her family.

Caroling

One of our family traditions has been to go around to neighbors and fiends on Christmas Eve and sing Christmas carols to them.  It is one way of sharing love that doesn't cost any money, and so it is something anyone can do to cheer someone up on Christmas Eve.

Aldine Allen
Cibolo, Texas

I enjoyed reading your suggestions, Aldine. Pie Night reminded me of something Clark and I recently purchased, which is going to get a lot of use in our ward. We got one of those waffle-makers that they use in restaurants, and it turns out a zillion waffles in a snap. On conference Sunday, we invited a bunch of people in the ward over to our house for brunch and conference. This was a huge success, and several of the people there hoped this will turn into a tradition.

If you want to get your own restaurant waffle iron, go to Amazon and do a search on “waring waffle.” This is an amazing machine. In fact, we're buying two more to use as Christmas gifts. If you want to start a tradition in your ward — whether it's a conference Sunday brunch or a Relief Society “chat and chew” or a welcome for new ward members or even a Thanksgiving Eve dinner — this is the appliance for you. There are even just-add-water mixes that are so easy you can be serving your first waffle in five minutes.

Your turkey story was terrific too. How lovely that a tradition you started expanded to the point that it came home to bless you in your own year of need!

Our second letter this week is also from Texas. I've been giving big cheers to Texas all week, because without the generosity of Texans, this week's column would have been doomed. Vicky says:

A nursing home near our ward building has many are put there and then never hear from family — not even to get visits during the holidays.  The people from the home send gift cards to our ward leaders and we have two angel trees (one for the men and one for the women). 

We take these gift tags and buy what is on the back of the tag.  We then wrap our presents and take them to a special box in our Primary room.  Then when the nursing home has their Christmas party, our Primary children deliver them and sing several Christmas songs and pass out the gifts.  I am not sure who looks forward to this more each year — the beautiful people who have been forgotten or the Primary children. 

Vicky 
Wills Point, Texas

What a wonderful tradition, Vicky! People, if you want to start a great tradition in your ward — one that will fill ward members of all ages with the Christmas spirit — this is a great opportunity to serve others and serve the members who give the service at the same time. All it needs is a person to organize it by contacting a rest home (make sure you discuss it with the bishop first!). That person could be you.

Our next letter is from our friend Liz de Forest, who can always be counted on to bail me out when I'm desperately in need of good ideas. Here's what she had to say:

The things I do during the holidays usually horrify people, so I don't know how useful they would be to others.

Thanksgiving is easy for me. It was always fun growing up because my mom is a fabulous cook.   It is a huge feast and we try to find extra people to share it with our family.  When we travel, we ask locally if there is anyone we could include.  We also do this at Christmas.

Christmas is another story.  This was a tense holiday when I was growing up.  Every Christmas Day my dad would pitch a fit about how awful Christmas was. It was awful as a child because he never got what he wanted.  I was tense all day waiting for the explosion and not knowing when it would happen.  The fits happened other days too, but I could count on one on Christmas.  As a result, once I left home at 17, I was never home at Christmas again.  Years later, I met my wonderful husband over Christmas while I was avoiding family and I am now deeply grateful that I was not home.

At any rate, I want a relaxed Christmas in my home.  My Christmas tree is already up this year because I love the whole tree thing, but there have been years when I did not put a tree up.  The key is that I don't feel obligated to decorate, bake, or any of the rest.  I do what works for my family and me that year. 

We move Christmas to a different day if it is easier for any reason.  One year we were moving before Christmas, and we opened everything the day after Thanksgiving.  We open presents as they arrive and only save stocking stuffers and about one gift each for Christmas Day so we can read the scriptures and remember Christ instead of having a stuff-fest.  Most years we do lots of baking and taking baked things to people.  Usually we have extra people celebrating with us.  Now I enjoy Christmas instead of dreading it.

This year my friend and her husband and four little kids are joining us for Christmas.  There is a good chance we will pull in other stray people as well.  I will do lots of baking and fixing food.  They have lots of dietary restrictions and they will be able to just eat my food without worry because I have similar restrictions.  I specialize in making food for any restriction you could imagine.  It is extremely difficult for people with restrictions to eat with friends or eat out, so this is a special way of showing caring.

Liz

What a great way to serve, Liz — to be attuned to the dietary restrictions of others and to cater your Christmas cooking around their needs. So often we give people what we like, rather than what they would want or even what they need. It takes a perceptive person — and a compassionate one — to give what is needed rather than what is fun.

I like your idea of taking in stray people, too. Even though Clark and I are usually gone for Thanksgiving, it warms my heart when someone invites us to Thanksgiving dinner. It's a wonderful feeling to be remembered — and since we're going to be gone anyway, all it costs the person who extends the invitation is the time it takes to make a phone call.

Finally, here's a letter from one of the “stray people” you mentioned — a new widow who is facing her first holiday season without her husband:

My husband passed away earlier this year and I am not looking forward to the holidays.  So my daughter and husband (who I am so fortunate to have living with me) and I came up with what we think is a good idea.  We are going to volunteer at a local homeless soup kitchen and spend the day serving others.  This should keep our minds happy and busy.

Joanna M. Jackman
Victorville, California

What a wonderful idea, Joanna! And the concept behind it is just as important. Instead of waiting for someone to come to you, you have taken the initiative upon yourself and come up with a plan that will make both Christmas and Thanksgiving meaningful to you.

Readers, I know there are many among you who don't think Thanksgiving and Christmas are joyous occasions. If that applies to you, think about implementing Joanna's example. You don't necessarily have to volunteer at a soup kitchen. There are lots of ways you can find to include others in your holiday plans, even if you live alone.

If you don't cook, there are supermarkets that cook entire holiday meals that you can purchase and just reheat. That way you can host a feast without wearing yourself out. Our you can host a potluck dinner and let everyone cook just a little. Or you can organize a caroling party or a Pie Night or do any one of a zillion things.

The sky's the limit. We once knew a family who grabbed the neighbors and went to a bowling alley every Christmas Eve afternoon. They ended the evening with a buffet at their house. Or if you're a loner, you can be a Sub for Santa.

The bottom line is this — it's lovely to be included, but if nobody thinks of you, it's not because nobody loves you. More likely, people think you've already been taken care of. Instead of having a miserable holiday season, do something to make someone else's Thanksgiving or Christmas bright. You can do a world of good for someone who might otherwise have a lonely holiday season — and you'll find that in serving others you'll make your holiday bright, too.

Until next week — Kathy

Be silent as to services you have rendered,
but speak of favours you have received.

Seneca
Roman Politician, 5 B.C. – 65 A.D.