Parting Thoughts on Reverence
By Kathryn H. Kidd

In our old ward, the children weren't allowed to run and play in the "cry room."  They still had to sit on Mom or Dad's lap while their parents attempted to listen to the piped-in talks from the chapel.  Sacrament was taken to the cry room when necessary.

And while we're on the subject of reverence in sacrament meeting, how about the young couples who turn the chapel into a massage parlor every Sunday?  Two or three women in our ward give their husbands deep massages during sacrament meeting.  The usual routine is that hubby leans his head on his arms on the back of the seat in front of him while his wife starts at his neck and works on down his back.  After the rubdown she often starts scratching his back too. That's just as rude as letting children scream and jabber during the meeting.

Reader in California

Thanks for writing, California. I like the idea of announcing right from the pulpit that “cry rooms” are used to train children to be reverent — and then expecting that's what's going to happen in the cry room.

As for the massages, I've seen a desultory back scratch on occasion. But I've never seen anything as organized as what you describe. Maybe the ward can buy some of those wooden massage rollers and keep them in the library for people to check out. What's next? People clipping their fingernails during the meeting? Oh wait — I've already seen that one!

Perhaps we are a fortunate ward because we don't have a difficult time with this but we did feel we needed some reinforcement reminding all ward members how one behaves in the chapel for sacrament. What we have been doing for some time now is that the Primary presidency assigns two children to arrive before sacrament meeting and position themselves on the stand either side of the lectern with their hands folded (hopefully), and without speaking or fidgeting too much.

As the ward arrives for sacrament meeting, the idea is to remind everyone old and young how we behave during this meeting and in the chapel. Then the bishopric member conducting the meeting thanks them and releases them to sit with their families.

We feel this serves in two ways. First, it reminds the ward in general of proper behavior. Second, it teaches our children by giving example how important reverence and behavior is.

Again we are fortunate that this is not a big problem even though we have many younger children in our ward. Thanks and good luck!

Bishop Bruce Dameworth
Mesepa International Ward
Pago Pago Samoa West Stake
(American Samoa)

Thanks for writing, Bishop. I appreciate your suggestion and hope wards who need help will give it a try. Oddly, I have been in a ward where the “reverence children” concept worked, and I have been in a ward where the “reverence children” concept didn't work at all. I say “oddly,” because it was the same ward. At one point in our ward's history, it worked. Later it was tried again without success.

Readers, if your ward hasn't tried this yet, give it a shot. You may be pleased with the results.

Here's a letter from a mother who is tired of dirty looks from ward members. Read on for what she has to say:

Allow me to share a perspective from the point of view of being the mom of a two-year-old and a six-month-old.  One Sunday, my two-year-old was particularly wiggly in her seat.  She was kicking the bench in front of us, and brushed up against the hair of the sister in front of us.  The sister kept turning around to give me dirty looks (we weren't even to the Sacrament yet).  I finally said, “Oh, lighten up, she's only two.”  To which the sister (mother of teenagers) replied, “Well, mine didn't act like that when they were two!”

I said, “Well, good for you,” and walked out of the meeting.  I was seriously tempted never to return to the ward again.  Only after talking to a member of the bishopric about that sister was I assured that “she's like that to everyone.”  That's no excuse. 

People need to realize that if they do make comments to parents to tell them to control their kids, they could risk alienating the very people who need to be there the most.   After I had two more kids, we sat in front of an older couple who commented (rather loudly), “Remind me not to sit by them again.” Comments like that are very hurtful. 

I feel like I'm doing my best.  Some Sundays, my husband isn't with me in sacrament meeting.  My kids are knowledgeable in the gospel, but still young.  I have found that sitting closer to the front does work.  I've also found that a little treat does help keep the mouth closed.  I'm very conscientious about getting all of the leftovers of the treat and not leaving anything behind. 

I also don't take my kids out unless they truly need a paddle on the bottom.  They've come to know that they are expected to sit and listen to the best of their ability.  It is possible to find quiet toys, and have toys that are only for church.  It also helps to have toys that can be rotated from week to week, so the kids aren't always playing with the same ones and getting bored. 

I guess what I'm trying to say in behalf of all frustrated parents out there, is we're trying .  At least we're coming to church.  At least we're bringing our kids to sacrament meeting instead of skipping it for fear of being given dirty looks by the impatient ones out there who either have short memories of the shenanigans of their own cherubs or who were fortunate enough to only have one or two “perfect” children.  Thanks for letting me sound off!

The Wife of a Bishop's Counselor

Thanks for writing, Wife. I could feel the frustration in your letter. I'm sorry people have not been kind to you, too. I usually like sitting behind families like yours. When the topics are not something that pertains to me, as sometimes happens, I enjoy the entertainment.

The only thing you said that left me feeling uneasy was this: “ People need to realize that if they do make comments to parents to tell them to control their kids, they could risk alienating the very people who need to be there the most.” I'm not sure how we can determine who needs to be in sacrament meeting the most. In fact, I would imagine there are many people in any sacrament meeting who desperately need to be there. Some of them have children (unruly or not), and some of them are alone.

Read on for someone who has a medical reason for not wanting her seat to be kicked by children — even by those who aren't old enough to know any better.  It sounds as though she desperately needs to be in sacrament meeting, too:

I belong to ward in Maryland that has a very large population of young families and new members. I am a
sister with an inactive husband. I often come alone to the only place where I can listen to the word of
God and spend some time with my thoughts. I endure health problems that are made worse by loud noise and being hit in the back or forced to sit at an angle.

Many, many meetings have ended with me going home in tears because a family has arrived late and shoved themselves into the pew with me without enough room for me to sit without twisting my back, or with adults or children kicking the pew behind me, sending bolts of pain up my spine. I would sit in the back pew, but I'm not allowed: “Please save the back row for families with children."

Then there are the screaming toddlers all through the meeting — not the occasional cry, but the non-stop across-the-room cry. The parents do not take them out to the lobby till they calm down. Parents also talk to their kids all through the meetings — loudly. The noise can cause migraines! It does cause the spirit to leave for me.

How can I ever hope to get my husband back into the Church when the Church is so hard to be in? I know the children need to learn, and that learning takes time, but children need to learn to be quiet in the chapel, and to arrive early and to sit still. The best way to teach they is to show they by example. When they fail, they should be taken to the foyer where they can practice sitting still. When they're quiet they can be brought back with their arms folded and their mouths shut. If a family arrives late, the ushers should help them find a seat including the front rows!

Helpless in Maryland

Your letter was sad, Maryland. I don't know how you'll get your husband back to church in the situation you describe — especially when you are so unhappy in church yourself.

Maybe the time has come for you to put your problem in the hands of your bishop. Ask him where you can sit so that you won't be in danger of being crowded from the side or being kicked from behind. Perhaps he has a suggestion that can help. If not, you may want to try the very front rows — the rows that the late families in your ward have been avoiding. If everyone is avoiding that area, it may be the perfect spot for you. (I sit on the second row in our chapel, and I haven't been kicked in the back in a long, long time.)

You're not alone in your inability to worship, by the way. It's an international problem. Here is a letter from Canada that expresses similar sentiments to yours:

Sacrament meeting is horrendous for me.  As I am one of the old ladies in attendance. My hearing is getting poor.  It is difficult for me to hear what is going on.  Mothers proceed to serve junk to their children.  Other kids play with noisy toys, or destroy the hymnbooks.  I even observed one deacon who returned to his seat after passing sacrament, playing a game with his mother .  On another occasion, after serving the sacrament he returned to his seat and proceeded to read a novel for the remainder of the meeting.

On one occasion, the noise became so bad that I left the meeting and went to the Relief Society room — which, it had been announced, was equipped with a sound system so that the mothers of disruptive children would be able to hear the speakers when they took their children from the meeting.  Since there were no crying, fighting, screaming youngsters there, I was able to hear the conclusion of the meeting in peace.  My children are long since grown, but I cannot recall ever feeding my twins and their toddler sister in a meeting.  They were always taken out if noisy.  Why is it so hard for parents today to have consideration for others?

Granny in Alberta, Canada

Granny, you may have unintentionally hit upon the perfect solution to this problem. If parents are not using the cry rooms as rooms to take rambunctious children, maybe the room can be renamed a “quiet room” and set aside for people who want to hear the meeting in peace. The sacrament could be taken in there and everything. I'll bet you wouldn't be worshipping alone.

Here is an article that illustrates the point about reverence in sacrament meeting. Perhaps it can be adapted in some way to help wards conquer the reverence problem.

A Thief in Church

It happened last Sunday and the Sunday before.  A thief in church!  Think of it!

The tragic part of it is that this goes on under our very noses, so to speak.  Sometimes we are accomplices without realizing it.  Perhaps this is because we lose sight of the fact that theft is not confined to material goods alone, that often things of far greater value are stolen.  When this
occurs in church, the offense seems even more blameworthy.

Take the case of the woman who came to church with a serious problem on her mind.  She came hoping, in the quiet of worship, to find help in solving the problem, or at least new courage and faith to sustain her.  In the pew behind her sat a thief.  He did not take her purse or her jewels, but he did rob her of her sense of peace, the awareness of God's presence, her most priceless possessions.

The thief would be shocked to hear himself so accused.  It would never occur to him that one could steal anything so intangible.  To be sure, he had talked or whispered on and off during the service.  Maybe he did rattle the order of service and tap his foot now and then.  But, after all, there wasn't any real harm in that, was there? 

No harm, when he robbed one woman of something invaluable?  No harm, when to a greater of lesser degree he robbed everyone seated near him of the full benefit of the service?  No harm, when he had robbed even himself?  And what of the spirit of reverence to our Heavenly Father?  Was not that stolen, too?

by Mildred N. Hoyer
from  Especially for Mormons , Volume 1, page 317

Make it a good day!

Paul Johnson

Thanks for sending the article along, Paul. It reminded me of the celestial room of the temple, where I am often assigned to be the attendant. When couples or groups get involved in loud and animated discussions (often whispered, but still very audible), I look at the people who are sitting in the corner praying, and I wonder if they are able to achieve the spiritual communion they seek.

On one occasion, a woman came up to me in the celestial room and asked me where she could go in the temple that was quiet, so she could pray.

It's a thorny situation. On one hand, we are told there are certain things we can only talk about in the temple. On the other hand, we're told not to talk in the celestial room. Sometimes I wish there were a parlor where people could go to talk about those sacred things, leaving the celestial room for meditation and prayer.

Here's a letter from someone who tries to be part of the solution:

I agree that it is not only children that are irreverent.  I am a tolerant person, but I have turned to adults that continue to talk, and say, "If you have no respect for yourselves and God, and don't want to hear the message given, please have respect for those that want to hear the message and be quiet or go home."

This is usually shocking to them and they usually get quiet. 

With children, I ask the parents if help is needed to quiet the child.  This lets them know that their selective hearing is on and they need to pay attention to their children. Sometimes they accept the help because it is just a really rough day.  The children find out that other adults care and that some adults don't put up with what their parents will put up with.  The parents find out that someone cares and will be willing to help with a very difficult situation.

A Reader in Arizona

Thanks for writing, Arizona. The phrase “really rough day” stuck with me. We all have days that are harder for us. Sometimes that means we make noise, and other times that means circumstances in our own lives have made us more sensitive to noise that other people make. If we make an effort to love the people in our ward — even the ones we wouldn't naturally like — it's a lot easier to endure those “really rough days.” Thanks for volunteering to help parents who may need a little loving assistance.

As a mother of two children who has a husband in the bishopric, I used to struggle trying to keep the kids quiet during sacrament meeting. As much as I appreciate Bob's request for us mothers to take our kids into the foyer when they act up, this is often the cause of such misbehavior. Through my own perseverance, I have found my four-year-old has learned to sit quietly throughout sacrament because I refused to take him outside. So rather than suggest we do so, how about helping those who struggle with children?

I have only once had another member of the Church volunteer to sit with me and my children to help keep them quiet. I'm not sure about other wards, but I doubt the mothers of these children leave feeling uplifted. I  know I have spent many Sundays thinking it would be better not to come, but then I think of the consequences, how my children are the future leaders of the Church and I need to teach them when they are young.

Of course, there are those who do not care if their children disrupt sacrament, and maybe a word from the bishop can help these situations, but most of us do try and would appreciate the kind hand of others. Instead of condemning us, why not help those who are struggling?

Mom of Two

Thanks for writing, Mom. Hang in there. Your children need you in church to set an example for them, and your perseverance is doing just that.

If you think you've got problems with two, read on for words from a father of nine. He has a suggestion that may help:

Comments and questions from a curmudgeonly father of nine...

When our children were young, I was ward chorister for several years and sat on the stand for the entire meeting much of the time.  We instituted a practice that helped dramatically.

Every Sunday, we would make sure the kids were ready for church early enough that we could leave home 30 minutes before starting time, even though the meetinghouse was only 10 minutes away.  By
being in the chapel 15 minutes early, we could let the kids get the "busy-ness" out of their system and prepare for the meeting. We also sat on the front one or two short side-rows near the organ.

Our children were well aware that they didn't want Dad's attention and were usually well-behaved.  If they got fidgety, a simple movement from Dad's finger communicated clearly that they needed to settle down.

When we were just past newlyweds (we both filled missions) and had only one daughter, Dad was the problem.  He'd get fidgety and take daughter out so he could sit in the hall.  (My wife is still convinced I have all the symptoms of ADHD or am at least hyperactive.)

One day in testimony meeting, I was again sitting on the stand during sacrament time.  Our ward at the time was mostly young married couples, and there were lots of children.  There was a subdued but continuous sound of many small children making little noises, and my mind was brought to consider what the Lord was thinking as He looked on his little flock.  I was drawn to appreciate that He was very pleased to see his little children there with their parents, participating in a very important experience that would accumulate over the years into testimonies engrained into the hearts of many stalwarts in the Church. 

Years later, many of those little ones had filled missions and married in the temple.  The Lord does not expect, nor want a puritan, austere, grim silence.  He wants us to be happy and joyful, but properly
balanced with respect and appreciation.

Years ago, my home teaching companion at the time told me of a ward where he had lived in Colorado, where my cousin was bishop.  In sacrament meeting one day, two boys about 8-10 years old were making a noise running their fingers across the folding metal divider in the overflow area.  The parents were doing nothing to stop the distraction, so he stood up, walked down off the stand and on to the back of the room.  He then escorted the two inattentive youngsters up to the stand and sat them in the choir
seats.  Problem solved.

I've always wondered what sort of conversation occurred between parents and children later, after the meeting.

We have made it a practice for many years (after those first few years we were married) to sit on the front row or at least the second row.  The advantages of doing so are many.  Occasionally when we arrive late due to various circumstances, we end up sitting in the back.  When that happens I find, with my deteriorating hearing due to the background noise in my ears caused by tinnitus, that I may sit through an entire meeting and understand less than 20% of what is said.

I think it would be instructive to ask members of the congregation to ponder how they would conduct themselves if invited to sit in audience with a U.S. President, or perhaps the queen or king of
another country in Europe, for example.  Would they be as casual as they seem to be in the Presence of the Creator of the entire universe?  Especially when invited by Him?  To quote the old saying, does familiarity breed contempt?

I suspect the real problem here is a lack of gratitude for what our Savior has done for us, which translates into a lack of awe and respect.  And the Lord has stated clearly that unto none is his anger kindled as much as to them who fail to show gratitude and acknowledge his hand in all things while remaining obedient to his commandments. (D&C 59:21)

But it is an internationally accepted fact:  People are all alike. They want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the middle of the road.  I think I first heard that while on my mission in Denmark.

A. Curmudgeon

Thanks for writing, Mr. Curmudgeon. I especially liked your tip about getting the family to church early enough to choose a good seat and to get the squirminess out of the children's system.

The story about your cousin the bishop escorting two teenagers into the choir seats was amusing. I still have fond memories of President Joseph Fielding Smith, whose ward I lived in one summer. The ward was absolutely huge, and one day a cute little Tongan boy ran up the aisle of the church and onto the stand, where he proceeded to run in front of that front row of seats. When he passed President Smith, the Prophet leaned over, grabbed the little boy by the strap of his overalls, and lifted him off the ground. The little boy kept running and running, pumping his little legs and getting absolutely nowhere. I don't even remember how the situation was resolved. All I remember is that child, valiantly trying to run through the air while the Prophet held him aloft. I'll bet his parents never let him get away again.

Read on to see the way the reverence issue was addressed in one ward:

Our ward also had a sacrament meeting reverence problem.  Our bishop devoted a ward council meeting to discussing the matter and developed a plan that he shared with us in a combined Relief Society/Priesthood meeting.  He (along with some members of the Ward Council) taught about the importance of reverence in our lives, including promises from modern prophets that increased reverence would help us to have inspiration and guidance in our personal lives and in our families.  He taught that the chapel is a sacred place that is different from the rest of the church building, and it should feel different when we enter it.

Although he taught about taking noisy children out when they are being disruptive, that wasn't the focus of the teaching.  The focus was on the rest of us.  In a nutshell, this is how things go in our ward now.

When ward members arrive, the chapel doors are closed, and the bishopric tries to be in the foyer before the meeting to greet people.  When we walk through the doors, the prelude music is playing softly, and people are not talking.  It just feels very different, very reverent.  The bishop has taught us that when we enter the chapel, we enter a sacred place.  We assume those in the chapel do not want to speak with us.  We postpone conversation until the conclusion of the meeting and after we have exited the chapel. 

At the conclusion of the meeting, ushers (usually from the teachers quorum) dismiss us row by row, as postlude music plays.  We end up exiting the chapel fairly quickly, and we do our friendly visiting in the foyers.

This has improved the reverence in our sacrament meetings dramatically.  Our ward has been doing this for a few years, and I think everyone truly appreciates it.  We frequently have visitors who are amazed at the reverence in sacrament meeting.  I am so thankful for an inspired Bishop, who involved the ward council and came up with a plan that has dramatically improved the reverence and spirituality of our sacrament meetings.  It really wasn't a difficult plan, and it has worked remarkable well for our ward.

A reader from Iowa

Thanks for writing, Iowa. I'm glad the program outlined by your bishop worked in your ward. I don't know if it would work in wards where buildings are shared by so many units that meeting times overlap, but that is the can o' worms we're going to be addressing in a future topic. It's certainly worth a try.

Here's a bird's-eye view from another pianist and organist:

Just like one of your other reader/writers, I am the pianist for the Relief Society and have also served as organist for sacrament meeting.  Before moving to this ward, I was Primary pianist. Reverence was taught there.  Some of the children acted up, but most became to understand what the word means. 

I believe it is the parent who is responsible for making sure that reverence is practiced during sacrament meeting.  During the prelude, see if the children can quietly (not talking) pick out the name of the songs being played.  If they are old enough to read, let them have their own scriptures to refer to, or show them the pictures depicting what the scriptures are representing.

The other part of my complaint is the sisters in Relief Society.  I try to pick out a song that expresses reverence, but there is no one listening.  They sound like a bunch of bees that have discovered the tree filled with honey.  After Relief Society is over, a few of the ladies will come to me and tell me they loved my choice of music.  I wonder how they could even tell what I was playing when the buzzing is so loud I can't hear myself. 

When I play louder, they talk louder.  When I play so soft that no one can hear, they get a little quieter — but it only lasts a few seconds.  Sometimes when the presidency lets me know it is time to begin, I have to play some very loud chords to get their attention.  I'm sorry, but it is very disrespectful. Why bother with a prelude?  I play for reverence so that the women can have an insightful meeting.  Why can't they say, "Hi, I'm so glad to see you here!" and wait until after the meeting to continue with all the latest news.

Am I upset?  Yes, because even I am not allowed reverence when in God's House.

I proudly sign my name hoping that members of my ward will read this and will wake up.  I am also certain that other organists and pianist have this same problem.  Thank you for letting me sound off.

Barbara Butler
Scottsdale, Arizona

Thanks for writing, Barbara. I don't know the circumstances in your ward, but in my ward the only opportunity women have to talk to each other is before Relief Society begins. We're not supposed to visit in the chapel. We aren't supposed to talk in the halls because we don't want to disturb other wards that are meeting in the building. We can't stay after Relief Society because another ward needs the room. Visiting in the Relief Society room before the meeting begins is absolutely the only opportunity women get to visit at all — and even that is denied those of us who work in Primary or Young Women.

If that's not the case in your ward — if your ward members actually do have the luxury of visiting in the halls between meetings or lingering in the Relief Society room after Relief Society — perhaps your Relief Society president can make an announcement every week, announcing that Relief Society meeting will begin with a piano solo from Barbara Butler. If the prelude music is treated as a performance, perhaps people will give it the attention it deserves.

Here's a letter that suggests the reverence buck shouldn't just stop with the bishop, but should be shouldered by all the ward leaders in a congregation:

Reverence during sacrament meeting is certainly an important thing.  I think that Bob has done the right thing in speaking with the bishop, his home teachers and high priests group leader.  I do think a few important leaders have been left out, however — namely the Relief Society president, the Young Men and Young Women presidents, and especially the Primary president.  

Speaking with them is something that should likely go through the bishop. However, I think these leaders could do a lot with either a simple reminder or lesson on the topic of reverence.  The Primary president especially could be a positive influence in talking to the children in Primary and maybe setting up a reward system for children she notices being reverent.  Over all, I think simple reminders and lessons can help people re-focus without being told they are causing a problem.

With regard to Relief Society, maybe the ward could do an enrichment night or group on reverence with a craft of making quiet Sacrament activities for children.  

Another idea could be to put a coloring page or simple activities for children in the program.  I have seen this a few times for stake conference.  It wouldn't need to be something elaborate, but something to get their attention.

Whatever the case, I think it is important to focus on the positive and try and help instead of getting frustrated.  I don't know if there are a few families causing the problem, but maybe people could reach out to make friends with the kids and help keep them quiet during sacrament meeting.  

Reader in Georgia

Georgia, I really do like the positive tone of your letter. I like thinking of ways that the Primary president could come up with gentle ways to teach reverence with games or incentives and other ways to re-focus on reverence, rather than just with lectures. (And no, Bishop Hunter, I am not hinting for a calling in the Primary!) Thanks for writing.

Here's something that helps in our ward. Typically, the organist plays quiet music until whoever is conducting gets up to start the meeting.  In our ward, the organist stops playing about three to five minutes before the hour.  People immediately quiet down because the sound of the organ isn't covering up their talking!  I think those few minutes signals to everybody that it's time to start and all conversations get quickly wrapped up.  Now, when I attend a different ward, it amazes me how much people talk through the prelude music!

A reader in Bakersfield, California

That might be a good solution, Bakersfield — to start the prelude music late enough that people realize it really is a signal to quiet down because the meeting is about to begin. Good idea!

Hi Bob,

This problem is universal. I live in a country area in Australia, and when I first moved here three-plus years ago, was rather disappointed at the lack of reverence and respect for the Lord's house.  Then I became Primary president, and was able to put forward to the children the need for respect for the Lord.

I started off by saying to them all, "If Jesus Christ was here, would you behave in the same way?" I have been really grateful to the Lord that these words were put into my mouth by the Spirit.

It's taken time, but the reverence has grown in the chapel. The sacrament meeting is nowhere near as noisy, as the children have passed my message onto their parents and older siblings.  I also stipulated
that there would be no gum, lollies or food of any description eaten in the chapel (unless it's a special occasion), and that this should relate to the entire building.  I now see that the young people, who were the main offenders, no longer are chewing gum.

Bob, see if you can get your Primary presidency on your side.  You'd be very surprised at the results.

Barbara in Australia

That's a great idea, Barbara! Most of us who don't have children of Primary age don't think of the Primary presidency as a resource that's available to us. You've turned on light bulbs over a lot of heads today. What a great suggestion!

I wanted to end this topic on a positive note, and I found just the letter to do it. Read on for a letter from a lady who really is a latter-day saint:

When we first joined the Church, we had two babies aged two months and 16 months. One of the things that impressed me most was that we could have our children with us. The other church we had been attending required that children go to the nursery, which was housed in a separate building nearly a block away!  Leaving my baby there was very difficult for me. 

Over time we had two more children, bring us to four under six years of age.  My husband traveled a lot with his work and sacrament meeting was a trial.  I am eternally grateful for a dear older woman who offered to be a surrogate grandma, and would sit with me to help my children.  Often I would return from taking out a fussy baby to find two on her lap and the other snuggled against her side while they quietly looked at a book of Bible stories. 

This "grandma" always came to church with a "bag of tricks" to interest young children, and was ready at the drop of a hat to sit with anyone who was struggling with little ones. Just having a new book to look at, or a coloring page with a picture of Jesus would bring a smile of delight to the most restless child.

Now that I am older and have grandchildren of my own, I try to emulate that wonderful example.  I bring quiet things in my tote that might interest a fussy child.  This is a good way to get some use out of storybooks and such that my own kids used when they were little, and that are too full of memories to part with. They will be "new" to a child now, and thus more interesting.  Many times, I get up from my seat and go sit with a single mother (or one whose husband is not there today).  Just having someone else sitting with them, and taking an interest, helps calm both the struggling mother and the children.

A few years ago, we lived in a ward with a family whose children were totally out of control, especially when the father (who frequently had to work on Sundays) was not there.  Being friends with the mother, I knew that she was overwhelmed by the exuberance of her children. The five-year-old son frequently wandered out of the pew and up and down the aisle talking to whomever would listen, and often running his cars and trucks up and down over the tops of the heat registers that ran along the outside wall of the aisle. 

One Sunday he sat on the register and began kicking it with his cowboy boots so loudly that no one could hear.  That is when I decided to take things into my own hands.  I scooped him up under the arms and carried him out of the chapel so quickly that he didn't have time to realize what was happening.  In the foyer I explained that church is like kindergarten; we have to be quiet so that other people can be heard, and that if he cannot be reverent on his own, that I will come and sit with him to help him remember to be reverent.  Then I asked him if he thought he was ready to go back in and sit with his mother.  He answered in the affirmative and we quietly returned to the chapel. 

For several months, I sat with this family whenever the father was not there, sitting on the aisle side so the little boy could not escape to wander about. When he acted up, I would quietly whisper in his ear, "Do we need to go out in the foyer?" and usually that was all the reminder he needed.  Over time, he was able to keep himself reverent without help and his improved behavior rubbed off on his little sister, who had just been mimicking his noisiness in the past. 

Even after the children no longer need help with staying put in sacrament meeting, I sat behind them and would lean up if he became noisy and ask if he needed me to come sit with him.  Just this little reminder that I was there to help was enough to settle him down again.  I know it was hard for this young mother to accept help, but I explained that when my children were little someone had helped me, and because it was done with love it was not threatening to her.

I try to take the pro-active role when there is a reverence problem in my ward by being a part of the solution instead of the problem.  If each of us "older" members could look around and see which families are near us need another set of hands, or another lap, perhaps we could alleviate much of the noise ourselves by quietly lending assistance to the beleaguered parents of the "offending" children. 

Bob, might I suggest that you choose the noisiest family in your ward to sit with next week, bring a tote with quiet distractions suitable for church to share with the children, lend a helping hand, and make friends with the children. You might just find that you enjoy sacrament meeting more as well as being a blessing to that family. If nothing else, your presence might just be enough of a reminder that the parents will quiet their children themselves.

Wyoming Grandma

Grandma, you're an inspiration to all of us. What an asset you must be to your ward! If I knew how to clone anyone, you'd be the first person on my list — and I'd put one of you in every ward in the Church. Thanks so much for writing.

There you have it, people — the last word on reverence (at least until we open the can o' worms). Next week the topic will be all Christmasy and sweet, which is none too soon as far as I'm concerned.

Until next time,

Kathy

“People are all alike. They want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the middle of the road.”

A. Curmudgeon