Battle Lines of Reverence
By Kathryn H. Kidd

The lines are drawn! Do you want reverence in sacrament meeting, or do you want children in sacrament meeting? Wait! Isn't there a way you can have both?

Before I even start the column today, I want to apologize to all the people who have written in about this topic, and who haven’t received personal responses from me. That’s a whole lot of you! As of Wednesday afternoon, I had 198 non-spam letters in my Circle of Sisters email box — letters that were clearly marked as being for the reverence topic. If I respond to all these letters, there won’t be a column this week (or any week for the foreseeable future, alas!). So I’m afraid I’m going to have to forego any attempt at personal emails until this topic is behind us.

And what a topic this is! As I could see from this week’s batch of letters, people who are responding to Bob’s plea for more reverence in sacrament meeting are falling squarely into two camps. Half of you think Bob is an old (or young, depending on his age) curmudgeon whose mind ain’t right. The other half of you are cheering Bob on and pleading for some reverence to return to sacrament meeting.

We were able to run two articles by Orson Scott Card on the subject in last week’s Meridian. If you haven’t read them yet and would like to do so, click here for “Does Civilization Begin at Sacrament Meeting?” and here for “How to Civilize a Child.” These articles may help you in your quest for reverence in your own family. However, if you don’t like the advice he gives, you do not have to follow it. That’s the beauty of free agency!

Now it’s time for this week’s letters. Take a deep breath. Do not get irate. There should be room for civilized discussion.

Bob clearly has a problem, but the problem is not likely what he thinks it is. His problem may be how he responds to children who make noise in sacrament meeting. He describes "small children trying to out-squeal each other."

As Bob should know, these small children aren't conspiring to make him miserable. They are innocent children making noises. That's what innocent children do. Bob also gets angry and frustrated with "overly tolerant parents." I suspect Bob is struggling with a judgmental attitude. Perhaps Bob's real problem isn't really "out there" with the children and their parents. The problem — and, happily, the solution — may lie in his own heart.

By replacing an irritable attitude with a charitable one, he may find ways to kindly assist a parent or child. I also strongly suspect that many members of the ward, most likely including the bishop, home teachers and high priest group leader to whom Bob has already appealed, regularly enjoy the Spirit in these meetings despite the inadvertent noises made by small children.

There may be an additional factor. My mom's hearing is so poor that she can't hear the speakers in sacrament meeting. Although she might benefit from better hearing aids, she has learned that the Church has headphones that she can wear to hear better in the meetings. Without the headphones, she misses the words of the speakers, but with them, she can enjoy their messages.

If Bob also has a similar hearing problem, he might benefit from a similar solution. If, on the other hand, the problem is with Bob's attitude, he is likely to continue to return home angry and frustrated until he learns to face his inward problem, curb his own anger and frustration, and learn to love the little children who squeal, wiggle and squirm, "for of such is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:14).

Cliff Jones
Mesa, Arizona

You make interesting points, Cliff. It’s definitely true that at least to some degree, we choose what will annoy us. (I know I’ve found that to be true for me!) If that’s what Bob is doing, perhaps this is advice that can help him.

However, I think we have to be careful about being too judgmental when we accuse other people of being judgmental. We don’t know Bob. He could be Scrooge — but he could also be Santa Claus. He could be a man who absolutely loves children and who has unlimited patience, but whose patience has finally been stretched to its outer limits. We just don’t know.

I do like your suggestion that we should be looking for ways to help — ways that do not imply that the helpers are judging the helpees. All of us could do with a hand from time to time, and the person who can offer it with a smile is a welcome person indeed. Thanks so much for the suggestion!

Here’s another letter directed to Bob, wish specific suggestions to help save his sanity:

Poor Bob. There is simply nothing he can do, because the bishop is the one who has to initiate the handling of the irreverent sacrament meetings. We could offer many suggestions on how to make the meeting more reverent, but our ideas are for the bishop who is not listening.

So, Bob, here are some suggestions for you. Sit up front. You can hear better and people with small children don't tend to sit close to the front of the chapel. Pray to have the spirit with you so that you can tune out the noise. Also, ask for help in forgiving immediately those around you who are guilty of displaying irreverent behavior. Finally, zone in on the speaker and don't allow yourself to be distracted. I know this is difficult, but if you focus more on the speaker than the disturbance around you it will eventually become habit.

Hopefully, your bishop is paying more attention to the problem his congregation is having and working on ways to minimize the problem. You can be frustrated by the noise the little ones cause, but don't stop feeling love toward them.

Shannon Bird
Washington, Utah

Thanks for the suggestions, Shannon. I know from experience that praying for the ability to tune out the noise is something that works. If Bob hasn’t tried this yet, it could be a lifesaver.

Read on for one convert’s perspective on the situation:

I don't know if it will help the beleaguered Bob, but I wanted to relate that one of the most important factors to me as an investigator almost 20 years ago was the presence (and accompanying sound effects) of children in the chapel. I was so nervous to come to church for the first time, remembering my experiences in other churches that were somber and all too quiet when I walked into my first sacrament meeting.

I didn't know it at the time, but the bishop's wife had just had a baby and was still in the hospital. Up on the stand the bishop sat with his counselors and a three-year-old boy on his knee. Other children were obviously present in the chapel, and welcomed, with many non-family adults speaking to them before and after the meeting. It was clear to me that the ward members knew and valued the children and loved them.

In my previous non-LDS church experience, all the classes for children and youth were scheduled to coincide with the service and there was a sound-proofed "crying room" for parents of infants and toddlers so that only adults actually attended the main service. I'm sure they took these measures to maintain reverence, but to me it felt stiff and formal, and I was always quite uncomfortable there.

In sacrament meeting, from that very first day, I feel at home and a part of things. I'm lucky to sit behind the wife of a member of the bishopric who has five children under baptismal age (!) and I can lend her a hand or two as needed. Yes, sometimes it gets a little wacky and it would be great to have a little more quiet, but I wouldn't want to trade it off for less "life!" We're a big church family and we all belong. If we can help each other, maybe it will make a difference.

A Reader

You have a great attitude, A. Reader! As someone who is also a convert to the Church, I know where you’re coming from. I am greatly drawn to the drama as our ward family meets together to worship every week.

Here’s a letter from a reader whose former bishop, the father of several young children, had some concrete ideas on how parents of young children can prepare for a reverent sacrament meeting.

While living in Texas, many years ago, we had the honor of having a young bishop with several small children of his own. Knowing the trial and challenge his wife faced each week as she sat alone with their children, and seeing how she managed them, gave him incentive to speak from the pulpit about reverence. Many families had both parents sitting with their misbehaving children, and didn't seem to pay any attention to the matter. It was time to say something.

His advice was to plan ahead:

• Have a bottle for the baby, already made.
• Take the children to the restroom prior to the meeting.
• Carry a small bottle of water for the older children so they don't have to be taken out for a drink.
• Do not bring food into the chapel. You turn it into a smorgasbord. Children won't die of starvation in an hour. A snack on the way home is much tastier, when they've waited for it.
• If a child becomes rowdy, take him out to the foyer. Do not put him down. He will soon learn it is better to enjoy the freedom of being able to move about in your pew area, than be held (confined) if taken out.
• Come prepared with colors and paper, perhaps photo cards of Jesus and quiet books or toys that are specifically reserved for this time only, and that will keep them occupied. Change the items occasionally to keep the interest alive.
• Talk to your children about your expectations of their behavior. Be an example, and gently remind them of where they are.

We've all had that crying baby, or fussy toddler. We have even experienced that defiant four-year-old who needed to be taken out. Take them out! Don't subject everyone around you with the outburst. Do all in your power, as a parent, to protect the spirituality of Sacrament Meeting. It is the reason we assemble. How can we worship amid chaos? Reverence means respect.

If reverence is as big a problem as you describe, Bob, the message must come from the pulpit. Bishops can and do relay this message with all the love and care the Savior would expect. Good luck with the changes.

Tamra from Minneapolis

That was a nice list you sent, Tamra. I hope it will help parents. Meanwhile, I like your suggestion that bishops are better equipped than “civilians” to handle a ward reverence problem. In fact, our next reader takes it to an even higher level:

Bob, maybe if you ask the stake leaders to help they can be inspired so they get the message to the right leaders in the ward without offending — and since it comes from their priesthood leaders, it may be taken seriously.

And if there is a way to wire the sound out to another room, ask. It may not be that hard to do.

Also if other ward members offer to help parents with their kids that may help — if it is done in love. I used to help new members with their kids in sacrament meeting. Let them color or look at books about Jesus.

Kathy In Las Vegas

Good point, Kathy. If reverence is a problem in the ward, it shouldn’t pit ward members against each other. We shouldn’t be seeing camps of people on two sides — with one camp claiming that the other camp hates children, and the other camp claiming that parents are uncivilized. Instead, the direction should be coming from the top. Thanks for the reminder.

To really grasp the issue of this problem I suppose we need to know why our Church includes families in sacrament meeting. Surely it wouldn't be too much to have a nursery during sacrament meeting; there would be someone willing to hold that calling or even rotate people in that calling so you'd only have to miss a meeting every now and then.

We believe sacrament meeting is a time to share with families. Are there times when children need to be taken out of the Chapel to be calmed down? Yes! But let me tell you from experience that if you took a child out to the foyer for every peep, nothing would be learned by the child and we'd need the chapel benches in the foyers because there would be only a few left in the chapel.

When we want to exclude kids from sacrament meeting we need to be careful because then we are excluding their parents. I grew up in southern California, and the building I was in had those glass-enclosed rooms, but they ended up housing wayward teenagers who were hiding from their parents. Again it was another way to separate families from the meeting.

I now am living in a ward where we've had 8-9 babies born in the past six months, and it seems that when one cries a choir is born. My oldest son mentioned on Sunday that, "Boy, there are sure a lot of babies." I told him we were the contributors to that noise not too long ago and now it has cycled and it's their turn. It is so important for these kids to feel the spirit. We may not think they are, but I testify to you that they do!

I found a great article in the Ensign about teaching children reverence In it was something that stood out to me:

This growth of gospel understanding is a gradual process. Children learn of specific gospel principles through their parents. And because they love their parents, they learn to value the things their parents value — going to church, having family home evening, praying. Parents can use these experiences to help their children understand the principles of the gospel and appreciate the Savior.

During this time of growth, parents can teach children appropriate ways to express reverence. Parents who talk quietly and reverently in the chapel, who support their church leaders, and who feel joy in meeting with the Saints, show children that church is a quiet and happy place to be.

As children continue to grow through adolescence into adulthood, they develop their own testimonies through prayer, study, and personal revelation. At that point, reverent behavior is not outward conformity but a reflection of those things they have come to value within themselves. Their actions become respectful and appreciative — in other words, reverent. Understanding leads to value, and value leads to reverence.

I don't think it is out of line for a general announcement about respecting others and please have a heightened awareness of your children's noise level. But, it is totally out of line to ask families with small children to sit in the overflow so you can have an easier time of leaving (yes it happened in a ward I was in), or have a separate Sunday School class for parents of pre-nursery aged kids.

If we can find ways of including more people we are going to invite the spirit and these kids will feel it. I am a mom of three very active kids, ages 11, 9 and 4 I am married to a wonderful priesthood holder who happens to have had to work Sundays most of our married life. In those years, I have had Sundays where I come home and cry and wonder why I even bothered to brush my teeth and show up because I felt like I got nothing out of the meeting.

Although I have very few of those moments anymore, the feelings that were brought up by the author of this letter are still very raw. In our family when a kid acts up in sacrament I do take him out sit him down. The child must fold his arms and not move from that spot until he can be completely reverent. If they were in sacrament meeting they would be able to draw/color have quiet toys, move about the bench. It’s not a universal solution, but neither is banning kids from sacrament meeting.

All I can say is if Bob is frustrated I can guarantee you the parents are just as frustrated and sometimes ill-equipped to cope. We all are doing the best we can. I'm sure some of us can do better, but we do what we can we do!

Sorry this turned into a novel.

KyLeyne Fox
now in New Hampshire but have lived all over the US at various stages of parenthood

Thanks for writing, KyLeyne. In Bob’s defense, he never even hinted that he’d like to see children banned from sacrament meeting — but from your letter, it sounds as though you’ve run into people who would. That’s a sad state of affairs!

I liked what you said about showing children that church is a happy place to be. That is definitely a goal — or it should be. And it’s something that can’t be done in the foyer. I really appreciated the way you pointed out to your son that your family used to be the noisemakers, and now it’s the turn of younger families. What a lovely way to explain it!

When our family lived in a military branch in Europe, our branch was made up of a lot of young families with small children. At one sacrament meeting we had a stake leader visiting. He got up and told us that the Lord's Spirit was not with us because of our lack of reverence. He started pointing fingers and asked families to take out their children when they misbehaved — to quiet them down and then bring them back in.

He also mentioned that our chapels were not 7-11's. Our children can go one hour without eating! We had one sister that changed her baby during the meeting and he pointed that out as a nasty lack of reverence.

Before he sat down, he said he would return with his message and see if we changed. We were all stunned and believe me — we did become reverent. Our branch president helped us remember!

Living in another ward, we had a bishop who reminded the congregation several times a year what reverence is and what was acceptable and what wasn't. That was the most reverent ward we ever attended.

We recently moved into another ward and the reverence is horrible! Moreover, it isn't the children — it is the adults. I have mentioned this to the bishop, but he doesn't want to offend either. But we as a congregation are offensive! We are offending the Lord and we are not being missionaries.

Would you want to be a part of a congregation that has no reverence for sacred meetings or sacred places?

We do need to be reverent — but reverent is being an example and not criticizing or having bad feelings for those who are disrupting. If a child is acting up, we can get up and ask if we can help the family.

I do have a hard time when I see teens that bring in their MP3 players and listen to their music during meetings. I also have a hard time with teens who bring in their own novels and read and laugh during the meeting. But, I also realize they are where they are supposed to be, even if they aren't being reverent. It is such a delicate issue.

My children were given a tablet and they were to draw what they were hearing in the talks. When we got home, we asked them what they learned from sacrament meeting. It was very interesting to learn what they picked up on, and would draw. My children knew if I had to take them out, it wouldn't be in their best interest. I did see a single mother holding her child close during the sacrament with a special book that was all about the Savior. What an amazing example she was to me!

Ella in Timbuktu

Ella, it seems that you’ve run the gamut of reverence issues in the wards where you’ve lived. The military branch you mentioned first was composed of very mature Latter-day Saints, because there are many members of the Church who would have chosen to become offended by the speaker’s comments — even to the point of leaving the Church over it. It’s a real tribute to your branch members that they took the speaker’s words to heart and improved themselves rather than becoming offended.

I’ve never seen teens bringing in their MP3 players, although I did once see a deacon who brought in novels that were wrapped in scripture covers. As you point out, at least they’re where they’re supposed to be.

Read on for an experience in another ward where the reverence issue was broached:

You are right, this is a pervasive problem. It has been very much on the forefront in our ward for a couple of years. Once the fifth Sunday joint priesthood/RS meeting was going to be about reverence. The bishop asked that anyone who had examples of things that worked for them with their little children to give the info to him or other leaders so it could be used in the meeting. Many of the young moms threatened to boycott the meeting if that was the subject, so it wasn't addressed at that time.

We found that sometimes, sitting closer to the front or moving from "our pew" to someplace else made the sound system clearer for our ears — and moved us away from some of those who also sat in the same place week after week and either talked themselves (adults) or ignored their kids' sounds.

And slowly it is being addressed more by others. For a month the counselor who conducted sacrament meeting started out (when the meeting is still somewhat quiet) with a request that the children take their parents out to the foyer if they are being too noisy for others to be able to focus on the speakers. (He said it half jokingly, but it got a point across. The adults are often as bad or worse than the kids, and it made everyone think about the effect noise has on others.) I think having the Primary stress it, too, will get some of the kids thinking about it — their reminders to Mom and Dad really help and don't seem to be so offensive as if another adult says something.

I've also noticed that some of the problems occur when someone who has several kids whose spouse is gone on stake assignments, is absent due to illness, or is not present for some other reason. I've seen other wards where older adults say something to the effect of "Hey, I notice 'John' isn't here today. If you'd like another adult around, I'll sit here" — and then really helps out.

In our ward, most recently the Relief Society decided to have a couple of enrichment activities about things to help keep children quieter during sacrament meeting.

Maybe something here will help Bob. Or someone else. Good Luck.

A Wisconsin Reader

Thanks for your ideas, Wisconsin. I like the way your bishopric counselor addressed the situation with some humor, and I like even more the idea of looking out for people you can help in sacrament meeting. We should all be our brothers’ keepers — not in judgment, but in love.

Read on for a view from someone whose hearing problems exacerbate the situation:

Reverence seems to be especially annoying for us older folks who have hearing problems — and when you get older, most everyone develops this syndrome. Coupled with aches and pains that make it difficult to sit for long periods, annoyances caused by the irreverence have many times caused me to feel so irritated that I would have been better off not attending.

Many of us have complained about this for years, but it just seems to get worse. Not only is it a problem in church, but in society as a whole, there is a tendency to allow children to be loud and rude in restaurants and other public places. I attribute some of this to the fact that their parents both work and are rarely home, so they feel they have to allow their kids to do whatever they want to do when they are with them.

I really think these people are doing a great injustice to their kids by not setting limits on their behavior. It teaches them not to respect authority nor their elders or anyone else for that matter, but instead they develop the attitude that they are the only thing that counts. Don't we see this every day in our society, with people driving recklessly just to gain a couple of seconds without regard for others on the road, playing radios so loud it almost blows your eardrums out, trampling over others to gain money or positions in life, and so on. The "Me Attitude" is so prevalent these days, and I suspect much of it comes from being brought up to not have respect for other people. Just do whatever pleases you and If it bothers others, so what.

I know it is difficult for the bishop to tell parents to pick up their child, put a hand over his mouth, and take him out as soon as he starts screaming, but if it was published by the general authorities in the Ensign and prescribed as a talk by the stake presidency with instructions to repeat this message frequently until the problem is resolved, I know there would be a lot of very happy people in the Church.

Wayne Ford

Thanks for writing Wayne. It should certainly have occurred to me before now that people tend to get a little short-tempered when they’re sitting in uncomfortable seats along with their aches and pains, because I do — and I have. But it never crossed my mind that there might be a connection between physical discomfort and emotional irritation.

It’s as KyLeyne mentioned above — we seem to take turns being disturbers and being disturbed. Those who have only been in the role of the people causing the ruckus will one day find themselves with their shoes on the other feet. I know it has already happened to me — who used to be a little too exuberant when I greeted friends in the celestial room of the temple, and now find myself in the unenviable position of being someone who is supposed to curb that exuberance in others.

I just had to write in to "Bob" regarding his problem of irreverent meetings. As a parent of young children, I am afraid I have no advice for him on how to deal with the offenders, but instead some advice for him.

I would ask him to step back and take a look at the problem. How are the young children ever going to learn to sit through a meeting if every time they squeal they are whisked out to play in the hallway? And the tolerant parents are more often than not sitting there trying to decide if it would be more disruptive to let the squeal pass for a minute or two, or to pack up all the bags and kids and drag the whole entourage out of the chapel — stepping over legs and banging doors and squealing all the way. It is a tough choice.

Most parents are not oblivious; they are doing their best to bring their children to church and are well aware of the noises. In many cases, it is a mom whose husband is in a priesthood calling (leaving her to fend for herself during meetings) or whose husband is doing shift work and can't be there on Sunday. At least that is the case in our ward.

I am the Primary secretary, and at last count we had 97 children ages 3-12, 32 toddlers 18 months to 3 years, and an average of 2-3 births a month. Expecting silence from a crowd like that is ridiculous. But here are some things we have done to make things go a little better.

• First, make sure the sacrament is served to those in the foyer. One ward I lived in decided only those sitting in the chapel would receive the sacrament. The noise level increased exponentially because the moms wouldn't take their crying babies out and miss receiving the sacrament that week. Making sure to include those in the halls encourages people to go there when needed.
  
• Next, give up your seat. Often it’s the childless couples who take all the seats on the back rows and along the edges of the pews. When that happens, the people who never have to get up during the meeting take the seats with quick exits and leave the fronts and middles for the families with kids and babies. Now not only do they have to climb over you to sit down, but they also have to decide if it would be more disruptive to let the kids giggle or to climb over four or five other people to try and get out of the chapel. If you could move to the front and the middle, you will be in prime listening position for the speakers and you will leave the other seats available to those who will have to use them.
  
• Also, you could help. Returning the lost pacifier that rolled under your seat with a smile and a funny face is much more helpful than ignoring it (forcing a kid to climb under your feet to get it) or returning it with a dirty look to the struggling mom. Could you flip the pages of a book to a toddler while mom busied the baby? Could you send notes with smiles and tic tack toe to the preschooler in front of you while mom took the toddler to the bathroom? There was a woman in our ward who my children loved to sit by because she was nice to them — she shared the hymnbook and drew kitty cats with my daughter while I tried my hardest to keep my active toddler off the benches and quiet. She could have been annoyed but chose instead to help.
  
• Finally, try to make the meetings more interesting for the little ones. Sometimes it is as simple as having the rest hymn be one that is also in the Primary songbook so they have something they can participate in. Just standing up to sing provides a nice change of pace and lets them wiggle and even whisper unnoticed.
  
  There are also sources of noise that aren't children. For a few months while our ward was growing there never seemed to be enough chairs in the back. After the sacrament, the bishop would stand at the podium for two or three minutes until the noise from people setting up extra chairs in the back died down. As soon as the elders began putting a few extra rows in the back before the meeting started the noises stopped.

We were also encouraged to be in our seats five minutes before the meetings started to help settle the rush and visiting that come before meetings. This was much easier after we switched to afternoon meetings! Finally, when meeting times for different wards overlap the foyer can be the source of the noise. Reminding people as they come out of their classes that another ward is having sacrament meeting on the other side of those doors and encouraging them to stay in the classrooms or leave the building to do their visiting would be helpful in keeping down the noise level.

I just wanted to stick up for the parents on this one and maybe help others like Bob see things from a different perspective. Hope this helps!

Jannet from Augusta, Georgia

Thanks for some constructive suggestions, Jannet. I’m sure you opened some eyes with your letter!

I find it hard to believe that a Bishop is "powerless" to do anything about the lack of reverence in Sacrament. The bishop is responsible for the entire meeting. It is well within his power and authority to ensure that the meeting is enjoyed by everyone.

We lived in one ward in northern Virginia whose very capable bishop would go to the podium if the children became noisy and gently say, "Brothers and Sisters, it is the responsibility of each one of us to contribute to the reverence of this meeting." Then he would sit down. Usually things improved right away.

One Sunday before the meeting began, he stood and said, "Someone once said, 'Crying babies are like resolutions; they should be carried out.’"

My own husband is the president of our small branch. One Sunday a family came with several small children. They sat on the front row and as soon as the priest stood to bless the sacrament one of the children began screaming that the other one had taken his toy. The parents tried to stop the screaming but made no attempt to remove the screamer.

My husband came to the podium, had the priests sit down, and addressing the entire congregation stated that the sacrament would not be passed until the chapel was reverent. Then he sat down and waited. After a few seconds the “screamer" was carried out and the meeting continued. No one was offended, and he taught a very important lesson to all in the room.

I repeat: It is the bishop's duty and solemn responsibility to ensure the reverence and respect due to the members, and especially the Savior, is present at every sacrament meeting.

Barbara Laxton
Welch, West Virginia

Thanks for your letter, Barbara. I’m sure there are lots of bishops who wish the buck didn’t stop with them — but there are lots of grateful church members who are glad this is one of their burdens. Our bishops all deserve our love and prayers.

As a mother of eight children (first five of them within 7 years), sometimes I left sacrament meeting wondering why I'd go. I spent so much time and effort keeping my children reverent so they would feel the Spirit and know of the sacred nature of the sacrament, and so they wouldn't disturb other people in the ward. My husband was always in leadership positions and was either on the stand or away somewhere in the stake.

As the children got older and the final few were able to be reverent on their own, it occurred to me that many of the noisiest children were with a single mom, either like me a "church widow" or literally single. We began sitting with them, or inviting, with Mom's permission, some of the children to sit with us.

It's amazing how a little attention from someone who cared changed a rowdy child to a reverent (or semi-reverent) sweetheart. True, some preferred going back to the more permissive and familiar setting. But as I serve, I never lose the ability to know what the speaker is saying and in a small way, I contribute to the reverence of the meeting.

A Reader in Missouri

What a great idea, Missouri — to team up with other parents who are in similar situations! Sometimes a child will listen to the fresh voice of another adult when he might ignore his own parents. Your suggestion could be a real help!

Today’s letters end on a happy note — with a granny who shows how to discipline with love:

We have a young couple in our ward, and they stage-whispered to each other all through sacrament meeting. One Sunday I wrote a short note and passed it over the back of the pew. “I love you. And I
can’t hear the speakers. I love you.” They were quiet for the rest of the meeting, and they’re somewhat quieter on a regular basis. I wouldn’t hesitate to pass them another note if need be. I genuinely like them, and I make sure that they know it.

On the other hand, there are some people in the ward I couldn't be that forthright with because of old business between the families. In that case I just bite my tongue and hope that somebody else will deal
with it, or that their children will fall asleep. My kids weren't perfect either, growing up, and these kids will probably be just fine as adults, providing nobody pinches their heads off in the meantime.

"An intermittently feisty grandma in Zion"

What a wonderful letter, Grandma! First you showed how to ask for reverence in love, and second you showed empathy for the kids in your ward who are causing trouble now. Yes, they will grow up to be decent and productive human beings. These time with children at home are all too quickly over.

That’s all for today. I’m not even going to solicit any letters, because I’ve still got more than a hundred on this subject. But tune in next Monday to hear from your fellow readers. They have lots of opinions on this hot topic!
Until next time — Kathy

"Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society."

Benjamin Franklin