Stopping Freeloaders in their Tracks
By Kathryn H. Kidd

We had a lot of responses to the sweet Seattle lady whose husband was out of work, and who had been promised work by a ward member who took the work and then “forgot” to pay for it. Our readers’ responses ran the gamut of emotions — from those who believe we are obligated to give service for free whenever that service is required, all the way to those who just as firmly believe that ward members should never give their professional services to fellow ward members.

Today’s first letter comes from England:

Maybe I'm odd, but I find this a really disturbing topic. I am frequently asked to give service by church members in respect of my professional qualifications and work, and it would never cross my mind to expect payment for it. I thought that when I covenant to live the Law of Consecration, it might include using the time and talents I have to help build the people with whom I share the work of building the Kingdom of God.

I'm a psychologist, and if the request is for clinical expertise, which I do not have, I just say, "I'm sorry, I'm not a clinical psychologist, it would not be ethical for me to act as if I were. I cannot diagnose, but I can appreciate that you're really troubled by this [whatever the question was about]." I can suggest appropriate sources of the kind of help they might need. But if they ask me to give service appropriate to my expertise, I'll find them all the time it takes. Why else was I given the opportunity to build my skills and expertise, if not for the benefit of others?

For any who might not realize it, being a psychologist has many, many facets, and one of the important ones is doing research to attempt to understand "normal" people's actions and experiences, and to point to ways of enhancing people's accomplishment and enjoyment in life. I rarely find any conflict with the gospel in my work, and when I do, I've always been able to resolve it without challenge to my testimony. What a great privilege it is that anyone MIGHT be able to "take advantage" of me — why else am I here, if others might not gain advantage because of my having been here?

Bev in England

You make good points, Bev. I agree that the ideal is that we help one another with whatever talents we have, and I hope we all strive to do that. Two great lessons we all need to learn in this life are learning to give service without begrudging our labors, and learning to receive service when we desperately need it.

However, there are two things that make this topic different. First, our Seattle reader had a husband who was out of work and who couldn’t afford groceries, and he was solicited with the express promise that he was going to be paid for his work. He did this work by using time he could have used to look for permanent employment — and then the terms that were set by the ward member who asked for his help were not met.

The second difference here comes when you run across people who only want to take. Some of them move from ward to ward, bleeding ward members dry of compassion and then moving on to greener pastures. It is no more beneficial to give and give and give to people who only want a handout than it is beneficial to carry around a child because he might fall down and hurt himself if he tries to walk on his own.

The problem, of course, lies in knowing when a person is taking advantage of others and when a person has a real need. I think that’s the problem that our lady in Seattle was grappling with. Let’s see what our other readers have to say.

This is a really interesting topic, because there is such a fine line here. We all desire to consecrate ourselves for the good of Zion, and we absolutely should — to the best of our ability. It isn't required to run faster than we have strength!

I have been on both ends of this situation. On the giving end, you have to be realistic and admit that you have a limit to what you can do, financially, physically, and otherwise. One response that has worked for me is, "I'd be happy to do it, if you don't mind paying for the supplies and a reasonable amount for the time." Another common response is to offer a small discount for friends and family and referrals; it gives your friends the special treatment they deserve while recognizing that it is, after all, your livelihood.

On the receiving end, I think that in our goal to be frugal and wise, we in the Church sometimes err in expecting something for nothing. But there is something fundamentally wrong about that. Isn't that the very idea behind theft, and one of the original plans of Lucifer that led to the war in heaven?

Reader from New Jersey

I like what you say about our human tendency to expect something for nothing, New Jersey — and especially about that concept being behind Lucifer’s plan. I’d never thought of it that way, even though I’ve always been one to hopefully keep my eyes open for the elusive free lunch. You’ve given me something to think about.

My first thought is to trust the Lord. Every time you give service, it should be just that. Service. Having said that, I fully understand the problem.

There is a difference between service and business. Make it clear up front that you do this for extra income, or total income, and leave a receipt of some kind. (There are freebies available on the internet.) If that fails, I wouldn't hesitate to enlist the help of the bishop. He is able to assist with aid from fast offerings or get more involved as he see fit. Beside he needs to know if his ward is idolizing money, more than the typical Mormon.

One side note. My brother went into business with a fellow member, after many lies and some embezzlement, it still cost him $30,000 to legally get him off the books. Moral here — don't assume ward members are any different from someone on the street. We try to hold higher standards, but as mortals we can, and do, fall on occasion.

Reader in Salt Lake City

Thanks for mentioning consulting with the bishop, Reader. He really does have a different perspective from the rest of us — and I’d imagine most of us don’t want to know half the things he does. Without revealing any secrets, he can reassure you that someone really does need service instead of a bill from you. He can also steer you toward more legitimate service opportunities if he sees you heading toward a situation where you may be taken advantage of.

I'm sure you will be inundated with similar stories, so I will refrain from sharing, if I can. One suggestion is to treat what you do as a business, and leave behind an invoice.

Because we often do so many things for people as service, the line often blurs. As a single parent, I would not have offered to pay Bro. Kennedy for putting the training wheels on my son's Christmas bicycle, because it was clear that was an act of service that he volunteered. But when another brother, who was a plumber, did some requested work for me, I let him know up front that I expected to pay. I had asked him because I felt he was someone I could trust, but I never expect someone to give me his professional expertise, except in a very small way, for no charge.

When I engage a church member professionally it is because I feel I can trust him. It is a sad statement, then, when that trust does not go both ways, and that the people who offer their services to church members cannot trust that they will be fairly compensated or compensated at all. It is not fair for someone to become the ward plumber, lawyer, computer technician, carpet cleaner or moving company.

We need to make it very clear up front that we are charging for a service. It sounds, of course, like money was discussed in this instance, and yet payment was still not forthcoming. Sometimes I think people say "I will pay you" waiting for you to say, "No, no, no. I couldn't charge you for this." Perhaps at that time, Brother X could have reinforced that payment was expected by saying something like "I usually charge $80.00 per hour for my computer services, but for you, Sister W, I will charge $50.00 an hour." Then leave behind an invoice. You can get a pad of them at any office supply store. If that doesn't get the message across, call it "The 'Buy Your Own Truck' moving company."

I would also like to take a moment to spout on behalf of the creative people out there who are often asked to share their talents. Sister D., who does not have a degree but who sews circles around everyone else, should not be asked to "make a few alterations" to your older daughter's wedding dress, so that her younger sister can wear it, without some serious compensation. People who do not sew may think a 20-hour job takes three hours.

As a writer, I am often called upon to write skits or poems. Of course I don't expect to be compensated for writing the roadshow or dashing off a poem for a friend's 50th birthday party, but I have been asked to write entire plays by church members for non-church functions.

I have learned to be more assertive in certain instances. Someone wants editing? That's something for which professional people get paid. If it is a couple of pages, sure, I'll do a freebie, but if it is a dissertation, no, I'm not going to do it for the joy of reading about The Mating Habits of the Tse-tse Fly. I have been asked to write so many poems, I wonder if people must imagine that I think in rhyme.

When someone does something that falls under the category of a "favor," such as rewriting the sketchy history of Aunt Martha for her funeral, a thank-you lunch is always appropriate. I once had a typing service on the side, and there was a doctor in the ward I did some typing for. One evening late he called me with a letter he needed typed. When he picked it up at 8:00 a.m. the next morning, I charged him my per page rate. It was a short letter, and he complained about the price. "Is that what you charge per paragraph now?" Because one of the things I regularly typed for him was itemized bills for his services as an expert witness (and he usually charged $250.00 for typing services, although that was not even close to what he paid me), I told him, "No, the per paragraph charge is $5.00. But there is a $20.00 surcharge for shorthand dictation taken over the phone, a late-night surcharge of $10.00 for anything that comes in after 9:00 p.m., and an overnight-turn-around fee of $15. Or you can just pay the per page fee."

I personally believe that anything that takes over an hour of someone's time is more than a favor. If someone won't accept payment, you can still show gratitude with a lunch or dinner or offering a service or talent of your own in trade.

Susan Curtis

Sooze, you’re the greatest! You made the perils of being a writer very graphic for our non-writing readers. I can only imagine you could tell similar stories about all the people who go to Hawaii and expect you’re going to put them up for free. It’s a stroke of genius for you to include the link for your vacation home rental right at the bottom of your emails.

And speaking of vacations, Gentle Reader has a real eye-opener in the area of people who take advantage of others:

We have a member of our ward who takes his family on vacations around the world and "moves in" on church leaders for housing, laundry, food, and hospitality, wherever they go. He visited Lima, Peru where my brother was mission president, and also Singapore where he ruined Christmas Day for a leader there. It's a real nuisance and I wonder what can be done about it.

Gentle Reader
Somewhere Where Barbecue is Famous

Picture this: July, 1973. A not-very-bright young lady (let’s call her “Kathy”) takes her sister to the Spokane World’s Fair. She doesn’t get any motel reservations before she leaves Salt Lake City, thinking she wants to stay in the little town of Fish Trap, Washington. (It sounds so quaint!) She gets to Fish Trap, and all it is, is a farm road — a name on the map. There isn’t even a gas station.

On they go to Spokane, where they spend an afternoon at the fair in the cold, driving rain. After dark, they decide to look for a motel. Surprise! There aren’t any vacancies in Spokane. They keep driving. And driving. Finally, they end up in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho (43.3 miles east of Spokane), where surely there is a room to be had. Au contraire! There’s a dental convention in Coeur d’Alene, and there isn’t a vacancy in town.

“Kathy” takes her sister to the police station, where they ask to be arrested for vagrancy. The officers won’t do it, so the homeless wafers decide to spend the night in the car. “Kathy” is coughing. (She has double pneumonia but doesn’t know it yet.) It promises to be a miserable night.

Suddenly she realizes that somewhere in this town, there’s gotta be a Mormon bishop. She calls the house and learns that everyone is going to be at a dance until midnight, but that after midnight they’ll be welcome to sleep on the bishop’s floor. The rest, as they say, is history.

A nice little P.S. to the story is that when “Kathy” meets her future husband, “Clark,” later that year, he happens to be the home teacher of the daughter of that bishop. Small world.

The object of this long story, if there can be said to be an object, is that sometimes people are really in need — even if it’s the result of their own stupidity. Other times, they’re just taking the cheap way out. It’s not always easy to tell the difference.

My personal belief is that I’d rather be taken advantage of than be suspicious and cynical. I naturally assume people are honest and good until they prove themselves otherwise. Once they prove themselves otherwise, you have to determine what action is going to be taken.

Next week we’ll continue this discussion. We have a whole lot of advice for our sleep-deprived friend in Seattle, so if you didn’t see your letter this week, look for it next Monday.

Until next week — Kathy

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you
to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

Franklin Jones

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