We have finally reached the bottom of the pile of ADHD letters. On behalf of the Missouri Grandma, I want to thank all of you who rallied to her aid — and to the aid of many others in her situation — these past few weeks. Next week we're on to a new topic.

Meanwhile, this last batch of letters contains plenty of good ideas. So if you are a relative of a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD — or if you teach such a child in one of your Primary classes — don't ignore today's letters!

Here they are:

I have had the opportunity over the past few years to work at a school as an aide to children with learning disabilities, and as my own son had some, I may have learned a few things on this subject.

First of all, do not give up on the medication.  I realize that the side effects are not all pleasant' however, the impact on a child's self esteem when he is doing poorly in school and always in trouble is huge.  These medications do work and they are in many cases, miraculous!  I have seen children who cannot concentrate long enough to write a single sentence sit and write an entire paragraph under the influence of the meds.  Give them a chance!

Secondly, I think that it is fine during the summer to take a child off the meds, with the approval of your doctor.  Ensure that the child gets lots of exercise in the outdoors, even excessive amounts.  Although it seems nice that a child can concentrate on a video game for hours at a time, it is not conducive to his abilities to concentrate.  The constant action and quickly changing scenes on TV/Games actually diminish his abilities to concentrate.  A healthy diet with a good breakfast, including protein, can sometimes make a difference.

Last, I have seen far to often children using their disabilities as an excuse for why they cannot try.  The words usually come straight from the parent's mouth.  I try to tell kids that it is just as if they had any other
problem, like diabetes.  They have to take responsibility for it and just try harder than other kids do.  Most of these kids are very bright, and they want to achieve.  Visual charts, rewards, help with organization, and consistency, consistency, consistency, can help them organize their thoughts and keep work straight.  Don't ever say, "That's okay, it's because you have ADHD."

April Garner
Colorado

Thanks for your thoughts, April. Although I believe every drug doesn't always work for every patient, and that there is some trial and error involved, your words about perseverance are excellent. I also like your reminder that none of us should use our disabilities as excuses.

I have found a book that includes a discipline program that has changed my family's life.  It is entitled Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco by David Stein.  My girlfriend started using the program with her two sons last summer and I was shocked at the drastic change in their behavior.  I just had to ask what she was doing! 

I began using the program in August of 2006, right before my daughter started first grade and WOW!  What a major difference in her behavior, her school performance and in our life!  Not only has she benefited, but I have too — by gaining more confidence as a parent.  It also greatly reduced the stress between her father and I, who did not agree on discipline styles and tended to blame each other. 

My only other suggestion to offer is to seek more natural medical help such as chiropractics and homeopathy.  I use both of these in my own family to maintain our health and prevent illnesses.  I know it sounds odd to consider chiropractics but look at it this way: Your spine houses your spinal cord, which is essentially your telephone connection to your brain.  If your spine is out of alignment, then you have static in the line and your brain cannot hear the messages your body is sending it.  If it does not get the right message, how can it send the help needed? 

As far as homeopathy, I'd suggest going to an MD who uses homeopathic remedies instead of trying to self-medicate.  It is a true art to determine the right remedy and takes everything into account.  Homeopathic doctors take into consideration not just your physical body and symptoms but your emotional and mental state as well.  This is vital! 

Anyways, I do hope this helps!  Take care and good luck!

Stephanie
Richmond, VA 

What an intriguing letter, Stephanie! I'd never thought of chiropractic medicine in that way. You've given me something to think about.

Since you have brought up the subject of ADD, I would like to know if there are others out there who have noticed ADD-type of symptoms in their teenagers who were not previously diagnosed as children.  My 16-year-old son is doing terrible in school, cannot seem to settle down at home to do his assignments, is always getting up and leaving his desk to do something else.  It appears he cannot sit and concentrate on the work at hand longer than 10 minutes before he's getting up to get a drink of water, play with the dog, or do something. 

At first I thought it was a severe lack of self-discipline, but now wonder if he actually has ADD.  We have an older child who was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school student, so the symptoms my son seems to be experiencing are quite familiar but unnoticeable until recently.  He is a great kid otherwise.

I would like to know what other parents have done and how to handle it.  I don't even know where to take a teenager to get him diagnosed.  I really don't want to put him on medication, but also recognize we might have to as his very success may depend on it.  I would appreciate any help your readers can give me.

Thank you so much,

Concerned Mom in West Jordan

Thanks for writing, Concerned Mom. Although we're closing out this topic this week, if anyone wants to write to you at circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com, I'll be glad to forward their advice. To those of you who want to help, put Concerned Mom in the subject line. Thanks!

This is a little long, but I hope it helps.

As the mother of 4 children, three with ADHD and two of those, profoundly ADHD, I have to say that sometimes meds are the way you need to go.  My daugthter was helped helped without meds but with a scheduled day and the chart system listed below.

You have to be diligent, though, and if you don't think the meds are working you need to talk to the doctor and don't be afraid to stand up and say, “This isn't working, let's try something else.” You may well have to stand your ground on that; I did.  It took me most of the summer to find the right medication and dosage for my oldest son.

The other thing you have to do is make sure you have a schedule for the child.  They don't really like schedules because their attention is very distracted, but it's a must.  And just because they are on meds,
doesn't mean they will automatically be just like the other kids. 
Making good choices is a learning process that usually takes place as the child is growing up starting when they are very little — and the ADHD short-circuits that learning process.  So, when you find the
meds that work, you have to start that learning process. 

I had a great therapist who worked with me and my oldest son, teaching me how to teach him.  We made a chart with chores he was expected to do and some he could do for extra points.  Each chore had points, because he had to earn everything he did except meals, eating healthy food or reading a book, or doing homework. He had to earn TV time, computer time, friends coming over, phone time, allowance, treats, and so on. 

The first two weeks he earned the points no matter how many times I asked him, so he would get use to the system and accept it.  However, after two weeks, there were consequences for not doing what you were asked the first time.  The points were only earned if he did it without being asked or the first time he was asked.  The second time he was asked he was still expected to do the chore but was given no points. 

The third time he was still expected to do the chore but now he had to give you that many points out of what he had already earned. The fourth time he had to give you that many more points.  The fifth time, was a time out in a chair in a the corner (but not facing the corner) for as many minutes as he was old with a smile on his face and that was repeated until he had a smile on his face and then he had to go do the chore. 

To be honest I never got past the third time (when he had to give me the points for the chore), and that only happened once because giving up the points was a shock to him.

At the end of the week I would allow him to turn some of the points into an allowance.  I bought dollar toys at the dollar store and let him turn in points for one of those every week.  I did my points on the penny system, one point = 1 cent.  So adjust your points for the chores accordingly, daily chores, weekly chores, and so on.  Only so many points were allowed to be turned in for sweet treats.

He had to save 25% of his points every week towards a long-term goal — going to play putt-putt, or a movie, or something else that was going to cost me more than his points — and he had to save up for three months for it.  It was amazing. He would be asking me for things to do for points!  My therapist suggested using poker chips, but when you have four children on the point system, they tend to steal from each other so I went with points on a chart.

The other thing you have to do is to go and check each job when they come in and tell you they did it. You cannot wait; it has to be checked when they come and tell you and then you immediately have to mark the points on the chart.  That was the not fun part for me, but you get used to it.

This system helped my children tremendously to learn responsibility.  They are grown and contributing adults in society, much to my delight. I hope this helps.

Vicky

I love the point system idea, Vicky, although I have to admit I was relieved to hear you never got past the third time on your scale. As I was reading all those numbers my head started to swim!

I have a wonderful 15-year-old son with ADHD and other issues that often coincide with ADHD.  One of those issues is having a mother with ADHD.  This does tend to run in families. 

We don't fully understand the connection between the spirit and the body.  I believe that one can strengthen the other; otherwise it makes no sense to me that Heavenly Father would put in place a plan that would join our physical and spirit bodies eternally.  The body is more than just a nice covering for our spirit.  Patriarchal blessings can be a comfort and guide, especially in the turbulent teen years. 

My son will probably never do well in a behind-the-desk occupation, and we have adjusted our expectations for that.  There are plenty of other jobs that are honest, lucrative, and of service to the community, without sitting behind a desk.

EXPECT CHANGE IN WHAT WORKS.  Because humans change and develop, strategies to ease the symptoms of ADHD must change and develop.  Prepare an arsenal of strategies — routines may need to be adjusted, foods eaten monitored, reward systems varied, and so on.  There is no one-size-fits-all solution in this.

Finally, helping my son has helped me immensely.  I now understand some events in my own life better (for example, I was expelled from school at the tender age of 9!) and I have been able to forgive myself for personal mistakes and had greater patience and forgiveness for others.  One of the miracles of this life is how often hard things are such great blessings — you get what you pay for!

MaryAnn Wilson
Nashua, New Hampshire

Thanks for a powerful letter, MaryAnn. You had such solid information, and then you ended it with a bang when you applied a familiar saying to explain the adversities of life. Excellent job!

Here are some short-and-sweet letters that deliver great advice in a nutshell:

One thing I know, the closer that they get to puberty the worse the condition gets. We were speaking to my daughter's (she is 10) school counselor, and she said that there is always an increase in symptoms around this age — until 15, 16. But you may get some better relief putting him on Focalin. It is Ritalin, but without the part that gives all the horrible side effects. It is fairly new. My daughter is on it and we have nothing but wonderful things to say about it. There are not any withdrawal symptoms so you can choose to medicate only during the school week. Hope you find relief.

A understanding Mother, Pam

Thanks for the news about Focalin, Pam. It almost makes up for the tidbit that ADHD symptoms increase once a child approaches puberty!

You may want to access a website, www.amenclinics.com for some materials that many have found very helpful, especially in understanding the complexities of ADD and ADHD.

A book, Healing ADD , which is very detailed on the subject, can be purchased from the site.

I would recommend a thorough evaluation by someone who is highly specialized in the area.  Also be aware that there are often other disorders that go along with ADHD.

Robert C. Heaton, LCSW, (a therapist practicing in Cedar City, Utah)

Thanks for a good website, Robert, and for the information about the book. Good books can offer a lot of help, so it's nice to hear of one that's recommended by a professional.  

Has he been taken to a good eye doctor who knows of various types of dyslexia?

Curious

That's a good question, Curious. I suspect there are many diagnoses of ADHD our there that are really other disorders masquerading as ADHD. Thanks for the suggestion.

This is a video shared among my group of friends and educators.  It is not a solution entirely, but it may define the smokescreen and allow problem-solvers to direct their attention more effectively.  It is a full-length program of some of the dangerous avenues misconceptions about ADHD can lead us.  For me, it allowed me to be a more careful watch on the tower.

http://video. google.com/ videoplay? docid=-360959923 9524875493&sourceid=zeitgeist

Meridian Reader

Thanks for the link, Reader! That follows perfectly the letter before yours, which hints at misdiagnoses. There are bound to be other misconceptions out there!

Ruth

Thanks for another option, Ruth. This could help a lot of people!

ADHD at its core is a nutrient deficiency condition and it responds well with the correct nutrition. Go to www.painandstresscenter.com and order a free catalogue for their nutrient products. I use "Brain Link" for ADD and ADHD individuals.

Steve Richards, DC 

Thanks for writing, Dr. Richards. It's always good to hear from a professional in a situation like this — especially when he has concrete information to offer.

John Rosamond has written many articles and books about raising children. He says that children who have a tendency toward ADHD should not watch TV or video games. The reason is because the images change rapidly. This causes the child to think that everything should change rapidly, therefore he cannot concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds. He says that, for those children, even good TV is not good. This could be why there were not many cases of ADHD in the years before electronic entertainment. How many hours a week do your children spend in front of the TV, computer, or game-boys?

My suggestion is to seek out articles and books by John Rosamond and read about his common sense ideas toward raising children. I wish he had been writing when my children were young.

Paula Wojasinski

A reader from California

Thanks for another website, California. This one looks pretty comprehensive, so it could be a big help.

Having raised one child with ADHD and currently raising another, I have found the following helpful:

Dr Phil's show on ADHD recommended a book by Dr Frank Lawlis — The ADD Answer .

Anonymous

Thanks, Anonymous, for a book recommendation. If Dr. Phil recommends something, there are a lot of people out there who are going to pay attention. I appreciate your writing.

The grandmother might want to investigate neurofeedback.  This is where video games are used to help improve the concentration of individuals with these problems.  I haven't used it but I am aware of it.  What happens is that the child puts on a helmet with electrodes and the child uses his brain waves to control the play action on the game.  The idea is to help the child learn to control the brain waves.  The child learns to slow down or speed up a particular wave depending on what his diagnosis is.  It's an interesting idea and there is no medication involved.  At the very least it is worth checking out.  Just type neurofeedback in a search engine.

Janice from Phoenix

Thanks for a good suggestion, Janice. I have used neurofeedback for other issues and have found it effective. Perhaps it helps in this situation, too.

I hope this helps.  I am 50 years old and have lived the fun but sometimes wild, even painful ride of ADHD as have my children.  Medicating ranges from ineffective to downright scary!  I have read everything there is about it.

For the most part all had about the same information — kind of like gardening books.  Then one day that rare illuminating book comes along.  The ONLY book that ever left me with real answers and a bouyant sense of hope is A Mind at a Time by Mel Levine, MD.  He hardly if ever uses the term ADHD.

He explains that every brain has its strengths and weaknesses.  The answer is to demystify an individual's strong and weak brain functions so we can function and survive more easily.  I came to more fully value my brain and now I understand why I feel brilliant in some areas and struggle in other areas.  I don't even like the diagnostic term of ADHD.  Labels don't give answers or direction.  Mel Levine also has another book, The Myth of Laziness .  I highly recommend both of them.

Creating and functioning within structure is essential for children and adults that have such brain functions.  It is important to help them create structure.  Summer vacation usually isn't filled with the struggles and problems that are evident during the school year — summer has a loose structure and a school year has the structure that can frustrate if not approached right.   Good luck!

Mo

Thanks, Mo, for not one, but TWO book recommendations. I like the idea that every brain is different. In life, one of the biggest myths is that one size fits all. It doesn't work with clothes, and it doesn't work with just about anything else in life.

Grandma might benefit from reading The Gift of Learning by Ronald Davis.

http://www.dyslexia.com/bookstore/learning.htm

I have used Ritalin for many year with very minimal side effects.  I've heard people complain about Adderall but never tried it. Side effects are a little scary.  Ritalin has side effects too, but my experience is that the effects are minimal on people who actually have ADD or ADHD. I have never heard anyone complain about Ritalin except for people who have never used it.   

However, getting the dosage right is critical.  Ask the doctor to start low and increase the dose quickly.  The results are almost instant and the stuff is out of your system in a matter of hours, so not risky to experiment with like some anti-depressants.  

Most important:  If your doctor suggests treating ADHD with an anti-depressant, get another opinion.  That's old school (like when they used to give sedatives to grieving mothers and other people under stress).  Making zombies is not good medicine.

GreatScot

Thanks for the information, Great. I'll bet there are a lot of people out there who didn't know about ADHD and antidepressants.

I have a boy who, for the past seven years, has been as if he was ADHD. I took him to our family doctor, a psychiatrist, psychologist and pediatric doctor, and all of them assured me he does not have ADHD. (He was diagnosed with genetic chemical depression and takes minimal medication for that daily.)

He is strong willed, hyper, active, wild, could easily be a “bully,” tries to control everything and everyone, yells, screams, throws huge/ugly tantrums, etc.  He has to be constantly moving, humming, singing, something.  He single-handedly drives the family insane.  In his defense, he has “matured” a bit the past 1 ½ years (he's 13 right now), and he's a good boy who wants so badly to be righteous and do what is right.

We looked into all sorts of things:  ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, and many more.

We finally came across some research that helped us figure out what his problem was!  He has had milk and peanut allergies all his life and we never knew it.

We “tested” him ourselves and sure enough — each time he drinks or eats any dairy, he turns ADHD on us.  Any time he has a drop of peanut butter, he turns ADHD on us.  He is temperamental, angry, hyper, and so on.  When he goes 3-5 days without any peanuts or milk of any kind (whey, casein, lactose) he is the nice, good boy that we love.

Just a thought for you to try out.

Teri Nine
Plano, Texas

What a great letter, Teri! I'm sure there are more physical and emotional ailments caused by food intolerance than any of us know. Your letter was a real eye-opener. Parents who have tried everything with no success may want to keep a food journal of everything their children eat and see what turns up.

This is from another grandmother — an 82-year-old grandmother. My husband and myself have raised our grandson to the age of 6.We have him on Concerta, the mildest dose. He also has ADHD.

I have found that what helps is to cut the stimulation down in the bedroom. This means no TV, no toys, no food, no books. The monotony of it helps him to get to sleep better.

His concentration on school subjects is so much better with the medicine. Although I don't like to have to use reward system, it is what we use for church time. If he gets dressed with no hassle and is good through sacrament time and Primary, then and only then does he get a toy on Monday.

God gave us these little ones to help in the best way we can, and they get a lot of negative feedback from the public and even some teachers. But if we can give positive comments for even the slightest thing they do well, it will help them feel better about themselves.

Here's hoping that you will not feel snowed under with noise and boisterousness. It comes with the package.

Prayer is a good tool and to teach them to pray is helping them feel they always have a friend.

Lots of luck.  

Gladys Trahan

Thanks for some solid advice, Gladys. I like the idea of the positive comments (because they probably hear all too many negative ones!). I especially like the idea of using prayer as a tool. Well said!

I work at a residential boarding school for at-risk kids.  Parents pay a lot of money for them to come here and learn better values.  Many come with ADHD issues.

I had one student who came from the south.  His parents told me personally that they had tried "everything" and nothing worked.  I suggested the book Smart Fats by a Michael Schmidt, who treated many people with this malady, and others.  His premise was that the brain needed Omega 3 fatty acids that they weren't getting in their diet.  These factory farms, with grain-fed cattle, pigs, chickens, and so on, skewed the natural omega 3 to omega 6 fatty acid balance in favor of omega 6.  He found that once many of these people were given supplements of Omega 3, and likely reduced exposure to Omega 6, they got well.  They could concentrate more and were less restive.

These distraught parents tried it.  Funny thing happened — it worked. It has now been three years.  The psychiatrist is prescribing fish oil tablets on his and her (two different doctors) own.  This kid got better.  I saw it for myself.  It convinced them, where my "uneducated" ramblings wouldn't.

This is especially effective for things like depression, where ancestors lived so long next to seashores that their bodies forgot how to produce some of the hormones that we need to be happy.  Those people should eat more fish, or take the supplementation.  I can personally attest to this.

Paul J. Chappell
Lyman, Utah

Thanks for your input, Paul. This is an avenue that is inexpensive to try, and fish oil is being used by a lot of people these days. I know it works for some people, because I've seen it in my own family.

Okay, friends and neighbors — that's it for this topic. Next week we'll have a shiny new subject for you, and I'm sure you're all looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, if you have any suggestions for future topics, please write to me at circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com.  Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn't spam.  And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province or country. (If you'd rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

“One of the miracles of this life is how often hard things are such great blessings — you get what you pay for!”

MaryAnn Wilson
Meridian Reader from Nashua, New Hampshire