Boy, do I have egg on my face about this topic! I thought this was going to be a little “filler” subject that wasn't going to affect a whole lot of people. Instead, I have been inundated by an avalanche of letters from people who have experienced — or are still experiencing — the unique challenges of living with ADHD.

My apologies go to all of you who have written, because I just can't send individual responses to your emails this time. But be assured that your thoughts will appear here — if not this week, then before we close the subject.

Our first letter comes from a regular contributor, who knew far better than I did what kind of response we were going to get to Grandma's plea for help with her 10-year-old grandson:

I bet you will get a flood of mail on this one.  In some schools 25-35% of the students are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.  Over-diagnosis often leads people to believe all are diagnosed wrong and does a disservice both to the kids who really are ADD/ADHD and the ones who are not.

I have some experience with this one. I have babysat ADHD kids from time to time and had them in Primary. Many people also thought my oldest was ADHD when he was little. There are several things that help.

If the child is truly ADHD (and it is seriously over-diagnosed), nothing will make it go away, but there are things to make it less severe so the child can learn to compensate. Many of the most successful people in our society have been ADHD. In my opinion this is not really a disorder; it is simply a very different learning style. These kids are extremely creative and can do wonderful things when their minds are engaged and their energy channeled.

In the case of this grandson it sounds like he is under other emotional distress due to his mother's health problems. Is there any chance Grandma can move in closer and give this boy year-round support? Could mom move closer to Grandma? With stress of any kind at home, most kids will misbehave. I am sure the grandson misses his mom terribly and any child will act out in such a situation. He is also likely very scared about his mother's health. What a wonderful grandmother to be willing to do so much for her daughter and grandson!

Liz in Santa Monica

Thanks for some great ideas, Liz. I'm glad you pointed out that there are a whole lot of mistaken diagnoses of ADHD out there, too. I hope that anyone whose child (or grandchild, in this case) is diagnosed with ADHD will be able to resist the temptation to put a label on the child, because people often do live up to (or down to) the words that are used to describe them. Seek a second medical opinion or — perhaps even better — do a little detective work on your own to see if any food sensitivities contribute to unusual behavior. And in an age where so many kids are not getting enough physical activity, channeling extra energy into exercise or other high-energy projects is a great suggestion.

Here's a letter from one of many readers who are “dye-ing” to help Grandma:

Hello Grandma,     

My three boys and I all have ADD or ADHD. I have three teenagers 14, 16 and 18 years of age. All are very active in sports and are honor roll students. I have found that keeping active and eliminating any red dye from our diet was beneficial in keeping us from having to use medication to control our ADD or ADHD.

When my kids were younger I had them involved in soccer, bowling and karate. Now they are all football and basketball players.  We also went camping and swimming a lot. However the biggest change came with eliminating red dye in our diets. Unfortunately this meant that the kids could not eat school lunches because most everything served at school had red sauce in it. Some of the foods included spaghetti sauce, fruit punch or any red drinks, catsup, and any other canned or bottled food that is red. Spaghetti O's and ravioli, which are a big favorite of kids, send kids with ADHD bouncing off the walls.

Kids with ADD or ADHD are generally very bright, quick learners.  Most teachers just can't teach them fast enough.  Parents should support their kids by helping them with school work and helping them to excel — never allowing their disability to be an excuse for them not doing school work. 

I have one son who has ADHD, anxiety disorder, compulsive behavior and Tourette's syndrome.  His fifth grade teacher was flabbergasted when I told her he had to stay in his first recess to finish his current event that was due that day.  She said she had parents coming in all the time telling her to please excuse "Jimmie or Suzie" for not doing their schoolwork because they had ADD.  I told her that when my son grew up and had a family and a job that it would not benefit him for his mother to go in and tell his boss to excuse him for not being productive because he had ADD or ADHD.  He had to learn to be responsible for his own actions and what needed to be done in a society that would  not sympathize with him for his disabilities.  He had to learn to function to "normal" standards if he wanted to succeed.  To a certain extent, he has.  He still has his moments, but most people — including his teachers — do not know he has any disabilities at all at this time.  

Recently we moved to another state. We are the only active LDS family in the whole county we live in. People are leery of us because they did not have any interaction with Mormons before we moved here. One of my kids' friends' moms was over at the house once and she was telling me about her oldest son who has ADHD and how he never sits even to have dinner. I asked her what they usually have for dinner and found out that 5 out of 7 nights they had some meal that had red sauce in it. I told her about cutting out the red sauce and that it would help her son. I also told her that I have given my kids fish oil supplements along with their regular vitamins. She was doubtful of anything I had to say.

However; one evening she served her family spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and she actually noticed the difference in her son as he began eating dinner. He became more and more agitated and hyper as he ate. She then told him about what I had told her about red dyes. He told her he wanted to try it because he had difficulty at school and felt like an outcast. So together they modified his diet. After three months his school grade average went from a 69 to an 84 and he was able to have more interaction with other kids too. He could sit and talk with friends. She told me that initially she didn't believe me but that after she saw the dramatic difference in her son she realized that I truly was trying to be helpful by sharing my experience with her.  

Forty years ago when I was growing up, active kids were just labeled as bad kids. The fortunate thing for me was that back then it was the thing to give your kids cod liver oil. I was raised Catholic and the sisters who taught us were very quick with that ruler.  I am sure that those fatty amino acids in the cod liver oil saved me from many a beating.  

Behavior modification with positive reinforcement and love are a must. Most importantly teach your kids to be polite, respectful, loving human beings by sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with them.  Show them every day in action and word that you love them.  Be consistent; do not spring surprises on them.  Most kids with ADHD have to have a very orderly life.  They need to know what is expected of them and when.  My kids always did best in school with the most orderly teachers. My kids loved the teachers other kids were afraid of, because they always knew what was expected of them. 

Another Sister with ADD

Thanks for writing, ADD. I appreciated what you had to say about diet. Food additives are bad things. Individually they may be “generally recognized as safe” (GRAS) by the government because such small amounts are found in food, but when you consider that the average American eats ten pounds of food additives a year, those little amounts add up.

Here's another testimony about the effects of diet on the behavior of children.

My 5-year-old son was diagnosed also. The meds were horrible. It's not that I'm against medication; it just didn't work for us. My son was tired and was not the same child.

We decided to get rid of the medication and do the "diet" route. There are many different avenues for this. After lots of research, we went with the Feingold Diet. It eliminates foods such as dyes, artificial coloring, preservatives, and so on.

It was a miracle for us. Our son isn't perfect, but what child is? We can tell when he gets something that he shouldn't because all of the ADHD symptoms return. He is almost seven now, and he will look to make sure foods don't have red dye or yellow #5 in them. He knows he feels better when he doesn't eat them. There are lots of foods on the market now that make eating this way possible.

Mom

Thanks for writing in, Mom. When a six-year-old starts looking at labels because he knows he'll get sick if he eats certain things, you have to know there's something to this. If there's even a possibility that a change of diet will help in your family, this is an excellent first step to take.

Here's another good word for exercise, from a savvy grandma in Colorado:

Summertime is a great time for children with ADHD.  One of the reasons Grandma's grandson did better and was able to function without medicine when he spent the summer with her is because he had more exercise.  Without a doubt, physical exercise is one of the very best helps for those children suffering from ADHD.  During the school year, these same children, either because of scheduling or weather, are consistently unable to physically work their body and more behavioral problem surface. 

I know that there are other factors to consider, but one way the body can help itself is through physical activity.

Colorado Carla

Thanks for writing Carla. As a former schoolteacher and a current grandmother, you've seen it all!

Here's another letter from a teacher writes. When a teacher writes, she usually has something worthwhile to say. Teachers are writing from the trenches.

I teach kindergarten and have taught other elementary grades with children who have been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD.  I have found a consistent schedule and enough sleep at night can help the ADD child. Lack of sleep often manifests itself as ADHD.  

As a teacher I find frequent positive feedback and allowing the children to have some freedom of movement allows them to be successful.  In Primary I have allowed a child to stand up during sharing time next to me in the back rather then sit down quietly.  I have seen a child crochet or knit during church in order to keep still and listening.  Creativity and thinking outside the box helps.  Give them assignments or chores broken down in steps.  Use visual pictures to show the plan for the day or how to do something helps.  

I wonder would a complete physical be appropriate to rule out other hidden problems.  There are other medications to try that might not have the same side effects.  Is there a food allergy that is masking and preventing the medication to work?

Have the child help you in setting up a contract and working toward goals is helpful and builds upon success.

I hope some of these ideas help.

Jill from Oregon

Love the idea of the contracts, Jill. If a child needs structure, he'd probably go crazy about having a contract so he could work on goals. Good job!

And here's another endorsement for giving ADHD children some much-needed structure in their lives:

Please have his Grandma check out free "FlyLady.net" where there is a "Student Control Journal" and other helpful ideas.  At the bottom of the page is a link to "House Fairy.org". The boy needs structure and these teach him how to get it.  Another link is to "SavingDinner.com" with great menus and good nutrition. Get him good vitamins!

An Interested Reader

Thanks, Interested! Your letter, like so many this week, was short and sweet, but it had excellent information in it. Thanks for sending along the website endorsements.

Here's a letter that shows (as countless parents could also do) that it's possible for an ADHD child to live a normal and even highly productive life. If things seem hopeless now, persevere! Eventually ADHD kids — like all other kids — grow up. If they have been nurtured along the way by loving and patient parents, good things can and do happen:

I had a child who was diagnosed with ADD, not ADHD, when he was in kindergarten, about twenty years ago.  Doctors and school counselors were not much help.  It was not until 5th grade that we finally got the help he needed.  He was given Desipramine, which worked well for him until he was a junior in high school.  The effects of the med finally wore off; were no longer effective.  At that time he no longer wanted to be medicated. 

In the meantime I had learned some helpful things working as an aide in special education. We also found an excellent psychologist that he was able to counsel with(also LDS). 

I was extremely concerned about what would happen on his mission.  He was made a district leader in the MTC, had to learn Spanish; learn the discussions, and he also had a problem elder in his district.  He was fortunate to receive an excellent trainer in the mission field, which enabled him to begin the regimen of a good routine — learning to organize himself and set good study habits.  He did well. 

He came home, married the best girl in the world, and both have since graduated from college.  All this was done without medication.  I realize there are varying degrees of ADD and ADHD, and some must necessarily be on medication.  But I definitely feel that a combination of meds and behavior counseling is the key, along with priesthood blessings and lots of prayer, patience and understanding, and long-suffering kindness, and hope. 

My sincere prayers for your grandson and his caregivers. 

Ann from Salt Lake City

Thanks for writing, Ann. Yours is the first letter today that has mentioned prayers and priesthood blessings. They can be invaluable tools for this situation — as for so many others.

The next letter gives a tip about medications. It's short and to the point.

I found the concerns of “Grandma” very much like me own family situation. I have two grandsons (siblings) with ADHD.   The older boy is now 13 and has done quite well with Adderall. However, the dosage is considerably lower now and he is doing well.   The younger grandson is seven years old and cannot take Adderall, but does well on Ritalin.  This is the third medication he has tried under doctor supervision, and he is doing very well with this and is now catching up to the appropriate level in school because he can control his over-activity and concentrate on his schooling.

Grandmother in Southern California

Thanks for the reminder, Grandmother, that when drugs are necessary, you don't necessarily have to throw up your hands and panic if the first drug doesn't work. There are other medications, and a child that doesn't do well on one drug may thrive on another.

Our remaining letters today come from readers who have found help from natural substances or devices on the market. Before going on I should add a disclaimer that Meridian does not endorse these products because we have no idea whether they work. The people who have written in obviously believe they do work, or they wouldn't have written. Their letters are included because the information contained in them may help ADHD children — or people who have been diagnosed with ADHD, but who may have something else altogether.

Dear Grandma,

There are other conditions that are misdiagnosed as ADHD and if the drugs aren't helping then his symptoms may have another source.  Irlen Syndrome is a condition where a person doesn't process light very well.  It is not a problem with the eye itself but with the nerves and brain that created distortions in vision.  The distortions can create discomfort, headaches, irritability, frustration, sleepiness, distractability, faulty depth perception and hyperactivity.  

The symptoms and the degree of discomfort can vary from person to person.  Depending on the child's ability to compensate this can compromise their school performance and also their personal relationships.  They don't pick up subtle visual clues in people's body language.   

Like a child who needs glasses and doesn't realize that the people around them don't see things in the same fuzzy way that they do, people with Irlen Syndrome don't realize that what they see is different.   Since the world has looked this way since they were born they assume that it is normal.  They may have a small central area of focus but the rest of their world is blurred or moving and often they ignore or block out that movement. Because an optometrist is checking just the center of focus these kids may test as having 20/20 vision. 

When the brain has to fight the distortions on top of reading for comprehension it is more work and the brain just doesn't have the resources left to do much with comprehension.  It also leaves the person tired and irritable and frustrated.

This condition affects at least 14% of the world population, 48% of those with a diagnosed reading disability and 78% of people who still struggle with reading as an adult.  These are low estimates of the number of people affected by this condition.

This is not restricted to the special education category of children.  I have this, as do my children and much of my extended family, and we just didn't realize how hard we were working to read.  We all loved reading for pleasure but we naturally gravitated to novels with non-reflective darker paper and low light situations to read — particularly avoiding fluorescent lighting.  Functioning in a school environment with textbooks was a different and more difficult experience. 

Part of your grandson's story that caught my attention was that his problems occurred during school, when he spent the majority of his day in a highly fluorescent lit environment, but not during the summer when he would be in natural lighting or likely incandescent lighting in your home. 

Finding an Irlen Screener in your area is important, but a quick way that you can check if this is likely to be part of the problem is to ask your grandson to look at the end of your nose and focus on that.  Then ask him if, when he is looking at the end of your nose, he can see your eyes clearly and in focus.  If he has Irlen Syndrome he will likely tell you that your eyes are blurry or sort of smeared. 

You can also ask him what happens when he is reading a textbook at school and trying to remember the information.  Does the print or the page change or do anything different?  If he looks at a word in the middle of the page, what happens to the words or the white spaces farther out on the page?  It doesn't usually occur to us to ask those questions because we all assume that people see things the way we do. 

If we also have Irlen Syndrome then we assume that white pages sparkle or that rivers of white appear between the words or the words seems to float above the page, so why should we be concerned if it does that for our kids? 

Kids with Irlen Syndrome usually assume they are just not as smart as other people who can apparently read despite the floating, spinning, jiggling, disappearing letters.  Actually, for most people the letters just sit there on the page and do nothing, even when they people are tired. 

For a more official approach you can use several questionnaires on the Irlen Institute website (Irlen.com) that can give you an even clearer picture.  Along with general low scholastic performance this condition is known to contribute to migraine headaches, dyslexia and other visual disorders, visually based Asperger's and autism, and visual complications from brain trauma.  It also tends to get worse as the reading tasks get longer and the print gets more compact, so kids who compensated in lower grades can suddenly hit a wall during middle or high school and give up.

So, how do you fix this?   Much like lactose-intolerant people, who can process and eat ice-cream if they take special enzymes that help the body digest and get the nutrients from milk products, the brain can be assisted to process the light.  The brain is reacting poorly to certain wavelengths of light.  It you can reduce and change the color of light entering the eye you can reduce or eliminate the distortions. 

This is done in two ways.  The first stage is by using colored overlays — colored plastic sheets that you put over the pages of the texts. There are 10 different colors that can be used alone or in combination.  This will help with the reading issues.  As a trained Irlen Screener I test people to see the severity of the Irlen Syndrome and the color or combination of colors of overlays that will help with reading.  I have seen dramatic reading improvement with just the overlays.  Overlays are great for close reading tasks but don't help much with distance vision or seeing people's faces clearly. 

The next step is to have an Irlen specialist determine the color to tint the lenses of glasses — known as filters.  An Irlen Diagnostician has at least 78 possible shades to combine and can tint lenses to a more precise shade.  The tinting can be placed over a regular prescription if there is also a focus issue and will help with copying information off the board, interpersonal communication and depth perception.

I am a High School English teacher as well as being a parent of three kids with Irlen Syndrome.    I have seen positive changes in academic performance and in personality with the use of Irlen filters.  My kids went from continual fighting because they couldn't tell when anyone was kidding to compassionate and mellow when they got their Irlen filters.  Their grades improved, their moods improved, the headaches went away. 

I've seen the same thing with kids I have screened in my community.  My middle son went from a pity grade of C in algebra to 98%. It is amazing what can happen when the + and - signs stay where they belong. 

My oldest son, who also has severe Irlen Syndrome, was given special help in the MTC where the white walls, intense study and fluorescent walls were causing major headaches.  Someone brought in incandescent lamps and they turned off the fluorescent light and it helped his whole district.  The only problem was the fight over which district got the lamps when Danny left.  We got permission from the Church to photocopy his scriptures onto blue paper, and although it is a little bulky for carrying around to his meetings the blue scriptures are what he uses to study.  It made a huge difference.  

All my kids would either fidget and whine or curl up and sleep through sacrament meeting no matter what time of day we met.  It is hard to feel the Spirit when you have a headache, and the lights in the chapel gave them a headache every time.  My youngest daughter described being able to actually feel the Spirit at church for the first time after she started wearing her Irlen filters and a visor to block out the light.  She had been able to feel it while reading scriptures on her own in her dimly lit bedroom but never at church before.  Her testimony has blossomed.

People who teach kids who are antsy in church classes can turn off some or all of the lights.  If you have a window it will probably give enough light and the kids will mellow out a little.  White paper can feel too bright, so it will help to use colored paper for handouts — not bright colors but more like softer lavender and blue and green.  

Check out those kids who ditch classes after sacrament meeting to hang out outside.  Maybe it is less about rebellion against the gospel and more about how they feel after being in the fluorescent light.  Maybe no one has ever asked them how they feel physically in the church building, and they probably haven't consciously thought about it either.

This is worth looking into for anyone whose children are under-performing in school or who seem frustrated.  The irlen.com website is a great source for information on the condition, surveys, current research and ideas on how to help.  It also includes contact information for diagnosticians all over the world.  Two other sources of information are the books Reading by the Colors by Helen Irlen and The Light Barrier by Rhonda Stone.

Bett Huffaker

Wow, Bett, talk about an eye-opener! I'd never heard of Irlen's Syndrome, and I thought I'd been diagnosed with everything. Your letter was long, but informative. Thanks for letting people know about at least one other disorder children can have when they are diagnosed with ADHD.

Thanks for volunteering, Rosalie. I have written out your email address so it won't be picked up by computer spammer programs. If people want to contact you, I think they can figure it out.

My 21-year-old son is ADHD.  When younger he was on Ritalyn and then on Adderall.  During his second year of high school he refused to take the medicine any more because he didn't like how it made him feel. It subdued him to where he thought he was just a "zombie."  

It wasn't until he was out of high school that someone on the LDSMingle site told me about a natural product called "Focus."   It's made by the Native Remedies Company.   You can order it online from www.nativeremedies.com.   He takes this willingly now, is in the Job Corps program and doing well on it.  He says it helps him to focus but not feel drugged out.   Good luck with the grandchild.

Lorraine Huey
Beaverton, Oregon

Thanks for sending the link, Lorraine. It could help a lot of people. Here's another ancient remedy that could be of help:

In the last few years, I have been using Young Living's essential oils. These oils have given peace and calming to my grandchild who is autistic.  It really calms him down.  They also say brain power will help.  It has helped my friend's grandson who has ADHD. 

Young Living products are the purest oils in the world, and some of them go back to the Bible days. Here is a link to their site: http://www.youngliving.com/.

Flora Moschetti

Thanks, Flora, and to all of you who have sent words of comfort or suggestions that worked for your loved ones. We have a lot of terrific readers, and it's great to see how all of us look out for one another.

I'll be on vacation next week, so there won't be a Circle of Sisters next Monday. But tune in two weeks from today for more letters from readers who want to help Grandma and others who are dealing with the effects of ADHD.

Until next time — Kathy

Aristotle
Greek philosopher (384 BC - 322 BC)