Coping with Abusive Children
By Kathryn H. Kidd

I was hoping to start the year with a warm and fuzzy topic that is dear to my heart — asking all of you what was the greatest lesson you’d learned in the past year.  I always like to ask people what they’ve learned, so I can absorb their painful lessons without going through any of the agony myself. 

But alas, I have three topics that have been suggested by desperate readers, and that have been sitting in my to-do files since September.  The time has come to help these women, and you’re just the one to help them.

The first topic deals with a problem that is all too common in this disrespectful age.  I’ll let the anonymous reader lay it out for you:

I am struggling with a child who is verbally abusive. He's a teen — defiant, rebellious, and on probation. How does a Mormon mama deal with the guilt and pain?

I'm sure I've contributed to his anger and frustration. How do I handle his slings and arrows? I'm finding myself cornered, reporting him to the police and probation officer, and feeling as if I ought to be turned in, too.

I have to stay strong.  He's not my only child, and I don't want his example to be followed. 

What do you do if your son calls you names that can’t be printed in a family publication? So far, I've corrected him at least once when he called me obscene names in front of his sisters. Since he repeats the offense, I guess I'm feeling that wasn't enough. I don't want to make him eat soap. I'm sure that would just become a physical struggle between him and me, and he'd probably force the soap into my mouth instead.

And please don't attack his dad. He and I both are frustrated, angry, and tired. I think I'll put our names on
the prayer roll now.  Thanks for reading.

Wow!  That’s a major problem. And you’re not alone by any means.  Not to sound like an old person (yes, I am an old person — but let’s not go there), but manners seem to be in short supply these days.  And once a person has dispensed with basic courtesy, the next thing on the list is open hostility.  It sounds as though you’re dealing with that in a big way!

Readers — we need your help desperately.  If you have conquered this problem, please tell Mormon mama how you did it.  Send your email to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn’t spam.  And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

"What a mistake to suppose that the passions are strongest in youth! The passions are not stronger, but the control over them is weaker! They are more easily excited, they are more violent and apparent; but they have less energy, less durability, less intense and concentrated power than in the maturer life.”

Edward Bulwer-Lytton