Family Holiday Tug-of-Wars
By Kathryn H. Kidd

Truce!  Do not pelt me with unwanted fruitcake!

I may be new at this Circle of Sisters thing, but I am learning that when a topic is something you want to discuss, I shouldn’t be shutting it down — even if it goes on forever.  And I am also learning that when a topic isn’t interesting to you, I should let it die rather than trying to prolong the agony.

We got another new this week about decluttering our lives, and only two new letters about Christmas traditions.  All three letters appear below.

But the time has come for a different topic, and I have a subject for you that is very appropriate at this time of the year.

I recently received a letter from a single gentleman who endured World War III during the Thanksgiving holidays, because when his Significant Other asked whether he would rather spend Thanksgiving with her family or with the family who had shared Thanksgiving with him every year for more than a decade, he chose to spend Thanksgiving with his friends. 

“I thought that when she asked me what I wanted to do, it meant I had choice,” he moaned from the doghouse where he has taken up residence.  “I had no idea the only choice that was acceptable was to do things her way.”

This letter brings up a huge problem that many married couples have to deal with at one point or another.  When two people come together, where do they celebrate the major holidays (or even the minor ones)?  When traditions clash, whose family prevails?  What do you do when the husband’s wife family expects that you and your children will spend Christmas with them in one state, while the wife’s family is absolutely determined that you and your children will share Christmas with them, two time zones away?

And this doesn’t even begin to address families where one or both partners have been married before, and where there are extra sets of parents and grandparents.  What do you do to keep the peace?

If you have any creative solutions, please let us know!  There are people getting married every year, and even people who are still dating (such as our friend who wrote from the doghouse) need to know if there are any rules for engagement — and if so, what those rules are. 

Doghouse Resident is counting on you!  Send your comments to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com, and help save Christmas for a whole lot of people.

Meanwhile, here are the letters I promised you:

Decluttering

I have read for many, many years how to declutter our lives, and find something good in almost every suggestion.  My contribution, which I have never read anywhere, is as follows.

It’s amazing how much simpler your life is when the four things above is done — and it’s so easy!!!!

Dan Miller
Seattle, Washington

Dan, those are excellent suggestions.  Your hide-a-key idea is something I’ve been meaning to implement for years.  Maybe you’ve given me the incentive to finally do something about it. 

And the whole world would be a better place if we tried to eliminate “Mormon Standard Time.”  I like your explanation that you’ll be more at peace if you get somewhere early and take some time to compose yourself.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Christmas Traditions

We have many of the Christmas traditions that have already been listed. Additional ideas include having each family member write down a summary of the year (small children could be helped to tell what was special), and these are included in a family Christmas newsletter that is sent with the Christmas cards.

My husband and I have the annual Christmas tradition of going away one weekend in December to a bed and breakfast in a nearby small Victorian town and relaxing and enjoying this time together as a couple. Then we return refreshed and ready to finish celebrating the Christmas season with our children and loved ones.  Another idea is to attend the temple together at Christmas time and enjoy serving the Lord and others in this special way.

A new Christmas tradition that seems to be emerging is the annual branch Relief Society Enrichment meeting held in our home for the sisters. We always have a very large tree (about 11 feet tall and 10 feet wide), so the sisters enjoy the tree and enjoy seeing the many decorations in our home, as well as enjoy visiting and eating together. It's the sisters' night out; and this year, my husband has invited the Young Women to come the night before, and they will help decorate the tree and eat the no-bake cookes he will make for them. (The cookies are a tradition, and my husband is the branch president). So Christmas branch or ward activities always have a special place, and this includes the annual Christmas broadcast from Salt Lake City.

A final tradition that we have included since our children were small is to participate in a daily Christmas advent calendar. Others can enjoy this experience by logging onto www.lds.org and selecting the advent calendar shared in the 1989 December New Era. It is entitled "Come, Let Us Adore Him: An Advent Calendar."

This calendar reviews the Savior's entire mission, from premortal councils on through his future return as Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Each day between December 1st and Christmas, you will read one or more passages of scripture, and each day there will be a hymn or carol to sing and a daily suggestion of something you can do to grow closer to the Savior.  

Thank you for letting me share some of our many Christmas traditions. I understand that we can celebrate Christmas all year long as we share our Savior's love with others day by day. May we all be inspired in doing so is my Christmas hope.

Nikki
Arkansas City Kansas Branch

Thanks for writing again, Nikki!   You feel like an old friend.  I loved the idea of the bed and breakfast retreat, and the advent calendar is a terrific suggestion.  It’s good to hear from you.

I enjoyed reading the ideas that readers have shared. May I share one of our own?

We used to have a big Mexican dinner on Christmas Eve, but it seemed to take up so much time and leave us exhausted and not feeling the true meaning of Christmas. We decided to try something else to focus on Jesus and His birth and life.  We decided to have a simple Jerusalem dinner.  

We would eat the things that the people might have eaten in Jesus’ time — such as fish, flat bread, hummus, grapes, cheese, olives, figs, and grape juice.) We would dress up in biblical costume (using sheets, bath robes, scarves, etc.), turn off all the lights in the house, and eat by candlelight with music from the Messiah in the background. Then we would either read the Christmas story or the children would act it out. It creates a very special, sacred spirit in our home.

We have had this tradition now for about 25 years and we look forward to our "Jerusalem Dinner" more than opening presents on Christmas morning!

Nancy Goddard
Little Rock, Arkansas

What an inspired idea, Nancy!  I want to run out and try it myself this year — and I’ll bet lots of readers are going to feel the same way.  Thanks so much for writing.  I can see why your husband Wally writes in such glowing terms about you.  It’s great to finally “meet” you.

Okay, readers, if you have any suggestions to help our readers divide their holiday celebrations among separate families without hurt feelings all around, send them to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn’t spam.  And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

“They say that blood is thicker than water.

Maybe that’s why we battle our own with more energy and gusto
than we would ever spend on strangers.”

David Assael