Family Holiday Tug-of-Wars
By Kathryn H.
Kidd
Truce! Do not pelt me with
unwanted fruitcake!
I may be new at this Circle
of Sisters thing, but I am learning that when a topic is
something you want to discuss, I shouldn’t be shutting it
down — even if it goes on forever. And I am also
learning that when a topic isn’t interesting to you,
I should let it die rather than trying to prolong the agony.
We got another new this
week about decluttering our lives, and only two new letters
about Christmas traditions. All three letters appear below.
But the time has come for
a different topic, and I have a subject for you that is
very appropriate at this time of the year.
I recently received a letter
from a single gentleman who endured World War III during
the Thanksgiving holidays, because when his Significant
Other asked whether he would rather spend Thanksgiving with
her family or with the family who had shared Thanksgiving
with him every year for more than a decade, he chose to
spend Thanksgiving with his friends.
“I thought that when she
asked me what I wanted to do, it meant I had choice,” he
moaned from the doghouse where he has taken up residence.
“I had no idea the only choice that was acceptable was to
do things her way.”
This letter brings up a
huge problem that many married couples have to deal with
at one point or another. When two people come together,
where do they celebrate the major holidays (or even the
minor ones)? When traditions clash, whose family prevails?
What do you do when the husband’s wife family expects that
you and your children will spend Christmas with them in
one state, while the wife’s family is absolutely determined
that you and your children will share Christmas with them,
two time zones away?
And this doesn’t even begin
to address families where one or both partners have been
married before, and where there are extra sets of parents
and grandparents. What do you do to keep the peace?
If you have any creative
solutions, please let us know! There are people getting
married every year, and even people who are still dating
(such as our friend who wrote from the doghouse) need to
know if there are any rules for engagement — and if so,
what those rules are.
Doghouse Resident is counting
on you! Send your comments to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com,
and help save Christmas for a whole lot of people.
Meanwhile, here are the
letters I promised you:
Decluttering
I
have read for many, many years how to declutter our lives,
and find something good in almost every suggestion. My
contribution, which I have never read anywhere, is as follows.
1. Have a hide-a-key on your car. I have witnessed numerous frustrations over keys locked
in cars, and even seen two major family arguments
erupt over a key locked in a car. It is so simple
to solve this frustration with a hide-a-key. Don’t
be afraid about thieves stealing your car with the key —
if they want your car, they won’t waste time searching for
a hide-a-key!!
2.Have a hide-a-key for your house. The same reasons exist for number one.
3.Have a place to put your keys when you come in the door.
This is somewhere near
the door, and the same place every time. ALWAYS put
your keys in the same place every time. Leaving
them in your purse or coat pocket, or somewhere else, does
not solve the problem. ALWAYS have them in the same
place.
4.Decide that “on time” means 5 minutes early.
Take time when you arrive at your destination to compose
yourself and be prepared. Rushing in at the last minute
or 5 minutes late is a recipe for frustration. ALWAYS
be at least 5 minutes early, and have a book or magazine
or some activity to do if you feel you’re wasting time —
or just enjoy the 5 minutes.
It’s
amazing how much simpler your life is when the four things
above is done — and it’s so easy!!!!
Dan Miller
Seattle,
Washington
Dan, those are excellent
suggestions. Your hide-a-key idea is something I’ve been
meaning to implement for years. Maybe you’ve given me the
incentive to finally do something about it.
And the whole world would
be a better place if we tried to eliminate “Mormon Standard
Time.” I like your explanation that you’ll be more at peace
if you get somewhere early and take some time to compose
yourself. Thanks for the suggestion.
Christmas Traditions
We
have many of the Christmas traditions that have already
been listed. Additional ideas include having each family
member write down a summary of the year (small children
could be helped to tell what was special), and these are
included in a family Christmas newsletter that is sent with
the Christmas cards.
My
husband and I have the annual Christmas tradition of going
away one weekend in December to a bed and breakfast in a
nearby small Victorian town and relaxing and enjoying this
time together as a couple. Then we return refreshed and
ready to finish celebrating the Christmas season with our
children and loved ones. Another idea is to attend
the temple together at Christmas time and enjoy serving
the Lord and others in this special way.
A
new Christmas tradition that seems to be emerging is the
annual branch Relief Society Enrichment meeting held in
our home for the sisters. We always have a very large tree
(about 11 feet tall and 10 feet wide), so the sisters enjoy
the tree and enjoy seeing the many decorations in our
home, as well as enjoy visiting and eating together. It's
the sisters' night out; and this year, my husband has invited
the Young Women to come the night before, and they will
help decorate the tree and eat the no-bake cookes he will
make for them. (The cookies are a tradition, and my husband
is the branch president). So Christmas branch or ward
activities always have a special place, and this includes
the annual Christmas broadcast from Salt Lake City.
A
final tradition that we have included since our children
were small is to participate in a daily Christmas
advent calendar. Others can enjoy this experience by logging
onto www.lds.org and selecting
the advent calendar shared in the 1989 December New Era.
It is entitled "Come, Let Us Adore Him: An Advent Calendar."
This
calendar reviews the Savior's entire mission, from premortal
councils on through his future return as Lord of Lords and
King of Kings. Each day between December 1st and Christmas,
you will read one or more passages of scripture, and each
day there will be a hymn or carol to sing and a daily suggestion
of something you can do to grow closer to the Savior.
Thank
you for letting me share some of our many Christmas traditions.
I understand that we can celebrate Christmas all year long
as we share our Savior's love with others day by day. May
we all be inspired in doing so is my Christmas hope.
Nikki
Arkansas
City Kansas Branch
Thanks for writing again,
Nikki! You feel like an old friend. I loved the idea
of the bed and breakfast retreat, and the advent calendar
is a terrific suggestion. It’s good to hear from you.
I
enjoyed reading the ideas that readers have shared. May
I share one of our own?
We
used to have a big Mexican dinner on Christmas Eve, but
it seemed to take up so much time and leave us exhausted
and not feeling the true meaning of Christmas. We decided
to try something else to focus on Jesus and His birth and
life. We decided to have a simple Jerusalem
dinner.
We
would eat the things that the people might have eaten in
Jesus’ time — such as fish, flat bread, hummus, grapes,
cheese, olives, figs, and grape juice.) We would dress up
in biblical costume (using sheets, bath robes, scarves,
etc.), turn off all the lights in the house, and eat by
candlelight with music from the Messiah in the background.
Then we would either read the Christmas story or the children
would act it out. It creates a very special, sacred spirit
in our home.
We
have had this tradition now for about 25 years and we look
forward to our "Jerusalem Dinner" more than opening
presents on Christmas morning!
Nancy Goddard
Little Rock, Arkansas
What an inspired idea, Nancy! I want to run out and try it myself this
year — and I’ll bet lots of readers are going to feel the
same way. Thanks so much for writing. I can see why your
husband Wally writes in such glowing terms about you. It’s
great to finally “meet” you.
Okay,
readers, if you have any suggestions to help our readers
divide their holiday celebrations among separate families
without hurt feelings all around, send them to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com.
Put something in the subject line that will let me
know your letter isn’t spam. And when you write,
be sure to include your full name, city and
state or province. (If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign
your name as “A Reader from Michigan”
or “Sandy from Timbuktu.”
The important thing is that we hear from you.)
Until next week — Kathy
“They
say that blood is thicker than water.
Maybe that’s why
we battle our own with more energy and gusto
than we would ever
spend on strangers.”
David Assael
