More Simplification Needed
By Kathryn H. Kidd

Who would have guessed that so many of us wanted to simplify our lives that we’d have a month of columns about it?  But here we are, rounding out the month of ideas on the subject of keeping life simple — or making it simpler than it is now.

If you’ve missed the previous columns, simply click on the Circle of Sisters archive link.  Now onward and upward, while we round out our ideas on this fascinating subject.

First we have a welcome letter from a reader who agreed with last week’s scrapbook analogy:

I LOVE that scrapbook analogy.  I consider myself a novice scrapbooker, but I'm not impressed by pages that are so over-embellished that you can't see the photograph.

I think a timely article for maxed out sisters would have to me Elder Ballard's talk from the last General Conference, "O Be Wise."  I'm often guilty of trying to cram too much into the time that I have as well as goofing off too much trying to "unwind."  I think the key has to be balance, but I personally believe that the balance needed really comes from learning to rely on the spirit, not from fancy planner books, pop-up reminders on the computer and the like. 

If we are indeed created in the image of the Father and the Son, don't you think that they would know what is best for us?  It obviously takes a lot of planning and organization to create worlds without number, but we're not there yet.  That's why we're given the "line upon line" principle.  Too many of us want to be "perfect" in everything without acknowledging that the Savior was "made perfect" after all that he did.  If you contrast the admonitions to be perfect that are found in Matthew and again in 3 Nephi, only then can you understand that the Savior wasn't fully perfect until after he had been resurrected.    

Just as the "perfect" scrapbook page varies from person to person, so will the way that our Father and Elder Brother help us to deal with our individual stresses.  One size does not fit all (just ask someone who is a size 24!)  I love your column, your insights, and the ideas that you share!  Keep up the good work!

Cathy Larsen

I really appreciated your letter, Cathy.  I especially liked the reminder of Elder Ballard’s talk.  My favorite part of that was when he said that just because you’re in charge of something, that doesn’t mean you have to do all the work.  Delegation is a key to successful leadership (as well as being a key to the survival of the successful leaders!), and I was glad for the counsel.

I have to say that I am so passionate about this.  I am one of those "clean things out at all costs" kind of gals.  I throw away everything, I like it when every drawer and cabinet are almost bare (it doesn't mean that my house is in reality this way — it is just the way I LIKE it), and I like my life to reflect this.  I love "down" time.  Reading time, staring off into space time, etc. 

This past Sunday night I was coming down with what I thought was the flu.  Now, ladies, I am not a wimp and I do not stop for just any little cold or flu-like symptom.  I have got things to do!  But, Sunday night, I had a headache, body aches, pain in my neck, back, arms.  My stomach hurt so bad, didn't eat dinner, my eyes ached, and so forth.  For sure I was getting the flu!  I didn't sleep, and I even downed four Advil at 4am so I could go walking with my friend as usual. 

Now, here is the kicker.  I talked to my husband that night (Sunday) and decided that my schedule was running my life, and not in a good way.  I had been waiting for two months for things to settle down and "get back to normal"!  I finally realized that this had become the norm. My husband missed me. 

I could do it during the day, mostly, but by evening I was totally and completely drained.  I had nothing left for him or myself.  I was letting library time, calling stuff, neighborly stuff, and all that other stuff, take away from our relationship.  I made some decisions that night and carried them out first thing (after my walk) Monday morning. 

Guess what?  Yeah, I wasn't getting the flu.  I was fine.  It was all emotional and mental.  Can you even believe it?  It is one thing to hear about getting physically ill because of stress, but it is a whole other thing to experience it (again, because this isn't the first time I have had experience with this). 

My mom actually went blind for two weeks when I was a baby, from stress!!!  Blind!!!!  It is an extreme example, but hey, that was my mom!!  Poor mom.  ;) 

So, here is the hardest part for me right now:  Sometimes, when I have to say no or cancel something I feel that the people involved are judging me or are critical of me.  Now, why should I worry about that?  I shouldn't.  I explain it; I feel good about the decision; I am at peace with what I can do or cannot do.  I know that my decisions to have my kids at home and so forth are right for me.  But, I still feel a little bad about other people’s perceptions or opinions or whatever!  I guess this is just part of growing and learning to love others at all times and in all circumstances. 

Okay, so now I feel like by writing this I feel a stronger resolve to #1:  Keep up with my plan.  #2: To explain patiently what my plan is when canceling or saying no, and #3:  Remember that this is a process and practice makes perfect!!! 

Whew!!!!  Thank you ladies, for letting me put this out there!

Misty Cox
Provo, Utah

It was great hearing from you again, Misty!  I like your threefold plan — especially #3.  None of us can be perfect at anything all at once.  We just have to keep trying our best to make it happen.

I know it’s hard to keep from worrying about whether other people approve of you, but try to remember that there are very few people in life whose opinions of you should matter.  If you have divine approval and your husband’s approval, that should be enough.  Everyone else is gravy!

Here are two letters from grandmothers, and both of them have important things to say:

Thank you for this time around!  (Love your columns)

I printed out all 7 pages!  Here's why:

I'm an 81 (this month)-year-old great-grandma who is downsizing to make a life-altering move to be near my daughter and family!   I have never been able to fully conquer clutter. I got by when I was younger, but as a new bride I was a total failure. Needless to say trying to make changes at this stage in life is not easy, but try I must.

I LOVE THE FLYLADY.NET!!!   Wish I had found it long ago.

My house is going on the market this week and I still have tons (or so it feels) of stuff to go through before I move cross country into an independent living one bedroom apartment.  Do I feel overwhelmed?  You bet my every-other-day life!  But I will make it.  If I don't get some things fully organized, I will ship it and try again.  With all the great helps I've just found it will be a breeze.  With no meals to cook, no weeds to pull or floors to clean, I can concentrate on clutter control, which is about to break me right now.

Sister M. Batchelor in Arizona

Good luck on your move!  With an attitude like yours, I’m sure you’re going to thrive in your new surroundings.  It sounds like a grand adventure.

The article in Meridian really struck a chord with me.  I am elderly and really want to simplify my life so that I won't be a "tormented spirit" after this earth life remembering what a mess I left!

I have 3-ring binder journals — one for every year of my life, so that number is in the 80s!  I also have my four-generation books and numerous 3-ring binders of genealogy, my poetry, and stories about ancestors of my family and also my husband’s.

I have felt these things were important to preserve because our prophets have told us so.  But now there is the problem of this voluminous "collection" (even though it is orderly) that my grandchildren have no room to store, much less take time to explore and enjoy! 

Please don't let your project of helping your readers with this dilemma of simplification die, because I, too, am one who is very interested in hearing some advice.  I did all this stuff so that I could "sleep when the wind blows."  Now I can't sleep wondering what will become of it all, and whether it would be wise to just trash it all.

A Reader in Utah

No, no, no, Utah reader!  DO NOT TRASH YOUR JOURNALS!  Those records are an invaluable resource, and once they are gone they cannot be replaced.

Fortunately, you have lived long enough to be alive in a time when it’s possible to keep your information and get rid of the clutter, too.  I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT RENTING A STORAGE SHED!!!  I am talking about transferring all your records to computer.

With eighty-plus volumes of records, putting everything on a computer would be a huge undertaking.  This is something that would take years for one person to do.  But it’s quite possible that your family members could rally to the cause, with each computer-literate child or grandchild helping you transcribe journals or put your genealogy into a genealogy software program or even take pictures of photographs and memorabilia to store on a CD.

This also sounds like a good project for a boy who is working toward his Eagle Scout award.  You could have a whole troop or even a community pitching in!  In the process, a whole lot of people would be fascinated by your life story and would learn the lessons that your history would teach them.   

I have that word "Simplify" in at least three areas of my home! It does remind me, but it also makes me feel guilty because I haven't been able to complete that goal of simplifying my life completely yet.  And you would think after giving many enrichment night seminars on "organization" in my area, I would have it down!  A close friend and I lament and discuss this very issue on a daily basis, and we had yet to come up with the perfect solution — until this week!  Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but I think we found the answer!  

In preparing my gospel doctrine lesson this week (yes, I have three callings!) There was a quote that put it into perspective that I'd like to share with you.  Elder Marion D. Hanks said:

The substitutions we fashion to take the place of God in our lives truly hold no water.  To the measure we thus refuse the “living water,” we miss the joy we could have (in Conference Report, Apr. 1972).

So, I've decided a better word than "simplify" is "Christ."  That helps me put ALL things into perspective.  I've decided that my poor children and my husband and I can't afford to lose that friendship with our Savior.  The cost would definitely be too high.

I haven't got there yet, mind you, but I am working on it — each and every day.  And in the meantime, the book Organizing from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern is a fantastic organization tool!  We can all do it, as long as we put Christ into the center of our lives, and put things in "perspective."  You have already accomplished the first step — desire!  Good Luck to you all!

Brooke Magleby
Idaho Falls, Idaho

You can’t come up with a better focus than a Christ-centered life, Brooke.  Thanks for sending your insight.  A lot of readers will appreciate it.

Here’s a great letter that speaks of practical experience:

A few years ago we had an ice storm in our area, and the community was without electricity for several days. It was interesting to see how people found ways to cope when they were forced to change their daily patterns of living.

I suppose this was a forced “getting back to basics,” but during that experience, we found more time to spend together as a family. The young people set up a card table in the living room near the fireplace and played board games together by the light of a lantern. I cooked meals on a Coleman stove and washed clothes out by hand. We found ourselves retiring to bed at a more reasonable hour, exploring nature in such glistening glory, and checking on friends and neighbors.

Such an experience helps one to remember many important things about life. Perhaps others might consider doing this experiment intentionally by turning off the lights and the computers for a couple of days.  It’s interesting to think how priorities might change.

Nikki Slaven

Arkansas City, Kansas

Thanks, Nikki!  Your experiment sounds like fun — especially during a holiday time when everyone is home and can enjoy the experience.

Here’s a perspective that comes from an experience that isn’t nearly so enjoyable:

Hi, my name is Carol Cahill and I live at 36 Lawrence Street, Gosnells, Western Australia, Australia 6110

The best way I have found to simplify my life has been to be diagnosed with a terminal disease with a span of life left to be lived.  Of course not everyone is terminal but in thinking of simplification of life, priorities come to mind.

The first one for me is of course the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I personally cannot separate the gospel from my life.  They are one and the same. 

I do believe the Prophet has asked us to de-clutter our lives, which for me includes time and material things.  When all is said and done I believe my testimony and my family and friends are the treasures of life, now and forever.

We have also been admonished not to run faster than we can walk, and cramming life with too many outside interests (outside the Church, I mean) is not conducive to a happy, healthy individual.  And one individual’s unhappiness affects the entire family. 

Getting rid of unnecessary clutter is difficult, but giving things away to people who will appreciate them has been a lot of fun for me.  I am currently going through videos and books to give away or sell.  What is surprising is that generally these things are not missed. 

A calendar can be written up and during a Family Council choices can be made that leave time for the family and the individual to relax and get to know each other.  One family I know has one meal a day together no matter what.

This is something that was decided by the family during a council meeting.  Other guidelines could be drawn up so that time is allotted for talents to be learned and expressed, time is given to gospel principles (such as prayer and scripture reading on a daily basis), and allowance for meetings as well as of course school and work. 

Time must be also allotted for service to others without which, I believe, we will not survive.  Sometimes, if one has the inclination a desk in a study can be tidied initially and then at a later date papers and excess rubbish disposed of or filed.  I could go on, but there are many avenues that can help us prioritise and utilize our time and resources for the best advantages. 

Carol Cahill

You make great points, Carol.  Only someone in your situation — or someone whose home was destroyed by a fire — can truly understand how unimportant material things are in the grand scheme of things.  I especially like your reminder that time should be made to serve others.  Time spent in service is never time wasted.

I think I'm like many sisters who feel so overwhelmed by the daily tasks we face. I'm a stay-at-home mom of one, with one on the way in November. I am learning how to do the daily chores, chase around a
toddler, make dinner, serve in my calling and do many other things. I find at times that I don't even get five minutes a day for myself, let alone time to read my scriptures. The days that I find myself taking the time for the simple things, like reading my scriptures and saying my prayers (even if it's just five minutes a day) I find myself at ease and feel more a peace. That sets the tone for my whole day.

Making a weekly list of my "to do's" and breaking that up into daily chores helps me simplify my life. That way, I focus on what needs to be done that day and find that life is less hectic. Keeping my house clean and with as little clutter as possible, is another way that I am able to feel that my life is simplified.

Satan's tool is for us feel inadequate and feel as though we can't do things. He wants us to be so absorbed in our own worlds, that we feel we're too busy to make time for the important things. Overcoming this is as easy as saying a prayer and asking for help in ways to simplify our lives and finding a balance.

Katie Bartow
Austin, TX

Katie, of all the letters we’ve received thus far, yours was one of only two that has mentioned prayer as a way to determine how we can simplify our lives.  You’re absolutely right — this isn’t a one-size-fits-all proposition.  What works for me may not work for my next-door neighbor.  Prayer is an excellent way to determine what is the best way for our own families to streamline our lives.

I'm one of those busy people who don’t have the time just to enjoy life as it passes by.  I'm a fulltime office worker, I'm 58, with four children, and six grandchildren.  My office at home is a cluttered mess because I can't finish projects. 

Because I'm busy, I have guilt — guilt because I don't spend enough time with my family, especially my grandchildren; guilt because when I get home I'm too pooped to do much of anything, guilt because the half finished projects just keep piling up.

Here's what I've decided to do.  RETIRE!  It's just not worth it to keep working.  There's no reward, just guilt — and who needs guilt these days!  I've committed to retire in February 2008.  And I must say once
I made that decision my future, life is looking a whole lot better. 

I'm looking forward to sleeping in more, spending time with my family.  I'm looking forward to doing more family history work, scrapbooking, knitting, cross stitching.  Now that sounds like a lot of work I have ahead of myself, but the difference is it's work that I love to do and won't take up all my days — a little knitting here, a family history there, it's all about pacing one's self and I'm looking forward to it.  

I've already started to get rid of the clutter in my house.  That's because I've decided to sell the house
and move into something smaller that doesn't take up all my weekend to clean!

So to the sister in Mexico, and others, see if you can get off the treadmill, become the turtle and not the rabbit, enjoy life and let most of it (the unimportant stuff) pass you by.

Eleanor J. Smith Maller
Calgary Alberta Canada

Thanks for a nice dream, Eleanor.  Not everyone is fortunate enough to be in your position, but you’ve given us something to look forward to.

Here’s another ode to the tortoise. These readers have a good point to make!

“Hurry like a turtle” is a Chinese saying.  The implication is in the fable The Tortoise and the Hare.  I know getting rid of stuff frees up the brain and simplifies lifestyles, but on the other hand some of us would be “busy” until we died — dejunking.  Prioritizing, maybe we can devote one day a month to the “stuff.” But if we tried to do it all at once without a troop to help we’d fall back to that “busy” mode.

I am sure Satan laughs at the situation we have ourselves in and loves the urgency we feel to get ourselves out of the “deep hole of stuff.”  If you haven’t used something in a year, give it away.  (Not the turkey baster; a person might not use it one year but needs it the next.)   Individual prayer, prioritizing with the help of the Lord, and working at a calm and steady pace bring peace, tranquility and accomplishment.

Darlene Adams

Ephrata, Washington

Ha!  I was about to throw out my turkey baster when you saved me from a drastic mistake.  But you’re right.  A little bit at a time may be the only way some of us will ever get our lives decluttered.  Thanks for writing, Darlene.

To me simplifying means removing things from your life that actually keep you from having time to do the simple things in life There are a lot of things that we fill our time with that aren’t of any real value, that in turn make us feel like we don’t have time for basic things like family prayer, scripture study, service, reading to our children, FHE, and other important activities of life.

I’m not saying it’s bad to veg in front of the TV every now and then, but it is one thing that can take up precious time. Another thing I got rid of was magazine subscriptions. I figured if I wasn’t finding time to read the Ensign from cover to cover, then I certainly wasn’t going to make time for Family Circle. I stopped feeling guilty for not supporting our school magazine drives — it just clutters your home with magazines you keep hoping to have time to read. I’d rather read the Ensign.

I use a planner so that I can be organized and I use Post-It Notes for my lists (errands, calls, cleaning, and so on) so that I can move them from one day to the next if I don’t get to everything that day. I think having our kids involved in different activities can be a good thing, but we need to be careful that our lives are not so full of good activities that we don’t have time for the better activities — the ones of eternal value.

To me simplifying means shutting out the noise of the world and enjoying the simple things Heavenly Father put us here to enjoy — and yes, it’s easier said than done, but we can give our best effort!

Karen from Rancho Cucamonga

Great letter, Karen.  I don’t know what we did without Post-It Notes.  I like the way you use them to make your life more flexible.  Lots of stress is caused by the feeling that we have to do things now, but you have — in a very simple way — shown how easily some things can be put off till tomorrow.

Every day I deal with sisters who are so busy doing that they have no time for being.  They run from place to place, have their children overscheduled and themselves strapped to their mini-vans, and busily try to keep up with their nonmember friends in terms of lifestyle.  Then they complain how stressed they are, how they don’t have time to visit teach or attend Enrichment meetings and/or activities.  Perhaps we try to stay so busy so we don’t have to examine ourselves too closely.

As LDS women, we need to lead — not follow.  A simple lifestyle allows us to become who we need to be because we have time for service, time to read and reflect, time to care for others and ourselves. I read somewhere “you never get enough of what you don’t need.”  I think that applies to activities as well as material possessions.  I try to ask myself how each demand will affect my life. Do I need it to progress or is it just a time filler?

Relief Society President in Kansas

What a profound letter!  We all need the reminder that being is more important than doing.  Thanks for giving us that wake-up call.

Here’s our last letter.  It was actually sent to us after we’d closed out the topic on scripture reading, but I think it applies to anyone who wants to simplify a life that is cluttered with too much to do.

A few years ago, I sat next to a mother of three in Relief Society. After a look at my manual's markings and notes, she warned me, "Just wait.  You will never be able to keep that up."

I know many mothers who never have time alone to read the scriptures. I decided I didn't want anything to break my commitment to read the scriptures every day for 30 minutes. And my solution with two busy boys?

Quiet time. We have quiet time every day for one hour and I study the scriptures then. I learned this from a mother of nine who took a two-hour quiet time every afternoon. I learned it from a wife of a busy surgeon who sent her teenage children to quiet time in their rooms from 8pm on. Whatever your circumstances, women deserve an hour to themselves to read and think and write!

This "appointment" with the Lord has a greater impact on my day than almost anything else. It makes me kinder, more patient, and quicker to pray for help and inspiration. When I neglect this appointment things often spin out of control. It takes some perseverance to observe "Quiet Time," but it has eternal consequences.

A Happy Mother in Texas

Thanks, Happy!  I love the idea of an appointment with the Lord.  That’s something we all need to do on a regular basis.

We have one more letter on the subject of decluttering, but it’s such a long one that it’s going to take a whole column.  Look for it next week.

Meanwhile, I want to get our next topic all ready to roll out for the week after next.  Our next topic is this: 

Send your ideas to circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn’t spam.  And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

"The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things
you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for."

Zig Ziglar