Scraps of Time for Reclaiming
By Kathryn H. Kidd
We have more letters than you can shake a pocket organizer
at on the subject of simplifying our lives. We’ve got a whole
raft of them this week, and another bunch for next week. Pour
yourself a cup of cocoa, sit down, and edify yourself!
Our first letter begins with an analogy that may make our
scrapbook aficionados scrappin’ mad. Before you start mentally
composing letters of protest, read to the end and see what point
the writer is making. Just remind yourselves — she’s a scrapper,
too!
The analogy I'm about
to explain will cause all scrapbook lovers out there to hunt
me down with a maple leaf-shaped hole punch, but still I have
to proclaim that I see the overloaded pace of our lives symbolized
in scrapbooking.
Allow me
to explain: the purpose of a scrapbook is to document our families'
lives. We document mainly photos, but also put in scraps
of tickets, notes, etc. along with explanation — or journaling
— of what the photos and scraps mean. But for some reason we don't
stop there. We have to put it all on fancy paper, with extra cute
borders, stickers, cut-outs, stamps and designs that take hours
(and quite a few dollars) to create.
But what
happens when we finish and step back to look at the photo?
We don't
see it.
All we
see is the massive array of froo-froo around the photo, taking
over the page, taking away all attention from the item of real
importance. I've seen women admire other women's scrapbook pages,
but never do they seem to mention the actual photo or scrap all
of this work is meant to showcase. It's lost.
This, I'm
afraid, is how we all too often deal with our lives — we overwork
all of the edges and neglect the matters of real importance. We
are taught to be focused on our families, on the gospel, and on
serving others. But then we feel we must embellish.
Loving
our children and teaching them the gospel isn't enough — we feel
we must have them in at least one sport a season, with voice or
piano or art lessons, and perhaps karate on the side. Yes,
we must have homes for our families, but then we embellish
them with new curtains and bedding every two years, new paint
jobs with different themes for each room, and collectibles that
gather dust and demand space. (What other society in the history
of time has had to have experts educating people how to store
all of their stuff? Yet we have TV shows designed to do just that!)
We unnecessarily
embellish meals, clothing, the tables for the enrichment
night activities, furniture, gardens and yards, and everything
else. And while we do that, we run out of time, we feel unfulfilled,
and even a bit deceived.
So when
do we have time for focusing on the gospel and service to others?
We don't.
So let's
eliminate the embellishments!
We need
to ask ourselves — what exactly does the Lord require? We have
to move past worrying about what our friends or parents
or siblings or members of the ward feel we must do to meet society's
expectations, and honestly ask ourselves what the Lord expects.
He asks
much "less" than our society, thank goodness. He doesn't
insist on fashionable homes, extra-curricular activities, or excessive
frills on anything. I don't think He is even concerned
if there is lace on our scripture covers. In fact, I imagine that
He may be concerned when we are too distracted by the insignificant
frills in our lives. When we cut the frills away, we have the
time for the scripture study, for the time to just talk to our
kids, for the time to serve a neighbor. Satan has us too
distracted by things that are not important; if he can keep us
scrapbooking for hours (or surfing the net, or watching TV, or
sewing), but not finding time for ten minutes of scripture reading,
then he's already won.
Sisters,
I challenge you to cut away the unnecessities. We didn't do any
sports with our seven children this year, and everyone was so
much happier (and none fatter, because they made up games outside
on their own). We ignore the pressure from others to become overly
involved in every activity, and more peace has reigned in our
home. We turned off the dish, I haven't seen a home decorating
show in months, and the time I spent fantasizing about redecorating
the house I now spend cleaning up — and throwing away the excess
— of what I already have.
Ask the
Lord how to simplify your life, what you and your family should
eliminate, and listen to His answer. Life will be so much sweeter
when you listen only to Him and not to everyone else!
And my
scrapbooks, which take me about 10 minutes to do per page, have
only photos and journals, and are the family's favorite readings
for rainy Sundays!
Trish Mercer
Buena Vista, Virginia
Trish, your counsel to quit watching the home decorating shows
was like a dagger to my heart. But you’re right — if I actually
cleaned my office instead of fantasizing about it, I’d be a whole
lot better off. Thanks so much for a thought-provoking letter.
Here’s a letter from a gentleman who has a helpful perspective
for de-cluttering — and part of his advice involves making scrapbooks!
As an older
couple, we are both 70, we have found that one way to be forced
to simplify is to move to a much smaller home — and don't just
rent a storage space for all the junk!
My wife is still going through the boxes in our garage, but sometime
next year we may be ready to use it for more than storage. ;)
We have 24 scrapbooks under our long, hall table, which have helped
clear up vast amounts of photographs, letters, and other memorabilia.
Somehow my wife, while recovering from acute kidney failure, was
able to sit and scrapbook with a friend's, and a little bit of
my, help. I man the 3-in-one
printer, copier, scanner and occasionally type out some descriptive
material.
There are
scrapbooks because we have five grown children and their families,
so six volumes of everything. And currently she has four
periods of time covered. If we live much longer and travel
much more, I suspect we may see another six scrapbooks in the
future. I just need to make sure the current
24 get delivered, before they outgrow their current bindings.
Andre and Tepa Mostert
Champaign, IL
Thanks, Brother Mostert, for reminding us what scrapbooks are
really for. I like the idea of putting memories where
they can be kept. Clark is the scrapper in our family, and he
does a great job of chronicling our adventures.
I really enjoy reading the scrapbooks, but I get even more
enjoyment out of the screen savers I have on my computer. I’ve
got all our vacation pictures loaded in, and every 15 minutes
I get a random photograph that brings back a treasured memory.
These days, those photographs are almost the only souvenirs I
get from our travels — and they don’t take an inch of space anywhere
but on my hard drive. Sweet!
Not all good things are scrapbook-related. Food is also a
big source of pleasure. Here’s a letter about that:
One idea
that works for me is to have a set monthly schedule of menus.
For example the first Monday is chili; the second Monday is chicken
enchiladas. I wake up in the morning, look at the menu,
take out what I need from the freezer, start making anything I
can and finish up at meal time. I'm a lot less stressed
during the day and at meal time knowing exactly what we are having.
A couple of days a month are pizza night and I have that delivered.
Also, a couple of nights a month are kids’ choice. Also, Thursday
night could be leftover night with a great dessert.
I also
have a shopping list that goes along with each week.
I never
shop on a Saturday; there are way too many people and it takes
too long. Sometimes I will shop Friday night so I have food
for the weekend and for the next week. Actually now I shop
online and have it delivered. Sometimes the delivery fee
is free and sometimes it is only $5.00. My time is worth
the $5.00 and now you have to consider how much gas is worth.
Michelle Steele
Gresham, Oregon
What a great concept, Michelle! I like the flexibility you’ve
built into your program with kids’ choice nights and leftover
nights. We have a lot of doggie bag nights in our house.
Here’s a letter that shows us how some Saints in Finland have
simplified their lives:
When we
married in 1968, we decided to raise our family in the country.
I came from a big city, where I lived when I was a little girl.
There was not a single tree on our street, and I had to ask people
to help me crossing the road because there was so much traffic.
In 1977
we moved into an old school, away from all the big noise. We had
four children under six. The nearest school was 7 km. Children
were taken and brought from the school by school bus. Sunday we
always went to church (60 km. up and 60 km. back) Friday night
was seminary and Young Women and Boy Scouts — another 60
km. up and down. In spite of bad weather conditions we always
went. Tuesday we had activity night (60 km up and down) ballet
lessons and music
I don't
drive a car. My husband drove always the car and I was always
home and scheduled my going to the town on that Tuesday night. We
had a little carpenter shop. We made weaving looms. It sounds
very romantic, but money was scarce so we had to be inventive
to survive.
In order
to get pocket money in the summer, our children picked strawberries
and one of my daughters baked bread rolls and sold them to the
people who come and live here in their summer places. The nearest
neighbor is 2 km. away, and we live between two little villages,
each of which has about 100 people.
When the
children wanted expensive running shoes and we had only money
for cheap shoes, they had to earn the money. Because we went only
once a week to the shop on Friday we saved a lot of money because
we bought only essentials like flour, eggs, chicken, butter, and
fruit and vegetables. I made my own bread, picked berries in the
woods and in autumn we picked mushrooms and dried them.
Now after
40 years, four of our five children have been in university and
have a profession. They have studied without debts. They
financed their own education by working. Three of them have fulfilled
missions. Now we still live in the woods and enjoy the simple
life here in the country.
Sister in Finland
You’re right, Finnish reader — your life does sound very romantic.
What a wonderful childhood your children must have had!
Here’s another letter from a gentleman reader. We’re always
happy to have men join the circle. Here’s what he has to say:
First let
me state that I am not a “Sister” but a “Brother” who has run
the race of life and am worn out and tired and no longer running
and I am still alive and well!
So just
a few thoughts that might help.
I finally
had to decide that I simply could not do it all, nor could I have
it all in spite of all the ads on TV that told me I could.
I found that if I plan I can get as much done in 10 to 12 hours
a day at the office as I use to do in 16 to 18 hours a day.
To do that I made the choice to give up some things and in my
mind these all were “good” things; I simply could not do it all.
The first
thing I have done is unsubscribe to 90% of the good things I had
signed up for that came to me on email. I simply can not
read it all. If I read it all I couldn’t do it all so —
get rid of it. I know that many of the sites that I dropped
had sent me “really good stuff” and I even got to a point were
I couldn’t take time to read it all so I copied it and put it
in files so I could read it “when I had time.” Disconnect!!!
This one thing has saved me hours or time each day. I really
do mean hours.
Next I
made the really tough decision that the Church would just have
to survive somehow with out me working in my callings for 20 hours
a day. I have to admit that I am shocked that I have not
gotten a call from somebody, pleading with me to get back to work.
I still have two callings and enjoy them and I do still put in
time on each of them but it is a few hours a week and not hours
and hours a day.
Oh by the
way I was not released from anything. I just found out that
if I would get specific and do what needed to be done I got it
done without hours and hours being devoted. I prepare a
lesson every week and found that if I spend an hour of focused
effort I can complete the lesson and still deliver it and feel
good about it. I decided I would spend at least half of
my preparation time in prayer and pondering and inviting the Holy
Ghost to be with me and then put the lesson together and let the
Spirit give the lesson. This was a big step for me since
I have so much knowledge and have all the gifts of teaching that
I have.
Sometimes
I think that we really do have some of those feelings and miss
the whole point of how the Lord teaches the gospel. I think
somewhere in the scriptures there is a verse or two that says
we need to have the spirit with us to teach or we should not teach.
I have a real struggle some times going to Sacrament Meeting and
all around me are “teachers” throwing their lesson together.
It really is time for us to get some control of our lives so we
can put some priority to what we do.
In my business
I get about 100 emails a day that are relative to my business.
Most of those I answer. Only now I pick up the phone and
make a short phone call and have that item taken care of.
I found that I would end up with several emails going back and
forth on the same item when all I had to do was make one phone
call and it was completed. Again — hours a week saved.
I bought an earpiece for my cell phone and I have a list of calls
I need to make that can be done while I am doing other things.
Yes I make a lot of calls while I drive. I also make a lot
of calls before 8 AM and after 5PM. I have cell phone numbers
of those people that I do a lot of business with and with their
permission I call them on their cell and call them in the “off”
hours. I respect their time but found that when I am driving
most of these people are too and they are just as glad to have
the item taken care of as I am.
Again in
my business I very rarely send out a “formal” business letter
via the post office any more. I still prepare the letters
with our company letterhead on the computer and send most of my
correspondence via email. I have asked those that I do business
with to do the same and many times we just make a note entry in
the email we have received and return it and we are done.
Time saved!
I have
been around a while, not to say I am old, but the reality is that
I have a lot more grey hair than I do brown so I have had to learn
a lot about the technology of today. I found that in a lot
of cases the latest technology really didn’t save me a lot of
time. In fact in most cases it actually took more time.
I simply had to have a “contact manager” to keep all of my contacts
organized. I had six Rolodexes on my desk. I had a
card on everyone and it took me a second to spin through the file
and get the card I wanted but, you see, if all of that was on
my computer I could just click and there would be all that information
right there on my screen. So now all I had to do was close
the “window” I was working in and open the “contact window” and
then type in the name I wanted and bingo — there it was.
Well I can spin through my Rolodex and have the number dialed
and am in the fight with my contact’s voice messaging system
before the contact comes up on my screen.
I insist
that those that I do business with call and leave me voice messages
that give me the information I need from them. They all
know that I will call their offices after hours and leave them
voice messages and they only talk with me directly when we absolutely
have to. I have to admit it took a while for me to do this
because I love to talk with all my buddies, but it saves a ton
of time and I can get the information when I am ready to work
on the project. Yes there are times when what I want isn’t
there but as we have worked this way for some time now it gets
better all the time. There are sales people that I do a
lot of business with that I have not talked to directly for weeks
and weeks. I ask them to not come and see me unless it is
important and it saves us both a lot of time.
Since I
am not a homemaker I don’t have a lot of suggestions about what
would give you time at home. I do know that you can not
keep the perfect home without some help. The family has
to help. Some of the things I am going to suggest I do because
I believe they help but also they are things that I wish I had
been taught to do so I could do them today. I can work and
work at cleaning up the kitchen and no matter what I do I can
not look at it and see a clean organized kitchen. My daughter
takes two minutes and voila! — there it appears. I wish
I knew how to do that. So I would suggest that the family
help and in the process they learn how to do the things that make
the home work.
My daughter
has a large home and in one hour on Saturday mornings she, her
husband, and their two children put the house together.
Everything is vacuumed, mopped, and cleaned and they are free
to do some of the things they want to do on Saturday. It
is amazing. Their kids don’t play the violin and they don’t
swim on the school swim team or play basketball. They are
great kids that do a lot of good things and still have time to
be kids. So I suggest involving the family in taking care
of the family.
If there
is clutter, the only way to deal with it is to deal with it.
Put it up or throw it out. Deal with it or get rid of it
and then quit saving the things of clutter. I have finally
decided that I really will never wear that blue leisure suit I
bought in 1971. It is gone. I am relieved.
I had to
pick and make choices but in a short time I could see the time
savings coming along. The key for me was to be willing to
give up a “good” thing for something else that was “good.”
I now have time to talk with my grandkids when they come home
from school. I have time for lunch with my kids once in
a while and I even have time to watch TV once in a while and most
of the time it is with my eyes closed, but I enjoy it. I
don’t know if any of this will be of help but it has helped me
to be able to do some of the things that I really wanted to do
but just couldn’t get to.
For what
it is worth…
Theron John
Thornton, Colorado
As soon as I read your letter, Theron, I unsubscribed from
a bunch of email lists — even some good ones. I never had time
to read them, and now I won’t feel guilty when I pass them over.
Thanks for making my life better!
Stay tuned next week, when we’ll
hear more from our readers on this interesting subject. Meanwhile,
if you want to suggest a topic for Circle of Sisters, our
address is circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com.
Put something in the subject line that will let me know
your letter isn’t spam. And when you write, be
sure to include your full name, city and state or province.
(If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader
from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is
that we hear from you.)
Until next week — Kathy
"Sometimes
our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.
Each
of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."
Albert Schweitzer
